Hidden Agenda
by Andorian Ice Princess-AIP
Summary: Chief Boden takes a personal leave of absence for several weeks. But who is his new replacement and what horrible secret connects him and Casey? And when Casey confides in Severide will it cost Fire House 51 both their Lieutenants? CHAP 22 UP NOW
1. A Not So Friendly Face

**Title: Hidden Agenda  
****Chapter 1 – A Not So Friendly Face?**

**Summary:** Chief Boden takes a personal leave of absence for several weeks. But who is his new replacement and what secret grudge does he have against Casey? And when Casey confides in Severide will it cost Fire House 51 both their Lieutenants? Who else could be caught in the crossfire?

**Disclaimer: ** Chicago Fire and its characters are the property of Dick Wolfe, NBC and….well sadly not me lol any of the OC's are mine (names taken from a random name generator) any resemblance to any of my readers is by pure coincidence.

**A/N:** Okay so first multi-chapter story! Will feature our two boys of course b/c that's what my muse Alice and I like best (but there will be some Casey/Dawson and the teams) and hope you like this idea that we came up with. Not sure how many chapters…will depend on interest. I am not a huge Hallie fan (sorry I find her kinda weepy) so this will focus on our boys with some Casey/Dawson. So gets get started...

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_"Casey behind you!"_

He hears the familiar voice coming through his earpiece just as the blast of heat hurls toward his back, sending him to his knees, the young boy in his grasp falling to the charred wooden floor; Casey's hands instantly shooting out to pull the boy back before further damage could be done.

"Hold on," he lightly pants as he pushes his frame forward, the heat on his back forcing an army of sweat bead to form and threaten to blur his vision. Casey looks up as the flames dance before him; various shouts from his team as to where to go to get safe passage for the boy.

Casey gathers up the unmoving child as his head lolls into his soot stained jacket and then turns back; his eyes quickly squeezing shut for a few milliseconds, his body pivoting just as another fireball hurls toward him. But just before the superheated tornado can consume him and his precious cargo, he feels cool water splashing on the back of his helmet, a few droplets dribbling down the back of his damp neck and cooling his blazing skin.

"Can't take another one like that!"

_"Casey walk directly backwards…trust me," Severide's determined voice is heard behind him. _

Knowing better than to argue, Casey's arms tighten further around the boy in his grasp as he takes a few steps back, then a few more until he feels a firm hand on his shoulder, prompting him to turn and look at his fellow 51 Lieutenant.

_"Take him…we got this," Severide's somewhat exasperated voice is heard over his headset._

Without missing a beat, Casey turns and rushes past Severide and two of his own team now joined together to battle back the raging inferno behind him. He busts through the black smoke filled entrance; hurrying toward the waiting arms of Dawson and Shay, handing them the now unconscious child and stepping back as they work to get him stabilized.

"Your hand Matt," Dawson nods to the small patch of red skin on his hand where it had pulled away from the glove for a few fateful moments; the chafing from the hard fabric only exacerbating it further.

"It's okay."

"Casey!" He hears the voice of his boss calling him back to duty. So with a small nod to Dawson he turns back to see a thick plume of smoke escape the far right window of the small grocery store and then looks over at the hose, shouting at it where to point next and then heading back to the thick of the action. With no one left inside it was now all hands on deck to get the fire put out before it could further spread to surrounding buildings. After about twenty minutes of an intense battle, the flames finally start to abate and the soot and sweat clad forms start to pull away from the smoldering mess, back into the fresh air and the late morning sun.

"Close call," Casey huffs as he pats two of his team on the back as he passes, reaching the truck and grabbing the nearest water bottle and downing a few hearty gulps.

He gives Severide a nod as both of them now work to get their trucks and gear packed up and back to the house to refuel and rest up for the next emergency call.

"Is the boy going to be okay?" Peter Mills asks as he slides into the back, sandwiched between Hermann and Mouch.

"Hope so. Depends on how long he was pinned for," Casey's mind thinks back to when he found the boy pinned between the floor and a countertop. The trucks pull into the station, each member of the teams automatically getting off and going about their assigned tasks like little worker bees, before heading into the rest area to wash up and then get started on an early lunch.

"Great thanks for the update," Casey hangs up and then turns to see Severide watching. "Boy's going to be okay."

"Good to hear."

"But?"

"I hadn't cleared it yet."

"I was in first and…" Casey argues back.

"You didn't wait."

"There wasn't time."

"Was still my call. Chief put…"

"You know what fine next ti…" is all Casey manages before they both hear someone calling Severide's name and the tension discussion is quickly halted.

Severide merely shrugs as he takes his leave; Casey leaning back in his chair and muttering an angry curse as his eyes dart back to his own version of the report. His mind quickly thinks back to the tension inside the cluttered store….the fire at his back and the boy in front; Severide's men on his right.

"Damn it," Casey shakes his head as he pushes himself up from his chair and heads toward the Chief's office; his hand slightly stinging from the cut but his mind too occupied with the call to dwell on a few twinges of pain.

"Hey Lieutenant," Mills calls out.

"The boy is gonna be fine," Casey replies, not looking back but continuing on.

"He needs a cookie or something," Hermann quips as pats Mills on the back before steering him toward the kitchen. "Speaking of cookie's…"

Casey nears Boden's office and then stops, his mind wanting to just make sure his side was in the clear and they were good. He stares at the empty office before him and frowns before turning and coming face to face with the very man he was seeking.

"I can see it written on your face."

"What's that?"

"Concern over the call. I heard you both. You acted on instinct and the boy was saved."

"And Kelly's report?"

"Will probably contain a comment about you needing an updated hearing aide…you two got the job done; that's what counts the most. He can be a hot head at times and acts on instinct just as much as you; that's what makes you two my best and the best at what you do…but it also means you butt heads at times like you did today. But you kept it professional when it counts out there and that's what I expect. Your after call personal differences I'll let you two work out."

"Great thanks," Casey offers as Chief Boden walks past him and enters his office, Casey turning to the right and locking eyes with Severide as he stands a few feet down the hallway. Casey offers him a small frown before heading back down the other quiet hallway to his office to finish his report.

Fortunately the afternoon passes by without any other personal incident between them; both teams being called in different directions to handle two different situations and the day coming to a close with only the early morning emotional strain.

"Just gotta keep the rest of the week incident free," Casey tells himself as he walks past a few of his men laughing about some new water scheme that Hermann was trying to get them to buy into; heading for his truck and then getting inside with a heavy sigh; his body just wanting to get home and collapse.

As he pulls out of the parking lot he watches Severide walking to his car and gives him a small nod, almost relieved when his fellow Lieutenant offers a small nod in return; hope for restoring their once amicable friendship not completely lost. He looks down at his hand and notices a smal tinge of fresh blood on the edge where he banged it and knows its time to get home and get some rest.

"You're in a bitter mood tonight," Leslie Shay comments as Severide offers a small snippet as he pushes past his roommate. "Wanna talk about it?"

"No I'm just not in the mood to…talk…it was my call okay?"

"You still steamed about Casey? Seriously if I didn't know you as well as I do, I might think you like him," she smirks, making him look back in shock. "It was a joke. I don't like looking at your back."

"He didn't listen."

"And you always do?" She retorts dryly, making Severide just purse his lips but say nothing back. "You know it's a good thing you two have different teams."

"He'd never work for me."

"And vice versa?"

"And…vice versa," he huffs as he slumps down into one of their plush armchairs and takes a swig of his beer. "Hot head."

"Uh huh."

"Let's just hope the rest of the week is better."

"You mean with you giving him an order and expecting him to follow it?"

"Yes…exactly that," he replies in sarcasm; Shay giving his back an eye-roll before she turns her attention back to supper.

XXXXXXXX

Feeling a bit better from getting some solid rest the night before, Matt Casey stops his truck in the parking lot, grabs his duffle bag and slowly heads inside, hoping the day also passes by without another personal altercation with Severide. He thinks back to the time before Andy Darden's death, his mind actually smiling at the friendship that he and Kelly had shared and wonders if things will ever get back to that.

"Morning Lieutenant."

Casey nods to two of his team, Otis and Mills doing a mock wrestling match on the floor; their silly antics actually making his lips produce an easy smile. He heads for the locker room, rounding the corner and entering the quiet area. He pulls open his locker door, hanging his jacket up and turning as he hears shuffling enter the quiet zone.

"Morning," Severide offers in a low tone.

"Morning," Casey responds back as he changes into his working uniform, glancing over at Severide who has his head buried in his locker. He hears what sounds like the rattle of a pill bottle but decides against asking him what was up. _It could be anything and there's enough animosity to contend with, without stirring the pot on what could be nothing, _his brain reasons as he closes his locker door and heads for the common area; Severide's fist covering over the nearly empty bottle of pain killers just as Casey walks past.

_'Let me know what you can find. K'_

Severide sends the text and then hurries to change for the day and join his team out in the dining area, his mind trying to swallow down the disappointment from the call earlier. _As long as it's non-drowsy and I watch my diet during the day I should be fine, _he repeats to himself over and over.

"Hey boss listen to his one…" one of his guys launches into a lame joke as he nears them.

But it's not long before the alarm sounds and its all hands on deck; fire at a high school and time is of the essence. As they race toward the high school, Casey reminds himself that today isn't a day to get on anyone's bad side, much less a fellow team supervisor on the same mission.

"Okay here's what I want…" Boden calls out the instructions to his two top men; they in turn funneling down the orders to their teams before all of them spring into action and literally sprint toward the superheated area. Each man takes an area, performing a rapid but careful search for any children tucked into areas that could be potentially dangerous and then helping them outside into the fresh air or to one of the waiting paramedic teams before rushing back inside to control the blaze.

About half hour later, Casey pulls back just as the last lick of flame is extinguished and looks over at Severide; this time both of them sharing a knowing glance that the job was done to everyone's satisfaction and no one crossed the other's personal line.

"Today was a good day," Hermann mentions on the ride back to the house.

"Except for the kid that started the fire," Casey informs them.

"They found who started it?" Mills inquires.

"Yeah someone came forward on him."

"No honor among punks huh," Hermann smirks. "Hope they make the kid pay for it."

"Grounded for life."

"And on Facebook."

Casey listens to the friendly banter of his team but his mind now fixed on the Chief's expression right after the call. He remembers watching his superior answer a phone call and his expression morph from one of satisfaction to one of almost panic. As soon as they reach their intended destination, Casey hops out of the truck and heads for the Chief's office, Severide a few steps behind; each of them letting their team's clean up.

"He asked to see you too?" Severide asks in a quiet tone just as Casey's phone buzzes.

"Just now," Casey quips as Boden turns around to see them both standing outside his office, gesturing for them to enter. "What's going on? Back at the school…I saw your expression. Bad news?"

"As a matter of fact…yes. I put in a request for some personal time…a leave and it's been granted. My nephew…he's being diagnosed with cancer. The call was from my sister, he's going into treatment tomorrow. My sister…she's alone and needs some help right now."

"Sorry…how long? I mean for him?" Severide inquires.

"They don't know. It's early and they are hopeful but while she's at the hospital with him for his treatments…"

"She'll need some help with her other two children," Casey interjects.

"She will. The few weeks should cover the treatment and…my being there will also help to defer some of the cost and other daily stuff. I don't expect you two to handle the load here plus your teams while I am away so I put a request in for a temp to cover the day to day stuff and now it's up to the diplomats to figure that out."

"We could have handled it," Casey quickly adds.

"We know this house and our teams."

"And I'm sure you two could put aside certain differences to get things done. But there are times when you…one of you is out on a call and a decision has to be made. The two of you sharing…not necessarily a happy picture for the one that comes back and doesn't like the other's decision but it's too late. I'm taking all that stress away."

"So they can just pull from another house?"

"More than likely it'll be a recent retiree," Boden continues.

"Hope its Riley Ford."

"Yeah he was my first choice also but it depends on who is willing to give up their life of leisure for only a few weeks," Boden replies with a small smile. "I'll try to check in once a week."

"Sir we got this. Just worry about your family," Severide utters in concern.

"Thank you both. I'll leave a list of what you can expect tomorrow if my replacement isn't found right away. That's all."

"Tough news," Casey remarks as they both head down the quiet hallway.

"You know we coulda handled this on our own."

"Really?" Casey stops and looks at Severide square on. "And if I was the one out on the call would you wait for me to get back or make the decision on your own?" Casey retorts almost rhetorically before he turns and leaves.

"I mighta waited," Severide mutters in an undertone as he turns and heads for the locker room; the end of the day calling him. He reaches his locker just as his phone buzzes to life; his fingers quickly snatching the small electronic device and looking at the message.

_'I think I have what you need. Call me.'_

"Perfect," he whispers as he quickly calls the number in anticipation.

"A replacement…only for a few weeks," Casey's tone echoes in the quiet cabin of his truck, as he slowly heads for home; Hallie having to work the graveyard shift. "Hope its Ford."

XXXXXXXX

The following morning Casey awakens with a growing sense of agitation in his stomach. Boden is fully aware of the sometimes antagonistic feelings between him and Severide and acts as a good buffer but also holds his ground and puts them both in their place when he has to to keep the peace in the house. How would the replacement act when things got strained or one of them went against the other's decision? Would he know how to handle it without taking sides?

"This…is gonna be interesting," Casey mutters as he heads into the quiet firehouse early that morning. He nods to Mouch and Otis as he continues past, entering the quiet hallway toward the Chief's office, eager to see if anyone had gotten the call last night and if the man he hopes had been able to agree and step up to the plate.

He offers the darkened room before him a small frown before turning and heading for the locker room to get his stuff stored away and get the day started.

"Kelly in yet?" Casey asks Shay as he enters the quiet breakfast area.

"He's around…somewhere," Shay replies with a small shrug. "What's he done now?" She asks with a small smile.

"Nothing…but day's still young," Casey quips as he nears the counter, Mills behind working to make breakfast. But just before he can take his place, his phone buzzes and he's quick to answer. "Hold that for me," he instructs Mills as he turns and heads for his office, the hospital needing some extra contact information from the boy brought in the day before.

"Is everything okay?"

_"Just some insurance matters," the hospital clerk replies. "We should be able to get it figured out. Do you have that other number in your report?"_

"Yeah hold on."

Casey gives the clerk the information needed and then makes a note in his file about extra insurance being needed in case he was called upon at a later date.

"Morning…" Severide's voice breaks his thoughts, pulling his gaze upward. "Meet the new guy yet?"

"I was just there…the office is dark."

"He's there now."

"Not Ford I take it," Casey inquires as he stands up to follow Severide to the Chief's office and officially welcome Boden's temporary replacement to Fire House 51.

"No. someone else," Severide shrugs.

"Do you don't know who it is?"

"I…" Severide starts only to be quickly interrupted.

"Hello_ Matthew_," a surprising and frighteningly familiar voice is heard from behind, forcing both Casey and Severide to turn and face their new temporary superior; Severide with a wondering expression and Casey with one that turns him instantly pale, a sense of dread starting to come upon him; his tense posture not lost on the man beside him.

_This…this can't be…not…him…_Casey's mind trails into a whispered panic.

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**A/N:** uh oh… hehe so…am always nervous when starting new stories b/c things need to build. So are you liking it so far? Want to see how this all plays out? Who is the temp Chief and what's his connection to Casey? What trouble will he bring? (b/c you know with me there will be some haha). So please do review with your thoughts and thanks so much in advance!

**PS:** hope you all liked the last eppy one shot (the 4th in the warning series called playing for keeps-I'll return to my Voight/Casey/Severide series soon)


	2. The Mirror has Two Faces

**Title: Hidden Agenda  
****Chapter 2 – The Mirror has Two Faces**

**A/N:** wow thanks everyone for the awesome response. I am sorry this hasn't updated sooner but RL kinda ganged up on me *boo* but I hope you all like this update as much!

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"Matt what is it?" Severide asks under his breath as the older man slowly heads toward him, hands shoved into his pockets and a rather placid expression on his face; but his eyes locked wit Casey's.

"You know him?" Severide tries once more before they were finally within earshot and the questions had to cease. But it was the instant tension of Casey's frame and clenched jaw that told Severide more than the slow nod of confirmation.

"You two must be my Lieutenants…I know one of you at least," he smiles at Casey before finally breaking the connection and looking direction at Severide. "And you are?"

"Kelly Severide," he extends his hand; the firm hand gripping his and pumping it a few times before abruptly dropping it and then fixing his gaze on Casey.

"Lieutenant huh? How'd you manage that _Matthew_?" The older man jokes with a short chuckle.

Despite being a fully grown man, a few decades into adult-hood, he feels himself inwardly cringe at the use of his full name; his father or those that don't know him usually calling him by his full name, his father when he was a boy and in trouble and those he just met and stuck on formalities. He liked neither circumstance. But when the man before him said his full name, the tone made his stomach instantly tighten and the small hairs on the back of his neck to stand up.

"It's just Matt," Casey replies with a tight lipped smile as the man before him grips his hand, squeezing it a bit too firmly and holding his gaze.

"Benjamin McCrea," he looks over at Severide as he finally drops Casey's hand. "Matthew and I are old friends. Isn't that right?" He states more than questions, his tone one of unquestioning authority.

"So you retired then Ben?" Severide interjects when Casey allows a few seconds of silence to build; Severide picking up on the uncomfortable tension and wanting to do anything to ease it.

"It's Benjamin and no just have a bit more flexibility to pick what I want right now. So Matthew how about a brief tour before I settle in. Thanks Kelly I'll talk to you later."

"Usually the tour is given by our cand…"

"I'm sure you can make an exception for an old friend," Ben offers a thin lipped smile; his gaze making Casey gently squirm in place and Severide to look at him with a growing frown. But not wanting to make an issue of it, offers a rather casual 'I'll see you later Matt' and takes his leave; Casey looking at the man before him with a growing scowl.

"Who the hell is Ben McCrea."

"You can call me Ben. I like that name."

"That's not your real name."

"I never liked the other."

"Thought you were put on leave?" Casey nearly hisses.

"A tour?"

"You shouldn't be here. What is going on? How did you get this assignment?" Casey pushes back in anger; his brain warning his lips to keep his emotions in check.

"I am allowed to be here as much as you. Thought you'd be happy to see me," Ben glares with a slightly narrowed gaze.

"I'm glad there's sarcasm in your tone," Casey quips. "But I can have you removed."

"On what grounds? You feel threatened?" Ben smirks as Casey's stomach tightens. "Aww gotta take it more like a man Casey. Or are you still an afraid lit..."

"I can make a call and…"

"Threatening a superior on his first day _Matthew_?"

"Not afraid are you?"

"Make the call. The case is closed. I've made a new start and…"

"I know what I sa…"

"This conversation is getting old. Do I get my tour or not?"

"Not from me. Our candidate Pe…"

"Now you really don't want Chief Boden to hear from me that you only wanted one man and when he couldn't come you didn't cooperate with the one that was sent? You know when I heard this house had an opening and who I'd be working with I readily accepted."

"I'll be keeping an eye on my team."

"I think I liked you better as a newbie, easier to boss around," Ben smirks. "Still can't take a joke huh. Just remember who's in charge around here _Matthew_. Me. Now I asked for my tour and I won't ask again. Thanks," Ben smirks as Casey pushes past, purposely bumping shoulders and offering an angry curse under his breath. Ben hears some soft shuffling and looks up to see Severide watching fromw a discreet distance and narrows his gaze before turning and following Casey, wondering how much the other Lieutenant heard if anything and how much trouble he'd add to this already growing hotbed of personal contention. _If he gets involved he'll pay the price._ He had waited for an opening at Firehouse 51 and now that he was fully immersed in the top seat, he wasn't about to blow his chance.

"Have heard good things about this place, Boden's done a good job."

"And we intend to keep it that way."

"Remain in line and things will go smoothly…for you," Ben offers, his smug tone prompting Casey to turn and look at him in wonder. "Some friendly advice from your new superior on his first day."

"Temp…temp superior, not new."

"We'll see."

"Here is our first stop. The exit door," Casey nods. "I suggest you use it – today."

And without saying another word, Casey turns on his heel and heads for his office, wanting to make a call to Boden to see who he could call about the new temporary supervisor; his ears picking up low laughter before it dissipates into an angry retort. Casey rounds the corner and firmly bumps into Dawson, knocking the two books from her hands and forcing him to look at her with an exasperated frown.

"Sorry," he mutters as he bends down to help retrieve the books.

"No I got them," Gabriela Dawson offers softly. "Bad news?"

"Yes," Casey replies curtly as he hands her the books and then heads for his office, closing the door and quickly picking up the phone. But upon getting voice mail, he looks at the clock before quickly hanging up the phone, making a mental note to call later and then apologize to Gabriela for his behavior.

"So I take it you know him?" Severide's voice breaks through his distracted thoughts as he slowly opens Casey's office door and lingers in the entranceway.

Casey looks at Severide and then nods but his mind now wondering just what he should confess. It was a past incident and maybe he had been cleared to work? Maybe not? Maybe nothing more than a few tense situations would be survived and nothing more. _You know what you saw…_but maybe Ben…_his real name isn't Ben McCrae!_

"Earth to Casey?"

"Sorry…I know him…from a few years back…many years back when I was just starting out."

"Was that here in Chicago?"

"No it was…" is all Casey manages before the alarm sounds and it's time for action. "Talk later."

"Yup," Severide nods as they both leave the office in haste; hurrying toward their respective rigs, Casey glancing over at Ben as he heads for the Chief's truck and getting a small stare in return. _Get your mind back to the job! _He orders himself as he climbs into the front seat of Truck 81, mere seconds before it pulls out of the bay.

"So who's the new Chief?" Hermann asks for the back.

Knowing he has to be diplomatic, Casey replies as best he can, at the same time sending a text to the head office administration and asking about where Interim Battalion Chief Benjamin McCrae had worked last.

_'B. McCrae worked at…'_

Casey looks at the rather reputable list of local fire houses in wonder. _Maybe this was all cleared up. But then why did he change his name? Why the verbal games? Just to create conflict as he has in the past? _It's only for a few weeks…his attitude might still be the same, but if his work ethic has changed then maybe that list is legit and he really is the standup guy these jobs claim. _Maybe things have changed…maybe._

"Casey…"

"Yeah I'm here," Casey looks over at Cruz and nods as they pull up to the two story house fire. "Okay team…lets go." Casey looks over at Ben who stands by his truck and watches; Severide giving his shoulder a firm tap as his team passes by, quickly snapping Casey from his momentary funk as he too gestures to his team to follow, one team heading for the front of the house and the other for the back where two family members were apparently trapped.

_"Mills check that door."_

_"Capp, get me the axe…we gotta get through that…"_

_"Hermann follow me with the…"_

And on the orders went…the constant but clear communication between the team leaders and their team members, each man knowing his task and following it without question; the result was extricating the two trapped family members, sending them to the hospital, putting out the fire and ensuring that the neighbors properties escaped with only minimal smoke damage.

"Good work Casey…only _one_ small misstep," Ben comments to Casey as he nears, not realizing that Severide was behind and heard the comment as well, looking at Ben in surprise, Ben staring back with a look that almost dares Severide to comment back in front of both teams. But Severide follows Casey's lead as both of them amble past, slowly pulling off a few pieces of heavy gear as they reach their trucks.

"Matt…what's going on?" Severide asks in a quiet tone as gently pulls Casey away and they both slip behind the back of Truck 81.

"It's…" Casey starts just as they watch Ben heading past the front of the large rescue vehicle, giving them an inquiring glance before heading past. "We'll talk later."

"If this guy is some kind of trouble, you need to tell me," Severide firmly presses.

"It's…it's a longer story than I can say here and…" he pauses just as two of their team members walk by. "And it's not for anyone else to hear."

"Okay come find me when we're back."

Casey replies 'okay' in a quieter tone as he sheds his boots and then walks over to Mills to help him put some of the hose away, looking at Ben in the distance talking to the neighbour and can't help but wonder about his earlier comment. _Misstep. What misstep? I didn't miss a damn thing! _Was that just to goad him into a public confrontation? Something he knows Ben…_Grant…his real name is Grant. _Whatever the name, the man underneath is still the same; the one thriving on confrontations. _What's his game?_

On the ride back to the house, Casey settles in his mind that unless Ben makes a big deal about it, he wasn't going to say a word about the stupid comment and just hope that it was just Ben being his testy self and that in a few days he'd tire of the game and just go about business as normal.

_Is that even possible for a man that thrives on being in your face? A man who gets off on causing trouble and…So much for mellowing in your old age, _his brain lightly muses as they pull into one of the long bays. His plan to talk to Severide right away is thwarted by two of his team wanting to discuss something about the call; Severide slipping away to take care of something personal and that he'd meet them at a scene if necessary.

"Hey Capp…Kelly around?"

"Said he had to take a personal call and it couldn't wait. Is it urgent?"

"No," Casey shrugs in response. "It can wait until tomorrow."

Wanting to get his report done as soon as possible and head over to the hospital to check on the two family members and Hallie, Casey slumps down into his chair to finish his report; his mind trying to replay the call and see if perhaps Ben was right…did he miss something or was that merely a jab to put him off his game? And then he'd check into Ben's career history since….

"Whatever," he mutters to himself as he continues into his report.

"Make sure you get all the details in that," a low tone is heard, making him look up at the face watching him intently. "Has Lieutenant Severide left for the day?"

"Had a personal matter to tend to."

"Is that standard?"

"Yeah Chief knows all about it," Casey replies. Despite the fact that he didn't know the real reason for Severide's disappearance he wasn't about to throw under the bus the only man with enough authority to override the new Chief if that ever came to bear.

"Well Boden's not here right now and_ I_ know nothing about it."

"Why did you change your name…_Grant_?" Casey lightly challenges. He notices Ben's fingers starting to curl and knows in that moment, he's struck a nerve.

"You just tell me when he gets back."

"I asked you a question.

"I don't answer to you. Remember that."

Giving the doorpost a small slap with the palm of his hand, Ben McCrae turns on his heel and heads down the hallway, Casey looking past him and finally noticing Dawson coming into view.

"What's he like?" She asks rather casually.

"Fine. Gabriella about earlier…I didn't mean to be curt."

"Wasn't going to pry," she quickly offers; figuring that it might have been to do with Hallie and she wasn't about to insert herself into a three way lovers quarrel. "But you did seem…more agitated than normal."

"Just…I hope the Chief's nephew is going to be okay," Casey resigns to offering part of the truth. It wasn't a total lie as he was worried about the young boy; but since Ben was only here for a few weeks, maybe he'd just get past a few bumpy days, oversee the operation and then be gone – for good. _Let's hope that's how it goes, _his brain inwardly groans.

"Any word on that," she inquires, noticing his body tense and sensing that he wasn't completely forthcoming. _What are you hiding Matt? You and Hallie having issues? Or is it something else?_

"Nothing yet. But as soon as I hear something I'll let the teams know."

"Okay," she offers in a softer tone as she turns to leave, pausing before she does. "You sure everything's okay?"

"Yeah it's fine," he offers in haste, wanting one less person on Ben's radar; now fearing that Severide's absence might cause a few extra issues. Dawson offers him a warm smile before pulling back and heading for the locker room, Casey quickly pulling his phone and calling Severide, wanting to give him a heads up about Ben noticing his absence. When he gets only voice mail he decides against leaving a message, opting instead to send a text message as a heads up.

He finishes his report, grabs the file and then heads for the Chief's office, wanting to hand in his version of events and then head home before Ben could corner him with another mindless argument. He nears the Chief's office and hears two familiar voices laughing and talking, slowing his pace and looking around the corner in interest, watching Mills and Ben sharing a laugh over something.

Casey narrows his eyes as he is instantly taken back in time to himself as a candidate…standing before his first Battalion Chief, Grant Newsome, feeling nervous and anxious at the same time.

_'Matthew Casey welcome to the team. You are going to make a fine addition here and I have an eye for talent. Trust me you'll make Lieutenant in no time if you want. Just follow my lead and I can open great doors for you.'_

His mind shows his own eager expression as he replies and says he'll do whatever it takes; Newsome pouncing on that statement and…_and then things went to hell in a hand basket – literally. _I won't allow that to happen here…not with my team…not this house, Casey inwardly vows.

"I won't let you down sir," Casey hears Mills state before he shakes his hand firmly, Casey pulling back just as Mills turns to leave.

"Keep up that attitude candidate and you'll go places…and fast," he hears Ben offer with a tone that is less than sincere.

_Yeah right you bastard…not the places anyone wants to go willingly, _Casey's mind growls as he ducks into an alcove just as Mills leaves the office and heads toward him.

"Hey Peter," Casey gently calls to him, pulling the young candidate's gaze toward him.

"Hey Lieutenant," Mills smiles as he approaches.

"Everything okay in there?"

"Yeah the new…I mean temp Chief just wanted to get a tour and meet the new candidate…that's part of my job right? Tour guide?" Mills retorts with an easy smile, his relaxed demeanor something that always puts Casey at ease despite his inner anxiety.

"It is…just…"

"Something wrong?" Mills asks in haste as he notices the perplexed expression on Casey's normally placid face.

"What do you think of him?"

"Seems like a nice guy," Mills shrugs. "Why?"

"I…" is all Casey manages before Ben McCrae steps into the hallway and looks at them with a tight lipped smile. "Good work today," he offers with a friendly pat on Mills back. "See you tomorrow."

"Okay then. Goodnight," Mills looks at Casey and smiles and nods, looking past him to the Chief and giving him a small wave before the turns and leaves, Casey watching him before he turns back just as Ben nears.

"Have been reading Boden's notes on him…have a rising star there Casey."

"You never answered my question. If everything is okay, why did you change your name? _Grant?_" Casey asks pointedly, noticing a fleeting wince on the older man's face and knows he's struck a personal nerve. "Yeah two can play that game."

"I don't answer to you…it's the other way around. _Matthew,_" Ben states firmly as he leans in closer, Casey's frame tensing instantly. "You…answer to me…that goes for your team as well."

"My team…is _my_ team and if there is an issue I'll go to the board."

"Is that a fact?"

"That is. I'm not afraid of you G…"

"You mean…not…_anymore_?" Ben arches his brows, his smug smirk instantly making Casey's fists tighten. "I can change that," he challenges.

"I'll leave my report on your desk," Casey states firmly as he tries to push past. Ben's arm shoots out, his hand wrapping around the lower part of Casey's firm forearm and jerking him back.

"Know this…I am in charge here and you will do what I say…you understand? You defy me and Chief Boden won't have a job to come back to and you..."

"You can't threaten…"

"Oh no…not a threat…a warning…a fair warning…one you better pay attention to," Ben smiles as his grasp on Casey's arm tightens for a few seconds.

"I'll see you…" Casey starts as he pulls his arm free, but their eyes remaining locked, "tomorrow."

Ben watches the younger man pull free and turn and walk, his fists tightening as he watches the confident stride, his teeth gritting and his mind racing as he remembers his last altercation with Matt Casey that resulted in his life changing forever.

"You will be afraid Casey…or you will be…sorry…" he growls under his breath before he turns and storms into the small private back room of the Chief's office, locking the door and looking at his scowling reflection in a nearby mirror; a few seconds later his fist slamming into the small mirror, sending shards of glass and droplets of blood in all directions.

"You will be sorry!"

* * *

**A/N:** yikes! Okay so Ben/Grant isn't all that stable. What is he hiding? Will he find out Severide's secret? Will that create a wedge between him and Casey? And what other devious plans does Ben have? Hope you are all still liking it so please do review before you go and thanks so much!

**PS:** hope you like my last Casey/Severide OS called 'Changing Lives' :)


	3. On Deadly Ground

**Title: Hidden Agenda  
****Chapter 3 – On Deadly Ground**

* * *

"You seem on edge tonight," Hallie mentions as her and Casey sit in the small doctor's lounge at the hospital a few hours after his shift had ended but her on a break from her graveyard shift. "Is it the new Chief?"

"Temporary…Chief," he insists sharply as he looks away with a cross expression.

"What happened?"

He turns back with a lessening frown. How much about his past would he want to offer? It was an incident he had wanted to forget…something that changed his opinion of a once highly respected person and the system that protected him. _You'll tell Severide…_his brain correctly reminds him; to which he argues back that Kelly could be directly affected because, unlike Hallie, he reports to Ben…not telling him at least a few details wasn't an option. _Maybe it'll be a few weeks…maybe he's changed his other ways but still hasn't lost his gruff personality. Maybe…_

"Matt?"

"Just a close call with the team. This guy…Ben…he just doesn't know how we all work and such. It's no big deal," he answers with a small tight lipped smiled that anyone could guess wasn't genuine.

"Tension between you and Kelly?"

"We have our days…nothing major. How was your day?" Casey asks in haste, wanting to change the subject to try to counter the rising inner turmoil.

"Well…remember Mrs…." Hallie launches into her explanation of a close medical call, his head nodding somewhat automatically, but his eyes darting to the clock and wondering if it was too late to go and see Severide and tell him; wanting to tell him in person rather than over the phone; electronic means out of the question.

"I gotta run," Hallie states as they both hear her name on an overhead page. "See you later," she utters in haste as she gives him a quick kiss on the lips and then leaves the room; Casey slowly standing up and cleaning the table before pulling his phone and calling Severide.

But upon getting only voice mail he decides not to press the issue in case the reason he had to leave work earlier was more personal and urgent and wasn't able to come to the phone.

"Hope everything's okay," Casey mutters to himself as he heads for the exit doors, pushing his way out into the cool night air. On the drive home, his mind thinks back to when he first met Grant; a man he held in very high regard, until by his own doing forced Casey's opinion to change forever.

"He lied…to everyone…the whole time," he growls in anger as he slams the gearshift into park with a bit more force, his truck slightly jumping and causing his body to jerk in the front seat. Giving his own head a shake he looks at his darkened house before he slowly gets out and heads to the front door, the keys jingling in his pocket.

As he nears the front door, he spies a small envelope stuffed in between the two doors and quickly pulls it out, fishing out the contents and unfolding the single piece of paper inside.

"Son of a…" his curse dies out as he gazes upon his first performance evaluation; looking down to see some fresh notes and Ben's name at the bottom. "Bitch…" his curse concludes as his fist tightens around the folded up paper and he enters his quiet abode.

Knowing it'll mean less sleep but not caring, Casey heads for his laptop computer, flips it on and then starts to do a search on Grant Newsome and see what he can find. As predicted his search turns up only what he can find online through a general search engine. Leaning back in his chair he now wonders who he could contact that might have higher clearance to see what the real story is.

"No way that whole issue was…" _did you ever find anyone who could back your story? _His brain counters just as his fist hits the table. _That's a no? _

"Why the hell did he change his name then…unless…" _unless something else happened between the time I left and he moved to Chicago. _

He thinks about asking Gaby's brother, a Detective with the CPD if he could dig a bit deeper into Newsome/McCrae's past and see what real skeletons were lurking…if any. In the meantime, he'd just have to keep an eye on his team and refuse to engage Ben in any of his petty verbal showdowns; reminding himself that the man always got off on using the words in charge around anyone that reported to him and treating those that reported to him as his brand new rookies.

"Smug bastard," Casey angrily curses as he finally pushes himself away from the table and flips off the living room light, rechecking the front door and then heading upstairs to call it a night. "You won't win this."

XXXXXXXX

Eager to get into work early and talk to Severide before Ben has a chance to, Casey heads to work a bit earlier than normal, nearing the parking lot and hoping that Severide had gotten his text to meet. But just as he pulls into the lot, his fists tighten around the steering wheel as he sees Severide and Ben having a serious discussion; his teeth instantly gritting together.

"Damn him," Casey growls as he stops his truck a few spaces back and pretends to be looking for something in his duffle bag. With a deep breath, Casey slowly gets out of this truck, watching with a small frown as Ben nods at him and then turns and leaves, Severide slowly walking toward him with an uncertain expression.

"What's going on?" Casey is quick to ask.

"Wanted to know where I was yesterday. What did you tell him?" Severide asks a bit sharply, causing Casey to look at him in surprise.

"I said you had something personal to attend to and the Chief knew about it. Why what did he say?"

"That you were pissed off and complained to him about it. Why did you say that? I woul…"

"What? He's lying. Kelly look this guy…where were you yesterday?"

"I did have something personal to attend to…uh family stuff," Severide mentions in haste, not wanting to add that it was a personal meeting with a drug rep.

"Family."

"Yeah…Matt it's no big deal. Now…what's his story?"

Casey looks toward the fire house and then back at Severide's expectant gaze.

"Okay you are starting to freak me out here…what happened with you? You actually look afraid of him and you don't spook that easily."

"He's not…he's not who he pretends to be. Look whatever lies he says about me…it's his game…he likes to divide and conquer. Just don't believe them. And I won't believe all he says about you."

"Why? What's his game? What aren't you telling me?"

"I just need…look I need to clear a few facts with Gaby's brother…"

"Antonio? He's a cop. Just what are we talking about? Is this serious?"

"I…I don't know okay…it could just be me being paranoid."

"Has happened in the past," Severide lightly quips. But when he sees Casey's expression remain fixed he just nods and shrugs. "Tell me the…"

"Look maybe the less anyone knows the better. He's already seen us talking and…"

"I've faced trouble before and you need to be straight with me. What happened?"

"Right after high school I didn't see eye to eye with my dad on a few things and went to live with my Uncle in Detroit. Joined Fire House 64 and…"

"And you met Ben."

"Ben…yes. I was young…naïve and…and he…"

"Oh wait…did he…"

"It's not what you think."

"You can tell me…I swear I won't even tell the Chief but if he's a threat to other's…"

"I don't know that…maybe it was one incident…maybe it was me wanting to prove myself and be a goody goody…I don't know. Maybe he just felt he could manipulate the facts and…"

"Did he manipulate you?"

"He…"

"Matt?"

"Yes okay. I was young…I was…I just need facts on him right now."

"I need your facts here," Severide presses, noticing the sudden conflict in his friend's eyes.

"What did he do to his hand?" Casey asks remembering the unmistakable white bandage on the top of Ben's hand.

"He didn't say. What did he do to you? What?"

"He…" is all Casey manages as they are once again interrupted by the alarm sounding; both of them exchanging heavy sighs.

"You owe me the truth Matt…you know you do. I have your back no matter what but you hafta come clean here," Severide states firmly, his face offering an unseen wince as his brain reminds him that Casey covered for him no questions asked and yet he hadn't come clean. _You need to tell him the truth also!_

"Let's meet at Royal's tonight after shift…back booth. Don't tell anyone…even Shay. I'll tell you then."

"Okay."

The two of them head for the large open doors; Ben watching with a narrowed gaze, determined to drive a wedge between them and have Casey on his own with no one to come to his aide and finish what he started so many years ago. _And it will come…I will have the last laugh this time._

"Rise and shine," Hermann greets with him a smirk as Casey quickly drops his duffel bag by the wall and hurries to get his overalls and boots on, climbing into the front cabin beside Cruz and giving Ben a small nod before the Chief's truck disappears from view.

On the way to the call, Casey texts Dawson, asking for her brother's number and then sending a quick text to Antonio Dawson, telling him would call with a small favor but not to tell anyone; even his sister.

"New Chief seems friendly," Cruz offers as Casey looks over with a blank expression.

Not wanting to get into a whole issue and correct him about the 'new' comment, he replies with something as PC as possible; "well they knew what they were doing in sending him over."

"Wonder where else he's worked. Seems to want to know a lot about us," Cruz mentions; this time forcing Casey's expression to instantly change.

"What does that mean?"

"Just that he's been asking questions about all of us," Mouch interjects, making Casey twist his head back in surprise. "Guess he hates to be left out," he shrugs in a nonchalant way.

_Left out my ass! What are you up to Ben…what's your game? _Casey's mind swirls as they reach their destination. As soon as they arrive at the industrial plant it's all hands on deck.

"What happened here?" Ben asks one of the workers in haste.

"Tanks blew…there's several more outside that might go."

"Are they stand alone or attached?"

"Gas or Chemical?"

"Stand alone," the worker tells Casey.

"Where?"

"Around the back."

"Mills! Hermann! Take the tanks around the back…we'll sweep the inside. Get the foam on those tanks and hose down the wooden structure around it. I need…"

"One of my guys…he's stuck in the tool crib with…" the construction site foreman rushes up to them and tugs on Severide's jacket. "He's stabbed with something! My guys can't get him out and the fire's close to him. Hurry!"

"Sir you need to wai…"

"No time!"

"You need to wait over there! Capp, Hadley with me now!" Severide calls out as they grab their gear and rush off after the foreman who disobeyed orders to stay put. "Damn that guy," Severide grumbles as they head around to the right. Sure enough as soon as they near the large metal trailer they see one worker pinned beneath metal shelving with a sharp piece of rebar sticking into his right leg.

"Shay! Dawson…we might have a femoral puncture. Hold on!" Severide frantically talks into his radio. "Vargas…work with Cruz and keep that fire away from those wooden pallets!"

"Cruz! Get that door open!" Casey shouts as he rushes toward the large metal front doors; Mills and Hermann veering to the right to take care of the overheating gas tanks to ensure they didn't blow and cause more damage.

"Smoke's thick in here guys…watch yourselves!" Casey calls out just as a large crash is heard, forcing the team to halt in their tracks as the barrel stops rolling and the clanging of falling metal rods subsides.

"ANYONE IN HERE?" Mouch shouts as he heads to the left inside the large warehouse.

"HELLO? ANYONE HERE?" Casey shouts as he heads up the center, Otis and Cruz taking the right.

"H…el…p me…" Casey hears a faint voice as he reaches a darkened patch of the warehouse and pulls off a sharp piece of sheet metal.

"Oh damn…" Casey states rather audibly as he looks down at the man at his feet. "Need some help here!"

"I got your back," Casey hears Ben's voice and turns with a small frown. "Move your ass rookie," he jokes; Severide hearing the comment but pushing it to the back of his mind until later.

"Take his…here…" Ben pushes away a chunk of wooden keeping the injured man pinned down.

"Can you walk?" Casey kneels down as he offers the slightly wheezing man a breath of his oxygen.

"With…help," the man offers weakly.

"Okay…hold on," Casey grunts as he and Ben push the last piece of wood off the injured man, finally freeing him. "Dawson…sending Otis out with one. He's got a bad cut to the chest and leg."

_"Copy. I'll meet him at the door."_

"Otis!"

"I got him. Okay just lean on me."

"We keep going!" Ben shouts at Casey.

"Can anyone confirm if the warehouse is clear?" Casey shouts into his radio as he glares at Ben.

_"I'll see if I can get the foreman!" Hermann replies. "He's out back with Severide."_

"Kelly."

"He's busy. You pull back when I pull back!" Ben gives him a shove further into the warehouse.

"Severide status!" Casey growls into his headset. "Where is the foreman?"

"I don't…Vargas watch that…"

**BOOM**

"Kelly?" Casey asks in haste as the overheated warehouse slightly shakes.

"Yeah…that was another gas tank…"

"Otis, head to the back and take Cruz with you. Meet up with Mills and Hermann. Sir…we have…"

"Keep going! Check the back!" Ben shouts back as he gives Casey a shove toward the deep middle of the warehouse.

"What's the situation outside Hermann?" Casey asks in haste. "Where is the foreman?"

_"We put out two but…these have chemicals around them so we need…watch out Mills!" Hermann shouts just as another boom is heard._

"Mills!" Casey tries to turn back; Ben's gloved hand reaching out and holding him back.

"Your men outside know what to do. We're not done in here!"

"It's too risky to continue! The heat is intensifying and Boden…"

"Is not here. You follow my lead. We keep…going!"

"ANYONE IN HERE?" Casey shouts once more as he turns and pushes a bit further into the thick acrid smoke. The near a small office with smashed windows; Casey spying what appears to be a set of legs. "Hey are yo…" he starts only to reach the first aid dummy and curse into his headset.

_"Matt what is it?"_

"He's fine Kelly. Do your job!" Ben barks as he pulls the desk off the dummy and then gestures to Casey to keep moving.

"There's no one here!" Casey shouts back just as they hear timbers overhead starting to creak. "The roof is going to come down on us!"

_"Guys get out of there! The back is about to come down on you!" Hermann's anxious voice is heard. "Some of these just hafta burn out."_

"Just keep those tanks cool!" Casey directs with a small cough.

"Okay Hadley on three. Hold on sir…" Severide directs as Capp cuts off the long top of the rebar and all brace as Severide and Hadley countdown and then lift the man free of the sharp debris; the worker crying out just as the large tin container they are in rocks to the right; tossing them all to the ground and raining down sharp tools on top and around them.

_"There goes another tank!" Hermann's loud cry is heard over all the headsets. "They are too hot for us! Something else is underneath them!"_

"Ben!"

"Check that corner Casey!"

Severide offers an angry cry as the impaled worker lands oddly on his already throbbing arm; Hadley's thick frame landing on top of them.

"Get out…hurry," Severide gasps as the smoke starts to trail into the box; heating them all from the inside out. "Casey, which of your team is out back?" Severide calls out.

"We got this!" Vargas's voice is heard as he, Mills, and Hermann start to hose the flames now teasing the large metal box. "Lieutenant you're okay now!"

"Go…now!" Severide shouts. "Move him now! Ahhhh!" Severide grunts as Capp and Hadley pull the injured worker off their team leader and finally get him out of the box and onto the waiting stretcher that the two paramedics were waiting with; Shay and Dawson working on the man Otis had brought out the front.

"You okay boss?" Capp asks as Severide exits the box with a heavy curse.

"Yeah…fine…" he grumbles as he looks at the cut on the top of his right arm.

"Is that blood?" Vargas asks in haste as he points the fresh blood seeping through the slice in Severide's jacket.

"See…just a cut," he holds up his already suffering limb and then pushes past them. "Casey, you guys clear yet?" He asks into the headset as he pushes past his team still helping the two medics help the working with man with the near fatal puncture wound and looks up at the back of the structure that was teetering on the brink of collapse. "Casey!" Severide calls again over the radio; getting only static in return.

"Right there Matthew!" Ben tugs his arm as they spy what appears to be another trapped worker. The two of them rush toward the alcove by the stairs, each of them pulling debris off what they determine is now two trapped workers.

"Look at his leg!"

"I see it!" Casey calls back as he uses the end of his axe and busts through a piece of plywood, sending heated wooden splinters in all directions.

"I'll take this one. You bring the other," Ben directs, purposely leaving the heavier set man for Casey despite his own frame being larger.

"But…"

"Don't argue!" Ben growls as he grabs the nearest worker and starts to slowly head for the front door; not looking back to make sure the man under him was following him.

_"Matt if you can hear me you gotta move. That roof is…" Severide's voice cracks over Casey's radio before static is heard. _

"You're the foreman?" Severide asks as he hurries toward the man standing and looking frantically at the black smoke coming from the warehouse door.

"Bert."

"Bert how many of your men are still missing?"

"I think one. I think it's Mitchell."

"Casey you copy? One more worker…Gavin Mitchell."

"But there might be…wait maybe Adams too but…"

"How many!" Severide demands.

"Two okay two!"

"Two copy. And how many of those gas tanks do you have here?"

"Five."

"Five?" Mills and Hermann both look at each other and ask in shock. "Where's the fifth?"

"Inside; we keep it for the tools."

"What?"

"Back right-hand side of the warehouse."

"That's where Casey is," Hermann looks at Severide in a panic. "That roof…" Hermann starts.

"We need a hose up there!"

"It's going!"

"Oh go…Matt!" Severide shouts just as he runs toward the entrance, Capp and Mills in tow. But just as he nears the entrance, a large explosion rocks the area, hurling him backward and making his body slam onto the ground; his eyes widening as he watches in slow motion as part of the warehouse starts to collapse in on itself; Casey still inside about to be buried alive.

"NO!"

* * *

**A/N:** um Alice…what did you do to our boy? I can blame this on my muse right? Lol had to get some firefighter peril in there b/c well we like it hehe (hope you do too)….so what do you think happened to Matt and Ben? Will Casey and Severide get to talk about Ben or will Ben start to drive a wedge between them and divide loyalties? Hope you are all still liking it and please do review before you go and thanks so much!


	4. Waiting to Exhale

**Title: Hidden Agenda  
****Chapter 4 – Waiting to Exhale**

* * *

_Damn that guy! _Casey's mind growls as he watches Ben easily lift the lighter man with one arm and hurry for the front door, not bothering to help him lift the last few wooden beams off the heavier set man waiting beneath them. _Why didn't he take this one? We don't fool around with lives in this situation! This is not a training exercise. Damn him!_

"Help…please…I don't want to die in here," the man's soft cries quickly pull Casey back to reality.

"You won't, but I will need your help. Can you move your leg?" Casey calls out with a slight huff as he lifts his mask off for a few seconds; wondering why Severide's voice was fading in and out of his headset. _Damn thing was working yesterday! _

"Trying…it hurts but…this beam…" the man grunts with a laboured gasp as Casey uses a nearby beam to wedge under the other as a lever and push up at the same time as the man, the beam lifting off his legs and allowing Casey to push it free. But his elation his short lived as he hears the timbers overhead about to crack and give way.

"The tanks outside…" the man manages.

"I know. They blew and…"

"I have a family…three boys…" he whimpers. "I don't want to die…please…"

"You'll see them again, but we have to move now."

_"Matt if you can hear me you gotta move. That roof is…"_

"Severide say again!" Casey shouts in frustration as small beads of sweat start to blind his vision. "Kelly!"

Casey manages to get the large man upright, his right leg limp; escape would be slow.

"My leg…"

"Okay here can you put some wei…."

"AHHHH!" The man shouts in agony.

"Okay I know it hurts but you have to put some pressure on it. I'm sorry I can't carry you…I just…"

"The other guy…he shoulda…"

"No time for that. Now, lean on me. We have…" Casey squints into the thick smoke as the man beside him starts to violently cough. Knowing the man he was trying to save needs the oxygen more than him, Casey's hands quickly fumble with his breathing apparatus, forcing in onto the man's face; seconds later his own lungs start to constrict.

"We go NOW!" Casey shouts as he hears frantic calls of his name in the distance. "Severide…we're coming out the front d…."

"THE ROOF!" The man on his right shouts in a panic as both of them look up. Casey's eyes widen in horror as he instantly realizes they are out of time and will not make it to the exit. He frantically looks around for someplace…any place to hide themselves with the least amount of damage but with the most ease of rescue.

He suddenly spies what he hopes will be their refuge until they are pulled free and rushes toward it; the last tank blowing and the super heated blast propelling them forward. The roof that had already taken a beating from the tanks outside was just waiting for the inner one to add to its current misery before finally deciding to give in; raining heated debris down on the frustrated fire fighter and his innocent survivor.

"Kelly!" Casey shouts just as darkness consumes him.

XXXXXXXX

For a split second, Severide thought he heard Casey calling his name; his mind swirling as to why Casey's headset just suddenly died. The world starts to rush back to him; his eyes watching as the once slow moving objects around him come back to life; the men rushing toward him now with panicked speed.

"Hermann! You take…"

"I'll direct them…" Ben marches up to Severide with an angry scowl. Hermann looks at Ben and then at Severide.

"Well move your ass then!" Severide shouts as he looks at his team and races for the front entrance. He turns back to see Casey's team finally in action; hosing down the front, back and the roof to keep the flames at bay and assist in their rescue of a fellow fire fighter and trapped worker.

"Casey can you hear me? Come on Matt…buddy talk to me!"

"Severide your arm!" Vargas nods to the blood droplets seeping through the thick protective coating.

"It can wait! We need…"

"Let's try the back! It's a shorter route!" Hadley offers.

"Capp, you and Vargas work through the front with Otis Mouch. Hadley with me."

"He has to be okay…" Hadley mutters as he and Severide race for the back entrance. "What is with the new guy?"

"Ask me later."

"Right."

"Matt…can you me? Buddy talk to me…tell me where you are!" Severide growls in frustration as he nears the back and curses at the blocked entrance. "Okay let's get inside any way we can."

"On it!"

Despite the throbbing pain in his arm Severide starts to claw away at the smoldering timbers; Hermann and mills behind him bathing everything in water; the last of the chemical tanks already removed so the 51 team could concentrate on getting their missing man out safely.

"Come on Matt…buddy…talk to me," Severide's desperate voice continues to plead; no one paying attention to the smug smirk on Ben's face as he stood back at a distance and watched. "Casey! Where are you?"

_"We're almost through the front!" Capp's voice is heard; he and Vargas working with Otis and Mouch to get into the heated structure._

"Let us know what you find…" Severide huffs as he bites back a painful gasp from his arm and kicks at the back door that had fallen askew over the entrance when part of the roof gave way. "We're in!" Severide calls out; Dawson and Shay both waiting anxiously for any word on Casey.

Severide frantically squints into the thick blackness before him; the overhead flames all but extinguished due to the hose and ladder but the area before him was dark; finding his friend wouldn't be easy.

"Casey!" Severide shouts as he gestures to Hadley to take the right; Otis and Mouch still working to clear debris in case a stretcher needed to be brought in. "Matt! Talk to me!" Severide continues to call out. He pulls away a few pieces of plywood, his heart rate starting to pick up the pace as he takes a few more steps into the ruined structure. _Come on Matt…where are you? Can't lose another…not another…_ his mind chants over and over as he offers an angry grunt as his injured arm lifts a heavy beam and pushes it aside.

"Hadley?"

_"Nothing yet. But damn there's a lot of debris in here and not much light and…wait…Kelly to your left. The yellow stripe."_

Dropping his axe and pulling his small flashlight, Severide's head quickly swivels to the left, his eyes frantically darting between the piles of debris for anything familiar. Finally he sees what he's looking for. "CASEY!" He shouts as Hadley starts to head toward him. "Call it in Hadley. Capp I need you in the center with me…you and Vargas follow Hadley's flashlight beam."

"We need two…"

_"Let's clear this area so the stretchers can get in!" Hermann's voice is heard to his own team over the headset._

"Matt…come on buddy talk to me," Severide begs again as he reaches the yellow stripe of Casey's jacket. With a painful gasp, Severide lifts the piece of heated plywood off; pushing it aside and gasping at the sight before him. Casey's frame on top of the other employee, both of them under a steel beam that had literally saved both of them.

"Casey…okay we're here…can you…" Severide mumbles as he finally feels other hands from his team, clawing away at the debris to fully free Casey and the man he saved. "Oh damn Matt…" he gently curses as he gently pulls Casey free, allowing his team to extract the man with Casey's breathing apparatus still attached to his face. Instantly yanking off his glove, his fingers fumble through Casey's coat and neck protector, finally resting on his warm skin and praying for a pulse; Casey's face almost lifeless.

"Thank god…Casey's alive, but unconscious!" Severide tells them all; getting a collective sigh of relief from the team and a small 'hmmph' from the man in charge. "I need a stretcher and an oxygen tank here stat! Hadley…help me with him."

"Oh man."

"He's going to be okay. Just get…Matt…come on buddy open your eyes," Severide continues as he looks down at Casey's rather placid expression; some fresh blood mixed with soot around his mouth and nose. Along with Hadley's help and offering another prayer that his arm would hold up, he gestures to Hadley to lift Casey unconscious frame into the air and very carefully carry him over the jagged debris to the waiting stretcher.

"Easy…we don't know if anything inside is broken," Severide tells Shay, making her look up at him in surprise. "Right…that's your job…just…"

"We got him Kelly," she assures him as he stands back and watches Casey's unmoving frame being strapped down to the stretcher and the oxygen mask fitted over his mouth and nose and then being wheeled away.

"We got this boss, you should get your arm checked out," Hadley tells Severide in a friendly tone. Severide looks over at his friend and fellow rescue squad member and merely nods before he hurries after the stretcher; looking at Ben and gritting his teeth as Ben merely winks in return.

"Lieutenant Severide…" Ben makes a move to block him as Casey is loaded into the back of the ambulance.

"My arm is cut and I'm going with him…Sir," Severide states firmly as he pushes past; leaving the rest of the two teams to clean up, pausing to look at him directly. "Chief is the last man out right?"

Ben narrows his gaze but merely nods, allowing Severide to take his leave and waiting before he would follow.

"What was that all about?" Shay asks as she its opposite Severide in the back of the ambulance, Casey's unconscious frame between them.

"Don't ask," Severide groans as he looks at Casey with a heavy frown. He notices the flushed tinges on his cheeks and knows its from getting to close to something warm; his mind shuddering at what he must have been thinking when he was left by his own superior to help a man clearly out of his weight range. _Ben you bastard…if he had died…_Severide's mind trails off as he looks up at Shay. "What?"

"Let's see your arm. I heard it was cut."

"It's fine."

"Really?" She questions with arched brows.

"Okay fine it's in pain. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"It's the truth," she mutters as they both hear a small moan and look down to see Casey's eyes slightly flutter.

"Hey buddy…you coming back to us?" Severide's voice coaches.

_Darkness…pain…'Grant…where the hell am I?'_

_'Training exercise Casey.'_

_'Why the hell…let me go. This isn't a standard training….'_

_'You know you don't listen very well. I gave you an order today. Did you…'_

_'You left me…'_

_'DID YOU LISTEN?'_

_'I had the unfair advantage. That victim was twice my size!'_

_'Have to suck it up if you want to make it in this business Matthew.'_

_'I could have taken the other and we both would have gotten out in time.'_

_'But you didn't get out in time. Your timing was slow and now you have…'_

_'No wait…is this because of yesterday? Look I'm sorry…I didn't…'_

_'You didn't what? You made me look like a fool in front of the team! And now you have to be punished.'_

_'No…no wait…no wa…'_

"No…" Casey's lips offer a tormented whisper as his mind tries to fight the horrid memory. "No…more…"

"Matt?" Severide looks down; the two of them alone in the hallway as Casey waits to be taken to the x-ray department to make sure nothing inside was broken. Not wanting to take off the oxygen mask, Severide leans in closer. "Matt?"

_'You earned this Matthew. You tried to stand against me. I am your…'_

_'No…was a mistake. I didn't know. I'm sorry. Please…'_

_'Face your punishment like a man Matthew. Time to be quiet.'_

"No…more…" Casey's parched lips try to find some moisture; his core temperature rising and his body starting to lightly thrash on the stretcher.

"Hey come on now…you gotta lie…damn you're burning up," Severide winces as his fingers come away from Casey's flushed forehead. "What…what are you seeing?"

"No…more…I…I…NO!" Casey tries to shout, his dry throat coughing and his watery eyes instantly snapping open and trying to focus on the face hovering overhead. At first he sees Ben's face looking down with a snarl.

_'I thought I told you to be quiet!'_

"No!" Casey growls as he tries to pull himself free.

"Matt…hold on…"

"Kelly…what the hell?" Shay's accusatory tone is heard as she hurries up to Severide as he holds Casey's struggling frame on the stretcher and keep it from toppling over. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing! He's having a nightmare. Matt, it's me…it's Kelly," Severide tries as Shay holds back for a second; Casey's brain finally registering the friendly voice and subsiding.

"Kelly…" he whispers hoarsely as his arms try to struggle free. "Where…" he tries to shake the mask off his face; to no avail.

"Matt, its Lesley, can you look up at me?" Shay's calm voice directs. "You are in the ER. You took…"

_Ben…you did this…you'll pay you bastard…_Casey's mind angrily swirls as he looks up at Severide and then at Shay. _Hospital…ER…x-rays…stretcher…oxygen mask…be okay._

"He's going to be fine," Shay looks at the worried expression on Severide's face. "Never seen you this worried before."

"That guy…the Chief…he left him inside."

"What?" Shay asks in shock.

"Did you see the size of the guy he brought out? And the one he left for Matt?" Severide hisses. "He knew the roof was…" he stops his brief pacing and then looks at her in frustration.

"Are you saying he left him there on purpose?"

"I don't know…okay? Boden never would have done that."

"It's not fair to compare and maybe Casey told him to take that other guy and get out. You know he'd do that."

"Maybe."

"Ask him later. Right now, go and get your arm stitched up. I'll take him for an x-ray and then you can continue your…whatever this is later," she instructs calmly; knowing how to talk to and deal with her anxious roommate.

"Okay," Severide finally agrees before he turns and leaves, heading past Dawson as she joins them and pushing his way toward one of the ER attendants. "I need this…tended to," he holds up his arm and shows the young woman the bloody area.

"Come with me."

Severide nods as he turns to follow; not seeing Ben's red truck pull up on the other side of the ER doors. "Make it fast okay?"

XXXXXXXX

_Help me…I have a family…three boys…don't want to die…._

_Have to find…Ben left me…Kelly…help me…the beam…its steel…break the fall of the debris…get under it…save us both…no room…him first…he's got a family…I have no family…him first…darkness…smoke…can't breathe…debris…pain…blackness._

"Ahhh!" Casey's breath sucks in just as his eyes snap open and he looks around the dark hospital room. He looks around into the quiet before his watery eyes rest on a lone figure standing in the corner. "Kelly?" He asks weakly as he slumps back down, his head pounding and his mind telling him to just rest. "Damn I had…the worst…nightmare."

Casey closes his eyes for a few moments to try to reason with his brain to make the pounding stop; hearing a few footsteps approaching the bed. He senses the figure hovering over him and opens his eyes to ask why the prolonged silence. _Why is he just watching me and not saying anything? Odd. _But his answer is quickly given – just not the answer he wants.

"WH…mmph," is all he manages as Ben's large hand clamps down over his mouth; Casey's weary limbs instantly trying to yank it away.

"Tough day huh Matthew?" Ben snarls. "Just like old times I see."

Casey's watery eyes frantically look around for some help, his lungs starting to restrict thanks to the firm hand keeping his mouth closed and the fresh air out.

"No one here but us," Ben taunts with an evil smile. "Never did learn did you? To listen only to me?"

"Mmmph…" is all Casey manages in a soft whimper, as his core starts to enflame.

"You questioned me today! You think you can just do that and get away with it? DO YOU?" Ben shouts, making Casey's frame recoil and his watery eyes to narrow; his lungs silently gasping for air. "Do I have to teach you another lesson?"

"Mmmph…"

"Do I?"

"Lieutenant Casey?" One of the nurses calls out as she approaches; the shouting having aroused attention; causing Ben to pull back and Casey to instantly cough. With a small curse at his own shortsightedness for not keeping his voice down, Ben steps back just as she enters the room, an orderly behind her hovering at the entranceway. _I won't make that mistake again, _Ben's mind vows.

"How is he?"

"I think he needs the mask a bit more."

"No…no I'm fi…ne," Casey coughs as he tries to sit up.

"Lieutenant Casey you need to…"

"Ben…we're not…do…" he pauses to cough.

"He needs to stay," the nurse states in concern.

"You can restrain him if you need to," Ben smirks as the nurse looks at him in surprise and Casey to scowl and curse under his breath. "This man is my subordinate."

"You're not Chief Boden?"

"Today I am. He's on personal leave."

"Ah," she nods as she looks at Ben's ID.

"This man needs rest and oxygen; maybe a shower too. Make sure he gets it."

"Ben…we're not…finished here!" Casey shouts, just as his lungs violently react and the porter steps into the room.

"You need to just calm down. You were through a lot and with that smoke…"

"I'm…calm…" Casey insists as he looks at the surly porter. "I'm…calm."

"You need to lie back and I'll get the oxygen…"

"No," he tries once more and then coughs. "I need…"

"_Matthew_…do you want me to order the restraints?" Ben warns, Casey looking at him with a narrowed gaze; Ben's expression turning serious with the nurses back to him. "I'll check on Lieutenant Severide for you," Ben grins as she turns back. "I'll make sure he's updated on your status. You don't want to be disturbed right?"

"Come…back…"

"Lieut…."

"I'm fine," Casey huffs as he slumps back down and offers the nurse a frustrated expression.

"You inhaled from what I was told…"

"I need to leave."

"You can't until you get the proper oxygen administration for the allotted time. Sooner we start the better - for you."

"Let's…do this," Casey resigns. He allows the fresh oxygen mask to be fitted over his mouth and nose and can only curse at what lies Ben will now tell Severide in his absence. As much as he feels the oxygen moistening his throat, and knows he needs it but he also knows he can't let Ben send Severide away without them talking. _I have to get to Kelly…have to tell him my side…tell him about Ben…_his mind offers weakly as he looks at the time. _Just a few more minutes and then I'll leave…_

"Thanks," Severide mentions as he yanks his shirt sleeve back down over the stitches and bandage and then hops off the small examining table. He heads into the hallway and up to the x-ray desk.

"Has Lieutenant Casey had his x-rays yet?"

"I believe he has and has been sent upstairs for some oxygen administraion. Nothing broken inside so he's going to be okay, but he should rest the rest of the day."

"Got it thanks," Severide offers as he goes in search of Shay and Dawson. He approaches them and waits…listening a few minutes as they talk about what other supplies they need.

"I can get the…"

"You are not going anywhere near that medicine locker."

"Look today I…I just need something. I forgot my pills are at home and…"

"They track every single item taken from that locker. If something else is taken and it's not on our list…no Kelly," Shay holds her ground as the two of them stand a few meters away from Dawson talking in low tones.

"How's Matt?"

"Resting upstairs. You want to be helpful, take him home and then…"

"I need something right now," Severide grumbles.

"Take a Tylenol," she huffs as she turns and leaves.

"Thanks," Severide mutters in frustration as he takes his leave and heads for the stairs; not knowing that he's being watched by a set of angry eyes. Just as he passes the medicine locker, he watches as a doctor punches in a code and then enters; his mind racing at what to do. _Just one…one little pill…I take it and then…then I can take Matt home and…doctor's take pills all the time._

As soon as the doctor exits, Severide waits a few seconds; his hand grabbing the door just before it can lock, pushing it open and then slipping inside; not knowing that someone else had done the exact same thing. Severide hurries to the area before him, scanning the alphabetical listing for what he needs but pausing just before his fingers can reach out. Upon hearing a faint shuffling behind him, he quickly turns and then stops short.

"Why Lieutenant Severide," Ben starts in a low, smug tone. "Whatever are you doing in here? Alone?"

* * *

**A/N:** eeks! Alice what have you done? Lol okay so hope you liked the rescue. Some hurt/comfort for our boys coming up next but will Ben make good on his taunt to Casey? What does the past hold and how will Severide get out of this? Hope you are still liking the story and please do review before you go. Thanks so much!


	5. A Painful Glimpse into the Past

**Title: Hidden Agenda  
****Chapter 5 – A Painful Glimpse into the Past**

* * *

"I asked you a question _Kelly_," Ben presses in a firm tone, his large frame keeping the door/escape route blocked. Severide feels his frame seize; Ben's commanding tone and firm stance daring him to talk back or give an answer he doesn't want to hear.

"I'm helping…Shay and Dawson…with…some supplies."

"Is that a fact?" Ben challenges as he takes a step closer, holding Severide's gaze. His mind quickly thinks back to the morning when he had seen a look of panic in Casey's eyes and now he can understand part of the reason why his friend and fellow Lieutenant would be rattled by this guy. _He's a bully…snap out of it!_

"It is. You have a problem with that?" Severide finally snaps out of his funk and glares right back. "It's not a crime is it?"

"Depends on what _else_ you'll be taking with you when you leave."

"Nothing else."

"You know if you _needed _something else…it could be _our_ secret," Ben takes a step closer; Severide having no where else to go.

"Secret? I have no secrets."

"Really?"

_What the hell? What does he know? Or is he just fishing? Careful…_

"How's Matt?"

"_Matthew_ is being taken care of right now. I asked you a question Lieutenant and I won't ask again."

"You know if a grown man asks you to call him…"

"WHAT?" Ben shouts; Severide's frame slightly recoiling. "Did you need?"

"Penicillin," he offers in haste.

"Now that wasn't so hard was it?" Ben retorts with a small condescending tone as they hear footsteps head past. "Get what you need and let's go."

"I don't need a damn babysitter."

"Get…what you need…_now._"

Not wanting to press the issue any further, Severide turns back to the supplies before him; his teeth gritting as he feels Ben's eyes boring into the back of his skull. _Who the hell is this guy really? What's he done in the past? _His fingers quickly gather up a few boxes of the pills and then he turns back, giving Ben a firm nod before he takes his leave.

"Don't you have somewhere else to be?" Severide pauses just before they round the corner.

"I'll finish here and then go up and see how _Matthew _is doing. He said he only wants _me _to check on him."

"Really?"

"You questioning me?"

_Like hell he said that, _Severide's mind argues inwardly. However, he doesn't voice his disdain, merely turns and heads for Shay and Dawson, hoping that he could quickly escape and go and see Casey for himself. As he rounds the corner with Ben firmly on his heels, he locks eyes with Shay and can only pray she'll be able to play along.

"Ms. Shay," Ben quickly interjects before Severide can comment; his tone forcing Dawson to look up from her paperwork. "Did you send Lieutenant Severide here on a med run?"

His eyes lock with hers; his back to Ben and his mind racing. If looks could kill he knows in that instant he'd be dead a thousand times over but inwardly prays she'll just go with it and then give him a chance to grovel afterward.

"Med run?" Dawson pipes up.

"Yes I sent Kelly because we were busy with the paperwork and…_backed up_," Shay turns to Dawson, offering her partner a look that also said to play along.

"Really? Is that correct Ms. Dawson?" Ben demands.

"Yeah…we practically get our asses kicked if we aren't out in record time," Dawson replies without missing a beat.

"What did you need him to get?" Ben looks back at Shay.

"Penicillin," she offers somewhat weakly.

_Thank…goodness, _Severide inwardly breathes as he holds out the few packets of the requested drug.

"Well well…a man of your word after all. Surprising," Ben gives Severide a hearty slap on the back.

"Pardon?" Severide turns with a sharp glare.

"I'll go check on Casey. You can go home now Kelly. See you tomorrow."

"I am _allowed_ to check on my friend," Severide argues back.

"Tomorrow," Ben firmly holds his gaze. "Go home and rest that cut on your arm. You wouldn't want to strain it further and be on medical suspension now would you?" He winks before he turns on his heel and takes his leave.

"Bastard," Severide curses under his breath as he quickly pulls his phone and texts Casey.

"What was all that about?" Shay's pulls Severide's gaze back to hers; Dawson looking up in wonder.

"I just needed…"

"He knows about your arm?"

"He knows nothing okay? Nothing. It was about the cut from earlier. Look…"

"I told you…" Shay offers in a light hiss as she takes him by the arm away from Dawson's earshot.

"I didn't get anything else. He stopped me before…"

"I covered your ass today. Don't make me do it again."

"I just need…fine," he resigns as he notices she's not going to give in. "I have to go."

"What's his beef with Casey anyways?"

"I don't know…but I am going to find out. If he asks, I went home."

"Covering your ass again," Shay mutters as she turns back to Dawson with a frown.

XXXXXXXX

Casey had barely read to the end of Severide's text, gotten off the bed and ducked into the next room when he hears Ben's heavy footsteps stomp into the adjoining room.

"Where are you Matthew?" He grumbles loudly; Casey's eyes momentarily closing as he feels a dry pang catch in his throat. He quickly covers his mouth with both hands, trying desperately to stifle the urge to cough and give himself away; not wanting another heated showdown – or worse. "Want to play hide and seek huh?" He stomps over to the closet; Casey's body on the other side of the flimsy wall. "Where are you?" He growls as he then heads for the bathroom; cursing upon finding it empty. "Next time I'll order the damn restraints myself!"

"Sir, are you looking for someone?"

"Yes! Sorry…yes I am," Ben turns around to see a new nurse looking at him in question. "I am wondering where my friend and subordinate Matthew Casey has gotten to," he answers in a mock kinder tone. "I am worried about him."

_Like hell you're worried, _Casey's mind gripes as he tries to remain upright in the small closet; his eyes fixed on the small slit of light and knowing Ben's large, pain inducing frame is on the other side – only a few meters away.

"I think he was sent home to rest."

"He got all the oxygen therapy he needed in this short time?"

"I think so. But I just started on shift, sorry."

"Ah very good. Thank you kindly," Ben replies as he offers a fake smile and then pushes past, his fists tightening as he heads for the elevator. The doors close, just as Severide emerges from the exit stairwell; his eyes looking at the elevator just as it goes down and hoping that Ben McCrae was in it. He rushes into Casey's room and looks around at the empty bed and frowns.

"Matt? Matt!"

_Kelly, _Casey's mind utters in relief as he slowly opens the door in the adjoining room and peers out with some hesitation before finally emerging; Severide seeing him in the next room and hurrying toward him.

"Is he gone?"

"He's gone. How are you feeling?"

"Like I got hit by a semi," he utters with a small groan and a cough.

"You still sound bad."

"Lungs hurt."

"Okay you need oxyg…"

"I need to get home and just rest."

"Did you take any of that fresh oxygen at all?"

"Some," Casey admits weakly as his frame starts to complain about standing up for too long.

"Okay so let's…hey whoa…wait a sec," Severide's arms quickly grab Casey before he can crumple to the ground. "How much is some?"

"How long's…he been…gone?" Casey replies flippantly.

"Okay you need to lie down and get that oxygen. Ben's gone."

"I need…to get…home," Casey merely whispers as the room starts to spin once more. "Hallie?"

"I left a message and said you were okay and it was nothing to worry about. Standard procedure," Severide confesses as Casey looks at him in wonder. "Figured you'd want me to say that to keep her from panicking," he shrugs as he helps Casey back onto the small bed. "Okay just take this for an hour. I'll um…read."

"Kelly…"

"Yeah I want to know but…"

"No today…why didn't you…answer back."

"What do you mean? I was talking to you until I heard static, but I heard the rest of the team. Your radio must have cut out on you."

"I heard some and…damn it was working…yesterday."

"Think he tampered with it?"

"Ben?" Casey retorts just before he fixes the mask over his face. "Maybe," he mutters upon getting a frown from Severide as he pulls the mask down to talk but ends up coughing instead.

"Okay…mask now…talk later," he slightly smirks as Casey fully slumps back down onto the bed and fixes the mask over his face; the fresh oxygen instantly offering muchly needed relief from the dry strain in his throat. He closes his eyes and thinks back to a happier memory, the day he started with Chief Boden and knowing that he finally found a superior he could respect and remain loyal to. _I'll not play your games Ben…I won't!_

About an hour later, Casey's eyes slowly open to a soft touch on his hand; his lips offering a small smile under the mask.

"Hey," Dawson states in a soft tone as she helps him remove the mask. "Kelly's outside talking to the nurse," she smirks as she gently removes a piece of soot still attached to a darkened piece of stubble. "You had us all worried today."

"I'm okay."

"Really?"

"Just tired," he replies in truth.

"Promise me you'll just go home and rest."

"Promise," he whispers warmly.

"Okay…see you tomorrow," she leans in and gives him a small kiss on the forehead before pulling back with a tender gaze. "Goodnight," she offers just as Severide walks in.

"What?" Casey asks Severide as he tries to sit up; Severide looking at him in wonder.

"You're engaged right?" Severide teases as he nears the bed. "How are you feeling now?"

"Tired and….and agitated. Damn Ben…I mean he knew the other guy was bigger and…"

"Yeah we all saw the 98 pound weakling he easily brought out with him."

"I got the linebacker…" Casey groans.

"So not by your choice then?"

"Did he say that?" Casey asks crossly. "He did right? How is the guy I pulled out?"

"Going to make a full recovery. Why did…"

"I let him?" Casey hisses as Severide pulls back with a small frown. "Sorry."

"Don't be…he's very intimidating," Severide confesses openly as Casey looks up with pursed lips. "So is his game to play with innocent lives and blame you? Because you could have both died today. Is that his damn game?"

"I don't know…his game."

"Okay, unless…"

"Unless what?"

"He just wanted you dead. Is he capable of that Matt?"

"I don't know okay? If it was just me…maybe. But the worker…Kelly I don't know. He's just…he's a liar for one thing."

"Yeah and good at manipulating the truth to suit himself. Had a small run in with him myself today."

"For what?"

"Does it matter? Am guessing that unless you kiss his ass and pander to his every whim he makes your life a living hell?"

"And he enjoys it," Casey winces as he touches his warm forehead.

"What else does he enjoy Matt?" Severide asks directly, Casey's slightly watery blue eyes looking up in wonder. "You need to tell me what happened."

"I will…but not here. I want a shower and to just collapse. I want to go home. Let me…" he starts only to look up to see Hallie hurrying toward them. "Don't mention Ben okay?"

"I'll wait outside. Hey Hallie."

"Hey Kelly. Matt…what happened?"

Casey explains about the fire and the cave-in and that he was cleared and just going home to shower and then sleep and relax; he'd be okay the next day. The other workers brought in were being treated but would also be sent home; everything in tact – for the most part.

"She's worried and I hate lying to her," Casey utters softly as the elevator doors finally close them from view.

"You need to tell me his story. He is a real piece of work."

"He is," Casey nods as they head into the parking lot. "Look I can take a cab home and…"

"I can give you..."

"No. Am not going near the station. I'll meet you there."

"Okay. I'll stop by the station and get my car, change and come over."

"And we'll go to Royal's. We gotta eat right?"

"You still wanna go out? I think you should just stay in and rest. I don't mind picking something up. Shay will get on my ass if I drag you out in this condition," Severide smirks.

"Will she know?"

"She knows everything," Severide deadpans.

"Here…spare key just in case."

"See you in a bit."

"Okay," Casey nods as he finally climbs into a cab and slumps against the backseat, giving the driver his address and giving Severide one last anxiety-filled glance before the cab pulls away. He pulls his phone and calls Antonio Dawson.

_"What's going on Matt?"_

"I just need to know if you can find…anything. And just keep it between us okay?"

_"Has he broken the law in any way?"_

"That's what I need you to tell me."

Casey hangs up and then shoves his phone back into his jacket pocket and casts his weary gaze outside the window into the darkened Chicago night; his face creasing into a small frown. Had Ben intentionally left me in there to die? What about the other worker? Would he risk his life also? He had to have known the roof was going to cave in…what's going on? I need to know what his secret is…if anything. _Maybe he's just an ass to be an ass? _Maybe…but would he toy with an innocent life? _Maybe…_

"Thanks," Casey mumbles to the cab driver as he hands him the requested fare and slowly heads out of the warm cabin of the car and up the cool walkway to his darkened home. He checks the doorframe for anything left from Ben as there was the day before; uttering a very thankful sigh of relief when he finds nothing to worry him.

He steps inside, dumps his coat and finally picks up the acrid smell of smoke on his clothes and frame. His weary body rests against the wall for a few minutes, his eyes closing and his mind whisking him back in time; standing before Ben…Grant…in his office after a similar tough call; that one in the past though not earning him a trip to the ER, however, earning him a trip into hell.

_'You left my side today Casey.'_

_'Sir, I thought that…'_

_'You thought. Who the hell said you could think for yourself candidate?'_

_'I have a few months and I saw…'_

_'Sorry I didn't realize I was talking to a damn veteran in this business! I'll remember that for next time!' His angry voice boomed, forcing Casey's frame to jolt in place. 'Who's in charge here?'_

_'You.'_

_'That's right me. And did you listen to my command? DID YOU?'_

_'NO!'_

_'No. And for that I want you in full gear in five minutes and meet me in the burn house.'_

_'What?'_

_'I won't say it again. If I have to, I'll make sure you are fired and a letter is put on your file for insubordination and you'll never work in this industry again. Now move your ass!'_

"Damn bastard…" Casey whispers as he slowly opens his watery eyes, looking around his dimly lit home; telling himself to do something about the silence starting to gang up on him. He takes a few steps toward the answering machine, almost dreading pushing the button for fear it was an upsetting message from Ben. He'd be right.

_"Well rookie…was a close call today. It seems you still have a problem accepting my authority no questions asked. Guess we'll hafta work on that. See you tomorrow bright and early. Maybe even in the burn house. Sleep well." _

"Ahhh!" Casey shouts as his fist lands on the table, his hand sweeping to the right and forcing the answering machine to clatter to the floor a few feet away. Without bothering to pick it up, Casey storms into the living room, turning on the TV, turning up the volume in an attempt to drown out Ben's mocking laughter and then heading upstairs, wanting to wash off the remains of the day and just collapse into bed; his talk with Severide on hold for now, he tells himself.

_'I have a secret Matthew…can I trust you with it?' _Casey's mind thinks back to another painful incident working for Ben/Grant; before things went really sour.

_'Of course Sir….is everything okay?'_

_'It will be…if you help me. Can you help me?'_

"Help…you…" Casey's lips growl as he stands beneath the warm streams of water, trying to wash away the soot, dirt, blood and sweat from the harrowing day. He closes his eyes but quickly feels Ben's hand clamping down over his mouth, feels his lungs gasping for air and his arms trying in vain to get the big man off him.

"Damn…" he pants as his eyes fly open and he stares blankly at the wet tiled wall before him; his heart racing at top speed. "You won't win…" he utters as his fist lands against the warm tiles with some added force. He pulls his tired limb back as a small stinging sensation starts to travel upward from his hand to his shoulder, making his body press itself a bit further under the warm streams to try to ease away the throbbing in his shoulder. Feeling water logged and tired, Casey quickly dries off and dresses in a pair of black sweats and a tee, gives his damp hair a good rub and looks at the weary expression on his stubble clad face. _Shave in the morning, _his brain utters wearily.

Giving his tired head a nod, Casey wanders into his bedroom, not caring that the door downstairs was still unlocked or the TV on or the phone on the floor; his body slumps down into his bed, his eyes closing and his brain whisking him away into another tormented realm of nightmares.

XXXXXXXX

About an hour later, Casey's lips start to angrily mutter in his sleep; his brain showing him a mixture of images from his past and present.

_'Teach you a lesson Matthew…'_

"No…Grant no…."

_'You need to be quiet for this. I'll know when you've had enough…'_

"No more…am sorry…won't tell…"

_'You need to be restrained…'_

"No…no more…" Casey's lips mumble as he sees himself in the hospital room from earlier, Ben tightening the restraints to hold him in place before he applies a piece of white surgical tape over his mouth to keep him quiet. "No…Grant…no…" the image continues with Ben then setting the room on fire and laughing as he steps back to watch Casey struggle in vain.

_'Tell me when you've learnt your lesson rookie!'_

"NO!" Casey shouts as his watery eyes snap open. He frantically looks around his dimly lit room, his eyes blinking rapidly; the pounding in his ears forcing all sounds to just morph into painful but silent booms. He watches a dark figure start to near him and suddenly his brain goes into panic mode as he see's Ben offer him an evil smile, his hands rising to grab a hold of him.

"Stay…away!" Casey shouts as he tries to push the figure away.

"Matt…it's me…it's Kelly…"

"No…get aw…" he tries as the set of strong arms latch onto his forearms and just hold him in place. _He's not trying to restrain you…this isn't Ben! Snap out of it!_

"Matt…hey buddy snap out of it…it's me…it's Kelly."

"Kelly…right…damn…" Casey's brain finally allows him to register the friendly voice and cease his useless fighting; Severide letting go of his arms and allowing Casey to slump back into bed, the light beside the bed being switched on. "How did…how'd you…get in?"

"Door was unlocked and TV on. I called up but…who's Grant?"

"What?"

"Grant…you said his name a few times in what I am assuming was another nightmare. Who is he? He's Ben right? He changed his name? What did he do back then? Matt, what happened?"

Casey looks at Severide a few feet away on the end of the bed and knows he has to come clean and tell him what happened. The truth has to come out…but it would be painful and could change things – forever.

* * *

**A/N:** okay so the big reveal is next, promise no more interruptions but had to get a bit of Severide tension in there b/c that will factor in later and of course a few lingering nightmares to force Casey to come clean. So thoughts? Still liking it? Want more of our boys? Please remember this is NOT a romance fic so the few little romantic touches consider a bonus lol but this will focus on our boys bond of friendship right to the end and hope that's okay! Please do review before you go and thanks so much!


	6. Confession is Good for the Soul?

**Title: Hidden Agenda  
****Chapter 6 – Confession is Good for the Soul?**

**A/N:** Just a note that any OC's are mine and the names are made up…any resemblance is by accident and not meaning to offend.

* * *

"Ben…Grant…okay yes his real name is Grant but I don't know why he changed it…I honestly don't," Casey groans as he leans forward and rubs his face in his hands. "That's why I called Antonio. It's not a crime to change your name but it's…"

"Odd for a regular person to do it without good reason?" Severide interjects, getting a nodded confirmation in return.

"He was my first Chief…damn I was so green back then. At first he was just a bully. Pushing his weight around and being in your face if you talked back. He ran a tight ship but never had an incident…that wasn't made know publicly at least."

"An incident? Are you…"

"A professional incident," Casey quickly qualifies. "It was my first job and figured…why rock the boat? Just do your job, go home, get paid, do your time and then work your way up. Sounds simple enough. Yeah thought so too. I wanted to prove myself and would do just about anything to work my way up and get extra hours."

"What?" Severide asks with a frown, prompting Casey to look up at the same time. "Anything? You said that to him?"

"I…let me explain. I never meant it in the way it sounds," Casey huffs as he looks away, the last word escaping his lips clipped in anger. "I didn't know at first. When I told him _anything_ I had meant double shifts…cleaning the truck…doing the dishes, I didn't care; I was out of my father's shadow for the first time in my life. I wanted so much to be like my father but on my own merit. That's why I moved away. I wanted to do this for me. I was with my uncle who always worked and I never saw him and…"

"Ben was there, saw all that and…"

"Took advantage of the fact that I just wanted older male attention and a role model. Ben mistook my words when I told him I'd do _anything_. One time…well he tried to make an advance and I told him outright that wasn't my thing. Another time, he cornered me coming out of the showers and while I was freaked out I told him I'd tell the authorities and my father and then a few of the guys came in he quickly backed off. But he made sure I knew that I had made a big mistake by turning him down."

"How?"

"Made sure I made errors and it was brought my Lieutenant's attention. Made me sit out a lot of calls because he said I needed to watch more. Luckily for me, my Lieutenant at the time didn't see eye to eye either with Ben all the time and didn't really listen to him as much as I thought he might; which of course angered Ben further. And he…well he is just a bully and liked to prove that. Then one day…one of the other guys said something to me in passing and I couldn't let it go. I started to ask him further about it and…"

"And he confirmed Ben had assaulted him?"

"And threatened ending his career so he never said anything…to anyone," Casey sighs as he slumps back into the nest of covers, looking at Severide with a heavy frown. "Ben is capable of just about anything."

"Forcible assault…maybe that guy finally came clean and that's why Ben chang…"

"He died."

"What? How?"

"It was a few weeks after I found out. There was an apartment fire…I remember like it was yesterday," Casey closes his eyes for a few brief seconds. "His name was William. Will for short and…he would have reminded you of Mills. Young…eager to prove himself but uncertain in a few areas. He…" Casey pauses as his eyes slightly water.

"Sorry," Severide offers in a quiet tone as Casey looks over at him.

"I need to tell the story. We were on the third floor, the flames were intense. I was with Ben and Will and another of the team. There was a blast and we all got separated. I managed to find a door and crawl through. In the distance I heard shouting. I looked up and saw Ben and Will almost at blows. The area was quieter than the rest of the building but still…time was of the essence. But I couldn't just leave. I snuck closer and listened…I was frozen. Will was yelling that he'd go to the police if Ben didn't come clean. Ben argued back that it was his word against Will's and no one would believe him since he had come from a broken home and crap like that. Will said he had a cop that would listen and was giving Ben one last chance to come clean on his own. Then it happened so fast. There was a blast of gasoline or something else explosive from below; rocked us all. I was up on my feet, rushing toward them….they were fighting. I get there just as the floor gives way. Ben gives Will a good shove and…"

"A shove? You sure?"

"I am."

"And he goes through the floor?"

"Down three stories, impaled on a beam. I see his face looking up in horror. I hear myself screaming at him but no sound comes out over the flames. Ben grabbed me by my jacket collar and literally dragged me out of there; telling everyone that he saved my life and tried to save Will. I confronted him on it and he said I couldn't talk back to a superior and I was delusional because of the heat. I told my Lieutenant but he said I probably was just seeing things because how could a man do that to a fellow brother in distress? No one knew his secret and it died with Will. The cop never came forward so I think it was all a bluff to scare Ben into confessing. Will had told only me. After that I went to my locker and Ben followed, ordered me to remain in full gear and up to the burn house."

"After all that?"

"I was sick…I was a scared kid…I couldn't think straight, figured he wanted to talk somewhere away from the team…maybe explain, and I just followed. We get inside and the next thing I know he's wrestling me toward a beam and I'm tied to it."

"What?"

"He puts tape over my mouth and he…"

"Oh damn no…"

"He turns on the flames. He starts to say if I'm such a hot shot then I should free myself. I was yelling at him…course he couldn't hear me, which is what he wanted. I…was scared…" Casey's lips offer a small nervous chuckle as he looks away and then back at Severide with a watery frown. "I feel the flames on my face now. Another threat…he said I was from a broken home and no one would believe me and unless I wanted more trouble I'd better just keep my mouth shut and do my job."

"Broken home?"

"They were all lies and threats. He was outraged and didn't care. He just wanted me to get the point. I better listen to him or else."

Severide looks at Casey and feels his fists tighten, wanting to get alone with Ben and literally beat the crap out of him for doing all that to his friend and another innocent person.

"I know what I saw…he killed him. I was there…he pushed him into the opening…he made sure his secret was safe…I know what I saw."

"How long did he keep you in there?"

"About ten minutes. I had no idea what he was capable of. I mean he just murdered someone…I could have been next. I was freaked out. I was so hot and exhausted from struggling and yelling and from the day's events that I blacked out. When I came to I was back in the locker room on the bed, out of gear, wondering if I had just dreamt all that. Ben said I blacked out after the call and shrugged it off when I asked him if we went to the burn house."

"What? He covered it over just like that?"

"No camera's to prove it. But I went back later and found a small piece of wadded up duct tape on the floor. Yeah coulda been from anything but I know…he just played upon that fear. I went to the Commissioner and he found out. Made my life a living hell after that. Suspended me for a week without pay and then was an outright jerk for the month to follow."

"Suspended? What did your uncle say?"

"Never told him. Ben put down on my file that I was caught doing something wrong. He tried a few times more after that…always said he wanted to teach me a lesson."

"And how many times…damn can't believe I'm even asking that."

"A few more; each time was different so I wouldn't suspect anything. One time after a training exercise; I was picking up some gear in the burn house…he jumped me and held me back. The other times he lost it I held my ground and never gave in. Then all of a sudden he took a short leave. Best month of my life back then," he pauses offering Severide a strained smile. "But when he came back, he took me aside and said he was in rehab facility and wanted to start fresh."

"Really?"

"No idea where he really was. And for a few months after that, I was no longer a candidate and things were okay. Until one day I go into his office and see him taking a pill. He doesn't get as mad as I thought he might and then says he has a secret and needs my help."

"Seriously?"

"I asked him about the other stuff with Will and he said that was all dealt with with the police as part of his leave but this was the aftermath…depression…pain, whatever."

"Did you believe him?" Severide gently presses as Casey looks away. "Matt?"

"I did," Casey turns back with a sad expression. "I wanted to believe he had changed. Even got a friend of his, who said he was a cop to come and talk to me and back his story. Course I fell for it. He said he was sorry…wanted to start fresh. I had seen changes…or what I thought was changes and thought he was telling me the truth."

"What was the secret?"

"Now he was addicted to some kind of drug."

"What?" Severide feels his world stop suddenly.

"Kept saying it was for the pain in his leg but…well I later found out it was because he was hooked on them. He'd get irritable and expect me to make an excuse. Said that was a side-effect. One day he lost his temper and…and he hit me."

"What?"

"He wanted me to steal for him…take meds from the bus(ambulance) and I said no. I couldn't do that. I had lied long enough and that was it. We got into a fight; I hit back but you've seen his size compared to mine."

"And he got the upper hand?"

"He did. Told my uncle that I got into an accident at work and told me that if I said anything I was finished for good. Said he'd pin Will's death and the missing meds on me. I was off for a week…"

"A week? Accident? Wait…hold on…"

"He really got the upper hand. Dislocated my shoulder when he jerked my arms behind my back," Casey huffs as he leans back and looks up at the ceiling with watery eyes. "Then he tried a few more things and…"

"Matt?"

"We'll leave it at that," Casey looks at him directly.

"Was it full out assault?" Severide gently presses.

"He liked to taunt and threaten…push his weight around and intimidate. He…"

"Did he forcibly assault you? You know sexually?"

"Even a small touch against your will is wrong, isn't it?"

"It is," Severide nods as he shakes his head before he curses.

"He did it to be a jerk…it's the power struggle for him that he got off on and as you can see still does. Always was with me. It wasn't the full on attack that Will endured; thank god but it was still enough. I wanted to quit…I remember writing out my resignation letter and figured I'd go back home and just….let him win. I was on my own…no one wanted to back or believe me."

"Why not? What kind of team…"

"Ben played them all as soon as he got back. He instantly became their fast friends; paid for their kid's outings, bought gifts, awarded time off and extra shifts when they asked. Heck he even came to my uncle's place and paid for our fence. He made sure I had no one on my side when I wanted to say something again. I tried to talk to my Lieutenant but he said everyone else liked Ben and got along with him that it must be me. Yeah suddenly they saw eye to eye. I tried to tell my uncle he said to suck it up and to be happy I had such a great job and understanding boss. It was just me. Me against him and that meant me losing. I was the only one with the problem."

"Unbelievable."

"But I couldn't take it any more. So I wrote out my resignation letter and went in on my day off. Only that day Ben was off or so I thought and there was a visiting instructor. Teaching some new rescue techniques to the rescue squad and I just sat there and watched. I didn't want to go home and didn't want to ask any of the guys for something extra to do. The instructor was a retired Chief and very kind and I asked him a few questions and…and then I told him everything. He's the only other one that knows all this. For the first time in…a year…I was…"

"Wait…a year? You were with Ben in that hell hole for a year?" Severide asks in shock.

"One year…three months…two weeks and four days. I was," Casey confirms as he looks back to his friend. "The instructor agreed to back me when I went to talk to Ben…his real name is…was Grant Newsome. We went looking for him but little did I know that he…he had heard everything I told the instructor in the locker room and I guess heard what he said in return…how he'd back me…that it wasn't my fault and he'd seen this kind of thing before and that Grant was finished. He had more pull than Grant. Grant was gone; left. I later found out that he handed in his resignation that day citing a dire family emergency and that was it. I worked a few years in peace and then left as well but on my own terms. Kelly I swear…I haven't seen him since then. Somewhere in that timeframe he left Detroit…changed his name and…now he's back."

"And followed you here," Severide mutters, making Casey look up in horror. "Sorry."

"I checked his list of references with Admin and the few he's worked so far are legit firehouses."

"Of course because maybe Ben McCrae doesn't have a history…"

"Or one that anyone will testify to," Casey huffs.

"Think he's done that stuff as Ben in other places?"

"Do you?"

"Guess a leopard doesn't change its spots. But it sure explains a lot of things," Severide leans back and looks at Casey in concern. "Unless he's changed his name a few times in there."

"Possible. That's why I called Antonio. I need the whole story."

"Really sorry you had to go through all that."

"Coulda blamed so many things, but I just blamed myself in the end and then was thankful that he was gone and it was over."

"Matt none of it was your fault, you know that right?"

"I do now. Back then...But now…hearing his voice the other day…damn it brought it all back."

"You went as white as a sheet. Think he's back to even the score or something?"

"Or just to be an ass and lord it over me for a short while and then walk away laughing knowing he got even a small rise out of me in a higher position. That's why I don't want to tell anyone else…I don't need pity. I told you because he is very good at manipulating the truth and diving loyalties on even close knit teams."

"No way…he'd never turn any of us against you," Severide promises. "We have our work issues but…"

"Never say never," Casey winces as he tries to sit back up. "I saw him getting friendly the same way with Mills."

"Won't happen…I swear Matt, I won't let him near the kid in that way. So he's capable of killing…" Severide's voice dies out gravely.

"Today…that was his game. To show how I can pay the price for not listening to him."

"And the worker?"

"When he's angry he doesn't care. So yeah the worker was also expendable. He said afterward that…"

"What? When?"

"When he decided to play doctor in the hospital. Threatened me with another lesson…another damn lesson," Casey groans as he tries to stand up; his body faltering and Severide's quickly reaching out to steady him and help him back onto the bed in a seated position.

"Hey just rest okay. He won't get that chance."

"I won't agree willingly," Casey assures Severide as he tries once more to get up and then coughs and winces.

"Don't let it be forcibly either. Just stay away from him. Hey rest okay?" Severide gently pushes him back down.

"My stomach…in the fridge is some club soda…"

"Okay. Be right back."

Severide reaches the top of the stairs and pauses to look back, frowning as he watches Casey lean forward and hang his head in his hands. His mind flashes back to a much younger Matt Casey, being cornered by Ben/Grant and not having a fighting chance or anyone in his corner to back him. _Damn…not fair…none of that's fair! _His mind growls in anger.

Confessing everything to Severide had mixed blessings; like a decade old burden had been lifted from his shoulders, allowing his mind to know that Ben would now have at least two people looking at him sideways. But unleashing all that also has its downfall and within seconds, he's back in the burn house…his limbs pulling uselessly at the ropes holding him captive, his lungs desperately trying to be heard and Will's face asking why didn't he say something sooner.

"Oh no…" Casey grumbles as he darts to the bathroom and throws up; nothing much coming out but watery bile. "Damn you Ben," he curses as he slides to the floor, resting his flushed face on the cool tiles, closing his eyes and praying that Chief Boden comes back early.

_'Father I put my application into one of the stations beside Uncle Dave's and have been accepted.'_

_'You want to leave Chicago? You know I can get…'_

_'I know…I just want to do this…on my own.'_

_'You'll have my blessing Matt but you know but Uncle Dave and I….well we aren't the same. Just remember that. He's never home. Never around. Could get kinda lonely.'_

_'I'll be okay.'_

"Should…have listened dad," Casey whispers in misery as he looks absently at the wooden cupboard before him, his mind drifting back once again.

_'You did good on your first day here Matthew. Now despite what the guys might say, I really am a big softie.'_

_'Thank you Sir. I really want to prove myself and will do anything to make this job work.'_

_'Anything huh. Well I'm sure I can work with that attitude young man. You call me Grant. How are things at home?'_

_'Fine…good.'_

_'You live with your uncle right? Too bad he works all the time.'_

_'How did…'_

_'Doesn't matter how I know. But just so you know I'm here for you okay? You want anything at all you come and ask and I'll help you and in return…you can help me from time to time. We'll help each other.'_

_'What do you need from me?'_

"Matt…"

_'Can I call you Matthew? Everyone else calls you Matt…makes me special.'_

"Matt…"

_'Sure…'_

"Matt!"

Casey's brain finally acknowledges Severide's voice and lifts his eyes to the left and frowns. "Maybe…I shouldn't have said…so much."

"Come on," Severide helps him up with his uninjured arm; gently depositing Casey's weary frame onto the closet toilet seat and getting him a class of cold water.

"I'm stronger now."

"Are you worried I'll think less…or that anyone would?"

"I trusted him…"

"At first only and then you stood on your own."

"And got my ass kicked for it," Casey grumbles.

"Rinse."

"Even when I went back home…my father…I wanted to tell him but couldn't."

"You know he would have had your back."

"I know. But I figured it was over and…and I never said anything," Casey sighs in sorrow as he pictures his father's gravestone in his mind's eye. "I lasted a few months at home and then met Boden one day on a call near the house, gave him my resume and started the next day. Found a small apartment and…"

"And here we are."

"Yeah," Casey huffs as he reaches for the can of club soda, taking a hearty gulp but then quickly spitting it back up into the sink. "Did you hear the message…down stairs?"

"I did."

"He'll push it back as a joke if I say…"

"Boden would never back a jerk like that," Severide insists as Casey slowly stands up and pushes past. "You know that right? He's not that kind of guy. He has morals and…"

"I know, but he's not here. Have you heard from him?" Casey wonders as he heads for the entrance to his bedroom.

"No…where are you going?"

"Kitchen."

"Down the stairs?"

"I can walk you know," Casey quips as Severide just shakes his head and follows.

"And Shay calls me stubborn."

"That's all she says?"

"Pain in the ass which is what you are being right now if you don't just go and rest."

"I need…a drink…food…a punching bag," Casey groans as he leans back on the door and looks at Severide square. "I want to believe that maybe he's just here to be an ass and nothing more but…"

"But he kinda took your faith outta him today by letting you suffer?" Severide concludes as Casey nods. "Want pizza?"

"J-ello?" Casey retorts with a soft smirk.

"I can't make J-ello."

"You just add water."

"I can order pizza or make…your fridge is pretty empty."

"I know. I was going to get groceries today but will get them tomorrow. I have twenty bucks…"

"I got this."

"Did you see Ben when you went back to the house?" Casey asks as he slowly wanders back to his bed and literally collapses on top.

"I never went inside. Figured I'd save myself the headache. We'll both face him tomorrow."

"No matter what he says…"

"Trust me…he's not someone I would want watching my back either. But you gotta watch yours."

"I will."

Severide gives him a nod and then heads downstairs to call for their simple supper; his mind now wondering about all the stuff Casey _didn't_ tell him. He feels his anger swell as he hears Casey saying no…and Ben laughing as he…"damn bastard," Severide curses as his fists ball; his mind seeing Casey in the ER with a dislocated shoulder in a sling thanks to his own boss and then facing an uncle that didn't care about throwing him back to the wolf without so much as batting an eye.

Casey slowly opens his dresser drawer and pulls out a rather tattered picture; one of him and Ben/Grant taken on his first day, the word candidate prominently displayed on his shirt and Ben's arm around his shoulders.

"You won't beat me this time…not this time," Casey vows firmly as he looks at the doorway, feeling guilty that Severide had to hear all that and might now get caught in the middle. _No…it's good he knows…good to warn him…have a strong ally in your corner._

About twenty minutes later, the pizza arrives; Severide having ordered from the nearest place around the corner. He pays for the pizza; gathers a few paper plates and napkins and heads back upstairs; wondering how hungry Casey would be after all that.

He enters the quiet bedroom and frowns as he sees Casey curled on his side asleep. But as he nears the bed he notices the photograph still tucked into his grasp and leans in a bit closer to see. He narrows his gaze at Ben's smiling face and for a split second considers leaving Casey to sleep and going to pay Ben a visit. _Careful…you do that and Casey could really pay the price and you'd be to blame. _Knowing his reasoning is probably right; he slumps down onto the floor in the entranceway and opens the pizza box.

"He tries anything…" his voice dies out as Casey mumbles angrily in his light sleep; the small voice in the back of his head desperatly pleading with him to tell Casey his story before it was used against him and Ben got the upper hand.

Tomorrow would be interesting – for them all.

* * *

**A/N:** okay so confession over *phew* I hope that was an angsty/interesting confession and you all liked this made up backstory. I wanted to of course toss in as much angst as I could hehe and hope that's okay. So….think Ben is there just to be a jerk and nothing more? What do you think the next day will hold and what other dangers are lurking for our boys? Lots a head if you want it so please do review before you go and thanks so much!

**PS:** I hope you also all liked my little Casey peril/whump Severide/concern/comfort eppy OS called 'Rescue the Fallen' that was put up last week. Not sure if you all are liking them but I hope so


	7. Loyalty for Sale?

**Title: Hidden Agenda  
****Chapter 7 – Loyalty for Sale?**

**A/N:** sorry if any found the last chappy slow at all but I wanted to add a bit more to the backstory and confession than just a few paragraphs. But am ramping up the tension and danger as we move forward so hope you all stick with me and thanks!

* * *

Casey awakes a few hours later; the pounding in his head finally subsided, his lungs finally feeling a bit of natural moisture as he takes a deep breath and casts his weary glance at the picture still clutched tightly in his right hand. He quickly lets go of the photo, rolls onto his other side and looks at the clock; frowning at the time as he starts to remember the events of the night.

_Confessing to Kelly…throwing up…pizza…supper…passing out…supper…_

"Damn…missed supper," he groans as he slowly sits up, not wanting to have blood rush too fast to his head and force him back down. With a small grumble in his stomach he listens to the silence and correctly surmises that Severide has gone home. As he pushes himself off the bed and slowly wanders toward the top of the small staircase, he can't help but ponder what his first interaction with Ben would be like the following day.

_Wonder if he's changed his name more than once since he left Detroit? And if he's left a trail of tormented souls in his wake._

The statement that Severide had tossed out indeed did have merit. What if he had left a tormented wake of destroyed souls in his vengeful quest? Had he destroyed anyone else as he had Will? Was Mills next? Or was it merely a rouse to get him to challenge his boss in front of his team and come out the loser? Was he the ultimate target? The one that defied him and lived to tell?

"You'll never beat me this time," Casey vows as he checks the front door to make sure it's locked and then heads into the kitchen. His lips offer a small smirk as he reads Severide's note and then looks at the pizza box with the packet of J-ello top of it, resting on the table. He heads for the fridge and pulls out a small can of club soda; opens it and slowly sips the fuzzy liquid that instantly calms the agitation in his tight stomach.

He slumps into the nearest chair and opens the pizza box, absently picking at the nearest slice and listening to the silence around him. He takes another sip of the cool liquid; his eyes picturing his father's image before him as the glass lowers.

_'Matthew…'_

_'Dad…can you call me Matt from now on.'_

_'Sure. Everything okay? Boden treating you fairly?'_

_'He's a great chief. A lot better than…yes better.'_

_'You never said much about your few years in Detroit.'_

_'Uncle Dave ever say anything?'_

_'Not much. Just that you hit a few rough patches but that's it. Wanna talk about it?'_

_'Really…it was nothing…nothing…'_

He remembers his own facial expression looking back at his father and feeling his mind and heart racing at the same time. "I wish I had told you…everything," he offers in a soft lament as he leans back in the chair and closes his eyes slightly. He finishes one slice of the cold pizza and the rest of the carbonated drink; the clear fizzies actually making his stomach feel a bit better. Casey looks at the clock and huffs as he slowly stands up, flips off the kitchen light and then heads back upstairs; his body begging him to get some solid rest and face the next day with some inner strength. But as much as he tells himself that he'll be ready to face Ben head on and come out stronger for it; a small pang of inner fear accompanies him as he turns off the final light and bathes himself in darkness.

XXXXXXXX

Still feeling inner agitation inside from Casey's tormented confession the night before, Severide arrives early at Fire House 51 and narrows his gaze as he watches Ben give Mills a hearty slap on the back, Hermann right beside them; the three of them laughing at something Ben obviously told them.

_'Never say never…he turned them all against me…one by one…it was me against them…against my team…alone.'_

"Never happen," Severide grits his teeth as he nears the entrance, walking through one of the large doors and up to two of his team members.

"Morning…seems like I missed the joke here," Severide comments as Capp looks up at him with a small smile.

"Our new chief was giving Mills some cooking pointers…"

"If you can call burning water a pointer," Hermann lightly snorts.

"Well thanks for the tip this morning."

"You burnt one of our pans here Mills?" Severide toss. "You know Gabby's gonna be…"

"No the Chief here showed up at the restaurant."

"Peter's got some great skills," Ben boasts as he looks directly at Severide and then past. "Isn't that right _Matthew?_"

"Hey look who survived," Hermann looks at his team leader with a hearty smile.

"Mills is a great asset to the team," Casey states firmly.

"You okay boss?" Hermann asks in concern.

"Course he is," Ben answers for him. "Matthew takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'. Isn't that right?"

"I'm fine."

As soon as he had pulled into the parking lot and spied the group gathered around Ben, tormented memories of a past life instantly flooded him and for a few seconds he remembers trying to plead his useless case before his Lieutenant and realizing that his claims were falling on deaf ears; Ben had alienated him from his team. Would it now be allowed to happen again? _Never…I am in charge now and…never…never happen again…_his mind vowed as he neared the group with gritted teeth. _I'll never let that happen again._

"Glad to see you didn't let yesterday's little tumble set you back Matthew," Ben remarks as he nears Casey; Severide hanging back as the rest of the small group disperses. "I'll be interested to see your report on my desk. In exactly a half hour," he states gruffly.

Knowing it was pointless to argue back on something trivial, Casey gives Ben a nod and moves past, Severide giving Ben a small frown before turning and heading for his team; not wanting to seem too buddy/buddy to Casey in front of Ben and not give away the fact that he knows Casey's secret just in case he had to remain objective.

Popping a few chewable gravol pills to calm the uneasy feelings growing in his stomach and slamming his locker shut, Casey hurries to his office, wanting to get his report done and get on with the day. Just as he starts into his report his phone buzzes and he's quick to read the text from Severide.

_'You okay? You still look pale.'_

_'Just tired. Thanks for the pizza.'_

_'Heads up. B was at Mills restaurant with cooking pointers for breakfast.'_

"Damn," Casey curses as he stows his phone; looking up just as Ben appears in the doorway.

"I hope that curse was in reference to your own actions yesterday."

With an instant surge of angry adrenaline, Casey quickly stands up and looks at Ben with a clenched jaw.

"You wanna go a round or two with me _little boy_? Bring it on, you know I'd enjoy that," Ben instantly taunts. "But maybe you would too?" Ben goads as Casey's jaw clenches even tighter.

"You could have killed a father of three young boys!" Casey glares at him in anger.

"Noted. Next time I'll just leave _you_ there," Ben glares back.

"You can't play with people's lives like that!"

"You argued with me for a whole damn minute…had you no…"

"You saw the weight difference; hell even the worker noted that and that's what my report will show. Teams pull together to make sure…"

"I gave you an order."

"I asked him and he said I could quote him by name. You left us both there…"

"If you can't handle the heat Casey…find a new profession."

"Do you honestly expect my report to Boden to be silent on all this?"

"Funny…you seem to be the only one with the problem. Just like old times," Ben grins as he leans in a bit closer. "You will learn your place."

"Yeah? And what place might that be _Grant_?" Casey challenges back.

"Drop by after the shift and I'll show you, _Matthew," _Ben winks as he turns and leaves; Casey watching as Severide appears a half way down the hallway. He utters a low growl as he slumps back down into his chair and finishes his report.

"Two minutes to spare. I guess punishment is averted," Ben chuckles as Casey drops off his report and then turns to leave. "You can't take a joke now?"

"Is that all?"

"Your team…great bunch of guys. Think they'd do anything for their Lieutenant?"

But Casey refuses to play the game, instead keeps going, getting back to his office and calling Boden's cell number.

_"Casey. Everything okay?"_

"Yes. How's your nephew?"

_"Tired. The chemo takes a lot out of him," Boden's warm friendly voice is heard over the small earpiece. "Everything there okay?"_

Casey looks up and watches with a narrowed gaze as Ben approaches Shay and Dawson, obviously paying them each a compliment and laughing as he continues on and they laugh like it's no big deal.

_"Casey, you okay?" Boden's voice snaps him back to his purpose for the call._

"Yes sir. Your replacement he…he's just not you."

_"Aww you gettin' sentimental on me now?" Boden chuckles. "Hey, I gotta run. Sorry," he utters as Casey hears a small voice calling to him in the background. _

"It's okay, I hope everything works out."

Casey hangs up with Boden and then heads out into the main staff area; looking at his team and being thankful that Ben wasn't around to watch.

"Okay guys…drill time," Casey announces as he looks at Severide and gives him a small nod; being more and more thankful that he has a strong friend in his corner. No way Severide would give in to Ben's twisted crap. He wouldn't right?

Severide looks at Casey's tense frame and knows whatever Ben said to him earlier is taking its toll and can only hope that Casey can keep his cool and not give in to Ben's verbal crap and taunts. He knows it's not fair to be forced to come into work each day to a job you love only to literally loathe the man in charge. He pulls away from his team and heads for the locker room; wanting to take a pill before the first call comes in and not give Ben an excuse to make comments about his arm.

He nears his locker and instantly notices that something isn't right; the lock has been moved to the side, something he would not have done. _Or did I? Am I just being paranoid now? _His mind ponders in anxiety as he starts to slowly turn the dial, his eyes quickly darting upward to see no one is watching and then back down. Severide pulls open the door and glances at the small black bag that houses the pills, his right hand reaching for one and grasping it just as he hears a faint noise and pulls back with a gasp.

"How's the arm?" Ben asks in a low tone; Severide's fingers quickly dropping the pill and slowly retracting.

"Fine."

"Can I see it?"

"What for? I said its fine," Severide turns and holds Ben's gaze. "I don't know your game here but it's not something I want to play."

"Is that a fact?" Ben challenges back.

"Yeah…it is."

Ben's dark eyes slightly narrow as he leans in a bit closer; Severide's posture stiffening as he pulls back.

"You will…I'll make sure of that," he smirks and pulls back just as Hadley enters.

"Morning," the team three rescue member utters firmly.

"Morning. Take care of that arm Kelly. I can't afford to lose a member of _my _team," Ben smirks as he turns and heads out of the room, offering a small good morning to Hadley as he ambles past.

"What did I interrupt?" Hadley asks in haste.

"Nothing," Severide huffs as he turns back to his locker, feeling Hadley's gaze on him and turning back to his team member. "Hey Hadley. Has he…well offered you anything?"

"Like what, money?"

"Yeah money…or time off or…"

"What's going on Kelly?"

"Not sure but just if he does…tell me okay?"

"Money? Like a bribe…"

"Bonus."

"Nothing yet."

"Tell only me if he does."

"Sure thing," Hadley shrugs. "Kelly…what's going on?"

"Just…trust me on this."

Severide goes back to his task as soon as Hadley's back is turned; swallowing the pill, closing his locker and heading back into the main staffing area, watching as Casey finishes the drill with his team; the alarm sounding the exact moment Casey drops the unused oxygen tank.

_"Squad 3…truck 81…ambulance 61…"_

"Let's go boys!" Ben shouts as he slaps Casey on the back. "Let's see how you do today."

Casey quickly pulls on his bottom overalls and boots and hops into the front of the truck, slapping the side through the open window and earning himself a small raised eyebrow from Cruz at the wheel. "Let's go!"

Both trucks pull out of the bays, the ambulance in tow; Casey's eyes watching in the large side mirror as Ben's red truck pulls in beside the ambulance; all of them keeping time with their sirens blaring. As much as he knows he loves the literal heat of the moment and the thick of the action, he hopes this call will be mild compared to the one the day before; in truth his body still tired and somewhat throbbing from the rigors of the day before and wanting nothing more than to find the cot in the back, curl up and just fall asleep.

The trucks come to a halt a few meters from the serious truck accident; a big rig, a city bus and two very compacted cars.

"Let's make sure the tanks don't blow and check what he's hauling if it's flammable, hazardous…" Ben's voice starts to shout orders as both Casey and Severide jump into action; Casey directing his men with the hoses to keep the engines cool as he goes in search of the big rig driver; Severide and his team heading for the vehicles with the most damage.

"He's just hauling vegetable oil," Casey informs Ben as he jogs back, letting Dawson and Shay attend to the wounded driver. Not waiting for an answer from Ben, Casey grabs his axe and hurries toward the other car; working with Hermann and Mouch to clear the other occupants.

"This one's bad," Hermann comments gravely as he looks at Casey with a heavy frown; his fingers still pressed against a squirting puncture wound of the unconscious victim.

"We got him Hermann," another set of medics quickly takes over, allowing the two members of the 81 truck team to pull back and go help Otis and Cruz with keeping the heated engines cool if they weren't turned off already.

"Okay pull!" Severide directs his team just as Casey hurries to help, nearing them and frowning as Severide's right arm pulls back and his lips bite back a painful wince.

"Put some muscle into it Severide!" Ben growls as Casey turns and looks at him with a narrowed gaze, to which Ben merely holds his gaze in return until Casey looks away.

"Damn cut," Severide quickly justifies as Capp steps up and pulls the rest of the busted door free.

"I got it!" Capp offers much to Ben's silent chagrin.

"Okay let's get him out!"

Casey and his team fall back now that all the fires or chance of a spark had been taken care of and allow the rescue team to complete the final rescue before the last set of waiting medics rushes in to take over and then head for the hospital; the other medic teams already there with their patients.

"So the Chief showed up for breakfast at the restaurant today?" Casey asks Mills as he looks over at Ben who was still talking with the city bus driver.

"Yeah. Was kinda nice. Why? You not keen on him or something? Because he likes you."

"He does. What did he say?" Casey asks in shock.

"Just that you're a great team leader; an asset to the team and that he trained you well."

"Trained well…really," Casey's lips mutter as he looks at Ben with a narrowed gaze.

"Well he's right, right?" Mills smiles.

"Don't take this the wrong way but…"

"You know I like the fact that he's making things personal. I know Boden has his own thing and stuff but um…well my father died…"

"He's not your father," Casey leans in closer and utters in a soft but firm tone. "Just be careful."

"Ah you're not giving young Peter here a hard time are ya Matthew?" Ben's large arm rests across Casey's shoulders, clamping down with a bit of pressure.

"Not at all," Casey replies with a tight lipped smile. "Was asking for cooking pointers."

"Is that a fact?" Ben looks at Casey with a less than amused expression. "Well Matthew anytime you want pointers…on _anything_…you just come and tell me."

"Yeah I'll get right on that," Casey retorts in sarcasm as he pulls free as the rest of the team approaches.

"Good work guys. Maybe I'll spring for lunch…pizza's all around?" Ben declares loudly; Severide looking up from his task with a small curse. He locks eyes with Casey and can see the silent fear mounting in his sea blue eyes. Neither of them wanting to make a scene, they both just join in the happy smiles as the two trucks gather their gear and head back; each Lieutenant taking stock of Ben's pattern repeating itself in full force.

"Free lunch…I like this guy," Hermann grins as he slowly pulls into the truck bay; Casey hopping out without saying a word. Not caring about still being clad in his boots and overalls, Casey storms for the backroom; Ben in tow. Severide's truck pulling in a few moments later and him watching just as both disappear through the doorway; Casey a few steps ahead. _Oh damn what's he up to!_

"You're not upset over a little free pizza are you Matthew?" Ben taunts as they near the small gym in the back.

"Stop calling me…Matthew!" Casey's voice angrily booms at he turns on his heel and jabs his finger into Ben's thick chest. But without warning, Ben's large hand quickly grabs Casey's and easily twists it behind his back, slamming him up against the closest wall and keep his struggling frame trapped.

"I'll call you whatever the hell I want!" Ben huffs in anger. "You got me?"

"Damn it let go!"

"I like this. Don't you?"

"I know your damn game!" Casey growls as he tries to pull his right arm free from behind his back.

"And so far you're the _only one_ not playing!" Ben hisses in his ear as he holds his arm in place.

"I'm not the only one!"

"You are! Why is that?"

"You know why you sick bastard! I won't give in you! That's what pisses you off right? Others would but I won't?"

"You did before?"

"Liar! Now let go!"

"Liar really? I'm here to stay! My house…my rules!"

"Like hell…" Casey huffs as Ben leans in closer.

"You really want me as an enemy? You learnt nothing from be…"

"You're nothing but a coward and a bully! That's what I learned!"

"What the…" Severide's shocked voice is heard as he rounds the corner and stares in shock at Casey's struggling frame pinned between the wall and Ben's large body. "What is going on? Let him go. I said…"

"One day soon I won't have any interruptions!" Ben growls as he pulls back and finally releases his hold and then turns to Severide with an angry glare. "You interrupted my fun."

"Not sorry I did."

"Enjoy the pizza boys. I expect you both to be there with your teams."

Severide offers an angry glare as Ben holds his gaze for a few seconds before he slowly strides past; Casey watching as Severide walks toward him.

"You okay?"

"Could really use that punching bag right about now," Casey huffs as he rubs his weary face and then looks away. "He…its starting again. First Mills and then…he's going to friend them all one at a time and…" Casey's voice anxiously rattles off.

"We won't let him…"

"We can't stop him!" Casey hisses in return as he looks back at Severide with an angry glare. "In a few week's time this whole place could be…against me."

"It…won't happen!" Severide insists as he offers Casey a small frown. "What brought that on?"

"Me holding my ground. I hold my ground and I still pay the price for it," Casey replies back. "I'm not giving in."

"You better not."

"I could take a leave."

"What? He wants that. You alone and…away from here. No way."

"I don't need a damn baby sitter and I refuse to live in fear of him."

"You know running away isn't the answer either."

"I don't want the team in the way."

"These guys are a lot stronger than…" Severide's starts only to have his words instantly halted by Otis loudly declaring the pizza had arrived and Mouch wanting to break into a course of 'for he's a jolly good chief'.

"Yeah? Well they are human too!" Casey huffs as he turns and heads for his office, letting the door slam behind him in anger. "It's already started."

* * *

**A/N:** Okay so I must apologize I am not that great with the whole technical aspect of their job but like to get some tense rescues in so I hope they add to the angst/tension of the story and aren't lame! So is history going to repeat itself with Ben and Matt? Will Ben slowly turn the team against our two boys? Will Ben turn our boys against each other? And what danger lies ahead? Hope you are all still liking it and please do review before you go and thanks so much!


	8. Divide and Conquer?

**Title: Hidden Agenda  
****Chapter 8 – Divide and Conquer?**

* * *

Severide heads back into the kitchen area and settles in with the rest of his team, feeling Ben's glaring gaze boring into his back but remains fixed in place, grabs a slice of the free pizza and talks casually to his men. A few moments later he watches Casey appear and slump down into the empty spot between Mills and Hermann, locks eyes with him for a few seconds and hopes that Ben's shenanigans are done for the rest of the day.

Casey looks up at Ben and watches him laughing with Hadley and Vargas and feels his jaw tighten a bit further on his current bite and then looks away. But he quickly looks back when someone asks how Boden is doing and finally feels himself inwardly grin over Ben's obvious discomfort at their beloved commander and chief who is still away on family business but obviously missed.

"Casey?"

"Spoke to him," Casey offers Ben a rather defiant glare before he looks over at Hermann who had asked the question, "and his nephew is tired from the treatments but on track and everything seems to be fine. He should be back before we know it. Which I know we are all looking forward to," he ends on a more upbeat tone. Casey continues to relish in Ben's emotional torment but knows that Ben wouldn't take it kindly and so bites back his enthusiasm at Boden's hoped for return.

"Alright boys…drill time. Casey get your team in gear and get up to the fire House," Ben announces loudly as he closes the empty pizza box lid and looks directly at Casey.

"Now?"

"My call," Ben counters Casey's question.

"You heard him team."

"I just ate…what if I get a stomach hernia?"

"You haven't before," Hermann ribs Mouch as they slowly stand up; Casey looking over at Severide with a small hint of panic in his eyes.

"Maybe they should just re…" Severide starts as he stands up and looks at Ben.

"Well…when the rescue team is needed we'll call. Right now I want to give the candidate some real world situations," Ben slaps Mills on the back and then looks at Casey. "Maybe a few _lessons_ for everyone on the team."

_Damn it! _Severide's mind curses as he watches Casey's team slowly head for their gear; get fully dressed and then head out for the burn house, Ben lingering behind a few feet; turning and heading for Severide and looking at him face to face.

"Lieutenant Severide do you really want to question me again in front of your men?"

"Just make sure they all come out together."

"Oh don't worry," Ben winks as he turns to leave, "I'll take good care of all of them."

_Am sure you will you sick bastard, _Severide's mind growls as he turns and heads back to the table, slumping down and looking at slice of half eaten pizza on his plate before pushing it away and then looking up to see Shay watching him in wonder.

"Nothing."

"Not nothing," Shay moves in a bit closer so that only Severide can hear her. "What is going on?"

"I don't trust…nothing," Severide repeats as he looks over to see Ben moving closer to Casey and narrowing his gaze.

"No need to look nervous Matthew," Ben states as he catches up to Casey, keeping in step with him.

"Just make sure you treat all members of my team fairly."

"Oh trust me I'll make them all feel special."

Just before they enter, Casey grabs Ben's arm and stops them from entering; Severide watching the tense personal interchange from a distance.

"I spoke to Boden today and he is coming back. This job…is temporary. If you think you can come in here and start thinking on a permanent basis you have another thought coming."

"You know Matthew I'm so happy you are so fond of your chief…would be a real shame if his return was…"

"Was what?" Casey leans in and narrows his gaze.

"Delayed…for whatever reason."

"What?"

"You heard me. I mean any number of unfortunate things could happen…in the middle of the night."

"Are you threa…"

"Learn your place Matthew and things will all work out…for the best."

"Listen to me…"

"That's usually my line," Ben smirks. "You up for a little…role reversal then?" His tone is light before it turns serious. "He's not back yet."

"Soon enough."

"Okay…let's go light er up," Ben slaps Casey on the back before he pulls away before Casey can reply to his petty threat, feeling his insides starting to tighten and wondering how he could keep his mind focused on the task at hand.

"Alright everyone…Mills with me, we'll start off…"

"I'm his Lieu…" Casey starts only to have Ben look at him with arched brows; daring him to continue.

"Casey…I'm wearing the Chief's hat today. Okay two teams…hose advance and search. For that I want…"

"You okay? You seem on edge today," Hermann comments as he catches up with Casey as they prepare to lead the clear and search before the hose team can advance.

"I'm fine," Casey replies in haste, making Hermann look at him wonder.

"Girl troubles?" Hermann lightly quips.

"I want the chief back…our chief."

"You don't like Ben? He's a bit gruff but seems like an okay guy."

"Just watch your back around him. He's not who you think," Casey whispers in a low tone as Ben appears a few meters away.

"Meaning?"

"Talk later."

"You two ready?" Ben asks in firmly.

"Yes," both Casey and Hermann nod as they put on their SCBA (self-contained breathing apparatus) packs and prepare to enter.

"Wait for my go and then advance," Casey calls out. "Okay Cruz…"

XXXXXXXX

Severide watches as flames slowly appear before two of the burn building's windows and turns and heads for the locker room, Shay in tow.

"What is going on with you two?"

"Who?"

"You and Matt and the new chief."

"That's three."

"Didn't know you were into to those," she tosses back with a deadpanned expression.

"You see it? How come no one else does?"

"Women's intuition," Shay lightly counters. "What is it?"

"He's just being a jerk to Matt and I know if I make a bigger deal than I have…"

"Things could get worse?"

"Just whatever he does…"

"Kelly, what is it?"

"Look no matter what he says about…Matt or me…"

"You? Does he know about…."

"No…he doesn't," Severide replies with a strained expression. "I saw my…no…just watch him. He's…"

"Trust me his advances won't work," Shay smirks. "Not my type remember."

"Yeah well you're not his either but still be careful," Severide retorts, making her look at him in surprise.

"Ah so the little advances toward Matt…make sense."

"So you've seen how he acts," Severide hugs.

"Figured he was just…"

"An ass?"

"That too," she replies with a small nod. "So he has a thing for…"

"Just watch it around him okay? He's got a double tongue."

"He says the wrong thing and you know I'll put him in his place."

"I know," Severide smiles as he watches her leave. He turns back to his locker and studies the lock and then frowns. _Has someone tampered with it? _With fresh paranoia now starting to fill his mind, he takes advantage of the fact that Ben is distracted, tells his team he has to take care of something and quickly slips out to the hardware store to buy himself a new lock.

But upon returning about an hour later he notices Casey's team slowly filing out of the burn building; but no Ben and no Casey to be found. "Damn it!" Severide growls as he heads toward the team. "Where's Matt?"

"Ben wanted a few words."

"What happened?"

"Difference of opinion," Mouch offers with a small shrug as he wanders past; Severide looking from him to Hermann for an explanation.

"On what?"

"Ask him when he comes out."

"Like hell," Severide mumbles under his breath as he races for the entrance and carefully enters the humid building; Hermann watching in wonder. The flames might have been abated but the moist heat was still intense and he knows if Casey's in full gear and worked up then…_I was in full gear…sick…couldn't breathe…move….passed out…woke up out of gear…_damn this sick bastard, Severide huffs as he strains to hear the voices and then carefully moves toward them.

"Your problem is you haven't fully embraced the truth yet Matthew!" Ben talks loud to Casey; neither of them aware of the audience they now have listening in the shadows.

"I know the truth…you killed Will! I won't let you destroy this team as you did the one in Detroit and wherever else you were before this!"

"Will was a liar and you know that. You know he had that run in with the cops that…"

"That cop was your friend!" Casey hisses back. "I saw you push him and I have lived with that guilt…" is all Casey manages before Severide hears a grunt followed by a small scuffle.

"Lived with it? As I recall you went to some pathetic sympathizer."

"He listened to the truth which is more than I can say about you! You don't…scare me…"

"Oh I know I do," Ben snickers as Severide takes a step closer; his form still carefully concealed. "Now you listen and…"

"Get…back!"

"You used to come seeking this attention...does your buddy Kelly know about y…"

"I did not. Your baseless lies will never…I said get back…"

"No one here but us Matthew. How about I show you how you can earn a few extra brownie points with your boss."

"No thanks."

"Oh this time…I'm not asking."

_Oh damn! _Severide inwardly gasps as he pulls his phone and texts Shay. _'Don't ask why but have Matt paged so that it's heard in the burn house. Right now.'_

Severide inches closer in the dimly lit surroundings, thankful that he knows every inch of the training building in the dark or else give himself away before he is needed. He peers around the corner and feels his fists tighten as he watches Casey backed up against the corner; Ben's large frame in front with the large axe firmly held in front of Casey impeding his escape. But despite that, Casey is holding is ground and not giving in. Still he can only pray that Shay hurries.

"You think you can just come in here and push your weight around and…"

"Better get with the program Matthew…"

"Or what? I'm not afraid to go to the police! And whatever you thought about Will, I won't face you with a phony bluff."

"Take a look at this," Ben leans in closer; Severide watching as he holds up his phone to Casey's face. "You think you have only yourself to consider?" Ben sneers as he presses a button on his phone. "Think again. You play by my rules and we all win."

"Like hell."

"Now now Matthew."

"I want you gone."

"You're only one man."

"Kelly wants you gone."

"Does he now?"

"We both hold the rank of Lieu…"

"You can't…"

_"Casey…visitor for you at the front desk."_

_Thank you Shay, _Severide's mind whispers in relief as he watches Ben shove his phone back into his jacket and then pull back.

"This isn't over Matthew."

"Yes it is," Casey glares at Ben before he pushes past and hurries toward the burn building exit and then out into the early evening night air. Severide remains hidden, listening as Ben curses Casey's name as he too heads for the exit. But just as Severide exits, his phone rings and he quickly turns to the right, Ben turning to see Severide exit and narrow his gaze at the meddling Lieutenant. _You ruined my fun for the second time Severide…now you'll pay the price and be forced to play by my rules. Matthew will now suffer because of you._

"Shay?"

"Yeah was some delivery guy but he um…he said he'd come back," Shay shrugs as Ben heads toward them. "But you did have a message from Antonio. Just a few seconds ago."

"Thanks," Casey takes the note and pulls away just as Ben reaches them.

"Good news I hope?"

"Something about a new shipment of gear being delayed," Shay replies with a shrug. "Not my problem," she concludes as she pulls away and heads back to Dawson, sitting down beside her partner and not giving Ben another moment of her time.

"Antonio? What did you find?"

_"This guy…Ben…he's got a few skeletons I think he'd want buried."_

Casey looks up to see Ben slowly walking down the hall toward his office and knows he can't take the chance of talking over the phone in case Ben hears; not wanting to enrage him further.

"Can we meet and talk in person?"

_"I was just heading out to a stakeout. Can it wait one more day?"_

"Sure," Casey resigns in small defeat. But knowing he'd rather a detailed explanation in person than over the phone, he makes arrangements to meet with Antonio the following night after shift and hopefully get something on Ben to send him packing one and for all.

"How'd it go?" Severide asks Casey as he appears in the doorway to his office.

"It went," Casey grumbles.

"I can see that. What happened?"

"I want him gone…tomorrow," Casey states as he stands up and pushes past Severide, heading for the locker rooms.

"What the hell happened in there?" Severide presses again.

"He came here for revenge…that's why he took this assignment," Casey admits as he takes a step back. "He cornered me in the burn house and told me…revenge, pure and simple. I get out of line then…"

"Out of line? I say we both go to…"

"Best you just keep out of this…he already knows that you…"

"Look I'm not afraid of this jerk. I grew up around guys like that…I know how to…"

"Just…stay out okay?"

"No way. He wants me to back off? Did he threaten me or use me against you t…"

"Just…stay away from him. Kelly he's capable of killing."

"He's capable of more. Did you…" Severide pauses and then leans in closer. "Did you tell me everything he did?"

"Just stay away from him!" Casey lightly snaps his warning as he finally pushes past and heads for the back exit doors and escapes into the cool night air, wanting to just get home and pray that Antonio had found enough for him to confront Ben with the next day and send him packing for good.

Severide's palm slams into the wall as his lips utter an angry growl, just as Ben appears at the end of the hallway. He looks up and sees Ben watching and angrily marches toward him; Ben watching him near with an amused smile.

"What the hell is your game? You think you are picking on some spineless…"

"I know who I am _picking_ on," Ben interrupts. "Do you know who you're challenging?"

"Yeah…a coward," Severide hisses before he turns and heads back into the common area; giving Shay a small frustrated glance as he continues past.

"You know soon enough who you're dealing with," Ben growls as he smacks one large fist into the palm of the other and then turns and heads back to his office; pressing the 'hold' button once more. "Sorry to keep you waiting Chief Boden…was an urgent call."

_"So…how are my boys treating you?"_

"Actually what can you tell me about the dynamic between Casey and Severide?" Ben asks with an unseen sneer as his eyes narrow at a picture of the two of them side by side on the chief's desk. _Time to break up this team for good._

XXXXXXXX

Casey reaches home and slams the door shut, glaring at the phone and the blinking message button and pressing down with an angry finger.

_'Matthew…' _is all his anger will allow him before he presses the delete key and then takes the phone off the hook; knowing that if Severide wanted to call he could use his cell number, a number he knows Ben doesn't have – at least not yet.

He pulls open the fridge and looks at the small pizza box, his mind instantly whisking him back to right after their exercise in the burn building had concluded.

_'Great work everyone…zero fatalities and that bad boy was put out in record time. Matthew…young Peter here has great instincts. With a little personal fine tuning am sure he can…'_

_'We'll work him more Chief, thanks,' Casey had instantly interrupted. _

_'I'd like to go over a few other things though Matthew. Please remain behind.'_

_'We can talk in your office sir.'_

_'You don't like this place?' Ben goaded. 'Not afraid of a few shadows are you now?'_

_'I'm not afraid of you.'_

_'Me?' Ben laughed. 'You never have to be afraid of me.'_

_'My team…'_

_'This is about them so sorry they aren't invited but am sure they'll understand. Right boys?'_

_'We'll um…wait outside,' Cruz had suggested, not knowing the real reason behind Ben's motives for keeping Casey behind._

_'Matthew…a minute please. I won't ask again.'_

_'We'll talk inside,' Casey replied firmly as he looked at Ben in anger._

_And as soon as the rest of the team had their back turned; Ben had pulled his axe and pointed the sharp end at Casey's mid-section._

_'A word please…don't make me use it.'_

"A word! You wanted more than a word you bastard!" Casey shouts as he remembers Ben leaning in closer, the axe and his heavy equipment keeping him trapped. He feels Ben's hot breath on the side of his face, hears the sickening low taunt and suddenly he pulls back to reality; looks down at the glass in his hand and yells in anger before he hurls the half-filled glass at the wall, not caring about the shards of glass and clear liquid that spray all over the wall before crashing to the floor.

He glares at the mess he's made and then storms out of the kitchen, grabbing his truck keys and heading toward his truck and getting inside, slamming the door in anger but not turning the engine on. _You driving this angry will cause an accident…you'll be to blame…don't do this…don't let him win._

"Right…" Casey huffs as he knows his reasoning is sound. He pulls his hand back from the starter, leaving the key where it is and just remaining in place until he feels the cold starting to get to him and finally pulls himself out of the truck and heads back inside; locking the door and then slowly making his way back toward the kitchen to clean up the mess he had made earlier.

He hadn't meant to snap at Kelly like that but Ben's ability to make him walk the fine line between anger and calm thinking could be described as skilled at best. _ I have to just keep my distance…not engage him…not give him what he wants…_

Casey's weary frame slumps down into the nearest chair; his frustrated blue eyes fixed on the window and looking mournfully into the inky night sky wondering…hoping that tomorrow could be Ben's last day with them. With Ben gone they could put in for a new replacement…a better one and then not worry until Boden returns.

"Anyone would be better," Casey mutters to himself as he closes his eyes to rest; letting the darkness wash him away into a realm of distorted nightmares and very little physical rest.

XXXXXXXX

"Thanks you're a lifesaver," Severide smiles as he heads into the Fire House early the following morning, wanting to take anything out of his locker that might be used against him or Casey in the event that someone had been tampering with it. _ I wouldn't put it past him, _Severide grumbles as he spies Ben's car close to the back entrance and frowns.

"Hey Robbie," Severide asks the Fire House 51 custodian as he nears him.

"Morning Lieutenant Severide."

"Hey have you seen the chief around here?"

"I think I saw him heading toward the gym about fifteen minutes ago."

"Thanks," Severide pats Robbie on the back and hurries toward the locker room; rounding the corner but stopping short with a small gasp.

"Well well well…" Ben pauses as he holds up the small packet of pills, "looks like we might have a little secret after all Lieutenant Severide. Does Matthew know about this?" Ben taunts with a fierce gaze.

* * *

**A/N:** Well you knew Severide's luck had to run out sometime right? *eeks* so how will Ben now use that against him and Casey? What has Antonio found? And what evil plan is Ben now putting into place? Hope you are all still with me and please do review before you go and thanks so much!

**PS:** Hope everyone has a happy and safe ending to 2012 and we'll see you all in 2013 with more team sexy adventures on the way!


	9. Choosing the Wrong Side

**Title: Hidden Agenda  
****Chapter 9 – Choosing the Wrong Side**

**A/N:** Oh man I am so sorry I haven't updated this sooner – blame RL! Okay am really upping the tension and hope you all like this. Look out TeamSexy hehe (our boys are def that are they not?)

* * *

"Answer me!" Ben demands.

"Look whatever you thin…"

"Just don't!" Ben shouts as he takes a step toward Severide, his thick fist tightening around the small packet of pills; crushing some in its angry wake. "You can't lie your way out of this one."

"You broke into my locker without just cause? How are you going to get out of that one?" Severide argues back as he holds his ground; his facial expression firm but his heart racing that somehow his actions will end up costing Casey a lot more than a verbal tongue lashing or sickening taunt. _If he hurts Matt because of me…_

"Your locker was open. Check for yourself. There was no breaking."

"Snooping is…"

"Who you gonna tell Kelly?" Ben taunts as he moves in closer still.

"How do you even know those are mine?"

"Maybe because you and I have a mutual friend," Ben pulls out his phone and shows Severide a text, forcing Severide's teeth to grit and his eyes narrow. "You're not the only one with friends in low places. So now, about _our_ little secret."

"There is no our, you sick bastard. You have nothing. This…this is nothing."

"I have you asking for and receiving a substance that shouldn't be taken in your line of work without a prescription. Unless of course you can produce that right now or give me the name of your doctor for me to verify?"

"Lis…"

"And since we both know this mutual friend isn't a doctor…this," Ben snickers as he holds up the little white pills, "would be considered illegal for you to use. Grounds for termination in my books and trust me I like my books better than yours."

"You have nothing. I can just go to Bod…"

Then without warning and without waiting for Severide to finish, Ben lungs forward, his hand wrapping around Severide's neck as pushes him up against the lockers, glaring at him in anger.

"You listen and you listen good…there is an _our_ now. I'm taking it no one knows…even dear Matthew…"

"He…kno…ws…" Severide stammers his lie as Ben waits a few seconds longer and then finally pulls back and allows him a full breath of air.

"Maybe I'll ask him and see what he has to say. I know him _intimately_," Ben sneers, making Severide's stomach twist instantly. "I know when he's lying. Do you? What do you think he'll say about your friendship then?" Ben taunts. "Think he'll be happy you've been lying to him?"

"He won't believe you."

"Oh I think he might. Unless…"

"Unless what?"

"Unless this stays between us and dear Matthew goes about his business. And you yours."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning you stay out of my affairs with…"

"Like hell! You can't use me to…."

"I can and I most certainly will."

"Leave him alone!"

"Oh I can't do that and I certainly don't take orders from you. You need to learn your place."

"I know my place, it's between you and Matt. Trust me I'm not some two bit rookie that will just give in because you tell me to. I know about you and I won't let yo…."

"Big mistake!" Ben shouts; his raised voice finally drawing the attention of one of Severide's team outside. "I'm here to stay and there is _nothing_ you can do about it. Trust me you don't want to cross me."

"You're here for revenge and I won't allow it! Matt's suffered enough at your filthy hands!"

"Oh you don't know what suffering means! You make a move against me and he pays the price. You try to interfere again and you'll be fired so fast you won't have time to BLINK!" Ben finishes with a shout as he shoves the pills back at Severide; Severide's hands quickly clutching them before they could fall to the floor. "You tell anyone…and Matthew pays the price. Am I making myself clear?"

"You can't use me to…"

"AM I!"

"Everything okay in here?" Hadley inquires as he rounds the corner and looks at the tense showdown.

"Everything is perfect. Kelly just needed a bit of reminding about the rules…_my_ rules," Ben firmly nods as he pulls back. "See you boys at breakfast."

"What the hell was that all about?" Hadley wonders as he nears Severide as Severide gently rubs his neck; his hand quickly shoving the pills into his pants pocket. "Kelly? What's going on? Has it something more to do with what you told me earlier?"

"Yeah…" Severide huffs as he pulls away, his mind racing as he pulls his phone and tries Casey's cell number. "Come on Matt…pick up."

"If he's on about something we need to know. You going into a situation without a cool head isn't good for any of us and you know that."

Severide turns to his friend and fellow rescue squad member and knows he has to tell him something. But also wanting to keep Matt's privacy in tact he now struggles with what all to tell. "He's dangerous. He has a personal grudge against Casey and I don't like it and called him on it."

"What about?"

"Hadley just…it's personal okay?"

"Well when lives are on the line maybe some things shouldn't be personal," Hadley presses back; Severide feeling his own guilt starting to flare about not even telling his own Chief or team members about his personal battle.

"I know. But it's not mine to tell, it's Matt's. We just need…look no matter what that guy says or does that seems off base, don't fall for it."

"Like what?"

"Like if he says something about me or…I don't know but he's dangerous."

"Dangerous?"

"Just keep an eye on the team."

"Which one?"

"Both. I need to make a call," Severide pulls back and heads outside down the hallway toward his small Lieutenant's office; wondering where Casey was and if he was okay. "Come on Matt…pick up."

XXXXXXXX

"Thanks for meeting me this early. How'd the stake out go?"

"Kinda routine," Antonio replies as he shuffles into the bench opposite Casey; Casey opting for the last booth at the back of the quiet diner. "I've been up all night and yet you look as tired as I feel."

"Rough night. What did you find?" Casey gets right to the point.

"You sure you want to know?"

"That bad," Casey states more than questions as Antonio nods in confirmation.

"Yeah that bad. This guy Ben McCrea…wow he's a nasty piece of work. But most of the stuff I've found was in a sealed file."

"What does that mean?" Casey asks in haste.

"It means he has a friend on the inside that is able to lock the file so that when a routine employment or police search comes up nothing is found. I had to dig deeper to find the classified file."

"Do I dare ask what you found?"

"When Ben McCrea applied for his first post with fire house 36 just before this one, he used the name Duncan Waters. Anyone other than the insider checking would see that Duncan Waters has a nice clean but fake employment file; no need to dig further. However, a side alias to that was listed and Duncan Webster could be found by someone in the know; someone with a motive to dig deeper. And when they find him they'd see that Duncan Webster has a report of abuse against his name not to mention a few other things. And the..."

"I don't get it. How is…wait who is Duncan Webster and what…" Casey stammers in confusion.

"Hold on and let me finish. Each time Ben leaves a house he gives a name as a reference, the names have all been different but the insiders contact number's have always been the same. One number…belongs to a guy in the employment bureau; the other his brother who is a cop; the insider keeping these records. The two of them help Ben with…covering over whatever he needs and making sure he gets what he wants; I'm still working on the connection to Ben. The same is true, if a complaint is made; the same guy, the cop brother, always checks up on it. So either way…clean employment record and clean police record because the same two guys have been lying for a few decades."

"And this has all been documented? In privacy?"

"No honor among bastards," Antonio deadpans.

"But how does the cop move around from place to place as well?"

"He doesn't. He's always been based out of here in Chicago and his brother in Detroit, they just change the files whenever whey they have to."

"That…that's not possible…Antonio you're saying…"

"Yeah…and one name was only the tip of the blackened iceberg. You first knew him as Grant Newsome. But I also found out that since then he's been William Porter, Scott Land, Ryan Peters, Duncan Waters and now…Ben McCrea."

"I can't believe this…" Casey's mind trails off into misery as he looks away and shakes his head.

"Oh and the kicker?" Antonio starts dryly. "Each name of first name of the next alias he's used was the first name of his last victim. Really sick bastard here."

"So if he left here, he'd be…" Casey looks up in dread.

"Matthew…whatever."

"Does it say what he's…what's on the file? What charges are documented?"

"A lot. Assault, abuse both physical and sexual; harassment, both physical and sexual and even a few codes for attempted and first degree murder. The person documenting all these has locked it to only himself."

"And yet you found all that."

"Hey I have a few special friends as well," Antonio smirks before his face turns serious again. "Don't ask because I can't tell."

"Okay. And those other names…"

"All taken from guys who were listed as first year candidates."

"Just like I was," Casey's growls in anger.

"Matt I don't want to ask but…"

"Does it say what happened to the others?" Casey interjects in haste. "You said…_victims_?"

"William Davis – deceased. Scott Masters – deceased. Ryan West – deceased. See the pattern."

"No…they can't all be…dead."

"They are; that's why no one has come forward before. All in different ways but all associated with fires. William was the first. He was assaulted and then killed. I even found a few pictures to prove…what he did when William was alive. The same with the others. Casey did he…"

"I'm still alive; that's the only difference," Casey confesses bitterly as Antonio curses under his breath.

"I'm really sorry."

"Did you find anything…on me?"

"Just your name in a few places but nothing…"

"Any um…pictures?"

"Just one. It's nothing graphic but…"

"I don't…I don't want to know," Casey mentions in haste; his stomach about to throw up. "And now he's back to even the score, right? So his attention to Mills is…"

"Could be legit or could be a rouse to get you to take his place. Who knows this guys agenda but it's not good. Not sure why he's so brazed this time. Obviously his reason for taking the post at 51 wasn't what he told the employment board. Ben is doing something else in return to keep himself one step ahead of the firing squad as it were. In order to incur this kind of favor from these two brothers he must be doing something for these two other guys in return to help him this long and to cover up a list of charges this serious."

"And you know them?"

"I know the cop; well I've heard the name. He's the one keeping the files. I'm going to see what else I can find."

"Just…be careful. Ben's playing for keeps."

"He's not after me. You gotta watch your ass. This guy…" Antonio pauses as he looks down at the info on his phone, "is deadly and twisted and smart and obviously well connected. Extremely dangerous with a really deadly hidden agenda. But these two accomplices have just as much to lose as Ben does if this all goes south in some way. They are both accomplices to murder and other charges. Nasty bunch here. Murder, abuse, gambling, drugs…a few other things."

"But he threatened me. Can't I just report him and get him removed at least?"

"That won't stop the problem for good. And the last thing I want is you taking matters into your own hands."

"I can't do nothing," Casey insists.

"The person turning Ben in or making the authorities start to look closer turns them all in and could force the inside cop to get rid of all this before we can move and then we are really stuck. The situation when you were a candidate and other cop just forced them to cover their tracks a bit better but they were never erased. Someone starts to take a serious look at all three without the proper means is going to incur some serious wrath. Now I need to do this the right way to get them all taken down at once so no one tips the hand to the other two. You have to wait a bit longer."

"How is it no one has wised up yet?"

"Each time has been in a different city or state and all the ones who have had the problem…"

"Are all dead before they could go to another cop…an honest one," Casey groans as he leans back in the booth and stares miserably at his cup of coffee and then up with a mournful gaze. "I want him gone…I want this over for good."

"I can trust my Chief. He's the only other one that I'll share all this with. But we have to play it right and see how far this goes and then we can arrest them all at the same time. It won't be much longer, I promise. When is Boden back?"

"His nephew is still doing chemo and I really didn't want to bother him with all this."

"Boden's a great guy but I don't want him mixed up yet. If he returns Ben walks before we get the warrants we could lose this. Have you told anyone about all this?"

"Kelly. I told him…well most of the story. And Hermann has seen how Ben treats me. Shay suspects too. But only Kelly knows the whole story…well most of the um…the private details, and I want to keep it that way."

"Fair enough. Kelly's a good guy to have in your corner. He can't be intimidated."

"But he can be hurt. I won't want my team or my friends…Ben's already threatened Boden if he came back too soon. I can't have that on me."

"I'll try to end this before it goes any further. And he's only said that to you right?"

"Yeah. He always catches me off guard."

"Stay with Kelly for tonight and tomorrow night if needed. Just give me another day at least to try to get enough on my side to get all three warrants at the same time."

"Okay," Casey reluctantly agrees; his body exhaling heavily.

"I'm really sorry," Antonio replies with a concerned tone. "I'm glad you asked me though. If you had just made a general complaint…it would have gone through to the wrong person and..."

"And I'd be dead," Casey huffs as he rubs his face.

"Okay I gotta get back and you don't want to be late. I'll contact you as soon as I can."

"Thanks," Casey offers with a somewhat glum tone, Antonio looking at him with a heavy frown. Casey watches him leave and then leans back in the booth and looks at his phone at the missed call from Severide and curses. This was even worse than he suspected and now he can only pray that Antonio works fast and that this will be over with; only one more sleepless night. _Killed them all…I got away…he used their first names….now he's back to finish the job…assault…murder…cover up._

"Damn bastard acts like its nothing," Casey's balled fist comes down hard on table, making a patron a few booths up look back in wonder. He quickly finishes the rest of his coffee, leaves a few bucks on the table and then heads out of the diner into the cool early morning air; slumping down into the front seat of his truck and heading for the fire house.

XXXXXXXX

_"And where is Casey now?" Boden's concerned tone asks Severide over his cell phone._

After his tense showdown with Ben, Severide stormed outside to get some fresh air, his mind racing and his fist wanting to hit whatever was within striking distance. _He can't use me to hurt Matt…that's not fair…I won't allow it, _his worried thoughts raced over and over. A few seconds later he had taken a deep breath and then called the one person he knew he had to.

_'Chief…it's Kelly. You got a sec?'_

And then after telling Boden a little about Ben's antics as of late, saying that he has a personal grudge against Casey but leaving out all the personal details, he's brought back to reality.

"He's not here yet," Severide replies, not realizing that Casey was just pulling into the parking lot. "I hate to ask when you're coming back but…but Sir I am worried he'll want to even the score and we can't do much about it. We need you back just to get Ben out of here," Severide offers not realizing that he could be destroying Casey and Antonio's plan.

_"Okay let me talk to my sister and see what I can do. Maybe I can come back for a day and get a replacement. We are almost near the end of the treatments."_

"I'm really sorry to ask this."

_"You guys are family too. Just watch yourselves."_

"We will thanks."

Severide hangs up and then slowly heads back inside, heading for the locker room first in hopes of finding Casey and telling him about his conversation with Boden and then to give him a heads up about what Ben found in his locker. _I won't let him destroy Casey…never._

Casey gets out of his truck and heads for the front entrance, wanting to talk to Severide and give him the heads about a few things that Antonio found and ask he if could spend the night on the couch. _Better than going home alone, _Casey's mind growls inwardly.

"Good morning Matthew," Ben's large frame appears in the hallway to the back entrance that Casey had used instead of the front; hoping to sidestep his tormenting boss. The plan of course failing for Casey but working for Ben.

"Morning," Casey nods as he tries to move past.

"Sleep well last night?"

"I'm late."

"And why is that? Maybe you need a _lesson_ on punctuality?" Ben grins as Casey tries to move past. "Oh when you see Kelly…tell him I have his drugs and he won't have to use the other guy."

Casey pulls back and looks at Ben with a firm expression. "You really think I'd believe all your lies? You think I'm that gullible?"

"He's been lying to you all along. What have you told him Matthew? Anything about us? Our time together? And what has he told you in return?"

"Go to hell."

"Been there. Nice and warm," Ben replies in sarcasm. "Want to join me?"

"I know what you've done!" Casey leans in and growls angrily. "All of it. We can't be bullied by you. Any of us."

"Is that a fact?" Ben's face turns dark and serious. "I think you're the only one with the problem."

"We'll see."

"No…you'll see," Ben warns just as Casey tries to move past; Ben's arm stopping him in his tracks, making him look up with a cross expression. "Have you learned to not cross me yet? Others tried and failed."

"I won't fail," Casey promises firmly.

"Does that mean you're going to try to cross me again?" Ben challenges with a twisted smile. "You know I might just like that."

"This time you'll lose," Casey replies before he pushes past and heads down the hallway; Ben's angry gaze glaring at his back.

"We'll see about that," Ben hisses under his breath as he turns to see Hadley watching him. "You lost?" He snaps before he turns and heads toward his office; his mind now racing that his plan to isolate Casey and finish the job he failed at before was now in danger of backfiring on him. "We'll see about that," he repeats with another angry hiss.

Casey nears his locker and notices a small white slip sticking out between the slots of the locker and curses, wondering what stupidity Ben had left him now. He quickly opens his locker and pulls out the folded paper and opens it in surprise.

"What the…hell…Kelly?" He mutters to himself as he looks at the email message about a drug name that he knows isn't to be taken on the job and then looks at the dates and times and the messages back. "This has…he lied to me?" _Or maybe Ben is just making this up. Talk to Kelly, _his brain insists.

"Gotta find Kelly."

Casey refolds the papers and shoves them into his inner jacket pocket and slams the locker shut, heading back outside toward the common area and spying Severide at the counter talking to Dawson and Mills. But just before he can take Severide aside and ask, a call comes over the loud speaker, forcing them all to spring into action.

_"Truck 81…squad 3, ambulance 61…fire at…"_

"Rise and shine boys!" Ben calls out with a loud, chipper tone as he nears Casey and gives him a hearty pat on the back, turning to Severide and offering a wink; making sure the gesture was caught by Casey. Casey turns and looks at Severide who merely shakes his head before he hops into his truck and Casey gets into the front of his.

"So what time is the game again?" Hermann asks Mills in the back of Truck 81, Casey listening with vested interest.

"Might catch a bite first."

"Which game?" Casey inquires.

"Chief gave me a deal on some tickets to the Cubs game. Cool huh?" Mills offers a bright smile as Casey turns around and looks at him in surprise.

"He just gave them to you?"

"I was there. He didn't offer…it was only after Mills brought it up that he said he could give them at half price," Hermann explains as Mills smiles drops and he looks first at Hermann and then at Casey.

"What's going on?" Mills wonders innocently.

"Is he going with you?"

"I was going to take G…no, he's not," Mills shakes his head. "He said I could use them for whatever. It's okay right?"

"Yeah…it's fine," Casey huffs as he leans back in the front seat and stares out the window with an agitated expression; his mind wishing the day would just speed past and Antonio would have Ben arrested before another shift was worked. But he would have to be realistic and realize that it might take Antonio a bit longer, especially if several warrants were needed and of course depending on who else would have to be involved and what had to be presented to get the warrants.

They arrive at their new scene; two home trailers on fire; one engulfed and the other only partly.

"You be careful of that arm now Kelly," Ben calls out loudly as Severide's team rushes by; his words within ear shot of Casey, making Casey look up from the axe he's about to grab and wonder if perhaps there was some merit behind those odd emails.

"Ignore him!" Severide tells Casey as Ben watches with a smile before he heads for the truck to collect his gear.

"Hermann make sure that second trailer is fully vented before the rescue team goes in! Get that door open and check those windows!" Casey calls out. "The rest…lets contain the first trailer."

All members spring into action with their respected tasks, Shay and Dawson waiting to receive the injured; Hermann properly venting the second trailer and then rejoining his own team; Severide's team working to rescue the two elderly people still trapped inside.

About two hours later all that stands before the exhausted teams of Fire House 51 is one blackened trailer, one smoldering trailer and two pets looking for their masters and new homes. After everything is taken care of, both trucks pack up their gear; the dogs going to the neighbours and the Chief offering to drive the other neighbor of the two elderly people that Ambulance 61 had already taken to the hospital.

Casey watches Severide's truck pull into the bay first and stop; his coming to a stop a few seconds later, the Chief's truck thankfully not back yet. Not worrying about taking all his gear off, Casey goes off after Severide, catching up to him in the hallway.

"Kelly…hold up," Casey calls out.

"You okay? What happened this morning?"

"Are you taking drugs?" Casey asks flat out; neither of them realizing who had slipped into the back and was now listening with a very keen ear.

"Pardon? What?" Severide asks in haste, his mind recalling the threat from Ben that if he told Casey, Matt would pay the price. _I have to tell him the truth…I have to. I owe him that much. "_No, I'm not taking drugs. Is that what Ben said? You know he's lying."

"I might have thought that but...then I found this…" Casey pulls out one of the emails and holds it up for his fellow 51 Lieutenant to see.

"Where did you get this?" Severide looks up with a small frown as he snatches the email proof out of Casey's grasp.

"Is it true? Are you taking those?"

"Matt look…"

"It's true then? You've been on shifts with…" Casey starts and then stops, wanting to turn away in disbelief. "Ben was telling the truth?" He manages as his world starts to slowly spin. _It's happening again…I'm on my own…again. Only this time…Kelly was lying the whole time?_

"Matt listen," Severide's grip on his arm jolts Casey back to reality. "I just needed something for the pain…okay wait that's not…look can we talk about this someplace else? Away from here?"

"Why didn't you tell me any of this sooner?"

"I didn't…"

"Trust me with the truth?" Casey retorts back, hurt and anger now flaring up in his voice; Ben's hidden smile growing even wider; the small tidbit he had innocently gathered from Boden now working in his favor in turning the two once strong allies against each other against their own will.

"No, it's not about that. We've had our issues in the past and this…this was mine to deal with."

"Just like what I told you about my past was for me to deal with?" Casey looks at him directly. "Why didn't you tell me that night? I…."

"I didn't know what I was dealing with and then…"

"I told you everything."

"Not everything," Severide rushes and then offers a very visual wince as Casey looks at him in shock. "Damn it! Matt…that's not what I meant."

"Right…so I tell you everything but don't get the same trust or respect in return."

"It's not like that," Severide insists; looking at Casey's flushed face and knowing he has to make his friend stop and listen before things really get out of hand. "Just lis…"

"What is it like? You've knowingly gone into a tense situation with an injury and on medication that could ultimately hinder your work performance? Possibly putting one or more lives at stake? And then never told me, all because you didn't trust me to help you?"

"I just didn't want…look I thought I had it under control. Matt I'm sorry," Severide begs as Casey looks at him in torment.

"I'm sorry you didn't want to trust me with this. Thought we were friends," Casey offers stiffly.

"That's not fair. Don't do this…Ben he wants this…he…"

"He's been open about his sick agenda from the start! You've kept this from the start. Who's the liar now? I guess I am on my own again," Casey utters in false self-pity.

"No wait."

"I'm done here."

And before Severide can make one more comment, Casey turns on his booted heel and storms for the main entrance; leaving Severide standing in the middle of the quiet hallway with a defeated expression and Ben hidden around the corner with a twisted smile.

_Working out even better than I had planned…got you now Matthew._

* * *

**A/N:** dang! Okay so will Antonio get what he needs in time? Who are the guys helping Ben? Will Severide be able to convince Casey to trust him again? Will Severide make a mistake in crossing Ben? Is their friendship strained for good now? Hope you are all liking this (and Ben's very convoluted back story yikes) so please do leave me a review before you go and thanks so much!


	10. Springing the Final Trap

**Title: Hidden Agenda  
****Chapter 10 – Springing the Final Trap**

* * *

Severide offers an angry curse before he hurries after Casey, entering the main area and watching as Casey busts through the front doors and outside, heading for his truck.

"Matt, wait!" Severide calls out just as Shay and Dawson pull up in their truck; Shay watching Severide trying to catch up to Casey.

With the sting of betrayal freshly in his mind, Casey ignores Severide's calls as he makes a determined path toward his getaway vehicle. He gets into his truck, turns on the engine, slams the gear into place and peels away just as Severide reaches him. _Can't believe he lied…can't believe I told him all that…and he lied…_Casey's mind swirls in anguish as his eyes threaten to water.

"Damn it!" Severide curses as he turns back to see Shay watching him in wonder. "Ben did it…I don't know how the smug bastard did it but he did."

"Did what?"

"Got us to fight."

"About what?"

"About something I should have told him myself."

"How?"

"An email from Ben. I was going to tell Matt tonight after shift and Ben….beat me to it only he only showed Matt one bad email but left out the rest…the explanation of what's really going on," Severide growls as he looks away. "I have to go…"

"Let him have a few moments alone," Shay instructs as she blocks his path. "He's angry and you're angry…you both need a few moments."

"Yeah is that what you do when you're angry?"

"I have sex," she quips, bringing a small smirk to his face. "You know what I do."

"Yeah well I left my yoga pants at home," Severide huffs as he turns and heads back for the entrance to the building; the shift being over and the cool night air descending upon them. "I'll see you at home later," he tosses back to her as he heads for the locker room, spying Ben in the weight room and pausing in the entrance with a narrowed gaze.

"You haven't won."

"Guess Matthew didn't take the truth too well now did he?" Ben snickers, his back still to Severide. "He's always been kinda weak that way. Maybe I should stop by later and see if he needs someone to cheer him up. I think I know a few ways he might like. Wanna watch?" Ben turns and taunts Severide.

Severide marches up to Ben and without warning, punches him right in the side, his fist pulled back and ready to strike again just as Capp and Hadley wander by at the exact right moment; hurrying in and pulling their Lieutenant off the temporary Chief.

"Kelly!"

"Hey stop it!" Hadley calls out loudly.

"I'll let the assault charge go this time Kelly," Ben looks directly at Severide as he jerks himself free of his two team members, "just remember what I said earlier. Goodnight."

Severide turns and heads out of the room in an angry huff, cursing himself for his heated actions and wondering now if Ben would make good on his threat and Casey would pay the price and he'd have to live with the guilt. _Damn…I hate this…this guy hasta go and fast. _He hears Capp and Hadley calling to him in the distance as he pushes out the backdoor into the cool night air.

"What was that all about?" Capp wonders as they finally catch up with Severide by the chain link fence.

"It was a difference of opinion."

"You gonna tell us what's really going on? Because I am not buying this difference of opinion stuff. Not after what I saw this morning," Hadley reminds him.

"Boden's working on coming back and then Ben will be gone. He's going to try to come in tomorrow," Severide states, not realizing that Casey and Antonio had already made a plan to keep Ben there a bit longer until Antonio could get the official arrest warrant and surprise Ben at work – no chance of escape. Boden showing up could endanger that and Casey at the same time.

"Until then?"

"Let's just go home and sleep it off," Severide tells his team as he heads for the gate and then his car.

"Kelly!" Capp calls out, only to be pulled back by Hadley, telling him to let it go and they'd see their team leader in the morning.

Severide pulls out of the parking lot but instead of heading for home, makes a turn in the opposite direction and heads for Casey's instead; desperately wanting to clear the air and at least get them back on normal speaking terms.

"Matt, I'm so sorry," Severide whispers as he nears Casey's darkened home. He stops his truck and hurries for the front door, pounding on it in frustration. "Matt…it's me…open up, we gotta talk!" Severide calls out as he knocks a bit louder. But getting not even a whispered shuffle in response, Severide pulls away from the front and heads around to the back, knocking on the door and then peering in through the small back window; into the darkened house.

"Matt! Open up!" He tries once more before he pulls his phone and calls Casey's cell. "Hey it's me," Severide calls his personal lifeline.

_"Matt didn't come back here," Shay tells him in truth._

"Chief still there?"

_"Yeah he's in his office doing some paperwork. Kelly where are you?"_

"I'm at Matt's and he's…not here."

_"I told you to give him a few hours. Like until morning. You two will talk…make up and be like an old married couple in no time."_

"Funny."

_"He probably went to a hotel or his sisters or wherever. You'll talk it out tomorrow and then confront Ben together and send his ass packing. And maybe a few of us will join in the fun. Goodnight."_

"Goodnight," Severide hangs up with a small groan as he heads back toward his car and slumps down into the front seat. He recalls the look of utter devastation on his friend's face when Casey realized he had been hiding something from him and can only foully curse Ben's name for his crappy timing and wanting to use his weakness as a wedge between them. But Shay's right…he probably went to the bar…or wherever and just needs a few moments alone. So he sends a quick text to Matt and then decides to head for home; hoping and praying that Boden would indeed be back the next day and that Ben would be out on his ass – for good.

XXXXXXXX

From his darkened hiding spot down the road, Casey watches Severide pull away from his house and head for his own in the opposite direction; his frame slumping a bit lower into the front seat. _Stay with Kelly tonight…maybe tomorrow…_Antonio's words now slam into the forefront of his mind. _Go to Kelly's…let him explain…_his mind begs as he looks down at his phone and spies the new text message waiting.

"He lied to me…just like Ben…I'm so…maybe…maybe I am gullible...maybe it's me…" Casey's sordid whisper dies out as he closes his eyes and rests his head on the back headrest; his core feeling warmer than normal. _You are angry and not reasoning…he told you…now you need to go and hear his complete side of the story…don't let Ben win! You're not thinking clearly._

"Tomorrow," Casey mutters to himself as he folds his arms over his chest and decides just to rest a bit longer. However, his body, being more tired than expected, launches into a fitful sleep and its not until he awakens in a cold sweat a few hours does he realize the folly of his ways.

"Ahhhh," Casey softly groans as he tries to straighten up, his body achy and starting to shiver from being in the cold cabin of the truck for longer than expected or wanted. He starts up his truck and heads for home, too tired to worry about going anywhere else and telling himself that if Ben were to come and try something he would have already.

With his mind still half asleep, Casey gets out of his truck and makes his way up the darkened walkway, not realizing that he's being watched and the final trap was about to be sprung by a man valuing revenge over sleep. He enters his quiet, darkened home, not bothering to flip on the light, merely locking the door, dumping his jacket and heading upstairs. As soon as he spies his bed, he collapses down onto it and is asleep in seconds.

_'Who you gonna tell Matthew?'_

"No…one…not…tell…"

_'That's right Matthew, no one. You are alone and always will be. I am your only friend.'_

"No…Grant…" Casey's lips mumble as his nightmare continues.

_'Who will believe you? I have friends that will take my word over yours. You want to lose your first candidacy job and never work in this industry again? I am offering a promotion…whatever. You know my terms…'_

"Don't want….them…" Casey whispers in misery; his eyes fluttering in the darkness but his mind not allowing them to fully open.

_'Oh yes you do. Just trust me…it'll feel much better soon.'_

"Hurts…stop…"

_'You know you like this…don't fight me Matthew. I promise this is going to feel good…'_

"NO!" Casey's lips call out as his watery eyes try to open, frantically trying to focus in the darkness. But as they come into view he spies a figure looming over him and suddenly his limbs can't move…his body frozen in place.

"Hello Matthew…miss me?" Ben's dark voice hisses in his ears; Casey's frame struggling in vain to get free. But he can't. He's stuck. Helpless. Vulnerable. A prisoner in his own home? His wrists are tied above his head, tightly tied each to a corner of the bed and unable to pull free and protect himself or get his attacker off.

"Get o…." is all he manages before a heavy hand clamps down over his mouth to keep him from calling out.

"Now now Matthew…be a good boy and we'll both enjoy this…" Ben's whispers as he leans in closer, Casey's wrists struggling in vain to pull free and try to fight back.

_Fight back…yell…kick…just get him off…._

"Ke…." Casey tries again when Ben's hand slips down past his lips resting on his chest; his legs buckling but unable to pull free of the bonds keeping them tied to the end of the bed.

"Kelly's not coming…" the deep voice mocks. "You turned him away just like that…didn't let him offer his side…turned on the one person trying to defend you…now you pay the price…" the voice slips from Ben's to Kelly's.

"He…." Is all Casey manages before a thick cloth is stuffed into his mouth to keep him quiet and rough hands start to tear at his clothing.

"Much better."

"Mmm…mmmph."

"Play time now Matthew…"

"Mmmph…!" He tries before something sickly sweet is presented, a heavily dampened cloth being pressed down over his mouth and nose to render him unconscious; allowing his sick captor to attack him at will.

_DO SOMETHING…._

"Get…OFF!" Casey shouts as this time his eyes snap open for real, heart racing and body drenched in sweat. Sensing himself free of the very realistic nightmare, Casey stumbles to the bathroom and throws up watery bile into the toilet and then slumps down beside the bathtub on the cool tile floor, cursing angrily and trying to rub the rest of the sleep from his eyes and praying for the nightmare to fade.

"Damn…shoulda went to…Kelly's…" he grumbles as he slowly stands up and looks at his flushed face in the mirror before splashing cold water on it. He rinses his mouth out and then slowly heads back to his bedroom, turning on the small light and then looking at the time. But he does a double take at the clock and then frantically looks around…an odd feeling starting to creep up. _It was just a nightmare right? The time…its…what?_

"Something's not right," he utters to himself as he looks down at his clothing; wanting to make sure that the images in his mind were just that and he wasn't subjected to something vile against his will as he had dreamt. Casey gets up and heads for the door, pausing in the quiet hallway and listening for something that didn't belong; a whisper…a shuffle…an exhale.

Nothing.

_I am losing it, _Casey's mind growls as he checks the lock on the front door and then heads to the back; seeing that it too was as it should be, nothing tampered with and nothing broken to suggest a hidden intruder. _It's your mind feeling guilty for not listening to Kelly, _he tries to convince himself as he gets a cold glass of water, drinks it and then heads back upstairs, his body feeling weak and dizzy from the lack of food and sleep.

Casey eases himself back onto his bed and stares up at the ceiling in misery, wanting to call Kelly, but telling himself it wasn't fair for both of them to be out of commission; he'd take the day tomorrow and just rest. Antonio was still working on getting all the warrants in place the last email from him a comforting relief that Antonio's Chief was backing him and the wheels were in motion.

_'If you go in tomorrow just act as natural as you can. Don't tip your hand and hopefully he'll go about his day and not suspect anything. Soon this will all be over Matt. Just hang in there another day. Antonio.'_

It was the only bright spot of the day as after Antonio had told him all the horrors that Ben was responsible for his mind kept replaying Will's death over and over but with his face as the dying victim looking up as Ben walks away whistling; heading for his next victim.

"Can't believe it…all those others…damn him…." Casey's lips whisper in misery as he leaves the small bedside light on and turns onto his side, his back to the lamp; his mind not wanting to bathe him in complete darkness once again. He stares at the wall, almost afraid to close his eyes as he knows what his mind will subject himself too. He looks at his wrists and stares at a small red welt on the right and furrows his brow, his mind now racing to remember where he got it from. He knows all to well the pain that comes from a forcible assault, even a minor assault and quickly does a mental check to see if anything else on him was amiss.

"Nothing," he openly acknowledges, saying it out loud for his own peace of mind. "You've lost Ben…it's over now," Casey states firmly as he settles back onto his side and pulls the covers tightly around his frame, not seeing an evil smile twisting in the dark, watching him in the shadows and whispering that he's already won. Casey finally falls back into a fitful sleep, not knowing that when he awakens, he'll be in hell – literally.

_You're right Matthew…it is over – for you…_Ben's mind whispers as the closet door slowly opens to reveal the evil intruder.

XXXXXXXX

"So is Boden coming back today?" Shay asks as she and Severide head for the fire house early the following morning.

"He said he would just to get Ben out of there and then Casey and I can take the reins until a new Chief comes or Boden can arrange to come back earlier."

"You heard from Casey yet?"

"No," Severide huffs. "I don't blame him for being angry after…I should have told him sooner."

"Yes you should have," Shay states as he looks over with a pursed-lip expression. "What? I'm not going to sugar coat it for you."

"With Ben gone then at least the tension for Matt will be gone also. Sick bastard…I just want to punch him before he leaves."

"I'd like to also. Just because he hurt you and Matt like that," Shay adds, making Severide offer a small smirk before he stops his car and looks around the rather desolated parking lot. "He'll be here. You know he's not the type to play games."

The two of them get out of the car and head for the entrance door; Shay pulling away and heading for the kitchen area to see what Mills was cooking up and Severide heading for his office to see if perhaps Casey had called in to take the day off. _Can't blame him if he did, but I hope he comes in…I gotta make this right, _Severide's mind ponders as he enters the small quiet room and frowns at his phone that was dark – the message indicator not blinking.

"Morning Kelly," Ben's smug tone is heard from behind.

Severide turns and watches him approach; his stomach tightening but his mind warning him to keep his anger in check.

"Morning."

"Sleep well? I know I did. Think Matthew slept well after he learned you betrayed him last night?"

Severide leans in closer and offers an angry glare to Ben's mocking stare, his brain literally yelling at him to take no further action. _He wants this…he'll charge you with assault and then Casey will really be stuck. Boden will be back today and Ben will be gone. Back off._

"Does it bother you that I'm right?" Ben continues to goad. "Does it bother you that I can comfort him a hell of a lot more than you can? And that he likes it more? He doesn't want friendship…he wants more. I can give him more. Willingly or not. You like that?"

For a few seconds, Severide feels the angry adrenaline surge through his frame, instantly curling his fist into a tight ball and his mind picturing himself punching Ben right in the face. But sense and reason finally take hold and he wisely backs down.

"You are a lying sick son of a bitch. But it's over…you're done," Severide states angrily as he pulls away and heads for the locker room, entering and then spying Casey's locker and wondering if had come in yet and was perhaps now just avoiding him. _No that would be childish and Casey's not the kind to play mind games or engage in teenage antics._

"Try these eggs. I swear Mills you would give Emeril Legasse a run for his money," Dawson praises as Severide takes a plate from Shay and sits down beside her and Hadley.

"You better today boss?" Hadley asks as he leans in closer.

"So far," Severide comments as he looks at the time and then over at Shay who remains silent. Severide offers Hadley a tight lipped smile and nod as he starts into his breakfast, hoping that Boden makes good on his promise to come in for today and help send Ben's ass packing.

Severide watches Ben enter the kitchen area, heading for Mills and then giving him a hearty pat on the back before he starts to offer some false praise, his head twisting and looking at Severide with a twisted smile.

"Ignore him," Hadley whispers as he leans in a bit closer. "He's just trying to goad you into another showdown."

"It's working," Severide growls as he finishes his plate and then gets up and heads for the back door. He looks around for Casey's truck and then pulls his phone, calling his friend and willing him to pick up. "Come on Matt…pick up," Severide huffs as he gets only the voice mail on his cell and then tries his home number.

"Hey Matt…it's me…I uh…I'm sorry and I just want to talk about…well everything but in private okay? You're right…I owed you the truth from the start and I was scared and…yeah so just call me okay? I'm not sure if you're coming in today but I might have some good news. So just call me."

"Maybe dear Matthew didn't sleep so well after all," Ben's voice is heard as Severide turns to see Ben watching him; Ben trying to do whatever he can to get Severide sent home.

"You want to provoke a fight but I'm not having it," Severide comments firmly as he turns and heads for the back gate to exit.

"You think your lame attempt at a grovel will help ease poor Matthew's mind? You betrayed him. He won't easily let that slide."

"Whatever your sick fixation…it's over and so are you," Severide turns back with an angry expression. "After today you're finished."

"You think so?"

"You seem pretty sure of yourself, for a _temp_," Severide taunts back; his lips slightly smirking at Ben's outward seethe.

"You think Matthew will ever trust you again?"

"I think you've deluded yourself far too long."

"Maybe. Or maybe Matthew's not in today because he's accepted the truth."

"He's earned a day away from you."

"I can wait one more day. He's worth it. Don't you think?" Ben continues to try to push Severide's buttons.

Not wanting to engage Ben further, Severide pulls the back gate open and escapes into the parking area, his eyes scanning for Matt's truck before he pulls his phone once more. "Hey Hermann…you heard from Matt today?"

"Yeah he sent me a text this morning saying he wasn't feeling well and was taking the day. What's going on Kelly? It's Ben right? What's going on?"

"The two of them worked together in the past and parted on strained terms. It's personal but it ends today," Severide replies; telling Hermann the same thing he had told Capp and Hadley the day before.

"That would stress anyone out."

"Enough for him to stay home. Maybe it's for the best…" Severide comments as they head back toward the entrance of Fire House 51. "He hasn't been sleeping well as of late."

"He'll be okay and be back tomorrow like nothing's wrong."

"Hope so," Severide remarks with a tight lipped smile.

"I'm glad he's got a good friend like you to look out for him," Hermann states with a friendly smile before he pulls away and heads toward Otis and Mouch to tell them his latest get rich quick scheme.

_Good friend…_Severide's mind muses with an inward sting. _More like a jackass, _he groans as he rejoins the teams.

"No Matthew today?" Ben asks Severide as he nears.

"He took a personal day," Severide states matter of factly. "That is allowed right?" Severide turns and faces Ben directly.

"He's allowed anything personal," Ben replies directly to Severide in a low tone. "I just hope he rests all day. Maybe I'll stop by later to see if he needs anything…_personal._"

"Ignore him," Shay warns as she nears.

"Heard that one already," Severide quips as he pulls away and heads for his team. "Okay guys…lets practice…" is all Severide manages before the call is heard and it's all hands on deck. Severide watches Cruz head for his typical spot behind the steering wheel and Hermann get into the front seat of Truck 81 and huffs. _Matt…damn this needs to end soon._

The call goes well, no lives lost and only one property damaged as the trucks head back to their bays, Shay and Dawson at the hospital doing their paperwork at the hospital. As they near the parking lot, Severide can only offer a small exhale of relief as he notices Chief Boden's car in the parking lot and knows that Ben's days of tormenting Fire House 51 are over.

_Not a moment too soon!_

Despite the fact that Casey still hadn't called him, Severide tells himself that his friend is probably just resting for the day and hopefully listened to all his message and they'd talk after the shift and start fresh tomorrow. At least that's the plan.

"Hey is that…Boden's car in the parking lot?" Hermann asks; Ben within ear shot.

"Sure is. He's back early," Severide answers with a triumphant smile directed right at Ben.

"Really," Ben states more than questions as he purses his lips and holds Severide's stare a few seconds longer before he turns and heads toward the door leading to the Chief's office, Severide quickly following; Hadley and Capp also following at a discreet distance just in case.

"Chief Boden," Ben greets with some reluctance as he enters Boden's office and offers a fake smile. "Back so soon."

"My boys missed me," Boden replies with a small frown as he looks right at Ben, his gaze picking up Severide standing a few meters back and forcing Ben to turn, narrow his gaze at Severide and then look back at Ben with his fake smile once more.

"We had things under control."

"That's not what I heard."

"Really. Well that's too bad," Ben replies as he takes a step closer; Boden, not easily being intimidated holding his ground; the two of them about the same size and stature. "Did they mention anything in particular?"

"Difference of opinion," Boden remarks as Ben's lips smirk.

"Interesting. And are both Lieutenants in agreement? Or is perhaps Lieutenant Severide being a little too territorial?" Ben counters, Boden looking at Severide and giving him a visual warning to stand down.

"Both called me so that means both are in agreement."

"Matthew called you too," Ben ponders more than questions. "I'm really sorry and surprised to hear that. I was just starting to feel like I was fitting in here."

"Well I thought it in the best interest of my teams for me to come back early. Hope you understand."

"And your family?"

"They understand."

"Sad really that your two Lieutenants acted more like petulant children than grown men and wouldn't even let you handle something delicate without them feeling threatened like that," Ben utters angrily as he first off turns and glares at Severide, punctuating the word children for him before turning back to Boden for the conclusion of his sentence.

"I consider what they say seriously."

"It's your call then. But we are all glad you are back safe and sound. I'm just sorry it's over already. I was enjoying my stay here."

_Course you were you sick bastard…but we're not sorry to see you go, _Severide's mind muses.

"I'm sure you were. I think we can finalize a few things and then…"

"Send me on my way."

"Kelly did you need something?"

"No Sir, just welcome back," Severide offers in a chipper tone, his mind inwardly delighting as he notices Ben's frame slightly seize.

"Was nice working with you Lieutenant Severide," Ben turns to face Severide directly. "At least I'll be taking away one nice souvenir with me…a good memory."

"Enjoy it," Severide pushes back; Boden offering him a small but silent groan at his cheeky reply.

"Oh trust me I will," Ben winks as Severide turns and leaves; Ben spending a few more moments with Boden to complete the last call file of the day.

"So he's really leaving?" Hermann asks in interest as he joins Capp, Hadley and Shay at the end of the hallway.

"Not soon enough. I know I have been in the dark about a few things but…"

"But it's _personal_ and we get that. Right?" Shay interjects as she turns and looks at the three men with an arched brow, visually daring them to defy her.

"Right," they all mumble; knowing better than to argue with her.

"I'll call Matt and tell him," Severide comments as Shay lingers behind. "At least he has the right to know and maybe finally have some peace of mind."

"Wonder where Ben will go now?" Shay wonders as they both watch from a discreet distance Ben and Chief Boden shake hands and then Ben exit the office and head for the back exit doors.

"Who cares…as long as its away from here," Severide replies; not knowing the grave error he's just committed; allowing Ben to walk and putting his absent friend's life in mortal danger.

"Still not picking up? That's not like him."

"Yeah I know. I'll wait a bit and then go see him," Severide states as he pulls away from Shay and heads for Boden's office. "So how'd that go?"

"Strained. You wanna tell me the whole story?"

"I can't Chief…not mine to tell. Casey and I had a..."

"A fight? Was wondering how long the peace would last with me away," Boden offers lightly.

"Was my fault this time. Ben's had it in for Casey the day he got here…that's why he took this assignment. And we had…did he say where he's going now?"

"I think he mentioned something about a brother up in Lansing. You heard from Casey today?"

"No and it's not like him to just avoid me. I mean we've had our differences but…I need to make this right. I'm going to his place to tell him Ben's gone…in person. So you back for good then?"

"Lets get Casey up to speed first and then the three of us will sit down and work out a plan."

"Got it," Severide nods as he turns and heads out of the Chief's office; Shay watching him rush toward the parking lot and then get into his car and drive away; a few minutes later Antonio Dawson's car pulling up and the unsuspecting Detective getting out of the car and going in search of Casey; warrant in hand.

"Hey Antonio," Dawson greets her brother.

"Hey is Casey here?"

"Not today. He took a day off. Everything okay?"

"Yeah fine. I'll call him la…"

"Can Chief Boden help with anything?"

"Boden's…back?" Antonio asks in shock as he pushes past his sister and hurries for the Chief's office, Shay approaching her partner with a frown.

"What's going on?"

"Not sure."

"Chief Boden…welcome back. Is Ben McCrea here?"

"Left about an hour ago. I came back early, we finished off the paperwork and then he left. What's going on?"

"Casey's not here right?"

"That's right, he took the day off but Kelly Severide just went to see him to tell him Ben's gone. I guess there were a few things going on here with them while I was away."

"I'm afraid it's a lot more serious than a few things. I have an arrest warrant for Ben McCrea," Antonio tells him firmly.

"On what grounds?" Boden asks in surprise.

"A long sordid list including assault and murder."

"Antonio are you sure?"

"I have two other warrants in play right now as we speak. Casey knows about all this and Ben was supposed to be here so that I could surprise him with this. If he knew I was coming…"

"He'd skip out."

"And we might lose him for good. Chief he's got a vengeful motive for going after Casey and will stop at nothing until he's dead."

"Damn. Hold on. Let me cal Kelly…" Boden's finger presses the speaker button so that both of them can hear Severide's cell number being dialed. "Kelly? Where are you?"

_"I just got to Casey's."_

"I'm here with Antonio Dawson. He has an arrest warrant for Ben. Did you know about this?"

_"No but am not surprised. What else was found?"_

"Lots. Sorry I thought Matt would have told you. We needed Ben here at the house when I came with the warrant."

_"What?" Severide's steps stop suddenly as he realizes that he might now be responsible for setting Ben McCrea loose on the world once more – targeting his friend specifically._

"Is Casey there?"

_"His truck is still here…might be sleeping…hold on… Matt you there? It's me…Matt open up!" Severide is heard pounding on the door as both Boden and Antonio exchange wondering glances._

"Anything inside?" Antonio presses; Severide's mind now feeding off Antonio's anxiousness.

_"Not that I can see. Looks quiet. I'm going to check the back," Severide's voice comes across with an anxious tone as they hear him heading for the back door. "Hey Matt op…what the…."_

"What is it?"

_"Back door's open. Hey Matt you in here? Matt!" They hear Severide call out as more shuffling is heard; Severide rushing past the blinking answering machine and racing upstairs. "Matt? Matt! You in here? Oh no…"_

"Kelly what did you find?"

_"The place is empty. His phone is here…wallet…keys…but he's gone, Casey's missing. I think Ben took him. Damn, this is all my fault!"_

* * *

**A/N:** duh duhh duhhhhhhhhhhh (cue dramatic music) lol sorry couldn't resist. So where is Matt? Will Severide find him in time? Or will he be forced to live with the guilt over losing Casey to his own actions? Will Ben actually get the last laugh? Not over yet so please do review before you go and thanks so much!


	11. Downward into Oblivion

**Title: Hidden Agenda  
****Chapter 11 – Downward into Oblivion**

* * *

As suspected his second bout of sleeping was as tormented as the first, Casey's mind offering tormented images of himself at Ben's mercy; himself in the burning apartment; Kelly laughing as he says I told you so; Kelly asking why he wouldn't just listen and the final image of him falling into darkness before being speared in the same manner as Will and Ben saying he had won another round.

But the next time his mind tries to force him to wake up from the horrific nightmare; panic seizes him and he realizes something is very wrong and he's still in his horrific nightmare. His brain quickly and correctly deduces his wrists are tied tightly behind his back, his ankles tied and his mouth wrapped with duct tape to keep him quiet.

"Mmmmph!" Casey tries to struggle, frantically wanting to get himself free of his terrifying situation.

"Hello Matthew," Ben's low taunting voice is heard, forcing Casey's head to snap up toward the door and look at his evil intruder; his watery eyes widening and then narrowing as his heart rate soars. "Hope you slept well."

Casey's frame recoils as Ben nears the bed, trying to roll away but being held by Ben's fist grabbing a handful of his shirt and dragging him back to where he first was.

"Now now…no escaping," Ben smirks as he sits down on the edge of the bed, his hands picking up two items.

"Mmmph!" Casey growls as he looks at Ben with a flushed and angry expression.

"Poor Matthew's gotten himself all worked up. Really now you brought this on yourself," Ben smirks as his finger nears Casey's gagged mouth; Casey jerking his head away. "I'll touch what I damn well want to!" Ben growls angrily as his hand grabs the top of Casey's short dirty blond locks and roughly yanks his head back. "Hope you enjoyed yourself earlier…I know I did."

_What? He's joking right? He has to be…_

"Sorry you felt the need to throw up afterward…guess something's haven't changed."

_LIAR! _Casey tries to yell in vain; Ben's lips offering an unsympathetic smirk. _I know you didn't do any…_

"Watching you sleep was fun…but I had more fun while you slept," Ben leans in closer with a serious expression.

Casey feels his lungs starting to hyperventilate and his heart race; his brain frantically trying to calm him back down. _Think Matt…you know what the pain of forcible assault feels like…can you feel that…_

"Now now Matthew, time to calm down."

_No…no I can't. Chest hurts…wrists hurt…does anything else…hurt? _His brain searches for the painfully familiar humiliation and thankfully he can't feel it. _Maybe I'm masking it? He's only taunting you, you have to remain focused and work on a plan to contact Kelly. Ignore his lies!_

"I know how to calm you down Matthew."

_IGNORE HIM AND FOCUS._

"Fine," Ben growls as Casey's hyper breathing finally starts to slow as his mind forces him to believe that the worst hadn't happened. "But playtime is over now…now its time to go."

_What? where?_

"You want go don't you? Come with me?"

"Mmmph!" _NO! _Casey tries to once again roll away, Ben's thick hands keeping him in place. "Don't worry I'll take good care of you," Ben utters as he looks down at Casey with grave expression. "And have some fun too. Well at least I will. I'll just pretend you are too."

_Then he'll kill me just like the others! This can't be happening…please…oh god please don't let this happen…_

"Too bad you pissed off Kelly like that. Yeah boy he was mad at you when you stormed off like that," Ben lies, Casey's frame slumping down onto the bed in captive frustration. "Said he hopes you just stay away and mind your own damn business. Now really…what kind of friend is he? You told him well…am assuming you told him a few things and he couldn't even do the same. You told him about us right?" Ben smiles. "Did he like hearing about it? Bet he just turned on you the way he turned on me. He won't bother us again."

_There is no us you sick bastard! _Casey grumbles as he brings his knees up and slams them into Ben's back; forcing Ben to stumble forward but quickly recover and land a firm punch to Casey's gagged mouth, sending his head snapping back and his trapped lips stinging in pain.

"You know I like it rough Matthew," Ben grins as he remains on his knees near the edge, looking at Casey on top of the bed. "You really shouldn't fight me, I don't like hurting you like that. But don't worry, once we get home I'm going to take good care of you. Yes I think you'll enjoy your new home…but starting with tomorrow. We'll have some fun on your day off tomorrow."

_WHAT? No…I have to be there…Antonio….the warrant…what have I done? Why didn't I go to Kelly's…this…this can't be happening!_

"I know I'll enjoy part of it," Ben smiles as he opens the bottle of chloroform. "And with Kelly not caring and giving you your space and you having legitimate reason to take the day off….no one will even know what's really going on or think to check until its too late. Yeah things are going better than I had planned," Ben offers an evil laugh into the silent space.

_HELP ME…SOMEONE…._

"I liked the chase up til now but now…now it's time to end it and leave. Don't worry I'll give you something a bit more comfortable to wear when we get home," Ben taunts as he moves in closer with the damp cloth ready. "Like maybe nothing at all."

_NO! _Casey's captive frame tries to struggle as Ben's large hand clamps down over his mouth and nose, holding the dampened cloth tight and smiling as Casey tries in vain to fight the drugs.

"Say goodbye to your life Matthew…it's over now – for good. Don't fight me Matthew. Just accept your fate."

_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO_

Casey's mind swirls downward into horrible oblivion, soon going limp in Ben's grasp and allowing Ben to gather up a few things and then sling his bound body over his shoulder and carry him out, leaving everything in place; except the back door, which he had forgotten was still unlocked. Ben deposits Casey's bound and gagged frame into the trunk and then casually pulls away, whistling a happy tune to himself as he heads for his own temporary home, pulling into the garage and hiding away his nefarious activities.

XXXXXXXX

_Ben's…in the closet…watching…knew you threw up….was it a dream? …. He's on top….can't move…can't fight back…tied down…can't call for help…he's touching me…Kelly's mad…I'm alone…kidnapped…help me…HELP ME!_

_NO!_

Casey's mind roughly jerks him awake once more, his watery eyes trying to blink but unable due to a heavy piece of cloth tied tightly over them keeping him blind; his mouth, however, free of the tape but his wrists still tied tightly behind his back, his ankles tied and his…_am I naked?...not fully as he realizes he's only got his boxers on and is now sitting on a floor…where the hell am I?_

"H-hello?" Casey tries with a small cough, hearing heavy footsteps heading toward him and feeling his entire frame seize as a door is pulled open and he's greeted with a cool blast of air, instantly covering his nearly naked frame with some fresh shiver bumps.

"Well my my what a sight to behold," Ben's mocking voice is heard getting closer as he kneels down beside Casey's trapped frame.

"Ben…don't do this."

"Why not? You've brought this upon yourself. If you had only listen…."

"You killed the rest. I saved myself by getting away. I don't want this!" Casey growls as he tries to jerk himself away from Ben's hand. But as soon as his head pulls to the left, he suddenly feels something tighten around his neck, forcing him to halt and lightly gasp for air. "Wh-what…is…that…"

"A noose."

"I can't…brea…the…"

"Then stop pulling. You have nowhere to go."

"Can't…brea…the."

"That's the idea. You promise to sit still and I'll loosen this."

"Be…"

"DO YOU!" Ben shouts, forcing Casey to quickly nod and Ben's fingers to loosen the rope allowing Casey to finally breathe normally.

"That…could choke me."

"This is my insurance policy that you'll behave while I go in and establish my alibi. You are resting for the day…I'll go in for my last day and then…or maybe one more day…keep you here like this…could be fun."

"Ben you LET…" is all Casey manages before his lips sting from the small slap.

"No one is coming to your aid Matthew. I told you…you are alone. No one cares but me so don't make me hurt you. Unless that is your game?" Ben snickers.

"I believed your lies once…but don't now! I don't want this!" Casey growls as he leans back against the wall. "You can still have…"

"I have what I want," Ben snaps angrily. "You will learn your place."

"Kidnapping is a felony offense!"

"Well so is murder but that hasn't stopped me yet," Ben taunts as Casey's frame seizes. "You used to….like this," Ben starts, his hand resting on Casey's naked thigh, threatening to move closer when Casey tosses his head forward and forces Ben to stop and curse.

"I never did."

"I see I'll have to start my discipline earlier than expected," Ben hisses as he reaches for the roll of tape. "Time to…"

"Kelly won't believe you…" Casey offers in haste.

"Me?" Ben smirks. "You still think you have a hope of him even giving the slightest damn after you so callously called him a traitor and stormed away like a child?"

"He won't…believe what you tell him."

"I wasn't the one who called in sick. You did that on your own."

"What?" Casey asks in quiet dread.

"Texted to one of your own men on your own phone."

"They won't belive…"

"Oh I think after yesterday even Kelly will believe that you needed the day just to rest up a bit. I told you he was angry with you yesterday; trust me he won't be asking about you today. He'll believe the text. They all will. In fact the reply back to your text tells me I'm right."

"I was angry with him."

"He laughed at that. And I'll bet when I go in today he won't even give a damn you're not there. Probably think you're at home avoiding him."

"You don't know him. We don't play games…you don't know…." Casey starts only to be interrupted.

"That's okay Matthew, we can talk more when I get home. Remember…this noose is for your protection…"

"Please…don't."

"It keeps you in place and gives me peace of mind. Course if you do hang yourself well it will suck for you. Time to be quiet now," Ben grins as he rips off a strip of tape and firmly pushes it down over Casey's throbbing lips, snickering as the last word comes out garbled. "Be a good boy now," he pats Casey on the cheek after pushing down a second strip. "I have a few things to do before I go. What do you want for supper?"

_Is he for real? I can't stay here…I have to get free. But how?_

Casey hears Ben's footsteps pull away and tries to lean forward; desperately wanting to feel around the tight space for anything he could use to cut through the ropes keeping him captive. Sure enough he feels the rope around his neck starting to tighten and slumps back in defeat, his throat swallowing back a small panic-filled lump of emotion as he worries about slowly choking to death. _Kelly will not believe him…he can't….he just can't…we might have argued but he knows I don't play games. He will right? He'll wonder? Damn maybe he won't._

With his knees bent and him seated he correctly surmises that he's being held in a small hall closet. But where? Ben's home? Somewhere else? Close to the fire house? Or far away? And with him leaving suddenly wouldn't that arouse suspicion? If so then maybe he'd be rescued from his hellish nightmare sooner rather than later.

"Just trying to decide what we'll have for supper!" Ben calls out, making Casey's teeth grit under the effective tape gag.

_This can't be happening…maybe I can kick against the wall when he leaves…will someone hear? _But much to his horror, he hears music being turned on; not loud enough to arouse the neighbors but enough to keep any attempts at making himself know moot.

"Incase you thought you could try something Matthew. See I have all angles covered," Ben's voice snickers from the other room. "I'll leave the heat on so you don't get cold. Turn it up nice and high. Make you sweat a little."

_No not the heat…_his mind states in a panic; knowing that with no food, no water, only the sickly sweet residue of chloroform and acidic bile in his system with no way to come out, would only make him sicker and more vulnerable – just what Ben had planned on. _Think Matt…think…_his mind forces him to try to drown out Ben's sickening whistling in the background while at the same time trying to keep away thoughts that Ben had drugged and assaulted him in his own home against his will and he couldn't do anything about it. _You aren't in that kind of pain…now focus. _

"Having fun Matthew? Thinking about later?" Ben's voice suddenly is heard, snapping him out of his morbid stupor.

_Yeah a lot of fun…let me go you sick bastard!_

"I promise we'll have some more fun later. I went easy on you last night. Tonight I won't."

_No…please no more…just…what's…that? Oh no…please no more…_

"Time for me to get going. Sweet dreams while I'm away."

Casey's nose picks up the unmistakable aroma of chloroform and he tries to jerk his head away; once again paying the price as he feels the noose tighten and his air supply starting to shorten.

_Kelly….help me….someone…help me…._

"Mmmmph…." is the last soft whisper escaping the edges of the tape gag before he goes limp once more; Ben loosening the noose but making sure that Casey would pay the ultimate price if he tried to pull away too far or too fast.

"Mine…" Ben smiles as his hand rests on Casey's thigh and then purposely moves lower. "All mine."

XXXXXXXX

_Need to throw up….sick…warm…dizzy…help me…someone…Kelly…help me…HELP ME! ._Casey's mind races as he once again is dragged back to reality from the drugged stupor, feeling worse than the last time.

_I'm still…a prisoner, _he acknowledges in miserable defeat.

Casey's sweaty head rests against the back of the small closet, his limbs aching from being tied tightly for so long and his body feeling cramped from the small space and wanting to stretch out and relax. He moves his head downward, his chin trying to feel for the rope, wondering if indeed Ben had left it around his neck as he had taunted.

_Damn….rope's there…can't move too far or I'll choke. _Casey's mind acknowledges in defeat as he tries to swallow and focus. As he had rightly predicted the warm temperature forces his stomach to swim with waves of nausea; his throat, however, unable to throw anything up thanks to the gag; rather being forced to swallow back down angry bile and cause his stomach to ache further.

_Kelly won't believe him…but if Ben's there then Antonio will show up and arrest him. I just wait…Kelly will come and tell me that and not find me and…he'll find me…I have to believe that he'll find me in time…oh god he better find me in time…_Casey's eyes water under the tight black blindfold; his fingers trying to find something around them to use to try to attempt escape. Nothing. The area had been swept clean.

_Damn you Ben! Grant! Whatever the hell your name is DAMN YOU! _Casey's mind finishes with an angry growl. He tries to bring his bound feet up to kick at the side of the small closet, cursing when he only succeeds in working himself into a further needless sweat and slumping back in sheer miserable frustration. His head starts to throb a bit more and he's wondering now what else he had endured at Ben's hands while he was unconscious. _He still could have forced…_

_No…don't dwell on that…remain focused and try to find a way to get free…_but as he knows what he's had to endure at Ben's evil hands in the past he now wonders if perhaps his brain is just trying to mask any familiar pain or if it's really not there. _I have to get free…I have to…this can't happen again…oh god not again…_

But as the seconds tick by into minutes and the minutes trudge into hours he now wonders if perhaps Ben's evil plan will actually succeed; Kelly doesn't care to check up on him; he'll be taken away, assaulted and killed without anyone being alerted until it's too late. _They all died in fires…bodies showed other signs of assault…murdered…I'm next…this can't be…._

He thinks back to his ill fated discussion with Severide and how he let his anger get the best of him; unwittingly allowing himself to be pounced on by Ben by not listening to Kelly offer his side. _Ben wanted this…Kelly was right…Ben knew how I'd react…he's to blame…damn Kelly I'm sorry…damn I wish I had just given you one extra minute to explain…why didn't I listen…why…_

Casey now forces himself to try to relax; working himself up earlier had only served to make him feel sicker than before and without a way to dispel the putrid bile inside, working himself up further is out of the question. _Control your breathing….remember your confined space training…shallow…slow…focus…remain sharp._

But unlike willingly subjecting himself to a rather scary situation in full gear with help readily available; he was on his own, barely clothed, unable to call out or move and if he did move would hang himself – voluntarily. _What's the lesser of two evils? _His mind ponders for a few seconds. _Death is not the alternative! _His mind argues back. I hang myself and I spare myself a horrible death. I can't let him do that to me again…won't let him do that to me again…_you can't take the easy way out, Kelly won't believe him…Antonio is going to arrest him…you have to hang on! _Kelly won't care…he'll think I'm mad and give me space. _He might try to call…when Antonio arrests him… you have to hang on. _

Casey's mind continues to try to reason back and forth between pulling on the rope and praying for a swift rescue. But his heart rate starts to soar as he hears a door slam so hard it makes a few things reverberate with anger; loud cursing approaching from outside the small closet; Ben's voice drawing closer and his head starting to pound with each angry footstep nearing him; his heart rate nearing critical.

"THAT STUPID MEDDLING BASTARD!" Ben shouts as he yanks open the door and glares at Casey's captive frame in heated contempt.

_What? what's going on….what's happened?_

"You thought you could ALL PLAY ME? THINK AGAIN!" Ben shouts once more as he kicks Casey in the side and then pulls back, Casey's helpless frame jerking to the left and his mind exploding with pain. "I guess I misjudged Kelly Severide! He called Boden and your damn Chief came BACK!" Ben shouts before he storms off, Casey's mind now racing with the thought that with Boden back…_wait…if Boden's back what about Antonio? Ben's here. That means no arrest. Oh no…this isn't what we had planned…not good._

"Mmmph!" Casey tries to call out now that the door's open and hearing Ben's footsteps in the distance. Wait...focus. _Kelly called Boden…now he'll call me and when I don't answer…maybe he won't…he will…he might not…_FOCUS!

"No one wants to play by the damn RULES!" Ben growls loudly as he hovers over Casey's trapped frame and tugs on the rope around his neck, forcing Casey's body to jerk upward and his lungs to feel the enclosure cutting off his air intake as he has no way to hold himself up to keep his air supply from being cut off and choking to death.

_No Ben…can't breathe…no…stop…please stop…_

"I should just kill you right now and be done with it!" Ben huffs at Casey's sad whimpers, as he finally lets go of the rope and then cuts a piece off, pulling Casey's head through it and letting the rope bits dangle at his side; before it's tossed into the hallway. "But I have bought myself some time…I'll just move things up and we'll leave sooner. We'll have supper on the road."

_NO! Don't…do this…_Casey's head shakes as he feels Ben's arms trying to pull him out of the small closet.

"Stop fighting me boy!" Ben warns as his hand slips lower forcing Casey's movements to automatically freeze. "I see I still have it," Ben snickers, making Casey's anger surge and his head to once again hit Ben's, his brain not caring about the rapid onslaught of dizzy spells.

"Damn you! We'll leave as soon as I make a call," Ben growls, not realizing that the two people he would try to call and warn were now being served their own arrest warrants and would no longer be there to answer the phone – Ben would be on his own; forcing his hatred and anger to skyrocket and his panic to increase.

Ben merely drops Casey's bound frame to the floor and storms back toward the living room, closing tightly all the blinds and barricading the front door; Casey unable to do much else but listen as he lays on the floor in helpless misery and listens to Ben's angry curses as the phone call isn't going as expected - no one is answering. _Okay Boden's back…Kelly will call…no answer…he'll know I don't play silly games…he'll come to tell me…or send someone…I'm not home…he'll come here…just hold on a bit longer. _But as he hears Ben's footsteps stop and despite the heavy blindfold can feel his gaze looking down with an evil grin, his heart starts to race a bit higher and stomach tighten from fear.

"Don't be shy Matthew; you're a prize to be enjoyed," he snickers as Casey's fists tighten behind his back. "But its time to go. I'll enjoy you later," Ben hisses as he decides against cutting the ropes around Casey's ankles and instead picks him up, slings him over his shoulder and snickers as he gives his ass a good swat, Casey's frame now trying to wrestle itself off Ben's shoulder and stall for time. The play works as he manages to slip from Ben's grasp but misjudges the distance from the top of Ben's large frame to the floor and lands with a painful thud on his already throbbing side.

"Want me to drug you again?" Ben offers in exasperation as he grabs Casey's flailing frame once more and marches to the backdoor and into the cool garage; depositing his body onto something soft. "Well I can't just put you in the trunk as is now can I? I don't want the car to damage my prize. That's my job," Ben evilly taunts as he zips up the sides of the sleeping back, ensuring that Casey wouldn't be able to fish around with his hands and find something to cut himself loose with.

_Ben…no…don't do this! _Casey's lips offer uselessly as he continues to struggle against the set of large hands trying to get him into the trunk. But a swift blow to his unprotected mid-section temporarily winds him and all he can do is listen as the trunk is slammed down shut and Ben's sickening laughter fills the confined space.

_Gotta move…bang…do something…_Casey's mind offers in a panic as he tries to move in the small space. But with his body encased in the thick sleeping bag; his movements are slow and crude at best, his plan moot. _HELP ME! _He slumps back in sweaty defeat and tries to call out as his head rests on the thick padding beneath it; Ben in the front turning up the music so that even the slightest muffle would be masked and no one would suspect the driver of having a kidnapped fire fighter in the trunk.

_Kelly…buddy you gotta find me…go to my place…something…just…please just go…go now…damn what I have I done?_

XXXXXXXX

Back at Casey's, Severide offers an angry curse as he looks around Matt's quiet bedroom and frowns. No signs of a struggle and yet he knows that Matt would never go willingly with Ben. So can only lament the fact that he didn't go see Matt earlier and perhaps intervene in or prevent his kidnapping. _Was Ben waiting? And where? Inside the house? Would Matt even open the door to him? Would he willingly let him into his house? Alone? _

"Damn you Ben," Severide mutters under his breath as he races back downstairs, gets into his car and heads for Ben's home, not caring about the steady stream of rings on his phone from either Boden or Antonio. _I did this…I have to help fix it, _his mind churns over and over as he pictures Casey in Ben's grasp and Ben doing what he did in the past…_damn just let me get there in time._

_"Kelly where are you?" Antonio asks as Severide finally answers his phone by pressing the speaker button. _

"Almost at Ben's. Chief I gotta know if he's there…"

_"Kelly wait for…"_

"Matt's missing because of me!" Severide snaps as he hangs up not hearing Antonio warn that Ben could be armed and that he wasn't the only one involved in all this. "Can't believe this…damn…" he grumbles as he nears Ben's home, coming to a screeching halt out front and then charging for the front door.

"Ahhhh!" Severide yelps as he had slammed into the barricaded door on his uninjured side only to meet with a near brick wall and bounce back in pain. Not bothering to knock, he hurries around the back, stopping at a side door that was left unlocked.

"Ben! Where are you!" Severide shouts as he races up the small set of stairs into the main part of the house, breathing hard but pushing past the fresh throb in his opposite shoulder from its harsh connection with the barricaded door minutes earlier. He spies the cut rope in the middle of the hall and hurries toward the rope and picks it up; his fist tightening around it.

"What the hell?" Severide curses as he looks into the closet to see the other half of the rope hanging down the wall and then looks at the piece in his hands. "A noose…Matt…buddy what the hell…did you endure…" Severide's anxious tone stammers as he heads for the stairs to go up.

"Matt! Matt!" He shouts into the quiet that starts to enclose around him. Severide reaches the top of the stairs and then starts to frantically search the three small rooms, starting with the largest but stopping short in the doorway and feeling his stomach lurch.

"Oh god no…" Severide states with a sick feeling as he spies Matt's sweat pants and CFD tee-shirt on the bed. _Did he give him something else to wear or is he naked? _His mind quickly recalls Ben's taunts earlier in the day: _I slept well…comforted Matthew…likes it more than your friendship…taking away good memories._

For a few seconds more he hears Casey's voice asking why he let Ben hurt him; his expression appearing before his eyes and begging him for an answer as to why he let Ben hurt him over and over again before killing him. _Snap out of it! _His mind commands! _You have to find Matt – now FOCUS!_

"I did this…" he groans as he pulls his phone. "Chief, I'm here a Ben's but…they're gone…Matt was here but um…"

_"What did you find?"_

"You don't wanna know," Severide shakes his head as he heads back downstairs, taking Casey's clothes with him but wondering if his friend would even want to put them back on if he was found. He heads back into the living room and then spies the bottle of chloroform on the table and heads toward it. "Chloroform…figured Matt didn't go willingly. We need to find him before Ben kills him. Can you track his phone?" Severide asks in desperation.

_"He's disabled the GPS. What kind of car does he drive?"_

"You can't just search his name?" Severide tosses back at Antonio, his tone a bit sharp but hoping the men on the other end could forgive his anxiety at the moment.

_"Which one? He has too many to search," Antonio groans. "A make...model…color even…"_

"Okay it's um…hold on…" Severide pauses as he turns and looks toward the garage, thinking he's heard something. "I thought I heard…something. In the garage."

_"Kelly be careful…if he comes back and is armed, he'll not care about taking you out," Boden starts._

"I know hold on…" Severide carefully heads toward the garage, peering back into the large empty space and offering a frown to a small cat that looks up with the same wide-eyed expression. "Damn cat," he smirks out of frustration. "Hold on I think I can find a make but…"

_"There are too many listed here to start a GPS search and some older models don't have that."_

"Let's pray it's a new car…" Severide's heavy tone echoes in the empty space as he continues to look around, his mind not wanting to even dare to think about what Casey might have had to endure. _And the closet…the noose…sick bastard…I need to find him…need to end this…what if he assaulted Casey and I let it happen? He had hours and Casey was drugged. Now he could be…_

_"Kelly?" Boden's voice breaks into his tormented thoughts._

"Sorry hold on…I just…I can't focus," he admits in misery as his fingers fumble with a few extemporaneous car parts.

_"Focus. We'll find Matt…"_

"Sir this is my fault. I wasn't straight with him about…I just wasn't and now…you don't know what Ben's capable of, what he's done to Matt in the past," Severide insists as his mind hears Casey calling to him for help but him arriving to late.

_"I know part of it. But you two can make amends later. Right now I need you to focus and help us find him. What are you looking at?"_

"Car parts of…okay wait this looks newer and has a part number you should be able to trace to see who bought it or at least the car and then get the GPS."

_"I can work with that," Antonio replies in haste. "What's the number?"_

"Sir?" Severide directs at Boden.

_"Yeah Kelly it's me," Boden's strong voice is heard without the background static to indicate that they were now off speaker. "You are not to blame for this."_

"Ben wanted this…he found something on me and showed Matt and got us to fight and we…"

_"Reacted the way you two normally do; you butted heads."_

"How much did Antonio tell you about Ben's backstory?"

_"Enough to know I'd like to get my hands on him and go a few rounds alone," Boden assures him, making Severide feel a small pang of comfort. "He also found that Ben has had two others working with him all along."_

"What?"

_"They were all supposed to be arrested at the same time today to end thi…"_

"Matt never told me. Sir I just can't…the other two…who are they? Did Antonio find out?"

_"Yeah he did and…the other two are…"_

"What the hell?" Severide stares in shock at the space before him after learning the truth about the two men helping to cover over Ben's horrific misdeeds.

_"Any signs of a struggle?" Boden asks as Antonio continues to search for the GPS on Ben's car; all of them desperate to get to it before he dumps his precious cargo._

"No. But I um…I found Matt's clothes and…Sir if he…Casey will blame me for let…"

_"You can't think that Kelly…you have to focus and stay sharp, Casey needs that right now. He needs all of us to focus."_

Severide looks at the small pile of Casey's clothes that he had left on the work counter near the entrance to the garage and feels guilt starting to consume him. _What if we're too late? I should have just waited. What if Ben did assault him last night? What if Ben does kill him and I have to live with my friends death at my hands and…_Severide's tormented thought trails off as he quickly swallows and looks away; his mind threatening to spiral downward until he hears Antonio tell Boden he's got a lock on Ben's GPS and the direction where he's heading.

_"I think I know where he's going Kelly."_

"I'm on it Chief…"

_"Kelly wait for backu…"_

But Severide's finger had already disconnected the call, his hands grabbing for Casey's clothes as he bolts for the door; his ears not hearing the warning to wait for backup.

_Hold on Matt…buddy…I'm coming…please god let me get there in time._

* * *

**A/N: **Will Severide make it? What will the final showdown be like? And who will ultimately suffer when good and evil collide? Hope you are still liking the story and please do review before you go and thanks so much.


	12. Dance with the Devil

**Title: Hidden Agenda  
****Chapter 12 – Dance with the Devil**

* * *

_Matt you should have listened to me…I was your friend…backed you…went to war with Ben and you never let me explain…thought we were friends…you turned on me…NO…FOCUS…snap out of this and FOCUS! _Casey's mind tries to snap him out of his miserable stupor as his body finally starts to ease in shaking – shaking from anxiety not the cold. His mind flashes back to his very realistic nightmare where he's tied down to his bed with Ben on top…his mind offering images of Kelly's face and voice and then his cruel attacker's. _I just imagined all that right? He never did anything right? But…what if he did?_

Casey's stomach lurches as the car goes over a bump; his mind racing as to where Ben could be taking him. But he doesn't have to ponder what Ben has in mind as he knows; he'll be kept subdued for the most part, at least his wrists and ankles so he can't fight back, not drugged as Ben would want him awake and then Ben will…_NO…DON'T DO THIS…_his mind yells as he's flashed back in time to the time Ben had first cornered him. He hadn't told Kelly the whole truth about that incident; how Ben did corner him in the shower and he did tell him no but that Ben merely laughed and pressed on with his evil plan, pulling out a pair of handcuffs and capturing him when he had his back turned; his mouth covered with tape and his future forever altered.

_This can't happen again…not again…_Casey's chest starts to hyperventilate again as his mind offers him another sordid memory and his anger surges.

_AHHHHH! _Casey's bound feet kick at the side of the trunk in angry misery; Ben merely turning up the base so that his pounding was now in time with the beat to whatever rock song was being played in the front seat. He slumps back, praying for the pounding in his head and the sick feeling in his stomach to subside long enough for him to focus. _Work the sleeping bag down and try to cut your wrists free…on something, _his brain instructs.

_Okay…I can do that…_Casey tells himself as he starts to slowly inch the bag down toward his feet; his lips uttering a muffled gasp as his bare shoulders finally connect with something metallic in the trunk; his plan is working. He feels cool air starting to assault his chest as the bag slowly starts to move downward; the process slow but promising. But just as he manages to get the bag halfway down his chest he feels the car starting to slow and his heart rate to skyrocket.

_No…oh what the hell? Where here already? This can't be…we're here already? Did Kelly check my home? Did he check Ben's? Did he even bother or is Ben right? Is this it? I'm alone? No help? No escape? Hurry…you hafta hurry…if no one is coming to your aid you hafta find a way to escape on your own…if not…you really are dead._

Not caring about the small scrapes starting to form along his smooth back, Casey continues to work the sleeping bag, managing to get it almost near his belly and pull his bound wrists free and rest along a jagged edge. But just as he does the car suddenly jerks to a halt, forcing his lips to utter an angry groan as his body painfully rolls to the right and then back to its original position. His teeth grit as Ben's whistling tune is heard seconds before the trunk is pulled open.

"Am glad you are happy to show yourself to me Matthew," Ben snickers before his gaze turns serious. Then without much warning, his fingers firmly curl around a taut bicep and yank him upward to inspect the ropes still keeping his wrists firmly bound behind his back. "I told you!" Ben hisses, his lips inches from Casey's ear. "You have nowhere to go and no one is coming to help you!"

He yanks the tape off Casey's mouth and then lets him drop back into the trunk.

"Ben…please do…" is all he manages before Ben pulls his hidden weapon and cocks the trigger; forcing Casey's frame to instantly seize.

"Please do whatever I want?" Ben states sharply as he presses the cold end of the gun barrel against Casey's cheek and then traces the firm outline of his rough jaw. "Oh I will and more and this…this will stop whoever tries to come between me and my prize."

"They know we're missing…Antonio knows…"

"What?" Ben asks as he slowly unzips the sleeping back; Casey's skin instantly covered with shiver bumps. "What does he know?"

"Everything. He has a warrant…for your arrest. It's…over."

"Hardly over. It'll never be OVER! He'll hafta find me first," Ben taunts as he puts the gun away and then pulls his knife and reaches down, yanking Casey's found feet and pulling them up to cut them free. "Don't worry…you'll be in my arms later," he continues to taunt his helpless captive.

_No…this can't be…they'll find me time. Antonio will trace the car…Kelly will insist…he will right? RIGHT? _

"Ben…"

"Hush now Matthew. I'd hate to gag those perfect lips of yours," Ben merely replies as he shoves a pair of runners on Casey's bare feet and then starts to pull him out of the trunk. Casey kicks at him but misjudges Ben's anger; uttering an angry growl as Ben allows his nearly naked body to fall to the cold ground; a painful grunt quickly following.

_Run! Where to? I can't see anything and he has a gun. Maybe if he shoots it'll be heard and…_

"Come now Matthew," Ben huffs as he easily sidesteps Casey's feeble kicks and lifts him up by his shoulders. "I know you're cold but I promise I'll make you warm very soon."

"Ben!" Casey snaps as he tries to pull himself free of his evil captor's firm grasp. "HELP ME! SOMEONE HELP ME!" Casey shouts in vain, his ears instantly filling with Ben's mocking laughter.

"No one around but us Matthew. My car isn't registered. My phone is turned off and yours is at home. I can enjoy you without interruptions," Ben pauses as his free hand rests on Casey's back and threatens to move lower. "Now now I see you cut yourself Matthew. I'll patch it up later."

"They'll know you're gone."

"WHO?" Ben shouts as his fingers tighten their grasp; pressing into his cold skin with added force. "Who's going to know or CARE? You pissed off the only ballsy ally you had in your corner. Kelly doesn't care anymore. He'll give you your space and by the time anyone bothers to miss you, YOU'LL BE DEAD! You're fate is sealed! Accept it!"

_NO! Fight back! _Casey's brain commands as it tries to push the sordid lies to the back of his mind and concentrate. But as he forces himself to listen for a few seconds; he rightfully discerns he is alone…no sounds of the city…or people…or life other than them. _Where the hell am I?_

"Where are we?"

"Oh I like the little lost boy routine Matthew, very charming," Ben grins as Casey grits his teeth.

"WHERE?"

A few seconds later, Ben yanks the thick blindfold down; Casey's watery eyes furiously trying to clear some of the stinging dye from the cloth out so he could at least get a bearing on where he's being taken.

Ben stops them from walking and looks at Casey with a serious expression; Casey's brain finally discerning that he was being taken toward a defunct training burn house; one put out of commission in favor of a newer facility a few years back.

"Feels like home doesn't it Matthew?"

Casey turns and angrily spits in Ben's face, his brain biting back a wince to the harsh backhand he predictably received in return. _Just stall for time…just stall…do anything to stall._

"Why are you doing this?"

"Why do you want to make me angry Matthew? You know I'm a lot gentler when I'm not angry."

"WHY!" Casey shouts only to slightly pull back as Ben leans in with an angry snarl.

"BECAUSE I CAN! You know…I've changed my MIND! You can beg me LATER!" Ben shouts back as he pulls the cloth that had been the blindfold and stuffs it between Casey's throbbing lips. "And because I want to. Time to go have some fun."

"B…mhp…" Casey tries to offer a garbled protest; his body pulling back but quickly recoiling at Ben's touch, allowing Ben to succeed in dragging him further toward the burn house and then into the darkened surroundings.

_HELP ME! _Casey continues his futile struggles. His eyes dart frantically around for any means of escape, not caring that his wrists are bound. He has shoes and can run; surely anyone would see him and call the police for help. But as they round a corner, Casey's eyes widen in horror and fear finally seizes him.

"Time for some fun Matthew. And I think this time…you might even enjoy this."

XXXXXXXX

Severide's anxious eyes look at the time and then back to the road; his mind racing with horrible thoughts about what his friend has possibly had to endure at evil hands and his brain trying to push aside Casey's voice calling to him for help and him arriving too late to save him. _The ropes on the bed…the drugs…the tape…the clothes…_

"Damn it!" Severide curses as he hits the dashboard with his fist and grits his teeth. Having Casey mad at him for keeping the truth was one thing but having him hate him for him being part of the cause Casey's forcibly assaulted was something else entirely. _Of course it would be forcible…what if….DON'T…_his brain warns as he feels his foot slowly lift off the pedal. _You have to keep going…you are the closest…you have to stop Ben and help your friend…this means his very life._

"He'll hate me for this…" Severide huffs as he recalls what Boden had told him about who was helping Ben commit his horrible deeds. "Matt…damn I'm so sorry…"

_Ben…don't do this…please…KELLY!_

Severide's eyes squeeze shut for a few milliseconds as his grip tightens around the steering wheel; Casey's tormented cries in his head begging for help and Ben's sickening laughter in the background.

"Please god…let me make it there in time."

He knows that if it was just a simple beating Ben was after, Casey's body could heal…even broken limbs…but he knows that Ben has something far more sinister in mind and that was the kind of assault a mind might never heal from. The pain from the past Casey had buried but it never left…now it would come up to the fore again…maybe worse?

"I can't let that happen," Severide utters with a determined tone as he pushes down on the pedals a bit with a more force. "I have to get there in time…just hold on Matt…buddy I'm coming."

XXXXXXXX

"N..mmph…" Casey tries in protest as he looks at the setup before him and feels his stomach want to throw up; swallowing back down the angry bile as he tries to pull away.

"You have a choice Matthew…you go into those shackles willingly and I'll be gentler…or you fight me and you end up in a lot more pain. Either way…you're going in."

Casey's leg automatically comes up and kicks Ben in the knee, his body then instantly pivoting on his right foot and trying to bolt for the stairs. He had thought about just tossing himself out the window but if he couldn't ensure he'd land on his feet and keep going it was moot; he'd just cut himself further in the process and really be in more trouble than he already was; Ben wouldn't care. So instead he darts into a darkened alcove and tries to keep his breathing shallow from giving himself away.

"Oh I like hide and seek Matthew. Will make my victory over catching you again that much sweeter."

Casey closes his eyes for a few seconds and prays for his heart rate to subside long enough for the pounding in his ears to lessen and his brain to think of the next move in his feeble escape plan.

"Marco!" Ben calls out with a small snicker as Casey slowly starts to make his way toward the staircase, his brain urging his feet to be as quiet as possible. He turns and looks at the lighted space behind him; his brain now racing with thoughts of where Ben is as everything had gone quiet.

But just as he looks back his lips utter a horrified gasp.

"Polo," Ben states with a low evil tone. "Playtime is up. Now its time for some serious fun."

Casey turns around and tries to make it a break for it in the other direction; his weary frame no match for Ben's large stride which is upon him in seconds, am arm wrapping around his neck as his free hand reaches lower; Casey's struggling instantly halting as his lips utter an anguished cry. His foot comes down on Ben's but Ben's grasp merely tightens; his body pulled tightly against Ben's.

"As much I like this, you've made me angry…very angry. Now you'll really pay."

XXXXXXXX

_"Kelly you'll wait for us…" Boden instructs._

"Sir whatever happens just promise me that only the four of us know what happened tonight okay? If Ben…oh god if he…I mean I hope not but…Matt can't have everyone knowing about…it…he just can't."

_"I give you my word, but Kelly he could be…"_

"I see the car. It's empty," Severide mentions as he stops his own car and gets out. "I'm going after Matt," Severide tells a protesting Boden and Antonio as they hurry toward them but still being a good distance away.

_"Kelly wai…"_

Severide opens his trunk and grabs the only thing he can find as a weapon – his tire iron and hurries toward Ben's car. His lips offer an angry curse as he looks at the rope and bloody piece of duct tape on the ground and then at the sleeping back in the trunk.

"Time to end this you sick bastard," Severide hisses as he heads for the dark and defunct fire house at top speed. His speed slows to a careful pace as he nears the entrance and then steps inside; his heart rate also starting to soar. He hears whispered voices on the second floor and makes his way toward the stairs; knowing the layout of the abandoned building like the back of his hand even in the dark.

"You tell me to stop Matthew and I will," Ben mocks; forcing Severide's teeth to grit in the dark.

_Come on Matt…tell him no…let me hear you say it, _Severide's mind anxiously begs_. _But when Casey doesn't answer back his fingers tighten around the tire iron in his hands as he slowly climbs upward. He reaches the second floor landing and carefully peers around the corner, narrowing his gaze at the lighted area in the distance and trying to figure out whose shadow was on the wall. Ben's? or Casey's?

_I'm here Matt…I just hope I'm not to late…_

"I know it's been awhile so this might feel like the first time. A body like yours…too perfect to be used by female hands. You need someone with some strength and power…rough you up a little. I know you like it rough. You remember the first time don't you? I do. Finding you in the showers like that…your perfect naked body…you said no but I know you meant yes. You weren't firm in your denial…just like now. I know you want this as much as I do."

_Oh damn Matt….no…so he did…_Severide's body rests against a darkened wall for a few seconds as the sickening realization comes clear.

"I'll warm you up shortly and everything will feel perfect; just like old times. No one here but you and me. You like that right? Now first…stop fighting me and let me…I'm warning you Matthew…you stop fighting me or else I'll just do…this…you like that don't you. I know I do."

Severide hears the muffled yell this time he feels his teeth bite down and his fist tighten so tightly around the piece of metal in his hands that his fingers start to throb.

"Since we have all night…let me get something extra special for us…to enhance the mood."

_This tire iron will help with that you sick son of a bitch! _

Severide holds his breath as he hears Ben's voice near and then fade out; his brain trying to utter a warning that he might

have been heard but his heart just eager to get his friend out of the devil's evil clutches and get outside; praying that Boden and Antonio will arrive and deal with Ben on their own. He takes a chance to head toward the lighted area, praying that Casey's just tied up but could be easily freed with his small pocket knife.

Severide nears the lighted area and looks around to make sure his shadow doesn't give him away prematurely and then dares to peek around the corner. _Oh damn Matt…_his mind gasps in horror as he spies his friend in a very compromising position; each wrist pulled tightly away from his body to ether side and secured with a thick leather cuff to a post on either side; the thick damp gag still tightly in place. _At least he's not fully naked, _he notes the black underwear and runners. Severide quickly looks around for Ben and knows he hasn't gone far so will have to act with haste.

XXXXXXXX

_Oh god please no more...please…no more…just let me die a quick death…please…_Casey's mind begs as he hears Ben's low taunting laughter. To get him into position; Ben had retied his feet and then taken delight in the struggle as he wrestled Casey to the floor, cut his wrists free and then prepared to get the leather cuffs around each chaffed wrist; Casey fighting back with every once of adrenaline his depleted body could manage. But with Ben's size and strength it was a very one sided and losing battle as the cuffs were tightened and then his body was hoisted upright and fastened in place; his ankles then cut free.

_Ben! _Casey's mind yelled as he struggled in vain; the compromising position doing little to offer protection from his captor's evil touch.

"Do you like this Matthew?"

_No…please don't let him…_

"Ah kick all you want right now…in minutes you'll have no fight left."

_BEN! _Casey's lips try to yell past the gag as Ben's hand rests on his chest and move lower. Casey kicks out with his leg, not caring about not having full strength; but succeeding in getting Ben's touch to at least temporarily halt.

"You can't win. You're mine…no one knows where we are and unless I let you go…you aren't getting free anytime soon. So think ON THAT!" Ben shouts as he leans in closer; his hand poised. "But just to keep you in your place I have another toy to you might like. A nice spreader bar," Ben had whispered as he hand traced Casey's tight jaw; Casey's teeth tightened around the damp gag in his mouth as his head pulled back. "Your games are futile little boy. You have no where to go. I'll be right back."

As soon as Ben's back was turned; Casey's wrists started to pull and pull; his brain ordering his body to muster up whatever amount of energy it could find and help him try to escape. But the leather holds fast, keeping him prisoner with no hope of escape.

_This can't happen…not again…please god not again…_Casey's panic-stricken mind begs over and over as he tries to erase the horrible image from not so long ago; Ben's rough hands on his bare skin, his lungs yelling for help in vain and his mind doing whatever it had to to block out the nightmarish hell.

Casey hears Ben whistling in the near distance and once again tries to pull down on the thick leather cuffs, willing his wrists to pull out before his evil captor returned and he would most certainly beg for death; his mind knowing his evil captor would not grant that request until he was ready.

Casey's brain picks up some shuffling behind him and tries to pull down once more, not caring now that the edges of the leather cuffs were starting to bite into his raw skin; his body just wanting to keep Ben away and keep him from being fully subdued. _If he gets my legs apart…oh god no…please no…_The figure behind him nears and his heart rate threatens to explode as his body struggles against the restraints holding him fast. _HELP ME!_

But then something happens. A voice is heard whispering in his ear. A friendly voice. One he knows. One he can trust.

_"Matt, it's me…hold on…"_

_Kelly? No he's not here…it's Ben playing tricks…how would Kelly even know where to look? Don't give in to Ben's tricks…don't relax…keep fighting._

The voice again…comforting…reassuring…but frantic…determined.

"Matt, it's me…hold on," Severide's voice whispers as he finally comes into view, Casey's watery eyes furiously blinking in a desperate effort to focus. "I have to get you free. Just stop moving and let me."

_Kelly's here? Am I safe? Really? Where's Ben?_

XXXXXXXX

Severide bites back an angry growl as he nears Casey's struggling and captive frame, his mind begging for the chance to get Ben alone and literally beat the pulp out of him for this vile deed.

"Matt…it's me," Severide whispers as he touches Casey's damp back, trying to reach for his wrist but frowning when Casey's actions don't stop and allow him to cut the leather without cutting his hand. _He has to see you…let him see you…_his brain urges as he pulls his hand back and steps in front of Casey's struggling frame.

"Matt…" Severide whispers as he gently tugs the damp gag from Casey's bruised lips. "It's me…hold on okay?" Severide looks at him directly; his frown instantly growing and his heart sinking at his friends defeated condition as his fingers gently touch his flushed and dirty face and Casey finally looks directly at him. "Matt, I'm sorry." _FOCUS…dwell on the misery later…right now you have to focus and get him free before Ben comes back! _His brain commands. "I'm going to cut you down…don't move your hand."

"Kelly," Casey manages with a hoarse tone, his brain warning him to keep quiet until he was free of the shackles. Much to his relief Severide looks at the clasp and merely unhooks the large ring and then reaches for the second, finally freeing Casey and allowing his friend's body to literally collapse into his waiting grasp.

"Okay…buddy I got you…just hold on…" Severide mutters as he looks at the small bed and curses but helps Casey toward it and gently lowers him down, cursing as Casey's frame tries to rebel and his mind now wondering if Ben had succeeded with the assault. _Put your jacket on him and get the hell out of there! _ Severide takes off his jacket and then helps to feed Casey's right arm through it, worrying about the leather cuffs later but wanting to give him a bit more privacy for when the police arrive.

Severide looks up to ensure they are still alone and then looks back down at Casey's unmoving frame and shakes his head as he leans in closer to help him get back upright.

_"Matt…buddy you gotta stand up now…come on…we have to leave here…"_

But Casey's mind had switched off…he hears Severide's voice but then the small amount of comfort he takes in the fact that he could be saved is quickly cut off as a low evil laugh punctuates the air around them. _Ben's still here…I'm not really safe…this is all just an illusion…you're still captive. No one is coming to help you…no one cares._

Severide's head whips around just at the same time Ben's fist connects with his jaw, forcing his head to snap to the left and his body to jerk and stumble away.

"Get away from my prize!" Ben's voice bellows as his hands grip Severide's sweater and yank him backward, forcing Severide's footing to be lost and the distance between him and Casey to grow.

_Fighting…I hear fighting…shouting…_

"Matt, get up and RUN!" Severide shouts as he tries to pull Ben back. But at the same time his mind now races with another terrifying thought. "What the hell…" he sputters as he tries to pull himself free as his nose picks up the distinct smell of…"Fire?"

"You should have just minded your own DAMN BUSINESS!" Ben's angry voice bellows as he glares at Severide with hatred. "He's mine!"

"You've hurt him LONG ENOUGH!" Severide hisses back as he eyes the tire iron near the small bed where he left it and makes a dive for it; Ben trying to block his attempt but Severide succeeding in getting a bit closer.

"I'll be right with you Matthew," Ben's angry voice booms as he stomps toward Severide.

"No you won't!"

"You wanna try to stop me Kelly?"

"As I said before, my place is between you and Casey. So try it you sick bastard."

"Oh with pleasure."

"Matt…head for th…" is all Severide manages before Ben's hands grab his boots and yank him backward; Severide's fingers finally grasping the end of the tire iron and pulling it back with him. His mind frantically reminds him that the defunct fire house's back door is welded shut and the only exit could soon be blocked by flames or thick smoke – time is now of the essence.

Severide hits Ben in the side of the leg with the tire iron; forcing Ben's lips to growl as he staggers backward and loses his grip on Severide's boots. Severide's fingers claw at the ground as he tries to pull away; watching in horror as Ben pushes past him and heads for Casey's still unmoving frame on the bed.

"Matt, MOVE!" Severide shouts just as Ben reaches him.

"Time to go Matthew," Ben grins as he pulls Casey by the arm and then turns and looks at Severide just as he gets up. Severide charges, not caring about his own fate or wellbeing, just wanting to get Ben away from Casey. His body slams into Ben's forcing Ben's hold on Casey to loosen. He wastes no time in hitting Ben with the tire iron and forcing the large man to yell but look at him in hatred and keep coming.

"Damn!" Severide huffs as Ben's body slams into his; Severide trying to bring the tire iron down on his back but merely offering a weak hit to the side with his right arm and forcing his ears to hear Ben's mocking laugh. Ben kicks Severide in the knee, pushing him back and allowing him to turn and grab Casey once more. Severide quickly recovers and stands up with the tire iron poised to strike but is quickly forced to freeze in place as Ben pulls his final trump card.

"See…" Ben sneers as he pulls the gun and quickly points it at Severide and cocks the trigger. "I really do win. Are you faster than a speeding bullet Lieutenant Severide? He's mine and coming with me. I don't mind a few extra days alone with him."

"Let him go," Severide implores, the tire iron still fixed firmly in his right hand. "You've hurt him enough."

"Matthew likes pain."

"You've deluded yourself long enough; he doesn't want this! Now let him go."

"Matthew wants to come with me. See…he's not even fighting back."

"He's in shock you sick bastard," Severide growls as Ben raises the gun.

"Kinda stupid to come here all alone," Ben taunts.

"Let him go!"

"Matthew is mine. I had set this trap for him but I will take just as much satisfaction knowing you died in here today," Ben grins as Severide stares at Casey's placid expression in frustration.

"Matt!"

"He wants to stay with me," Ben snickers as his grip on Casey's arm tightens. "He wants this as much as me! Right Matthew?"

"Casey!" Severide growls loudly.

_Kelly?_

The use of his last name in a familiar smoky environment finally rings clear as his anxiety filled brain had mixed up Matt and Matthew, offering both in Ben's evil tone and forcing his system to just shut down and go into a numb shell; a mental defense mechanism to block out the pain. But…_If Kelly's here…hope isn't lost…don't give up…help him…fight back…you have to fight back._

Casey finally looks up at Severide and blinks; a small but telling sign to Severide that his fight wouldn't be in vain.

"Matthew wants to stay with me, don't you Matthew?" Ben's hot breath starts to dance on Casey's cheek, forcing his teeth to grit and his brain to summon whatever was left to make a move.

"Never…" Casey offers a very hoarse whisper.

Ben's eyes momentarily shift from Severide to Casey; allowing Severide to lunge and Casey's right elbow to come up and clip Ben in the jaw just as Severide's body slams into both of them, pushing Casey's weary frame to the right and them to slam onto the dirty floor.

"Kelly!" Casey coughs into the thickening smoke, his brain finally registering the comforting sounds of sirens in the distance as he looks up from his fallen position on the floor; his brain wishing he could find the extra strength to join the fight.

Severide's lips utter an angry yelp as Ben hits him in the jaw with the butt end of the gun; Severide countering with a knee to the groin and forcing Ben's body to recoil in return.

"Si…rens…" Casey coughs as he tries to pull himself toward them; frantically looking for anything to use as a weapon but knowing he has to stay low to keep free from the putrid smoke as it rises. Ben's hand shoots out and grabs Casey's bare ankle; making Casey turn back and kick at Ben the same time as Severide's arms wrap around Ben's chest and he tries to pull Ben away; the large man not going down as easily as wanted.

"Police…are he…" is all Severide manages before he curses in horror as Ben's hand reaches for his gun and he fires at Casey. Ben kicks back at Severide at the same time he tosses his head back, forcing Severide's grasp around him to loosen and Ben to claw free

"If I can't have you…" Ben growls as he lunges for Casey who was trying to get to the stairs to get down. "NO one can!" Ben's arms pull him back, the gun coming close to his stubble clad face just as Severide pounces; the three of them struggling to get free as the flames continue to build.

"Casey! Get for…" Severide tries as Ben's elbow comes and up and caches him in the lungs, forcing his lips to sputter for air as Casey tries to pull himself free.

"Matthew…"

"Let him…go…" Severide grunts as he wraps his arms around Ben's neck, desperately trying to free Casey from Ben's evil grasp.

Casey struggles to get his tired arms free of Severide's thick coat, his fingers shaking as they fumble with the zipper to pull it down and get him loose – but to no avail. The smoke and heat continues to build around them; coating them all in thick sweat and soot and forcing Casey's already straining lungs to cough and his stomach to rebel.

"Casey! Get o…" Severide tries as Ben twists his arm and fires; the bullet missing by only a few inches.

Casey tries to drop to his knees, not caring about scraping the skin further, just wanting to get free of Ben's iron-like grasp. Ben turns and lands a hard punch to Severide's jaw pushing him backward a few feet and then forcing him to stumble into the small bed.

Casey picks up the metal spreader bar and hits Ben over the back of the head of the head; Ben's frame slumping down long enough for Severide's hands to grapple for the gun and try to wrestle it away.

"Casey go…the smoke…" Severide coughs as Casey hesitates. But much like himself, he knows Casey won't leave him to fight Ben alone; not if there was even the slightest drop of energy left in him to offer. Casey grabs Ben's legs and gives whatever yank he can manage, pulling him free and allowing Severide to finally get the gun. But just as Severide holds it up; a small explosion rocks the building, forcing all three of them to nearly be knocked off their feet. Ben takes advantage of the distraction and dives for Severide, his body slamming into Severide's tiring frame and knocking the gun clear, sending it flying into the darkness and well out of reach.

Hearing the sirens finally near, Casey turns and slowly heads for the stairs to go down; his lungs coughing heavily and his brain praying for the heated dizzy spells to stay away long enough for him to make it downstairs on his own merit. But Ben has other plans as he breaks free from Severide and charges after Casey, grabbing the back of his jacket and pulling him back into his grasp.

"You can't leave me that easily Mathew. I won't allow it," his breath hisses in Casey's ear.

With an angry grunt Casey tosses back his head, the two of theirs connecting and forcing Ben's to snap back and his to explode with new painful sensations. Severide's arms wrap around Ben's neck and pull him back; his grasp still on Casey and dragging him with him.

"Let him…go," Severide orders as he tightens his grasp on Ben. Ben gives Casey a good shove, sending the beleaguered 51 Lieutenant to his knees slightly gasping for air and trying to get the black circles to disappear so he can get out of the building. They don't and he remains on his knees.

The fire starts to come up the back stairwell, having nowhere else to go thanks to the locked door; Severide desperate to get Ben down for good and Casey out of harms way; his eyes frantically darting back to his fallen friend and his brain desperately urging him to move faster – the fire would soon be there to consume all of them.

"It's over!" Severide shouts as he tries to get Ben's large frame to slow in its struggles.

"Matthew will always…be mine!" Ben shouts back as he pitches his large frame forward, sending Severide's heavily breathing frame over his shoulder and crashing onto the floor inches away from the small bed. Ben turns and tries to bolt for Casey; Severide's hands reaching out and grabbing Ben's foot and pulling, forcing him stagger and land on his knees in an angry thud.

"Cas…ey…" Severide coughs painfully as the smoke thickens in the confined space, the windows not all properly vented and only the one main entrance still open and waiting for them to use as escape if possible. Severide pushes himself up and rushes toward Ben as he tries to get at Casey one last time; pulling his unwilling frame toward a new pillar of fire.

Casey feels the intense heat on his face; panic finally seizing him as his elbow lands square on Ben's jaw and he turns in his grasp with an angry glare. "No more!" Is all he offers Ben before he punches him square in the jaw and then punches him once more in the face; his brain knowing his fist would have no success in making a dent in Ben's thick stomach.

Casey punches his jaw one last time, not caring about the flames now trying to lick at the back of his vulnerable bare legs. Severide jumps in and pushes Ben forward toward the flames at the same time as Casey pulls Ben toward him; Ben's face offering a large grin as he nears and then a horrified gasp as Casey manages to quickly side-step out of the way. The flesh hungry flames open their arms for Ben's protesting frame; Severide pushing past him and pulling Casey clear before his tardiness would get his tender skin burned as well.

"Matt!" Severide grabs Casey before he can collapse to the warming cement floor.

"Don't…look back," Severide pants as he struggles to keep Casey upright in his arms; Casey's watery unblinking eyes fixed on Ben's flailing frame now covered with flames. Casey's eyes finally blink and Ben is gone…fallen…taken to hell where he rightfully belongs.

"He's…gone…" Casey utters softly as his weary frame finally collapses from sheer exhaustion.

"No…Matt…no don't do this to me!" Severide shouts as he looks at Casey's closed eyes and heat kissed cheeks as the blaze finally reaches them. "MATT!" He shouts with a hoarse cough as he drags him toward the stairs. "Matt…no buddy not now…" he shouts as he leans down to feel for a breath. When he gets a small one, Severide gathers up Casey's limp frame in his arms; pushing past the throbbing in his right shoulder and just praying his strength holds long enough for him to get his precious cargo down the darkened stairwell and outside into the fresh air and to safety.

XXXXXXXX

"We're too late!" Antonio states in a panic as he jumps out of his cruiser and races toward the entrance of the burn House; Boden a few feet behind and two local fire trucks and an ambulance, mere minutes away.

"Come on Kelly…" Boden begs as they both stop as another small explosion is felt; forcing both to look up in horror. But a few seconds later, both Boden and Antonio watch as Severide's soot covered frame emerges from the thick smoke with Casey in his grasp.

"They made it," Boden utters with a sigh of relief.

But as he looks at Severide's tense expression and then down at Casey's unmoving frame in his grasp he knows it's not over yet; the physical battle might be over but a few emotional skirmishes were still waiting to be fought. And in this kind of war there would be no clear winners; the night ahead would be long and tormented – for both of them.

* * *

**A/N:** *Phew* okay breathe a sigh of relief…big bad Ben is gone! Hope this chapter wasn't too long and you liked the angsty rescue, but Boden is right…its not over quite yet…have a few tense emotional broments coming hehe! so please do review before you go and tell me if you liked this takedown and what you think might happen next for our boys and thanks so much!

**PS:** Hope you all liked my last little perilous one shot – Winter's Fury


	13. From one Hell into Another

**Title: Hidden Agenda  
****Chapter 13 – From one Hell into Another**

* * *

"Help me get these off him," Severide refers to the cuffs as he tells Antonio; gently laying Casey's unconscious frame down on the sleeping bag that Antonio had laid out on the ground.

"Kelly…what the hell…"

"I don't know what all that happened to Matt in there and um…I don't know if I want to," Severide huffs as the cuffs are removed and given to Antonio along with the other evidence he collected; Severide turning to see Boden directing the trucks from Fire House 16 and then looking at the approaching ambulance.

"Matt…can you hear us? Look his eyes are glazed over."

"He's in shock," Severide comments softly as he feels his fists tighten in anger; wishing he had more time to just beat the pulp out of Ben McCrea before he met his very well deserved ending. The two strange medics approach just as Severide gets Casey's clothes from his car and then walks up to Boden and hands them to him.

"Go with him Kelly," Boden pushes the clothes back into Severide's hand.

"Sir after…I can't. In there…I doubt he really knew it was me and if he did…"

"He knew it was you. Shay told me you got into it with Ben…stood up against Ben with him…Casey would know. He wouldn't give up hope of being rescued. If anyone wouldn't believe Ben's lies, Casey knows it would be you."

"But after…" Severide tries to defend his mounting feeling of guilt.

"He'd know."

"Sir if Ben…"

"Don't play the what if game. He's your friend and he needs our support right now. I'll stay here and take care of this and bring your car to the hospital later; Antonio will close the file. You said it yourself…no one else needs to know all the details."

"The teams will ask."

"Bad case of mistaken identity," Boden replies firmly. "We save his dignity; trust me he won't come back to a sea of questions; I won't allow it. The teams answer to me," Boden adds with a small smile. "No one's gonna know the details."

"I can't go," Severide lightly groans as he watches the two medics starting to strap Casey down to the stretcher and remembers the first time he was strapped down and the nightmare and how he nearly did himself more damage. _What if he comes out of another nightmare, is strapped down and has a strange man looking at him? _

"He needs your strength right now."

"That's just it Sir…he knows I lied to him…he'll be angry and rightfully so. And after all this he doesn't want m…"

"You two have butted heads in the past and after Darden's death I wondered if you two would ever be the same friends as you were before, but you both worked through it and were stronger for it. He's been through hell tonight and the last thing he needs is someone else on the team asking him questions he doesn't want to answer. Ben is dead; Casey will have to talk to the doctor and Antonio will confirm a few things with him directly but right now…right now he needs to see a friendly face. The next few hours are going to be hell and he can't face that alone."

"But Sir…"

"You know the situation. As much as you think that Casey will be angry, he'll be angrier if I sent someone who doesn't have all the facts, forcing him to relive whatever hell Ben put him through in there. You can do this. Put yourself in Matt's place. You have gone through a…well literally a life altering ordeal. You are drugged, beaten and kidnapped by a former tormenter come back to finish what he started; held captive and having to endure god knows what and then you watch him die just after you help kill him after a struggle for your very own life. Now you are taken to the hospital waking up to a doctor giving you a very embarrassing and maybe painful physical. Who would you want after all that showing up in your room? Someone who knows the whole story and isn't going to ask what happened and just be there so you're not alone or someone who is going to want to know what happened and what they can do to help by badgering him with unwanted questions? Casey needs a friend right now and a rock; not an interrogator."

"Sir…"

"You were in his corner the whole time; you know that's gotta count for something."

Despite the fact that he tells himself Casey will just hate him for what happened; he knows Boden's right. He won't ask the questions if Casey doesn't want to talk about it; someone else would and that wouldn't be fair to force his friend to relive his painful past or this torment ordeal with Ben.

"Okay."

"Take tomorrow also. That's not request, Lieutenant. I think I can handle my own house."

"Yes Sir," Severide nods as he turns and hurries for the ambulance just as Casey's gently loaded inside. "I'm coming too," he tells the medic; Casey's clothing still held tightly in his grasp. He shuffles in beside Casey's stretcher and leans back; looking at the medic and then down at Casey's placid expression expression. He looks at the bruise on his cheek just above the cut on his lip and then the residue of the black dye around his eyes and knows Casey didn't stop fighting for one minute but must have faced the devil more than once.

"What's is that coloring from?"

"Looks like dye," the medic replies in truth.

_Damn Matt…buddy what you had to endure…I'm so sorry…_

He watches the medic starting to flush Casey's eyes and then gently clean some of the dye from the corners; his fingers applying a small butterfly band-aide to the cut above his eye; the rest of the dirt and soot on his face left for Casey to clean himself.

Severide's eyes follow the medics hands as he pushes back the blanket and then starts to tend to the chaffed skin around Casey's wrists and once again feels his teeth grit; the tension growing as he moves down to Casey's knees and cleans a small cut and then bandages it up.

"What did he endure tonight?" The medic looks up at Severide in wonder.

"Hell," Severide comments matter of factly as he leans his head on the side of the moving ambulance and closes his eyes for a second. But as he does he hears Casey's voice telling him that he was too late to stop Ben from hurting him further and quickly opens his eyes and utters a small gasp; making the medic look up in surprise. "Sorry…just um…nothing."

"Did you take in any of the smoke?"

"Just…make sure he's okay."

"They'll take x-rays but aside from some surface bruising and perhaps some fresh oxygen, am sure he'll be okay. What house do you boys work out of?"

"51," Severide yawns as he leans forward and rubs his face, looking over and watching Casey's eyes starting to flutter open just as they pull into the hospital. Severide hangs back as Casey is taken from the back of the ambulance and wheeled into the ER, his mind now racing as what his first meeting with Casey would be like after he was finished with the doctor.

Severide looks at the door that closes to the small examining room that Casey's unmoving frame is taken into and feels his anxiety skyrocket. He looks down at the clothes in his hand and then heads for the unit desk.

"This is for Matt Casey…in there. I…I'm sorry…I just can't stay," Severide states as he turns and heads through the exit doors and back into the cool night air.

XXXXXXXX

Casey's muddled brain registers Severide's voice talking softly in the ambulance ride to the hospital, but his brain orders his eyes to be kept closed as he feels the medic starting to clean around them. He tries to focus his brain on whatever other noises are around him to keep his misery from consuming him and to keep Ben's taunting face out of his mind's eye.

_'You'll never be free of me Matthew…never…I'll always be with you…ALWAYS!'_

"Ahhh!" Casey's watery eyes snap open, his arms starting to flail around; this time noticing he's not in the ambulance and there is another strange man looking at him in concern. "Who are you? Let me g…"

"Hey there…just take it easy young man I won't hurt you," a kind voice is heard, making Casey finally focus on the older man hovering over him and just offer a frown before he slumps back down. "I'm Dr. Stevens. How are you feeling?"

"Where am I?"

"Emergency examining room 1. You were brought in by…" the doctors voice explains everything in clear simple terms; nothing hidden. _Examination…_he had prayed that he'd be unconscious the whole time and wake up with everything already done; him in bed, resting. But that wasn't to be; the nightmare was far from over and now, while he knows the man before him has no sinister motive, he would go from one set of man's hands touching him to another. _Why didn't I just pass out before this? Why?_

Casey looks at him and then casts his glance at the door and then closes them again. "I don't want you."

"What?"

"A man…I don't want…a man…here."

"I understand but right now we are short staffed and it might be less well….awkward than if you had a female nurse. Trust me here. Okay, how about we start with the basics Matthew."

"Matt."

"What?"

"It's just…Matt," he lightly begs.

"Matt it is," Dr. Stevens offers a kind smile as he leans back against the counter and looks at Casey's shivering frame with a tender expression. "Nerves seem pretty bad. I am not usually in favor of this method if I can help it at all, but would you prefer a sedative while I examine?"

_'I had fun while you slept. Didn't you feel me on top of you Matthew? Your perfect body tied down for my pleasure? We'll do that again tonight. Keep you nice drugged until I'm ready to let you feel everything. I promise you won't throw up next time; you'll get used to them.'_

"No drugs…please no more drugs."

"Okay. We'll do whatever works best for you."

"I just want a shower and to go home," Casey miserably implores.

"I can understand that but I was told you had taken in some smoke inhalation and…"

"I'm fine," Casey insists with irritation as the doctor approaches.

"Fair enough but I just need to…" Dr. Stevens hands near him; wanting to innocently remove his protective shell.

"Don't touch me," Casey huffs as Dr. Stevens starts to slowly unzip the jacket; Casey's hands starting to push them back in protest.

"I need to see…."

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" He growls as he frantically pushes himself up and tries to hop off the bed; his bare legs from sheer exhaustion instantly giving way.

"Okay I got you now." Dr. Stevens quickly steps up and holds him gently but firmly and helps him back up onto the bed, on his side. "Here you go. Nerves need a bit of rest before you can do that."

"I need…to leave."

Dr. Stevens pulls up a chair and looks at Casey eye to eye and offers a kind expression. "I know that something terrible happened to you and I am not here to make things more uncomfortable…on purpose. But I need to check you over and that will go a lot easier if I can touch you; and you can't leave until this part is done."

"Am I allowed to have a shower?"

"You are, but I have to ask this…is anything on you needed for DNA testing or evidence to put someone away? The person who did this perhaps?"

Casey looks at him with a heavy frown as he feels his stomach lurch; his system unable to hold the poisons back any longer and his body heaving into the small can provided by the kind doctor.

"Just answer when you can," Dr. Stevens tells him; knowing that as much as the younger man before him hates this and wants to shut down and hide himself away inside his dark emotional cave, there is still a process that has to be followed; a process that he hopes will help him in the long run.

Casey rolls onto his back and squeezes his eyes shut as a few tears escape the sides and roll down his soot stained face. "No…he's dead," Casey answers in truth.

"I know this isn't easy and I'm sorry. I wish I could skip a part of the process but I can't and it's for your benefit in the long run that I don't. Is there someone you want here with you during all this?"

"No," Casey rushes before Dr. Stevens punctuates his final word.

"Okay," Dr. Stevens mentions softly. "You smell like…"

"Him. I want a damn shower," Casey curses in disdain.

"I was going to say smoke but yes sweat and…aftershave," Dr. Stevens pulls on a pair of gloves. "Want to tell me briefly what happened? Were you directly physically assaulted?" Dr. Stevens asks as kindly as he can.

"I was tied up and attacked!"

"Okay. I see some physical bruising and some cuts that I will get to but while you were restrained did he…"

Casey looks at him with an angry, watery glare but feels himself nodding in spite of his brain protesting. "Not like before."

"I know it's embarrassing for men, especially men in your…" Dr. Stevens starts as his hands try to move the blanket covering Casey's lower half – lower.

"NOT LIKE BEFORE!" Casey shouts before he swats the doctor's hand away and rolls onto his side again in anger; Dr. Stevens offering him a small frown. "He…attacked me and…"

"Touched you against your will?"

"Not like before."

"Which is why you can lie down on your back but you don't want me going near…your frontal lower half."

"It wasn't…like before," Casey mumbles numbly; his head, however, nodding in confirmation of Dr. Stevens discernment about where Ben had forcibly touched Casey against his will.

"How about I ask a few questions and you just nod or…"

"Why? Why are you doing this?"

"I have to know what to treat and if you need a shot for…"

"It wasn't like…before."

"Okay. You just nod and I'll take it from there," Dr. Stevens mentions in a kind but firm tone. About five minutes later, after Casey had rather reluctantly revealed what Ben had done to him, his stomach gives way once more; nothing much coming up by acidic bile. "I know that was painful and I won't ask those questions again. Matt you are very brave and I know that might sound silly to you but I am going to tell you that because I believe it. You never refer to yourself as a victim okay? Only a survivor. Now, let me see what the medics did to those cuts. I promise I'll be slow and gentle and…"

"Don't…say that!" Casey's teeth grit as he looks at the doctor in anger and then feels his face wince. "I'm…I'm sorry…I just need…"

"Don't apologize. I have dealt with a few situations like this. You tell me what you don't like and I'll work with that. I know you are scared and angry and trying to decide if you want to throw up again or find the nearest punching bag and beat the hell out it but really just want to collapse from sheer exhaustion but you don't want do admit any of that. Am I right?" Dr. Stevens smiles as Casey nods.

"I want to leave."

"I know you do and I want that for you. I want you to have a shower, clean the smell off and get some rest, but I can't let you leave in the condition you're in. You're throat sounds raw, your pupils are a bit dilated; you're shaking from nerves; you're only half dressed and you need a few cuts tended to. We can wait as long as you need but you're system is shutting down and I'd like to at least get started and get those nerves calmed and get some fluids into you before more stress is felt."

"I'm okay. He didn't…it wasn't like…before," Casey admits in a dead whisper as he closes his eyes tightly once more. "It was only in the…it wasn't…like before."

"Okay," Dr. Stevens gently touches Casey's shoulder. "Now, I want you to picture a happy memory; something that will make you feel at ease."

"There are no…happy memories."

"Sure there are. I am going to take off the jacket and the blanket and examine things you might not want me to; but I have to, just to make sure."

"I'm not lying."

"Your brain could be masking pain. You said you were assaulted in the past right? Your body knows that pain and how to try to mask it; but that could force me to overlook infection or something more serious. So I am going to take off the jacket, roll you onto your side and go at your pace. Just take a deep breath and we'll get started."

Casey's breathing starts to really shallow and his body shake as he feels the strange but kind hands starting with his head and gently feeling his face, neck, shoulders and then lower; the male voice telling him everything he was going to do and not to worry. At first his arms protested the doctor removing the protective covering of Severide's smoky jacket but as he hears the doctor tell him that he has to as it was keeping in the smell of smoke; Casey finally loosens his arms and allows the jacket to be removed.

"Deep breath now. Here we go."

His mind finally picks a memory and holds onto it; his brain taking his subconscious into another plane of reality as the doctor's hands move lower; his heart rate starting to pick up; his ears hearing Dr. Stevens words but not wanting to register all of them.

"Matt?" Dr. Stevens voice finally forces Casey to look up with a blank expression; his fingers uncurling and his short nails coming away from the small red divots they had made in the fleshy part of his palms. "All done. How are you holding up?"

"Cold."

"That's nerves and adrenaline wearing off; understandable. I have some clothes that were left for you," Dr. Stevens holds up Casey's black sweat pants and CFD tee, forcing Casey's stomach to once again lurch and his body to double forward as he recalls Ben's words upon waking up without them.

_'Welcome back Matthew. I took the liberty of removing your clothes. You won't need them again; but I will keep them as souvenirs. They smell like you. Perfect.'_

"Okay," Dr. Stevens gently pats his back as Casey looks up. "Were you wearing those tonight?" He asks, making Casey nod and his hand to toss the small sack into the nearby garbage can at Casey's urging. "We'll get you something else. I just want to send you for a quick x-ray to see if that ragged breathing is just you or something else internally."

"I don't want…to go alone," Casey meekly acknowledges, his brain knowing that he's now able to trust this kind older man and take him at his word and not want to be with another stranger at the moment.

"I'll be with you every step of the way until you are in a bed for the night okay?"

Casey merely nods as Dr. Stevens places a warm blanket over his shivering body; his frame still wearing nothing more than his tight black boxers, his hands desperately clawing at the blanket to keep his body fully covered and keep in as much body heat as possible. As they reenter the hallway area, he looks at the unfamiliar faces and then closes his eyes; his mind now wishing he wasn't having to face the tormented night ahead a lone but not really wanting anyone else asking him a million questions about what he had to endure. _Was that really Kelly in the burn house or did I imagine that? He wouldn't come…Ben said he was mad at me…was that a lie? I was mad but I would listen now…I don't want to be alone…maybe I do…maybe I should after this. I didn't listen…I chose to be alone and I paid the price…this is my fault…_

"Okay Matt…this won't take too long," Dr. Stevens voice instructs. Casey goes back to his happy place as Dr. Stevens takes the x-rays and then he's wheeled up to a small private room.

"Is there someone you can call?"

"No."

"Anything you want to talk about?"

"No."

"Okay," Dr. Stevens replies with a softer tone as Casey looks up with a frown. "I am not going to push you right now but I know if you keep it all inside and don't talk to anyone it will lead to disaster."

"I talked in the past and learned to…deal with it."

"Well the past is the past…this is new. Here is my card; anything you tell me stays with me. I want to help you if you'll let me. I can recommend someone who…"

"I…don't need…that."

"Well…I'll just leave this here," Dr. Stevens places it on the small table beside the bed and then gives Casey a kind expression. "You are very dehydrated and a bit undernourished and your lungs have sustained some bruising. But nothing is broken inside. So I am going to let you have a shower on your own and then will be back with a fluid and nourishment tube; ease your system back to…" Dr. Stevens voice dies out as Casey's core starts to enflame, sending waves of dizziness and nausea over his entire system and forcing his eyes to shut and fists to tighten.

"I feel sick."

"You just need to rest. Call button and bucket are right here. Rest for a while and then I'll be back in a bit to help you with that shower whenever you feel you can handle it. I want that smell off you also."

"Okay."

"Matt…I really don't want you to be alone after this," Dr. Stevens kind voice tells him, making Casey look up with a heavy frown. "Are you sure there is no one I can call?"

"I am alone."

"You might feel like that right now but…"

"No I am…alone."

"So there is no one I can call? What about a friend that…"

"I'M ALONE!"

"He's not alone," Severide's voice is heard making Dr. Stevens look up in relief and Casey in shock. "I uh…had to get some fresh clothing…or would have been here earlier."

"And you're…"

"A friend," Severide mentions with a heavy frown as he remains in the doorway to the small room, unsure of whether to enter or not.

"Well he needs a friend right now," Dr. Stevens stands up and heads toward Severide with a thankful expression. "I'm keeping him overnight to ensure he gets the fluids and oxygen he needs. He wants to shower but I don't want him alone after what he's been through. I doubt he'll want you in there with him but with the steam and his body already wanting to shut down, he could collapse or hurt himself. Keep an eye on him; no matter how much he might protest I don't want him alone. Not tonight."

"He won't be. I know what he's been through…well for the most part. I'll stay here with him no matter what," Severide assures Dr. Stevens as Dr. Stevens gives his shoulder a friendly pat and heads out to the station desk; Casey looking at him before he rolls onto his side, his back to Severide.

When Severide had dropped Casey's clothes off and walked back outside into the cool night air, Boden had pulled up with his car, gesturing for him to get in so Severide could give him a lift back to the Firehouse and then get Casey some fresh clothes and return. On the way there and back he was briefed by Boden on what he might expect from Casey during the night and the next few days so seeing Casey turn away from him, while a bit disconcerting, was to be expected. _Don't take it personally._

"I brought new clothes," Severide mentions as he remains fixed in place.

"Okay," Casey replies with a soft whisper as his form tenses from a small panic attack; his mind replaying Antonio's suggestion for him to stay with Kelly and by his not listening caused his own personal torment. Silence starts to fill the room and a few quiet minutes later Casey slowly turns onto his back and casts a watery glance toward the door to see Severide still standing there. _He pity's me…I can see it on his face and I don't want to hear I told you so._

"I want to be alone," Casey quietly requests.

"Chief said you'd say that. I wanted to give you your space but um…Chief knows best right?" Severide retorts lightly, his face still displaying a heavy frown and his body fixed firmly in place. He looks at Casey's defeated expression and feels his heart sink. _He's this way because I didn't tell him sooner…if I had told him sooner Matt would have been spared this…right? I don't want to hear I told you so._

Severide's mind, however, quickly recalls this last conversation. '_The last thing Casey wants to hear is that you feel sorry for him,' _Boden's tell him frankly. '_He knows you do because he feels sorry for himself. He needs to hear positive reassurance but also be realistic. He has a tough battle ahead but it's not impossible; but he can't do it alone. He might say he wants to but he doesn't; just needs to feel in control. Ben took that away from him and we have to help him get it back. I know you can do this.'_

"Are you hungry?"

"No."

"Okay," Severide replies as he looks around.

"I really want to be alone," Casey sighs as he looks up at the ceiling; his eyes watering and his brain not wanting to show himself so weak or vulnerable to his friend. Severide takes a step closer toward a nearby chair and watches Casey's fists tighten and pulls back.

"Look Matt…I…I don't really know what to say right now that won't piss you off further but um…I don't think you want to be alone. I'm just here to…"

"I want to be alone. Who else knows?"

"Chief knows some and Antonio…well what you told him and me. Our team wasn't called to the scene. Was…another house that took care of it."

Casey watches Severide head for a chair with the small duffle bag in his grasp and plunks himself down and then looks up. "Was it really…you in there? Did we watch…Ben die?"

"Yeah…it was me…and yeah we did. We fought him together. He's dead, died in the fire," Severide admits in truth.

"Like all his other…victims."

"You want these right now?"

"I uh…"

"I can leave the room if you want."

"I need to shower. I want him off me…oh god I want him off me."

"Okay."

"I am showering alone," Casey insists as his hand comes to rest on his flushed forehead.

"I'll wait out here…just in case."

"I can manage," Casey mutters as he slowly pushes back the covers and looks at Severide in wonder; his fists balling and his lips offering an angry curse as the room starts to spin.

Severide looks at the purplish marks on Casey's pale skin and feels his own teeth grit as he looks away.

"Pretty bad right?"

"Was a bad fight and it shows," Severide offers in truth.

"I fought him…every step of the way."

"I know," Severide replies softly. He notices Casey's frame starting to shake and knows it's from nerves more than anything. "Shower is just outside the door. And there's no one else around."

"Okay," Casey groans as he slowly gets up off the bed and tries to steady himself on his bare feet; Severide quickly stepping up to take his arm and steady him until Casey can stand on his own.

"Here…" Severide hands him one of the flimsy hospital gowns, but knows it's better than Casey going out there in only his underwear.

"I'm locking the door."

"I promise I won't come in but…"

"I'M LOCKING IT!" Casey shouts hoarsely before he snatches the small duffle bag from Severide's grasp and darts into the empty shower room and locks the door; Severide offering a small curse before he turns and heads for the nursing station to get a spare key just in case.

Casey flips on the light and squints into the bright space before him; the intensity from the fluorescent glare bouncing off the white tiled walls starts to make his head pound a bit harder and he now wonders if he shouldn't just wait until morning. But as he hears Ben's mocking laughter in his head and smells the remnants of Ben on his skin, his brain urges him to get it over with quickly. Looking around once more to make sure he really is alone, Casey finally turns on the hot water, shedding his underwear and then pushing himself under the hot streams, his eyes closed and heart starting to pound harder. The hot streams feel somewhat soothing as they gently mix with the soap to wash away the soot, dirt, grease and some of the physical residue of the night endured. But as the steam starts to gain strength, whatever remaining bits of energy start to wane; his system wanting to shut down and his mind flashing back to his first horrific nightmare; so many years ago.

_'Oh sorry Sir, I didn't see you there.'_

_'It's okay Matthew, I don't mind waiting. You're not shy are you? No reason to be. You have an amazing body. Good to see you keep yourself in such great shape.'_

_'Thank you Sir. I'll be finished in about five minutes….was there something else?'_

_'Does it bother you when I watch?'_

_'Uh…well I'm not…'_

_'No need to cover Matthew, you don't have anything I haven't seen before right?'_

_'Right.'_

_'No need to be nervous. I promise I'd never hurt you. You believe me right?'_

_'Of course.'_

_'Perfect. Would you like some help?'_

_'Uh no. I'm okay really. I'll be done in a few min…'_

_'No need to be embarrassed. You missed a few spots of the soot. Want me to get those?'_

_'Not really. Could yo…leave? I'd like a bit of privacy.'_

_'No need to be shy Matthew.'_

_'Please?'_

_'Is it okay if I wait around the corner?'_

_'Uh…sure.'_

"Bastard…" Casey's lips whisper as he opens his eyes and sees an image of himself as a young man…finishing his shower, grabbing a towel, heading around the corner and being pounced on. Ben had covered his mouth with his hand and started to laugh when he was unable to pull free.

_'Play time is still on Matthew…let's have a bit of fun.'_

"Fun…no fun…" he stammers as he throws up a bit more watery bile; his hands clutching his very empty stomach as he starts to slowly sag to his knees. His hands try to grip the handrail in the slippery area; the soap suds on the floor, causing him to slip a bit more. He feels his strength starting to wane as he blinks, only to look up to see Ben looking down with an evil smile.

_'You'll never be free of me Matthew…'_

"No…get…away!" Casey tries to shout out in a hoarse whisper; his lungs straining from a mixture of residual smoke and fresh moisture.

_'I'll always be with you…you're mine…let's have some fun…'_

"No…" he tries again, his hand trying in vain to swat away the transparent image his own mind is creating for him.

_'Perfect just like that…now I'm angry…now you'll pay…'_

"Get…away…"

_'Promise you'll like this…'_

"GET…AWAY!" Casey shouts before he drops back to his knees and hangs his head, his stomach now only offering the dry heaves.

"Casey?" Severide calls through the locked door; poised to go in just in case.

"Kelly…" Casey whispers as he tries to get his head to stop pounding so he could at least get upright and turn off the hot water.

_'Kelly doesn't care…pissed off only friend in your corner…always alone!'_

"No…"

_'Always be mine. I let you survive…that's how special you are to me Matthew. I killed the others, but not you.'_

"No…"

_'ALWAYS MINE!'_

"NO!" Casey shouts once more; this time Severide pushing the door open, telling the nurse to hang back as he ducks inside and closes it behind him.

"Damn it…" Severide lightly curses as he gasps at Casey's wet, naked frame lightly convulsing on the wet tiled floor. He grabs a towel and quickly turns off the hot water; draping the towel over Casey's back and stepping back.

"He's…still…here…" Casey heaves as he tries to wrap the towel around his waist; his fingers shaking as his brain tries to push Ben's voice out of his head.

"No…he's gone," Severide tells him in a softer tone as he takes a step closer. "I swear he's gone. He's dead."

"I can do this!"

"Okay…" Severide backs away, but staying closer than Casey might want. He had already seen the bruises on his friend's knees and wants to make sure he doesn't add anything on top of them. "Kinda slippery in here," Severide remarks as Casey finally stands up; his hand clutching the towel around his waist. "Matt…I'm sorry," he finally offers as he looks at him with a deep frown; his own eyes wanting to water out of compassionate concern. "I'll wait outside while you dress."

Casey merely nods as he watches Severide leave and then heads for the bench; slumping down onto the wooden surface and grabbing the small duffle bag; his eyes instantly watering once more as he leans his head back on the warm ceramic tiles and stares absently at the empty shower space before him.

"I should have…fought harder," Casey's teeth grit as his fingers curl tightly around the handle of the duffle bag. "I did this!" He states with a bit more anger; his chest begging for some relief from the acidic hunger pangs. His hands nervously start to dry himself off; his mind actually thankful but unable to tell Severide right now that he's glad he's not facing this alone and even more relieved that he's not pressing for further details. Dr. Stevens already asked enough and the last thing he wants is to relieve those horrific details; his nightmares would take care of that. _Kelly cares…take comfort in that and hold onto that thought in the days to come…._

After dressing, Casey merely slumps back down onto the bench; the warmth in the air making him sluggish and tired, his body demanding to shut down right now. His eyes close and that's what he does. Severide waits about twenty minutes and then dares to peek into the room to see Casey's progress; hoping that he's okay and wondering about the unnerving silence.

He offers a heavy sigh as he sees Casey's frame slumped over onto the small, uncomfortable bench and pulls the door open to let the oppressive steam escape. With supportive hands, he gently helps Casey sit up; Casey's lips at first offering a small verbal protest but then taking some small comfort in Severide's protective care as they slowly wander back into the quiet hospital room.

"You need anything…no matter what you let me know okay?" Severide instructs as he gently helps Casey into bed and looks down with a small frown. "I'll go get Dr. Stevens."

"Okay," Casey nods as he finally gets the room to come into clear focus; his eyes watching Severide heading for the door but his lips offering nothing else in return.

As Severide leaves the room and hears Casey utter an angry curse he knows the night ahead won't be as peaceful or as passive; the bumpy ride for both of them was only just starting and they would both have to dig down deep into the bonds of friendship if they were to come out victorious. The biggest question now for both of them is - would they actually come out of this hell victorious? Or was this merely the beginning of the end?

* * *

**A/N:** Okay so I wasn't going to bring up the whole Hallie thing in here b/c I am not going there with this story; that's a whole other level of tension and I want to focus on Severide being the one who helps him with the recovery and hope that's all okay. Okay so how was the initial aftermath? Hope the part with Dr. Stevens was somewhat realistic and of course Casey's nightmares will reveal a few more things as we go along (but nothing graphic to keep the T rating). I won't drag out the recovery process but there will be snippets as I don't want him just to bounce back like nothing happened and end the story like that. So hope that's okay and you do want more so please do review to let me know your thoughts on this angsty update and thanks so much for your amazing ongoing support (its kept us going and made this story longer!)! You all rock! :D

**PS:** hope you also all liked my last angsty broment-centric eppy OS called 'altered futures' (if you put me on author's alert-check the follow author button-and you'll get all CF updates the minute I update)


	14. A Long Road Ahead

**Title: Hidden Agenda  
****Chapter 14 – A Long Road Ahead**

* * *

_'Kelly where are you going?'_

_'Sir I can't. I watched them taking Casey into that room and…look I left his clothes and I'll come back in the morning.'_

_'Get in. I need a ride back to the house. Now…tell me what are you really afraid of?'_

_'That I'll do him more harm than good. Chief he's…'_

_'Alive because of you. You just remember that.'_

"He's asleep on his own," Dr. Steven's voice breaks into Severide's thoughts as he nears, "which is encouraging and expected but am contributing it to physical fatigue and it won't last. But while he's resting, I hope you'll get some rest also."

"Doubt I'll get much sleep," Severide groans as he stands in the hallway with Dr. Steven's; Casey asleep in the small bed, hooked up to the fluid IV's.

"Well if you do find yourself awake and wanting something to read…" Dr. Stevens hands Severide a small packet. "It's for survivors and their families."

"No look…" Severide tries to protest.

"You're not family?"

_'No matter what…you boys will always be family. 51 binds you together. When Vargas left you told him 51 would always be his home. Casey deserves the same from you,' Boden had uttered. 'You are his family…no matter what.'_

"I just don't want to make things worse."

"This will help you. I don't know how much he's confided in you so far, but there are suggestions in here to help him to open up, especially when you notice him really shutting down and pulling away. He will at first but it's important that he also talks to a professional. I put my card in there and would like to refer him to someone I know and trust."

"I can try," Severide huffs as he looks at Casey and then back at Dr. Stevens. "He might not want to hear this from me though."

"You only think that now but trust me he'll need your strength to get through this. He's going to be angry and blame himself at first…that's natural but he can't keep that up or he'll start down a path that has only one dark end and I don't want to let that happen if I can help it. Read this…give it a few days and then see what happens. I'm always here if you have a question or face a situation you can't handle. I have dealt with these situations before and of course whatever you or he tells me, stays with me."

"Good to know. Thanks."

"I'll check back in the morning. Expect a rough night."

Severide gives the doctor a nod and then looks down at the packet in his hands with a heavy frown; his eyes then lifting upward to look at Casey's sleeping frame. _He should have given this to the Chief…Casey's not going to want to hear this from me. I'm partly to blame for all this._

He slumps down into the nearby sleeping chair and looks at the tense expression on his friends face and feels his own stomach tighten. _He thinks I lied to him and I kinda did…why would he want my help now? _He looks at the faint bruises and watches Casey's face tense and can't even imagine what his friend is seeing inside his mind. _Matt, I can't even imagine what kind of nightmares you'll have. _But he doesn't have to wait too long for an answer; an hour later Casey's mind finally registers the first of many nightmares to come.

_'Hello Matthew…don't be nervous…you have a perfect body…'_

"Ben…no…" Casey's lips whisper; his words not strong or loud enough to wake Severide from his light slumber.

_'I know you like this…you like my hand doing this? Doesn't it feel good…you feel good…'_

"Stop…touching…" Casey utters as his body starts to gently thrash.

_'Going to take you away…nice and far…just the two of us…you're special…never hurt you…'_

"Ben…"

_'Now I'm angry little boy! You pissed me off. You thought I was rough before? Now I'm really going to make you beg for mercy!'_

"NO!" Casey shouts as his eyes start to flutter open; his mind at first seeing Ben's charred frame nearing him with an evil smile and then switching to them in the Firehouse with him pulling in vain as Ben starts to forcibly touch him.

"Matt…" Severide quickly tries to calm Casey's flailing arms as they start to tangle with the fluid tubing. "Hey wake up…it's a nightma…"

"Get...away…from me!" Casey grunts as he looks at the tubing wrapped around his wrist, his watery eyes mistaking it for rope, forcing him to pull harder to try to escape.

"Casey, it's me…hey…it's me…you're okay," Severide's voice is heard; Casey's eyes misted over and his damp brow heavily furrowed.

"No…let…go…"

"No you're safe…it's me. Casey…wake up," Severide instructs firmly but gently; his voice finally registering, making Casey slump back down into the small bed and allowing Severide to untangle the fluid tubing before any real damage is done.

"Ben…" Casey huffs as he rubs his face. "You saw him die right? He fell and the fire got him right?"

"It did…Chief confirmed. He's dead…you're free," Severide tries to assure him as he gets the tubing completely untangled and then steps back a bit.

"No," Casey shakes his head as he looks at the door with a worried gaze.

"Yeah…he's gone. You're safe okay."

Casey hears Severide's words but merely shakes his head in disbelief and looks back up at the ceiling as his eyes water; Severide standing a few feet away. A few minutes later, he utters a small groan as he looks at the monitors and unhooks the tubing as he feels the need to get to the bathroom; on his own.

"Here…"

"I can do it!" Casey huffs as he jerks his arm free and Severide steps back with his hands up and giving him a nod. Not wanting to meet Severide's gaze he finally unhooks both tubes and swings his legs over the edge and looks at the floor. "Why are you here?" But Casey doesn't give Severide a chance to answer; his legs slowly finding some strength to stand on their own on the floor and then hold for a few seconds before he heads for the bathroom and closes the door.

Severide looks at the closed door and then turns and glances back at the opening to the room and once again considers giving Casey his space and leaving. _'He'll try to push you away because he feels ashamed. Don't let him. He has nothing to be ashamed of. Ben wanted him alone. Don't let Ben win. Don't let Matt be alone.' _With a heavy exasperated sigh, Severide nears the small untouched packet of booklets on the table that Dr. Stevens had given him; his mind now telling him that some informative reading would be in order. He hears Casey offer an angry curse before he coughs and frowns. But it's the silence that follows for a few minutes and Casey not reappearing that forces Severide to head toward the door and gently pull it toward him, looking down at Casey slumped on the floor, muttering something under his breath.

"I want to be alone," Casey softly begs, not looking up.

"Okay…sure, I'll wait outside."

"No, just…leave."

"Can't do that."

"Leave!" Casey tries to yell; his voice only allowing him to register a very hoarse cough.

"Matt, I can't do that. I can't just leave you here…like this," Severide replies in a low tone; Casey's watery blue gaze still kept fixed on the floor.

"Then just say it…and be done…with it," Casey manages with a small, but hoarse cough, as his body starts to gently shake.

"Say…what?" Severide inquires.

"I know it's my fault so just say it…"

"What? I don't…"

"SAY IT!"

"SAY WHAT?" Severide shouts back, prompting Casey to look at him in surprise.

"I was alone when this happened. I listened to Ben and I…I made this happen! This is all my fault! Say I told you so!"

"No way. I'm not going to say anything like that – ever. Not after what you've been through."

"I don't want your pity!" Casey seethes as Severide's lips purse but he says nothing; his brain racing with the right words that would help more so than hinder.

"I hate to see you like this."

"I know I shouldn't have…" Casey mutters as he pulls away from the side of the small bathroom; the corner of the gown being caught on the corner and revealing a long ugly black cut on his smooth, pale back. Casey looks up to see Severide's expression and feels his own ager surge. "I did this to me! So just say…it…and…leave," he starts to cough; his throat still dry and his lungs straining against the painful waves starting to assault his system.

"Here…I got you," Severide leans in and tries to help; Casey trying to push him away but feeling his system starting to quickly overheat and his arms wrapping around his enflamed stomach as Severide's strong hands support his doubled over frame and keep it from falling to one side.

With asking for permission to help him, Severide helps Casey to his feet and then slowly walks his slightly trembling frame back into the darkened hospital room and then easing him down onto the bed. Casey looks up at him and feels his mind racing between anger and remorse.

"Here hold on…" Severide gently pushes Casey's shaking fingers away from the tubing so he could insert it back into the receptacle and get the muchly needed fluids back into his system. "You need this."

"Antonio told me…"

"What did he say?" Severide asks as he slumps back down into the chair facing Casey.

"Told me to stay…with you…and I…" his voice trails off into a tormented sob as Severide feels his own teeth grit. "I didn't and now…Ben won."

"You can't do this."

"Do what?"

"Blame yourself…this isn't…"

"YES IT IS!" Casey shouts; a dry cough quickly following, his brain yelling at him to take it easy. "It's my fault!"

"No…it's not. You don't have to do this. You're not to blame for this. Ben is and he's dead. He's gone okay?"

"Never…gone," Casey mumbles as he turns on his side; his back to Severide. "Never…gone," he repeats again as his eyes water; his mind not wanting to show his friend his very vulnerable state.

Severide says nothing in return; his mind and heart both aching for the right words but knowing that nothing he could say right now would suffice or put Casey's mind at ease. He watches Casey's fingers fumbling with the blanket but this time he merely watches as Casey pulls it over his shoulders; Casey's fingers succeeding and his frame slightly sagging a bit further into the rather uncomfortable hospital bed. Severide glances over at the small packet once more before picking up the first item and opening it; his eyes looking at the first sentence and his stomach instantly tightening. He looks up at Casey's tense frame and hears another angry mutter and wonders inside if Casey would speak to him the following day. _Sure we get through tonight…but what happens tomorrow?_

XXXXXXXX

As expected, the rest of the night is fraught with horrific nightmares, keeping Casey awake until early the following morning when he flips onto his other side and looks at Severide now asleep in the chair, a small booklet open and laying innocently on his chest.

Allowing a frustrated sigh to escape his now moist lips, Casey's eyes close and he finally allows himself to fall asleep for a few solid hours. As much as he hated to feel so vulnerable in his friend's eyes; his mind is more than grateful for the fact that he's not alone in the strange room; or didn't have to face a barrage of embarrassing questions after what Dr. Stevens had already put him through upon entering the hospital.

Severide senses some movement and slowly opens his eyes; looking at Dr. Stevens hovering over Casey's bed and checking the fluid levels. "Morning," Severide whispers as he puts the booklet back on the side table and rubs his weary face, following Dr. Stevens out of the room.

"How'd he do last night?" Dr. Stevens asks in concern.

"Not well," Severide answers in truth as he leans against the wall. "I don't know what to do."

"Just be there for him. Read the rest…it'll help. And then help me make sure he keeps his first appointment; it could mean his very future. I don't expect you to help him with the really heavy stuff…but help me to do that. He didn't tell me all the details and that's his right. If his attacker is indeed dead, then he could share those details with a therapist. Together we'll make sure he makes it," Dr. Stevens replies in a quiet tone as he looks back at Casey's rather peaceful expression and then back to Severide's perplexed one.

"So…what happens now?"

"Now, I give him his discharge papers and I hope he just goes home and rests for the rest of the day; after a restless night he'll need his rest to help him think clearly. Can I ask where the attack took place?"

"He didn't say?"

"He said the firehouse."

"I think he was um…first attacked at home. And then taken to…"

"I'm only concerned about home. His once safe haven is now going to be associated with this ugliness. But he needs to start healing and the sooner that process can start the better. He probably won't want to stay at home tonight and that's his right. A hotel…a friends…your place…it doesn't matter. But he'll also have to come to terms with the fact that he now has to decide to conquer those demons and get his life back on the right track. He needs to do that. He will need to feel that control."

"How does he do that?" Severide inquires as he looks over at Casey's sleeping form, suddenly seeming dwarfed on the large hospital bed; the face of a small boy looking up and asking for help from his trusted guardian. Dr. Stevens pulls away from the entrance to the room, telling Severide he'd be back with Casey's release papers. Severide gathers up the packet of information and shoves it into the small duffle bag he had brought Casey's clothes in and then turns back to the bed to see Casey watching him in silence.

"Morning," Severide greets in a friendly tone; Casey nodding, trying to hold back a yawn and downplay the gnawing irritation in his stomach.

"Where's Dr. Stevens?" Casey finally inquires.

"He's coming. Just talked to Shay and she…"

"Does she know?" Casey asks in haste.

"No. She…"

"DOES SHE?"

"No!" Severide answers firmly, Casey's gaze now determined and fixed. "Chief told the teams that someone came back from your past and thought you were someone else, kidnapped you but that you're okay. Antonio hasn't told anyone; he swore to me. Chief said you're okay but you're going to take a few days. There were no details given; only that you were injured in the fire. They don't know okay? Only the four of us know the real truth. Look Matt…I uh…I didn't know about Antonio okay?"

"You knew about Ben right?" Casey counters; Severide's face offering a very heavy wince as he looks away in anger and then back to Casey and nods.

"Let me explain about what he found okay? About that email."

"You know what…" Casey huffs as he slowly sits upright and rubs his face before stretching; his limbs quickly retreating to their original position and his eyes looking over at the clock. He swings his legs over the bed as he had the night before; thankful that his stomach wasn't on fire and the pounding in his head not as intense. He looks at Severide's remorseful expression and feels his own expression morph to match but then looks away. "I don't care."

"I wasn't trying to hide any…okay I was but…look let me explain," Severide takes a few steps forward, Casey pulling back and Severide stopping mid-stride.

"I don't care okay!" Casey snaps.

"Well I do and you have to listen!" Severide argues back, his frustration getting the best of him.

"NO I DON'T!" Casey shouts just as Dr. Stevens comes back into the room, both younger men looking at the older one with the same boyish remorse as they'd offer Boden after something he'd call them both on and they were sorry but couldn't quite say it.

"I can come back later," Dr. Stevens remarks tongue in cheek and he nears the fluid monitors Casey's still hooked up to.

"I need coffee," Severide comments as he turns and leaves the room with a small huff, his hands grabbing the small duffle bag in the process; Casey watching with a heavy frown and then looking up at Dr. Stevens kind expression.

"He only wants to help."

"I don't want his help…I don't need help from…anyone," Casey insists, stifling a small cough.

"You do but you just don't want to admit it out loud," Dr. Stevens tells him firmly as Casey looks up with a cross expression. "Now…let's see how you fared overnight," Dr. Stevens presses ahead, not wanting to allow Casey to wallow.

"Tired and I want to go home."

"Alone?"

"Look I understand you're worried but I've been through…this before."

"Do you have family you can stay with?"

Casey's mind thinks about paying a surprise visit to his sister but then knows she'll just have more questions and what happened in his past was something he hadn't even told her. That was out of the question.

"I'll be okay."

"Did anything happen at home?" Dr. Stevens inquires innocently.

_'I was in the closet Matthew. Watched you as you slept. Did you sense me there? Always watching. I like watching. Did you like it too?'_

"I'll be okay," Casey insists as he watches Dr. Stevens remove the tubing plug from his arm and then rubs the small spot where the little insert had been overnight. "Can I eat breakfast?"

"Getting back to a normal routine is highly recommended. So yes please do…it's good to keep your strength up. I would recommend getting as much rest as possible for the next few days and not going near alcohol if you take these painkillers," Dr. Stevens hands him a small packet with a bottle and some written instructions inside. "We might be seeing each other sooner than expected," he remarks lightly; Casey's faced firmly etched with a miserable gaze.

"Can I leave now?"

"Your ride is…"

"I'm going…alone."

"When I was talking to Kelly last night he said he knows some of what you went through."

"So?"

"So that means he's not going to ask questions someone not in the know might. But…it's up to you. Just figured from experience you wouldn't want to relive that night again. Up to you," Dr. Stevens gently pats Casey on the shoulder. "You know…you remind me of my son."

"How old is he?" Casey asks somewhat bitterly.

"Well…he would have been 35 this year," Dr. Stevens answers in truth as Casey looks up in surprise. "Your discharge papers are ready. You can leave anytime."

"Thank you," Casey replies with a heavy sigh as he watches the older man leave the room. But as he listens to the silence in the room around him, he suddenly feels the walls starting to close in; Ben's quiet mocking laughter starting to grow louder and his ears picking up the taunt that he'd never be free.

"To hell…with his," Casey mutters as he gets off the bed and heads for the door, not looking back into the dimly lit room, but making a determined path toward the set of elevators. He gets inside and heads down two levels; the doors opening and his eyes spying the exit, his mind telling him he's escaped without having to worry about Severide's watchful eye keeping tabs. However, that's short lived as he walks through the doors, into the cool morning air and looks at his friend waiting by his car.

"Cheaper than a cab."

"Kelly…"

"Matt…" Severide takes a step closer, both of them standing deadlocked a few feet apart. "I know you're pissed so I'll just drive you home and you can…do whatever okay?"

Casey looks at him, his brain yelling at him to take the offer before his weary legs give way and he collapses in the hospital parking lot and things backfire and he's back under doctor care. So with a small nod, he heads toward the black car and gets inside; Severide turning up the heat as he notices Casey's hands still slightly shaking.

"You sure you wanna go home?" Severide inquires in a low tone as they near.

"I'll be…fine," Casey tries to assure himself as they near; his mind trying to push past the image of Ben waiting for him in the closet. _'I broke into your home Matthew…you never knew…I watched you….waited and watched…I liked watching.'_

Casey feels his stomach lurch as Severide's car comes to a stop but quickly swallows back rising bile and clutches the door handle a bit firmer than even he had expected.

"Look Matt…" Severide starts as the car quiets down; his gaze fixed firmly ahead. "I've been taking painkillers for a serious neck injury that…well if I get the surgery they are suggesting my career is over."

Casey hears the soft confession and looks over at his friend in surprise. "What?"

"I didn't want to tell anyone because I'm just not sure…this is my life. And you had other problems to worry about and I didn't want to add to that burden. I am sorry I kept that from you."

"You shoulda told me sooner."

"I know…I know and I'm sorry."

"Okay," is all Casey manages before he pushes himself out of the car and numbly walks toward the front door of his House; Severide's lips offering an angry curse before he to gets out to follow. "I don't want a damn babysitter!" Casey snaps as his slightly trembling fingers fumble with getting the key into the lock and opening the door. "Open damn it!" Casey growls as he gives it a good shove, cursing the stinging that results from his fingers slamming up against the firm metal lock; but happy that the door finally opens. "See you tomorrow," he tells Severide before he firmly closes the door and locks it; leaning against the piece of wood in angry frustration. "I can do this…on my own."

XXXXXXXX

Not wanting to push Casey right now, Severide heads back to his car and gets in, making a mental note to get home, have a shower, eat something but then come back to see how Casey's faring; which he knows won't be very good after what he endured yesterday.

"Hey…how is he?" Shay asks as Severide enters their quiet loft.

"Fine."

"Well I know you're lying but I won't press about this."

"He…Shay this is Matt and he asked not to…say anything."

"I don't need the details," she quickly stops him.

"Wasn't going to give them," Severide retorts lightly. "But um…I feel lost. I want to help. Matt's hurting bad and I don't know what to do. The doctor gave me some stuff about PTSD but…damn Shay I feel I might be doing more damage."

"Did you tell him about your problem?"

"I did and he just shrugged it off like it was nothing."

"At least you told him. Shower…because you smell like the hospital and that's a gross smell and then go see him."

"He shouldn't stay at home alone. But I just…I feel lost but I want to help."

"We'll help him through this."

"Look I…"

"Whatever it is. I won't ask for details and I'll make sure no one else does either," she tells him firmly.

"Thank you."

Severide heads up to his bedroom, tossing the duffle bag onto the bed and then looking at one of the booklets that had escaped and frowns. _ I can't give up…I give up and Ben wins…just because he's dead doesn't mean that bastard can't still win._

XXXXXXXX

He had sat at the kitchen table for what seemed like a small eternity; the silence assaulting him from every angle but his legs not having the strength to walk upstairs and face the first inner demon head on. _Was waiting…in the closet…watching._

Casey gives his head a small shake and realizes that he can't let fear paralyze him; he must push past this on his own.

"I did it before…" he mutters with an angry clip to his tone as he gets up from the table and heads into the hallway; stopping by the living room to turn on the TV, turning up the volume so that something would break into the silence and help keep the misery at bay.

He slowly starts to climb the small staircase, his heart rate elevating with every step and his fingers gripping the railing a bit harder so that once he reaches the top, it was almost impossible to let go.

_'I liked watching…'_

Casey hears Ben's taunts in his head as he nears the entrance to his bedroom; spying his personal things on the top of the dresser and uttering an angry curse. He gazes at the closet that Ben had confessed he hid in and watched him from, and without warning, strikes at the wooden slotted door with two angry fists; breaking a few of the slats but not caring.

"BASTARD!" Casey shouts as he pulls the door to one side, nearly ripping it off its hinge but putting a gaping hole into the front before slamming it against the side of the frame; busting the small frame and stepping back in anger, looking at the pitiful door with an angry scowl.

"AHHHHHH!" Casey's lips utter another hoarse cough as he kicks at the defenseless door; trying desperately to clear away Ben's taunting laughter.

_'Liked watching you sleep…could you sense me watching you? Did it make you feel vulnerable? Special? Mine?'_

Feeling fatigue starting to consume him sooner than expected, Casey bolts from the bedroom and heads into the smaller spare bedroom, eyeing the single bed but knowing he couldn't go back into his main bedroom this soon. He slumps down onto the unfamiliar surface and hangs his head in his hands; his fingers brushing the heavy stubble and his mind somewhat smirking at the thought about needing a shave that suddenly pops up.

"I need to shave," he tells himself as he gets up and heads for the bathroom. He flips on the razor and starts to gently massage his face; his eyes darting to the right and uttering a small gasp as Ben's smiling face appears, forcing his fingers to slightly slip and a small nick to be felt. "Damn…" he gently curses as Ben's face fades and he looks at himself with an angry scowl; a few droplets of blood splattering onto the white surface of the sink below. He slams the razor onto the counter and leaves the bathroom with only half his face shaven; his mind yelling at himself for now being the sole cause of his own problems.

"I didn't listen…shoulda went to Kelly's…I did this…" he repeats to himself over and over; rapidly destroying whatever bits of self-assurance he had gathered on the drive home with his now absent friend.

_'Kelly will always pity you…he'll never understand you like I can. Never value your friendship. Never…'_

"SHUT UP!" Casey shouts as he tosses a fist into the air before storming out of the small bedroom and making his way downstairs into the living room. Not caring about the blaring TV, Casey slumps down onto the couch and stares at the front door in misery. His eyes remain open until they are too tired to hold themselves open and close on their own; his mind whisked away into another tormented realm of fitful rest.

XXXXXXXX

"Come on Matt…pick up," Severide lightly grumbles as he approaches Casey's home; not wanting to just surprise his friend but not really wanting Casey to have the chance to turn him away either. He stops his car in front and stares at the quiet home in wonder. During the past few hours he had read every word in the small booklets provided by Dr. Stevens, feeling his guilt starting to surge when he read the part about the trusted confidant being open and especially honest.

_I lied to him…_but you also told the truth…_that has to count for something right? _Yes it does. Believe that it does. Just trust.

So with a deep breath, he grabs the bag of takeout food and heads up the walk; his mind agitated and his inner turmoil starting to mount. Boden had agreed with Dr. Stevens that it would be best for Casey to try to get back to his normal routine as soon as possible, since the physical injuries were minor.

_'The longer he's alone and allowed to dwell on what he perceives is his fault, you'll lose him. We can't let that happen,' Dr. Stevens had reminded Severide before he left the hospital._

Severide hears the loud noise coming from inside and frowns until he hears something very familiar and utters a sigh of relief as he hears the commercial end and then knocks loudly on the door.

"Matt?" Severide calls out. He looks at the closed windows and then ponders going around to the back door, not wanting to sneak up or surprise his friend.

"Matt!" Severide bangs again and waits, this time taking some small comfort in hearing the deadbolt being unlocked and the door slowly opening.

"Was…sleeping, sorry," Casey mutters as he looks at Severide's concerned expression. "I need a b…"

"Dinner?"

"No…I'm fine. Not really hungry."

"You gotta eat. Even if it's just one thing."

"Really…I'm not hungry."

"It's Greek," Severide holds up the aromatic bag of takeout.

"I'm not…hungry."

"Okay…how about I eat and you watch?" Severide retorts lightly, "or I can give it to the homeless guy down the street," he concludes; offering a soft smirk as Casey's lips twitch. "Come on…it's just dinner."

"I want to be alone."

"Well um…I don't want to eat this all by myself. Just dinner?" Severide pushes, waiting a few minutes longer until Casey finally resigns and slowly opens the door the rest of the way; retreating into the living room to turn down the volume. "We can eat in here if you want," Severide suggests, wanting to keep it informal and not make Casey feel like he'd have to fill the silence with a sordid confession, if they were in the quiet kitchen.

"Sure," Casey nods; his mind actually feeling some relief in having the TV as a background distraction.

"Think the Hawkes are playing tonight," Severide casually converses as he plunks the bag down onto the large coffee table in the living room and prepares to put it out when Casey returns; both of them standing and looking at the other for a few seconds of silence.

"You don't owe me anything."

"Yeah I do," Severide mentions firmly.

"No…Kelly really you don't."

"Yeah I do. You'd do it for me. Remember that time on the roof with Vargas? That's what we do. We made him and each other a promise to always be there for our teams; each other. So now I'm here for you."

"Sounds like the Chief talking."

"So what if it is?" Severide counters. "I've never been through anything this before and I feel like I'm walking on eggshells because I don't want to say something that will cause you more pain. I heard only a fraction of what Ben said and…"

"I WANT HIM OUT OF MY DAMN HEAD!" Casey shouts in frustration as he nearly drops the plates. "I hear his voice…over and over…and I just…I don't know what to do."

"I don't either and I'm sorry; I don't. I can just be here for you and help with stuff like this. I know I'm not a shrink and part of me doesn't even want to know what you endured…because…god I can't imagine and I don't want to," Severide's tone drops a level. "Matt…I'm sorry…part me wishes I had been straight with you right from the start but I wasn't. I feel bad, I really do. But I do want to help you with all this. You want me to leave then I'll leave but I'm here because you're my friend and you'd do it for me. You know you would."

Casey looks at the expression and hears the sincerity in the tone of his friend's voice and feels his agitation starting to subside as he finally nods.

"I can't let him win."

"We won't…okay? We won't."

"Smells good."

"Shay recommended. I think she likes the cook. Have to admit she's pretty cute," Severide smirks as Casey puts the plates and forks down on the table; his eyes noticing the small cuts on Casey's face from shaving but not commenting further.

Both of them take a plate and start to eat in silence; the tension starting to mount. Severide looks over at Casey and frowns, his mind now wondering if, even though Ben was dead if he had actually won? Was their friendship now strained beyond repair? Would current wounds ever heal? Would Casey ever heal from the nightmares? Would things between them ever be normal again?

* * *

**A/N:** Okay so wanted a few more aftermath details and up next you'll see Casey thinking about going back to work and just what kind of mental and emotional uphill battle he's facing (b/c you know Alice has a few extra angsty things up her sleeves hehe). So will things between our boys get worse? will things at work be normal or strained? and what kind of tension will now both of them face? Hope you're still loving the angsty broments in this story and please do review before you go and thanks so much!

**PS:** Hope you all get a chance to read and review my last eppy OS (with some Casey whump/Severide comfort *grin* - called Bitter Taste of Resentment)


	15. Frustration Takes Hold

**Title: Hidden Agenda  
****Chapter 15 – Frustration Takes Hold**

**A/N:** once again I really want to THANK YOU ALL for reading and reviewing this story (it's extended it longer than I had expected and I even put some of your review suggestions into play!) I hope you all like this update just as much as the others.

* * *

The words spoken during their takeout dinner are few and far between, Severide looking at Casey occasionally and frowning at Casey's somewhat crestfallen expression and posture. Even on a very tough day he could still hold himself with an air of confidence; but now…he felt broken and it showed to anyone looking with a concerned eye.

"Thanks…for dinner," Casey offers in a quiet tone as he looks down at his half eaten plate. "Just not…that hungry."

"That's okay, more leftovers for tomorrow right?" Severide smirks as Casey gives him a small nod and then casts an absent gaze at the TV; slightly twisting his head to the side to see Severide watching him. "I'll get the dishes," he offers in haste; not wanting to tell Casey that he is worried his friend will silently self-destruct if left alone too long. _Dr. Stevens said he should talk about some of it…but how do I get him to open up…and how much should he say? Do I even want to hear any of the really dark details?_

Severide's mind thinks back to something Dr. Stevens had told him.

_'It doesn't matter if you don't have the words at the time…he just needs to get it out. The more he keeps it all inside the faster he'll self-destruct. We can't let that happen.'_

"I don't mind…there's just a few," Casey insists as he slowly stands up; his body now starting to feel the fatigue as he picks up the plates and heads for the kitchen; Severide gathering up the water glasses and quietly following. He notices Casey's shoulders tense as he nears the sink and then stops.

"Matt? What's going on?" Severide dares to inquire.

"It's uh…nothing," Casey swiftly brushes it off as he puts the plates into the dishwasher and then turns to face his friend with a heavy frown. "I'm just tired."

"You know you can tell me right…I mean whatever you just wanna get off your chest."

"Thanks but um…I'll be okay," Casey nods firmly as his heart rate starts to elevate. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"What? Already? Matt, take the rest of the week," Severide insists.

"I can't stay here all day."

"Okay I get that but…"

"I CAN'T!" Casey shouts as he grits his teeth and looks away; Severide offering a nod and slightly recoiling. "I can't just stay here…"

"Just make sure your head's in the game…you know you can't lead the team into a fire if you're not…"

"I don't need a lecture…" Casey snaps.

"We deal with something that takes lives!" Severide huffs, his brain warning him to keep the sharpness in his tone down. "If you lead…"

"Fine…I'll just stay here and dwell upon the fact that I was forcibly assaulted in my own DAMN HOME! You think that's better? Then DAMN YOU!" Casey shouts before he drops the glass on the floor and storms past Severide into the empty hallway. Severide shakes his head and stares at the glass in misery before he turns to see Casey standing at the end of the hall near the staircase to go up but unable to take that next step.

"Kelly…I'm sorry," his voice starts in defeat.

"No I was…I just worry okay and I don't know what to say most of the time," Severide confesses in anguish.

"I thought it was a dream…" Casey starts in a low tone.

"What was?" Severide asks in a soft tone.

"I was asleep…I woke up and he was there…on top of me and I couldn't…move…I was tied down…he was there on top…I felt him…I felt…everything," he voice dies out as Severide's teeth grit. "I heard him laugh…then I was drugged and woke up. I thought it was as dream and then Ben told me…it was real. He was there. I can't stay here all day…alone."

Casey turns to Severide; his watery blue gaze begging his friend for some understanding and emotional leniency. "I can't…just stay here. I see that…I'm here…I see Ben…doing that. I can't…stay…here."

"Okay," Severide replies in a whispered tone as he looks at Casey in torment. Casey gives him a nod before turning and disappearing from view, heading upstairs as Severide turns and heads back into the kitchen to clean up the broken glass and put the leftovers into the fridge in case Casey didn't feel like cooking the following night.

Casey stands on the upstairs landing and looks at the door leading into his bedroom and feels his fists balling.

_'I like watching you sleep. Did you sense me there…watching?...waiting?...waiting for the right moment and then I took you…did you like it? Enjoy it as much as I did?' SHUT UP!_

"Can't…let him win," Casey tells himself through clenched teeth as he takes a few more steps forward and enters his bedroom; eyeing the broken door to his closet and quickly swallowing. "Can't…" he tells himself as he pushes past the busted door and enters the bathroom; Severide slowly climbing the stairs to see how Casey is faring.

Severide enters the bedroom; his gaze quickly drawn to the busted closet door and his lips pursing as he looks past that to see Casey's hands fixed on the countertop and his gazed fixed straight ahead.

"Matt? Hey buddy…" Severide's voice breaks Casey's tormented thoughts, pulling Casey's watery blue gaze in his direction. "Why not um…get a few things and stay with us tonight."

"No I'll be…"

"Can you swear to me you will be able to sleep?"

"I can't let him win! Can't you see that!" Casey snaps as he pulls away from the sink and marches up to Severide with angry frustration flashing in his tormented blue orbs. "I can't swear. I can't okay! I can't…I just…oh god I can't…I see him now…standing in that damn closet…watching…waiting…I…" Casey turns away and shakes his head. "I see him…Kelly…but…I can't let him win. I'll be him before and I'll beat him again!"

"I get that okay. But…it just happened. You taking a few days break from here doesn't make you a coward, okay?" Severide insists. "Just…get a few things…stay on the couch. I'll give you the spare key and you just…you can't stay here."

"I can't give in…" Casey huffs as he slumps down on the nearest edge of the bed and looks down at the floor.

_'You'll never be free Matthew…Kelly will never help you. He'll always think you weak…think less of you…always think you failed…your fault. You show yourself weak to him and he'll laugh behind your back,' Ben's tormenting lie festers inside his mind._

"Matt…"

"I'll be okay. I have to do this."

"You don…"

"I DO!" Casey shouts and then recoils. "I just do…okay? I have to do this. For me. I'll be fine. You just go and…and I'll be fine."

_'If he insists he wants to be alone let him…Matt needs control. Ben took that away from him in the worst way possible. He knows he's scared and vulnerable and feels like he could self-destruct at any moment. But he needs control; anything he can tell himself he's in control of. It'll come in small ways but all you can do is encourage him…try to make sure he's not alone for too long and just be there for him when he needs someone.'_

"Okay but um…no matter the time," Severide pulls the spare key and hands it to Casey. "You just use it okay?"

"'kay," Casey mutters; his gaze not looking up fully as his fingers tightly curl around the key. Severide remains in place a few more minutes before he pulls back.

"Look I'll um…how about I just stay on the couch downstairs?"

"Kelly…really I'm fine. I'll just…sleep in the downstairs bedroom. I'll be fine really. I just want to be alone."

_'The first night alone will be the toughest…he shouldn't be alone.'_

"You can't be alone," Severide insists.

"You can't force me!" Casey shoots back.

_'What if the first night he insists? Just don't anger or agitate him further. Hold your ground but if you have to give in you give in. Forcing him would be more damaging then him facing a sleepless night of his own doing. It will hurt but maybe the next night he'll realize he needs you.'_

Severide looks at Casey's soft tormented expression and feels his own face crunch with pain. But as much as he tells himself he should just force his way on Casey, he feels himself nodding in agreement. "Okay," he finally resigns with a heavy sigh.

"I just have to move past this. I just…I did this before I can do it again."

"You told me nothing happened before but it did right?"

"I said…I can handle this," Casey hisses through gritted teeth as he stands up and looks at Severide square on. "I...have to do this."

"You look like hell Matt…I can't just leave you like this."

"I need sleep…I get sleep and I'll be okay tomorrow. I'll be okay," Casey repeats softly as his frown dissipates. "I'll see you tomorrow."

_'Just be careful you don't push too much. If he wants to be alone and is getting agitated, let him be alone. He needs the control. He'll suffer for it but he has to be the one to make those calls. It has to be him.'_

Dr. Stevens words finally sink in and Severide knows it's time to regrettably take his leave. "Okay. See you tomorrow."

As much as he doesn't want to leave, Severide finally turns and heads out of the bedroom and into the hallway; Casey quietly following. Severide gives Casey one last nod and whispers 'goodnight' before he heads out into the cool night air; praying that his friend survives the night and if not would have the strength to make it to his place.

Casey locks the door lock and the deadbolt and then quickly checks each window, to make sure they were all locked and the shades drawn so that no one could see in.

"I can do this…I have to do this…" he tells himself as he exits the kitchen; leaving the hallway light on and then heading upstairs. But as he nears his bedroom, he hears Ben's mocking laughter and merely offers a curse before he turns and rushing back downstairs; turning on the TV to a soft noise and then slumping down onto the couch, flipping onto his side away from the TV.

"I can do this…" he chants a few more times as his core starts to warm and his stomach slightly churn.

_'Remember Matt…when you feel like you are getting overwhelmed go to your happy place. Hold onto that thought and let it get you through the moment.'_

Dr. Stevens had added that the happy thought wasn't a substitute for actual therapy. _'But also remember this…you can't keep it all inside Matt. You have to talk to someone. Kelly is a good friend and knows…well most of what happened. Tell him whatever you think he can handle, but in the long run you'll need a professional. And I will keep asking until I can recommend that professional for you. I know just the person. It will help. Trust me.'_

"Trust no one…" Casey mutters in anger as his fists tighten and his stomach tries to move past a small pang of nausea; his mind desperate to keep the small bits of supper he actually ate – inside. He tries to listen to what the TV is saying in the background, wanting to have anyone's voice inside his head beside Ben's. The distraction finally works. But he's only allowed one hour solid rest before Ben's taunting voice takes over and his watery eyes snap open again and his jaw tightens.

"No…I can do this…"

_'I'll always be with you Matthew…when you're alone…you'll always be alone…'_

"No…" Casey growls in angry frustration.

_'Kelly will always pity you…he'll never respect you…you're broken…you'll always be broken...'_

"No…shut up…" his voice starts low.

_'I'm the only one that can understand you…always be with you….always mine…you're special to me…'_

"NO!" Casey shouts as he bolts upright and then looks around in frustrated agitation before he swings his legs over the edge of the couch and steadies them on the floor.

_'Can you see me watching you Matthew? You'll never be free…NEVER!'_

"DAMN YOU BEN!" Casey shouts, to which he hears mocking laughter in return. So with determined steps he storms for the closet, grabbing his coat, wallet and phone; the spare key to Severide's loft apartment fixed in his grasp and heads out into the night, not caring that he's only wearing his sweats and tee. _'Doesn't matter the time…you just come.'_

Casey nears the door to Severide's apartment and for a brief second considers turning back; but he doesn't, something inside his mind and heart won't allow it. So he gently turns the lock, thankful there isn't a code to disarm and then locks the door behind him. He stares at the somewhat familiar surroundings before him; his weary gaze fixing on the couch that has a pillow and blanket waiting. He kicks off his shoes, drops his coat on the table and literally collapses on the couch; Ben's voice kept at bay for now; an unseen force not letting it enter for a few solid hours.

XXXXXXXX

Severide's arms fold under his head early the next morning as he stares absently at the ceiling; his mind still wondering how Casey had fared the night before and his heart still angry for him not forcing him to stay with his friend.

_'Dr. Stevens when should Casey come back to work?'_

_'The sooner the better Kelly. He needs to get back into his routine but he also needs to be careful. In your profession a man in charge, having a panic attack can spell disaster for himself and his team and that disaster could cost lives and force guilt to grow. That call will ultimately be Chief Boden's.'_

"Damn why didn't I stay…" Severide groans as he looks over at the clock. But before he can dwell too much on his misery, a soft knock is heard at the door and Shay's head pops in. "Hey…everything okay?"

"How'd it go last night?"

"Terrible. I think I did more harm than good," Severide huffs as he looks away. "I want to help but…damn he's stubborn."

"Takes one to know one right?" Shay tosses as Severide nods. "Matt's downstairs."

"What?" Severide stammers as he tosses back the covers. "Is he okay?"

"He's asleep. Looks like he just…came in and collapsed on the couch."

"Okay. Let me see what's up," Severide tells her as he heads for the door, Shay patting him on the back as he enters the hallway and heads downstairs. He looks at Casey's half covered frame on the couch and knows he can't just wake him; especially if he came in the middle of the night. So without making a noise, Severide heads back upstairs and gets ready for the day; allowing Casey another solid hour of sleep. After he had showered and texted Boden about Casey, Severide had picked up the last booklet he read the night before and refreshed his memory before heading back downstairs; this time watching as Casey finally looks up and offers him a small frown.

"Morning," Severide greets; his mind reminding him not to ask why he's here. '_He's here because he didn't want to be alone but didn't want to ask. He needs to be the one in control. Never question or doubt that.'_

"Morning," Casey huffs as he sits upright and rubs his weary face; before finally standing up and fixing the blanket as Severide heads into the kitchen to make breakfast. "I'll leave…shortly. I just…"

"Matt…" Severide breaks into Casey's nervous stammer, drawing his friend's tired blue eyes upward. "I'm making breakfast for the three of us," he concludes with a small smile.

"Okay," Casey simply nods as he looks up and see's Shay heading down the stairs. He feels his body tense and remains in place as she walks up to him and puts her arms around him.

"This is where you belong," she whispers as she pulls back and gives him a warm smile. "I don't know the details and I won't ask. Just glad that son of a bitch who did this is dead. Mistaken identity sucks."

"Yeah."

Casey gives her a strained smile, his heart rate starting to slow as she doesn't press the issue further. He had wondered if in that moment she would have said something like he could tell her and it would be okay, but she didn't and his mind takes comfort in the fact that only Kelly knows and he'd be spared any further embarrassment. As it is he still feels inner embarrassment as to how Severide found him that night in the firehouse. _How could he not pity me? I was pathetic. I couldn't fight back. _

Severide looks at Casey's frame still fixed in the middle of the floor and then looks at Shay with a heavy frown.

"So did you hear what new hair brained scheme Hermann wants to invest in now?" Shay pipes up; Casey's thoughts breaking and him looking up at the two of them in the kitchen in wonder.

_They weren't looking at you, _his brain quickly reminds him. _You need to eat._

"Yeah what's that?" Severide answers as Casey nears them; Shay gesturing for him to take one of the bar stools on the other side of the island eating bar.

"Well he…" her voice trails off as Casey tries to listen. However, his mind is now focused on what work would be like. _The Chief knows…no one else knows…you will be fine…you can do this…_Casey takes the strong coffee from Severide but doesn't contribute much to the lively discussion but thankful when his two friends don't push him for input.

"I'll tell Boden you'll be in when you're in," Severide tells Casey as the three of them prepare to leave Severide's apartment.

"I won't be long."

Resisting the urge to offer to be a babysitter, Severide offers a soft 'okay see you soon' and the three of them part ways on the street.

"He'll be okay," Shay tries to assure Severide as they watch Matt pull away from the curb and disappear into traffic. Severide gives her a less than convinced smile as they head for Firehouse 51.

XXXXXXXX

As he nears the firehouse, Casey feels his stomach instantly tighten. He had managed to get back home, shower, finish a proper shave and manage to get back out the door without having too big a panic attack. But as he nears the parking lot he now wonders if he shouldn't have taken another day. _To do what? Sit at home and be reminded that Ben attacked me as I slept and then laughed how I couldn't stop him? _His mind counters bitterly. _But what happens if I get into a panic attack here? Ben was here…_you beat him here…focus on that…_put on a smile and just get through the first day back…fake smile…fake smile…_

"I can do this," Casey mutters as he gets out of his truck and heads for the entrance door. As he nears Hermann looks up with a wide, welcoming grin.

"Hey boss! Welcome back," he teases loudly as Casey's lips can't help but smile in reply as Hermann gives him a big hug. "Boden told us about Ben and he kinda went off the deep end. You okay?"

"Yeah…fine."

"So all ended in a firefight huh. Glad you didn't break anything. What was Ben thinking trying to duke it out in a fire?" Hermann mutters as Casey looks at him with a heavy frown. "He give you details on why he did it?"

"Yeah…he did," Casey states with a tight lipped smile as Mouch and Otis near, each of them welcoming back their team leader with a myriad of hugs, pats on the back and some questions.

"Damn that's some black eye," Otis mentions. "Hope you gave as good as you got!" He mentions as Casey's teeth grit and he looks sharply at Otis who looks back in wonder.

"What?" Casey lightly growls under his breath.

"Well it um…musta been one hell of a fight…" Otis's voice trails off in a sheepish tone.

"So he thought you owed him money?" Mouch lightly presses; always the one to pry a bit further than he should.

"What?" Casey asks sharply.

"Hey no big deal you know?"

"What exactly did Boden say?" Casey angrily demands.

"That Ben had the targeted the wrong man and the rest of the team didn't need further details," Boden's voice directs toward Mouch as he offers Casey a small nod and backs down. "Come on," Boden gestures as Casey heads after 51's Chief, Severide watching with a concerned gaze from the other side of the room.

"Told ya to drop it," Hermann scolds the rest of the team as they offer him apologetic glances.

"Look Chief I know what you're going to say," Casey huffs as he closes the door to Boden's office and looks at him with a tired gaze.

"Good then save me the trouble," Boden replies lightly.

"Kelly told me to take the day but I just can't sit at home. Ben was there and…I just can't. I wasn't injured and…"

"You know as well as I do and better than most out there that this job is more than physical work. You go into a tense situation and something reminds you of what happened two days ago and it could be game over…for you and your men. That's a risk _I'm_ not willing to take."

"But Ch…"

"Take the rest of the day an…"

"I can't!" Casey insists with irritation in his tone.

"That's not a request. Now I get that you don't want to go home alone…I get that, but I can't put you out there…at least not today. Finish paperwork, clean your locker…hell you can scrub the floors for all I care. You need the day. You look irritated and on edge and I won't put you on that truck like that."

"And the um…the teams?"

"Let me worry about them. For all they know you suffered a fall in the encounter and were told to rest up. Otis didn't know. Mouch is being Mouch. You know he'd ask a priest what was said in confession," Boden smirks as Casey's face relaxes a little, "he's concerned as are they all…"

"Sir…"

"They don't know Ben's real agenda and they don't need to. Have you made an appointment to see someone?"

"You mean like a therapist? No. I don't need one. Sir I got this okay? Today's rough but in a few days everything will be fine."

"Matt…"

"Sir I'm fine!" Casey insists with irritation.

"For this moment I'll believe you but you can't let this just go by so I will ask again in a few days."

"You talk to Dr. Stevens by any chance?"

"Actually…he's a friend."

"What?" Casey asks in surprise.

"I called in a favor; trust me he can help you. Now I want you to promise me that if you do feel a panic attack coming on you find me or Kelly and we talk…you don't face it alone and by alone I mean you sitting quietly waiting to self destruct."

"Sir…Kelly…he…he found me and…" Casey's voice dies out as he turns away in slight embarrassment. "I can't tell him more than I have."

"He doesn't think less of you, none of us do. Ben's gone…time for us all to heal from this. Kelly's stronger than you might think. You need a minute…I won't question it. But if you're out there and you put yourself in harms way for really no reason I will call you on it and I will sideline you if it means saving lives. Am I clear?"

"Yes sir," Casey nods in agreement.

"And you know as well as I do that after a critical incident we all go and talk to a professional. This…is no exception."

"I'll be fine."

"Again, it's not a request."

"Fair enough," Casey huffs as a small knock is heard and Casey turns to see Antonio standing there before Boden gestures for him to enter.

"Hey man good to see you," Antonio gives Casey as friendly pat on the back. "Chief."

"Detective. I'll let you two finish this up. Take your time."

Casey watches Boden leave and then turns to face Antonio with a look of expectation.

"I'd ask how you are but you look…tired."

"I feel like hell. Antonio I just gotta ask…"

"Gabby knows nothing and she never will from me. I don't need all the details to close the file and I won't ask anything further, you have my word. I'm not here to interrogate you about that night okay? I got what I needed from Dr. Stevens and even then he only told me the basics. Forcible assault. Sorry. I just came to see how you are."

"And the two that helped Ben?" Casey inquires as the two of them sit down on the couch beside Boden's desk.

"Kelly tell you about them?"

"He knew?" Casey asks weakly as Antonio nods. "Not yet."

"They were…Ben's stepsons."

"What?" Casey asks in shock. "His…own…sons? No…this can't be…what he hell?"

"Got one of them to open up and he confessed all…and I mean _all_," Antonio confesses with a heavy sigh. "Very sad childhood growing up."

"Did Ben...Grant…what was his real name?"

"James Bartholomew. Not lying," Antonio retorts. "James inherited a vast amount of wealth and the only way he said his boys could have it was if they…"

"Helped him? He blackmailed his own sons?"

"Step-sons. Never had children of his own and the woman he married died when they were little. James adopted them as his own and raised them…as his own…as he saw fit."

"Did he…" Casey's voice dies out as he looks away. "I don't want to know."

"Yeah…he molested them also. They grew up angry and warped but each of them had a vice that his money paid for…paid very well for. His money bought their silence and it continued until now. He strategically placed them into areas that would help sustain his ugly addiction and in return he paid for their silence and their sordid lifestyles. It worked until Ben came back to try to even the score."

"Why?"

"He ever tell you?"

"Said I was special…the one that got away," Casey hisses in anger. "Was that it?"

"It's whatever he told you."

Casey stands up, his core enflamed and his heart starting to race. "What were his son's names?"

"Don't…"

"Tell me!" Casey hisses as he turns and glares at Antonio.

"Matthew and Levi."

"What?"

"Look, don't read to…"

"Those…those are…my names…" Casey's throat catches as his forehead flashes with heat.

"Casey…"

"That's why…why me…" Casey turns as his eyes water…his heart rate forcing his stomach to churn. "Oh god I can't…that's why…he told me…Ben said…I was special…like one of his boys…I never got it. Called me boy…he…"

"You can't dwell on…"

"That's why he kept me alive!" Casey hisses as he turns and looks at Antonio in anger. "I reminded him of them as a boy!"

"Hey man I'm sorry…but it's over. These two are going to get life in jail. With Ben….James whatever the hell his name is is dead there is no deal they can make. There is nothing hidden that we need to seek. It's over."

"I want to be there…"

"What?"

"At the sentencing."

"It will only open up old wounds," Antonio tries to reason.

"I'm allowed…I need to face them."

"They wronged a lot of others…don't do this to yourself. The sentencing is private as with the long list of charges that we had a lot of evidence on and one turning on the other there will be no public hearing. Just let it go. It's over," Antonio insists.

"I can't," Casey sighs as he shakes his head. "I want to but…just tell me when."

Antonio frowns, knowing that it would only cause hatred and resentment to build. Knowing the truth about why Ben targeted Casey as he did and who helped Ben commit his horrific deeds was bad enough; now it was time to close the file for good and try to move past and heal.

"I gotta run. Good to see you back," Antonio pats Casey on the back as he stands up to leave.

"Antonio."

"Yeah?"

"Thanks…for all the help with this," Casey tells him in truth. "And for…you know keeping it quiet from everyone else."

"You're welcome."

Casey watches Antonio leave and then hurries from the Chief's office, ripping off his jacket as he storms into the backroom, not caring that he's not wearing protective boxing gloves and starts to punch the bag full force, his wrists starting to sting.

After watching them from afar and knowing Casey was agitated he goes in search of him; quickly rounding the corner and rushing up to Casey and pulling him back; Casey looking at him with hatred flashing in his angry blue orbs. "You'll hurt your hands."

"I don't care! He had his own damn sons helping him! You knew?" Casey demands in anger. "You knew and didn't tell me?"

"I figured you didn't want to talk about it yet," Severide sighs as he backs down a bit. "I'm sorry okay? This is new for me also."

"Better you told me than for me to be blindsided with…damn his own sons! They have my names…I was special…I reminded him of…his own…damn SONS!" Casey shouts as he turns and tries to hit the bag, his hand pulling back with a small yelp.

"Stop hurting yourself," Severide huffs as he tries to grab at Casey's hand; Casey jerking himself free and walking away few feet.

"His own damn sons!" Casey's voice growls; Severide looking at his back with a heavy frown. "Everyone's asking questions and…damn maybe I shoulda stayed home!"

"Even if you came tomorrow you know they'd ask; they were worried."

"I know," Casey sighs as his tone drops and his posture softens; he turns back to Severide with an anguished gaze that makes Severide's heart sink.

"What'd the Chief say?"

"Take the day. Take the damn day…sit around like an invalid while everyone else goes about their day and I sit and watch!" Casey looks at Severide with a clenched jaw.

"Look tomorrow…everything will be back to normal," Severide tries.

"Normal? I'll never be normal again!" Casey snaps as he pushes past Severide; Severide's face displaying a heavy wince. He lingers in the tormented silence a bit longer before he turns to see Boden watching him in concern.

"I didn't mean that…I don't know what to say Chief. I don't want to piss him off further but it seems I do."

"He'll work past this," Boden kindly reminds him. "It's gonna sting for a bit longer but he'll be okay in the lonrun."

"Yeah? And how do you know that?"

"You wouldn't have it any other way," Boden reminds him with a friendly pat.

XXXXXXXX

_I'll never be normal…NEVER AGAIN! _Casey's mind shouts in anger as he slams the door to his office closed and slumps down into the chair, resting his head in his hands and then exhaling heavily. He feels his heart still racing but thankfully he was able to keep his breakfast down and tells himself he just needs to get through today. _The Chief's right….first day back…all the team heard was I was kidnapped and injured…course they were worried and asked. I'll be okay tomorrow…tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow…_

But as he hears the overhead announcement call out and watches the teams scrambling to get their gear, remorse starts to settle in. Not wanting to just sit around, Casey gets back up and heads for his locker, slowly removing his jacket and shoving it into the locker and then turning around and audibly gasping.

_'Hello Matthew…think you could get away from me? You'll never be rid of me…no matter WHAT!'_

"Sick bastard!" Casey curses as the image fades and is replaced by the surprised janitor.

"Lieutenant Casey?"

"Robbie…no sorry…I…I'm sorry that wasn't meant for you," Casey apologizes in haste.

"I didn't mean to startle you."

"You did but…I'm sorry that wasn't meant for you. Just been um…a tough week."

"Were you in a fight Lieutenant Casey?"

"Yes and that's who I was cursing," Casey utters in truth as he closes his locker door and heads toward the kind hearted janitor.

"What happened to the other guy?"

"He died," Casey replies firmly as he exits the room and heads into the quiet hall; looking around and wondering what he could do to help pass the time and keep his mind occupied for the rest of the day. _Tomorrow will be better…_he keeps chanting over and over as he heads into the kitchen and decides to give Mills a hand by making lunch. _Gotta keep my cool…I don't need to talk to anyone about the details…keep my cool or the Chief will force me to see a professional…I don't need to see a professional…I can handle this on my own…my way…I'll be okay. I can do this._

XXXXXXXX

Severide returns from the tense call; his mind agitated at not having Casey at his side in the field, his friend's absence noticed and felt. The trucks pull into the bays and Severide looks up to see Casey nowhere in sight. _Maybe he's in the back. _He drops his gear and goes in search of Casey, hoping that he's calmed down from the morning; not realizing that he's about to enter a hot bed of contention.

"Hey…" Severide knocks on the door to Casey's office, prompting Casey to look up with a small frown.

"Hey."

"Everything okay?"

"Fine…why?"

"Just checking in," Severide offers him a small smile.

"Everyone's checking in. Look I don't need another damn babysitter!" Casey growls as he slams down his pen.

"Showing concern for a friend isn't being a babysitter."

"I'm fine okay?"

"Okay," Severide pulls back with a small look of defeat; Casey's expression also dropping. "When I left you were…"

"Pissed off and I still am!" Casey snaps as he stands up and faces Severide; the two of them locking eyes as Boden watches from a discreet distance.

"Fine, then tell me what to do…how to help," Severide quietly pleads.

"You feel guilty now?" Casey retorts as Severide gives him a small head shake. "Leave me alone!" Casey pushes past Severide and storms toward the exit doors; his fists clenched and mind racing.

"Let him go," Boden instructs Severide as he nears his frustrated Lieutenant and stops him from following. "He just needs some air. Everyone's been asking questions…checking in on him and he feels…smothered…cornered…angry."

"Chief I didn't know…I was just concerned."

"I know you were. Everyone is concerned. He won't tell them and feels shame around you."

"What? Chief…"

"I know Kelly," Boden nods. "But he has to get past this. Everyone asking about the fight isn't helping him. But first day back is always the toughest right? Sitting here doing nothing while the rest of the teams are out doing the job he loves? Course he's pissed, you would be also," Boden reminds Severide in a kind tone. "Don't give up on him. Just keep telling yourself this one thing…"

"What's that Chief?"

"Tomorrow will be better."

"For who?" Severide quips as Boden softly smirks.

"For all of us."

"Hope so," Severide whispers as he nods and pulls away from the Chief and heads for the back door, watching with a worried gaze as Casey's truck peels away from the curb and races away.

"Damn it Matt…where are you going in that frame of mind?"

* * *

**A/N:** so am trying to find a real balance between getting key PTSD moments in here and not letting the story drag. Am I doing an okay job with that? please let me know b/c am worried you'll all get bored.

What did you think about Ben's two accomplices? Warped? Was supposed to be! So hope that fit and made sense with the monster that Ben was. So is the Chief right? Is Casey right? Will tomorrow be better? Will Severide go after him? Can Casey convince himself that he's still okay without professional help? Or is he just a ticking bomb waiting to go off at the wrong moment and set himself further back and possibly damage beyond repair a floundering friendship? Hope you are all still with me and liking it as much as at the start and please do review and let me know your thoughts before you go and thanks so much!

**PS:** hope you all liked my last little angsty/perilous (ie. Whump hehe) one shot **'lockdown'**


	16. Drastic Measures

**Title: Hidden Agenda  
****Chapter 16 – Drastic Measures **

**A/N: **Thanks for your review Kamikaa – I'm sorry but I cannot reply to you directly with an answer b/c you have disabled private messaging, otherwise I'd let you know. thanks.

* * *

Casey reaches home and nearly kicks in the door; his eyes blazing an angry trail to the answering machine blinking on the hallway table.

_'Mr. Casey hi it's Dr. Stevens. I would like you to come in to s…'_

"I don't need HELP!" Casey shouts as he rips the phone and the small answering machine from the wall and slams it onto the floor, the answering machine breaking but the tape popping out and landing a foot away. "I'm fine…I just need…everyone to stop asking…stupid questions!" Casey continues his angry, one man tirade into the quiet stillness of his house. He storms into the kitchen, his empty stomach aching for some of the food he had cooked earlier at the Firehouse but never got a chance to eat due to his own inner agitation.

_'Now now Matthew…you know you're special. Such a special boy to me. I'll always take care of you…'_

Casey slowly lowers the glass of water he's drinking and then turns to see Ben's figure leaning against the door smiling at him.

_'I'll always be with you…but then I think you want that. You know I make you feel good. You like the game. Always will…'_

"NEVER!" Casey shouts as he hurls the half-filled glass of water at the wall; the contents mixing with the shattering glass and spraying watery fragments in all directions. "I HATE YOU!" He yells before he storms toward the backdoor, yanking it open and stomping down the backstairs, standing at the bottom as the early evening daylight rapidly dies.

_'It's important that you keep yourself busy doing things you enjoy if possible,' Dr. Stevens battles back in his head. _

"Busy…yeah keep busy and everything returns to normal," his voice quivers as the last work escape his slightly trembling lips. "Normal…" he repeats, his mind willing the definition of the word to apply to him. "I'll never be normal!" He hisses as he looks around for something to do. But much like inside his neatly organized interior, the exterior was just as organized; everything in place until needed and his brain not really wanting to start on a current remodeling task.

_'You are normal Matthew. This is normal. You belong with me now…do you want to be with me? I'll take care of you…always take care of my own.'_

Casey stands fixed in place as his eyes water and his fists ball; his frame doubling forward and tossing out whatever watery contents his stomach had left. He angrily wipes his mouth and then heads back inside, slamming the door shut and staring at what he perceives is Ben's figure confronting him.

_'Always take care of my own Matthew.'_

"Hey I was worried…"

"Get the hell away from me!" Casey shouts as he blinks…only to see Ben smile back; the lack of food and sleep keeping him from seeing the correct image of his friend standing before him.

"I didn't want you to be alone," Severide tells him in truth; having come after his friend and entering through an already open door.

Casey's mind hearing…_'you'll always be alone Mathew. I'm the only one that will accept you as you are. You belong to me.'_

"Get the hell away from me!" Casey shouts once more as he storms up to Ben's figure and throws a punch into the air. However, the action surprises Severide, Casey's balled up fist clipping him in the jaw just as he jerks his head away at the last minute.

"What the…"

"Get away…"

"Matt…it's me!" Severide states as he does the only thing he can think of; wrapping his arms around Casey's flailing frame, trapping Casey's arms at his sides as the two of them struggle in an upright position; Severide trying to keep himself from being hit again. "Casey…it's me."

"N…" Casey struggles as he tries to get his arms up to fight off Ben's hold on him.

_'I like holding you Matthew. Like when you struggle for me…feeling you struggle against me and knowing you can't escape…'_

"Sick bastard let go!"

"Casey…buddy it's me…snap out of it!" Severide tells him firmly. "It's me."

"Kelly…" Casey's lips finally stammer as Severide releases his hold; both of them sagging to the floor and pulling apart a few feet. Casey shakes his head and finally gets his friend to come into view. "What…did I…damn did I hit you?"

"Missed," Severide lies to help ease his friend's conscience a little.

"What…why are you here?"

"You left in anger. Look today sucked and I know that. It would for me too. Everyone asking questions…"

"Otis…he asked if I gave as good as I got and I…NO! I GOT WORSE!" Casey shouts before he backs down. "Is that what everyone wants to hear? That Ben kicked my ass real good? That I couldn't fight back? That he…no…I got worse. Should I have told him that?"

"No. He doesn't know okay? None of them know," Severide explains with a strained tone. "You didn't want them to know…they know a fight happened and that's what anyone would ask. They don't know how bad it really was. It wasn't intentional. You know your team…Otis, Mouch…Hermann…they'd never hurt you on purpose."

"I know," Casey answers and nods his head at the same time. "I know…and then Antonio came and told me about his sons and why they helped Ben. Damn you should have told me."

"I know and I'm sorry," Severide offers in an apologetic tone. "What else did he say?" Severide inquires as he leans up against the wall, Casey's frame sagged onto his side on the floor, his flushed face resting on the cool wooden flooring for some relief.

"They had my names…Matthew…Levi…" he eyes water and squeeze shut. "Makes sense now…Ben said I was special…that's why he targeted me…let me survive…said he takes care of his own…called me his boy…yeah…" Casey's voice trails off as his somewhat misted over gaze stares absently at the table leg before glancing up to see Severide look down.

"I'm sorry," Severide offers lamely; cursing himself for not having the right words to offer. _What can I say? Ben's a twisted bastard that thrived on Casey's fear and had…damn his sons had the same names? That's why he kept Matt alive? _

Casey finally picks himself up and shuffles over to the other wall and looks at Severide in defeat. "When you found me…in the Firehouse…Kelly that wasn't…"

"Matt…" Severide starts and then quickly shuts up. _'You might not want to hear all that he confesses but it's important for him to be able, in that moment to tell you whatever's bothering him inside without fear of being judged. It's the only way he can start to heal.' _But when Casey doesn't go further, Severide curses himself for interrupting too soon. _Get him to open up again! _"I know you tried to fight back."

"I um…" Casey pauses as he takes in a deep breath and then leans his head back against the wall, looking up and closing his watery eyes. "Never mind."

"You know you can tell me. I know what Ben did and…"

"And that's why I can't!" Casey growls as he tries to slowly push himself up; his stomach gnawing for something to eat. He looks at Severide with a heavy frown as he tries to move past.

"What is it?"

Casey looks at him with a hard jaw but shakes his head. "I'm sorry you had to see that."

"What? See what? Matt talk to me," Severide stops him from moving past.

"Me…like that," Casey replies with a soft whisper as he slowly opens his eyes and looks at Severide's somewhat perplexed expression. "Didn't want you to have…to see that."

"Is that why you avoided me most of the day?" He dares to inquire, earning a head nod from Casey half way through as he pushes past and heads into the hallway, standing and staring at the phone; Severide coming up a few feet behind.

"I tried to fight back," Casey tells him with a hint of disdain in his voice. "I tried and when you found me…I'm just sorry you had to see that."

_'Don't be afraid to ask probing questions if the time is right for it. You might think it's hurting him but it will help him to let go of some of the inner turmoil.'_

"Okay what are you sorry for?" Severide tries one of the techniques he had read about.

"Just…Ben he…but you saw his size…" Casey smirks nervously, his back still to his friend. "He um…I tried," he exhales heavily as his jumbled words die out. "I gotta clean up."

Severide quickly grabs Casey's arm as he tries to bend down to get a part to the broken answering machine; stopping his actions. "I heard what he said about the first time…in the showers. I heard. But I'm the only one that heard all that, okay?"

"I have enough people feeling sorry for me."

"What do you want me to say? Shrug this all off like it's no big deal? I see you're hurting and I can't do a damn thing because I don't really know how and you won't open to me. You can talk to me. Please just tell me," Severide half begs. "I don't think less of you if that's what you're worried about."

"I should have been able…to get away…on my own. I had a chance to escape…but didn't. I'm a coward. I'm to blame…for what happened. It's my fault, okay."

"What?" Severide's face crunches in wonder. "No…" Severide shakes his head. "Okay no, he still didn't have the right to force himself on you li…"

"There was a window and I could have jumped…I didn't. I didn't jump and I let him…I let it happen!" Casey's lips pull tightly across his face as he turns away. "I gotta clean this up."

"You're not a coward Matt."

"I should…have…JUMPED!" Casey shouts as he turns and faces Severide with angry flashing in his eyes. "I saw the window…and I thought about what might happen if I jumped and I froze. I damn well froze! I've jumped out of burning buildings before but this time I damn well froze! And Ben…" his voice catches for a few troubled seconds, "Ben made sure I knew I made a mistake for being a coward…for not taking that chance. I froze and he…I paid the price. He forced himself on me! Is that what you wanted to hear? I am to BLAME!" Casey snaps as he pushes past and storms upstairs; Severide remaining in place a few seconds before his eyes close and he rubs his face.

"Oh damn…" Severide curses to himself as he decides not to pursue Casey but quietly goes about cleaning up the busted answering machine; putting the phone back in place and leaving the tape on the countertop. "Tapes…" Severide mentions to himself with a small smile before he heads into the kitchen and spies the broken glass shards on the floor and goes in search of a broom. He pulls it out and then turns around to see Casey watching him with a glum expression. "I'd never think less of you – ever. It wasn't your fault."

"I'm done talking."

"I'm not," Severide's frame blocks his path. "You might not believe this but I'm going to say it right now. I don't think less of you or blame you for any of this in any way. You're not a coward. You never encouraged anything and never deserved any of this…I don't think less of you. Matt…I don't."

"I should have jumped."

"It's not your fault. You have to believe me," Severide gently insists. "Just tell me you believe me. I don't want you avoiding me or not wanting to talk to me because you feel…embarrassed or ashamed or anything."

"Kelly…"

"This is hard for me too okay? We're friends and Ben tried to destroy that by telling you lies and…and I think you're pissed at me still because I lied to you and you won't open up because of that and I feel bad. Look I need to make this right. It's not just guilt…its friendship. Our friendship. I care and I have to…"

"No that's not…"

"Matt…just tell me."

"Fine, it's part of it," Casey finally admits. "I know it wasn't intentional and just…everything about today…the teams…their questions…the rest of the info from Antonio and…and I just don't know how much I want to open up…it's just hard to talk about…you told me everything right?"

Severide looks at Casey and nods, finally realizing that his not being open with Casey right from the start is still eating away at him and possibly adding to his inner agitation. "Yes. I haven't explored all the medical options yet but um…if I don't find something amazing then it could be over for me. I haven't even told Boden yet; only Shay knows. Ben found out somehow and used that against me to hurt you. I never wanted that. Ever. Matt I'm scared also and I didn't want to burden you with that but maybe I should have just trusted you and I'm sorry too."

"I believe you," Casey merely replies. But as a few seconds of silence start to grow Severide finally takes his cue.

"Okay," Severide responds, not wanting to press the issue further; his mind racing to process the fear Casey must have been feeling in that moment…seeing freedom…freezing and then paying for his seeming lack of courage. But his mind can't process the actual fear…he can only see it mirrored in Casey's sapphire pools before him and offer a look of remorse in return. "But I'm not going anywhere okay? Just trust me…I'm not going to stop being your friend or caring because of all this. I won't let Ben win. That bastard won't win."

"Kelly…"

"Are you hungry? You have leftovers and beer right? Shay's doing some spa thing at home with Clarice so I'll just hang here. If I go back If I fall asleep I could end up with a pedicure or something," he adds with a strained smile; his heart praying he's not talking too much but after such a stressful day and that sordid confession he just can't find the inner strength to leave Matt alone in a house full of tormented nightmares. "I'll find that Canadian channel and we'll watch that lame show Wipeout," Severide suggests with a small smirk.

"Kelly…" Casey tries again with a tired sigh.

"I'm not leaving. I'm just not. So let's just…whatever…but I'm not leaving. Not tonight. You're stuck with me," he ends with a lighter tone.

Not having the strength to fight back and not really wanting to, Casey finally nods and then turns and heads into the kitchen, offering a small thank you to his friend for cleaning up the broken glass and taking some added comfort that with Kelly around Ben's silent taunts weren't as strong. However, he knows inside that he still can't quite accept that Severide doesn't think less of him after all this. _He's still a normal man…I'll never be normal again…never. Always broken...Ben's right in that regard. _NO! His mind shouts back. He's not right…you are normal. You suffered a setback but that's it! Stop thinking like that. Kelly's your friend and he's not leaving. You are not alone!

The two of them gather a few supplies and then head into the living room; sure enough Severide had found the quirky outdoor game show and both settle in for some light fare and even lighter TV viewing. As per the nature of the silly show, both can't help but offer chuckles here and there, Severide doing most of the talking in pointing out some of the obviously scripted lame antics, Casey playfully arguing back that its 'reality TV' and can't be scripted. They don't talk about the situation with Ben for another few hours and Severide can't help but wonder that after that last confession if Casey now won't just try to push everything aside due to lack of self-imposed embarrassment.

_How do I make him understand I don't think less of him? _Severide's mind frowns as he glances over at Casey during a commercial; frowning as his friend silently stares at the commercial. _Will he ever believe me? Will we ever get back the bond we had before? _As the tense silence continues to fester, Severide now wonders if his fears are justified. Was their friendship starting to strain beyond repair? Would they ever get back to the time when they could just watch TV, drink beer and relax as two buddies without guilt, tension or silence starting to tear them apart?

_Tomorrow you just need to put on a brave face and tell everyone you're okay…brave face…you're okay…_Casey's mind chants over and over as it prepares a plan to survive the next day and hopefully get back to work as soon as possible. _If you seem agitated and testy the chief will keep you sidelined. Brave face….you're okay…tight smile…brave face…_his mind continues as he starts to feel fatigue creeping up on him.

"Want another beer?" Severide asks softly as he pushes himself up off the couch and looks down at Casey with a small frown.

"No," Casey tells him as he sits up and rubs his weary face. "Kelly you can…"

"I'm just going to get another beer and I'll be…"

"I'm tired and you…"

"I'm staying here tonight. Dr. Stevens said…"

"I don't need his help," Casey states in agitation. "And I don't need a babysitter."

"You were alone last night right after it happened. Look I'll just crash…"

"I'll be okay."

"You'll sleep better with me in the house. I'm staying here," Severide insists as he turns and heads for the kitchen. "And I'm not a babysitter," he calls out, "I'm a friend. I'm here because I want to be…not because I'm paid to be."

_I don't need a damn babysitter…_but you don't want to be alone either. _Kelly already…_knows what the story is. _Just go to sleep and get some rest…you will sleep better with someone else in the house. _I'll have a nightmare and he'll just feel pity for me. _He's your friend and cares. _He…_get some SLEEP! _His brain yells as Casey's body finally just shuts down and numbly walks into the small spare bedroom on the main floor and collapses on the bed.

Severide returns with a glass of water instead, his eyes looking around for Casey and then finally going in search of his friend and finding him asleep on the small bed. _Hope he gets more than a few hours; _his mind also offering a small prayer for his friend before he heads into the living room, turns off the TV and then cleans up the few dishes. He locks both the front and back door and then pauses in the kitchen to look at a picture taken at a team event and plucks it from the fridge.

_Can't lose him…_Severide's mind huffs as he places the picture of their smiling faces back on the fridge and then turns off the light; his quiet steps heading into the darkened living room and slumping down onto the couch, pulling a blanket over him and settling in for what he assumes will be a bumpy night ahead.

_'I've watched you sleeping Matthew…you'll be okay tonight…I'll comfort you…you won't be alone anymore…'_

Casey's lips utter an angry growl in the middle of the night; Severide's eyes snapping open and glancing toward the door leading to the hallway. _Damn Casey…I'm so sorry…_his mind silently utters as he now tries to decide if he should go and see if Casey was okay or just leave him be. _Just leave him and see what happens…maybe he'll just fall back asleep._

Casey rolls onto his back and stares up at the ceiling with a weary, watery gaze. _Can't let him win…Kelly's still here…I can't appear weak…just suck it up and it will be okay. You did it once before…you can do it again. _"Damn you Ben," Casey whispers angrily into the dark as he rolls back on his side and curls tightly under the covers. He squeezes his eyes shut and orders his brain to try to push past the nightmare of Ben attacking him upstairs and just get some rest – trying to remind himself that if he didn't at least _appear _okay he'd be benched another day.

XXXXXXXX

Casey awakens early the next morning, lying in bed and trying to tell himself that today he has to put on a better game face than the day before. _The team shouldn't be asking questions, maybe how I'm feeling but that's it. If I don't freak out then maybe the chief will see I can get back on the job and I'll be fine. I'm fine. I can do this without help. I'm fine._

His mind recalls the strained conversation he had with Severide the night before; his own confession and his friends in return and how they had gotten so caught up in their own personal trials that they had forgotten to just get a beer…find a quiet corner in the bar and talk. _So much for being a friend…I'm just as to blame, _his mind groans as he pushes himself up to a sitting position and rubs his face, his right hand gingerly touching his black eye and coming back with a slight tremor. _Just keep it together…fake smile…keep it together…fake smile…keep it together…_

"Morning," Severide yawns as he joins Casey in the hallway.

"Morning. Sleep well on the couch?"

"Actually it was better than I thought it would be. You?"

"You heard me right?"

"Just once and then I was out. Don't worry about it. I'll see you later at the house."

"Okay."

Thankful that Severide didn't want to rehash the tension from the night before, Casey feels his mood lift as he watches his friend leave and then heads upstairs to take a shower and get ready for the day.

_'Can you please leave sir…' _his jaw tightens under the hot streams as he sees Ben watching with an evil smile. _'Why would I leave? You have a perfect body Matthew and it should be admired.'_

Uttering an angry growl, Casey quickly finishes his shower, cursing that despite the fact that Ben's gone, he still had power over him in a way that made him angry but couldn't see a way to fight it back for good. With a defeated sigh, he quickly dries, dresses, shaves and then heads for work; telling himself he'd get breakfast there if he wanted.

"How's this morning?"

"Better Chief," Casey replies in truth. "I want back on duty today."

"You still look tired."

"I am but….not as bad."

"And did you talk to Kelly yesterday?"

"About?"

"Whatever there is between you two that is keeping the tension there. I need cool heads from both of you out there. I can't have you angry at him and him worried you're angry and lives on the line."

"We're good Chief," Casey admits with a nod and tight lipped smile. "Yesterday was….it was the first day back and everyone was coming at me and…and I had told myself it would be like that but then to be in it…was tough. But I'm better today. I just need to get back to work."

"How about we take it call by call for a few days."

"Chief…"

"Until I'm sure that you won't have a panic attack out there."

"I said I was fine," Casey insists.

"Seeing Ben in here and doing a few rounds with the punching bag without a glove hurts you only. You seeing Ben out there in a burning house could hurt someone else. You know I can't take that risk. If it was one of your team you'd make sure. Just a few days until we make sure you're all good out there."

"I can handle this."

"That's not a request lieutenant," Boden interjects with a small smile. "And have you made an appointment to talk to someone?"

"Yes," Casey lies in haste; a hint of annoyance starting to creep into his tone. _Take it easy…tight smile and you'll be fine. You don't need help…you can do this on your own…you did last time and can this time…_he tries to convince himself; trying to push aside the fact that Ben had been keeping tabs on him all these years; that Ben had kept him alive for the reason he had his sons names; that Ben watched…waited…stalked and then finally attacked – his attack a lot more ferocious than the previous time. But that information was there…waiting…waiting for the moment to explode. To those without untrained eyes, Matthew Casey seemed mildly agitated by what happened – to those in the know, he was a ticking time bomb…and the countdown was well under way.

_I'm fine…I can do this alone…I don't need help. _"Chief…I'm fine really."

"Okay," Boden states slowly as he studies the younger man before him with a skeptical expression. "Let's have a good day," he tells him, Casey taking the hint and taking his leave. Boden waits for Casey's back to be fully turned before he pulls his phone and texts Dr. Stevens back. _'He said he made an appointment but I'm worried.'_

_'Okay. I'll try to follow up with him tomorrow. Thanks Wallace.'_

Casey heads into the locker room and pulls the door open and stares at his reflection in the mirror and frowns; his eyes resting on the purplish skin beneath the right eye before traveling to the cut below and then down to his tightly drawn lips. _I can do this._

"Lieutenant?" Otis somewhat timid voice is heard, forcing Casey to look up with a small frown. "About yesterday…I didn't mean to press the issue."

"It's okay," Casey replies as his face relaxes. _Remain calm…fake smile…don't press the issue. _"Just glad to be back."

"And we're glad to have you back," Cruz comes up behind him and gives him a hearty pat on the back as Casey heads out of the locker room with his team, eyeing Severide in the corner and giving him a small nod.

"Today's gonna be a good day," Shay tells Severide as she comes up to him.

"Hope so," he answers with a strained tone. But they don't have to wait too much longer to see how the rest of the day would play out as the alarm bells ring and its all hands on deck.

_"Truck 81…ambulance 61…garage fire at…"_

With the rush of adrenaline coursing through his veins, Casey hurries toward his truck, all hands on deck; looking out the window and giving Severide a small nod before his palm hits the side of the large 81 doors and Cruz pulls the truck out of the bay. _Deep breath…you can do this…deep breath…Ben won't win…I don't need help…I can do this…show them all…I'm fine…I'm fine…deep breath…_

But as soon as the truck comes to a halt, Casey's out of the truck as if wanting to prove to those around him that he was better than fine, ready for action and not allowing Ben to sideline him for long. He hears Boden giving the orders but without really thinking he grabs his axe and rushes for the small man door, not waiting for the windows to be vented or the large door pried open.

_'I'm behind you Matthew…there is where I like it best…don't you like me here? If not I'll make it all better.'_

"Casey!" Boden shouts as he watches Casey turn around and kick behind him, pushing the small man door open and receiving a heated blast of fire on his back; the rest of truck 81 holding their breath for a few seconds. "Hermann! Mills! Vent those windows! Mouch on that hose and…"

"Damn man you okay?" Cruz asks as he yanks Casey away from the door and quickly puts out a few stubborn flames dancing on his back.

"Yeah…fine…" Casey lightly growls as he dares not look in Boden's direction. _Don't be reckless…be calm…deep breath…I'm fine…I don't need help…._

Thankfully the fire is put out in a timely manner, no one injured and only minor surrounding structural damage.

"Wanna tell me what that was all about?" Boden inquires as he joins Casey beside the front of truck 81.

"Chief I…I just acted," Casey replies a little breathlessly. "I'm okay."

"Those flames could have been worse or we could have had someone in there and they would have been instantly killed."

"There was no…"

"We have procedure. You don't have to prove me or your team that you are one hell of a fire fighter. We all know that but...I you did act recklessly. I have to know, did you see Ben out there?" Boden asks as Casey looks away. "Matt?"

"Heard his voice but it wasn't that bad."

"Even a small panic attack can be deadly in our profession. Don't make me regret waiting another day."

"Chief, I'm fine…I won't let it affect me next time, I promise!" Casey insists as the team is ready to go. "I'm fine. See you back at the house."

Boden only offers a strained nod as he watches Casey turn and sprint back to the truck and get inside before he turns and heads for his truck and then texts Dr. Stevens. _'Has he made an appointment to see you?'_

_'No. Wallace I'm worried about what you tell me. Matt is a ticking time bomb and we both know it. He needs help.'_

Boden looks at the message before putting the phone away and then heading back to Firehouse 51, his mind now worried about how Casey might react in the case of a really tense situation. He wouldn't have to wait long to find out.

_"Engine 51…truck 81…squad 3…ambulance 61…gas fire at Bellmont Daycare…"_

"Let's go!" Casey shouts about an hour later as he rushes for where his gear is waiting; his heart rate starting to pick up once again. He catches Severide's somewhat concerned expression but tells himself he can do this and hops into the front seat beside Cruz. He listens to Hermann talking about the last fire they had at a daycare and tries to get his mind to focus on that instead of Ben's voice calling out to him among the crackling flames. Boden had already told Severide to keep a close eye on Casey so for this call; Boden knowing Severide's team was more than capable of performing the rescue but he didn't want to alert every member of Casey's team about the fact that Casey could potentially have a panic attack during the middle of call because he was assaulted in a situation with work elements mixed in.

"Okay I need a vent in those…" Boden's voice instructs after he had been told by one of the day care workers where the fire was at its hottest.

"Remember last time the tank got away on us! Let's make sure that doesn't happen. Mills I want you and Cruz to go back and…" Casey's voice shouts out the orders as he gestures for Hermman and Mouch to follow him through the front; Severide's team already being told that the janitor, a teacher and two children were still unaccounted for.

"There's a subbasement!" Casey calls out as he kicks a chair out of the way. "Hermann clear that door for Severide's team to go down there! I'll get the two windows!"

_"Copy that!" Hermann's voice is heard over the headset._

_Breathe…just take a deep breath and focus…fire ahead…hose to your right…knock out the window…_his mind starts to go through the rudimentary steps of a job he's known since almost a small child. But a few seconds later things go from tense to horrific as he looks up and sees Ben's charred frame slowly heading toward him through the smoke filled atmosphere, his hands holding up a gag and cuffs; his fingers instantly tightening around the handle of the axe. In that moment he freezes; his world starts to spin…heart rate speed up…breathing shallow…lungs heave….eyes blink rapidly.

_'Hello Matthew…miss me? I've missed you. My toys have missed you.'_

"Not…possible…" Casey utters with a sharp intake of air as he freezes mid-stride.

_"What's not possible? Trust me we can get through them!" Mouch looks at Casey in haste._

_"Casey what's going on?" Boden's voice breaks in._

"It's just…" _NOTHING! BEN'S NOT THERE! _His mind shouts back. _GET TO WORK! LIVES ARE AT STAKE!_

_"Casey we need that window opened now!" Hermann's anxious voice is next heard._

_"Casey?" Severide asks next as he stands by the door; Capp at his side ready to do down to check for the janitor._

"I just…need…" Casey's lungs start to lightly gasp.

_'Do you like it in here? Nice and warm. I'll make you nice and warm…don't fight me Matthew. You like my toys…'_

"No…don't like it…"

_"Casey…come on buddy," Severide huffs as he pulls away from the door and rushes toward Casey._

_"Casey! We need…" Mouch's voice is next heard as a think plume of smoke starts to encircle them. _

_"What's going on in there?" Boden demands._

_'You like the Firehouse right Matthew? You feel at home here? Let me make you feel even better…'_

"Hey…" Severide's hand gives his arm firm grip; Casey's brain finally tearing away from his tormented thoughts and his watery gaze turning and looking at his friend in haste. "Window."

_"Casey!" Hermann's desperate voice cries out once more._

"Window…right…" Casey's lips force a dry swallow before he rushes to the window to complete his task of venting the toxic area. "Window's vented!" He calls out as he squints over at Severide still at his side and instantly feels his anger surge.

_'Kelly will always think you weak. He'll never respect you now…never understand. You'll never be whole again. Always broken never normal…'_

NO! Casey's mind shouts in anger as he starts to hack away at the second window, Hermann and Mouch trading worried glances.

_"I think you got it boss!" Hermann offers lightly as Severide pauses at the door to see Casey's axe hanging in mid-air before merely dropping to his side. _

_"Chief we're heading downstairs to look for the janitor!" Severide tells Boden as he disappears from Casey's view._

_"Casey…"_

"Good here Chief. Let's check the rest of the area!" Casey shouts as he pulls away from the broken glass and starts to sweep the area, heart racing at top speed; his hands slightly trembling and his mind yelling at him to suck it up and don't make another mistake!

_"Chief we found the janitor. He's alive but has a head wound. Shay we're bringing him up now!" Severide's voice is heard over the headset. "Casey…clear the area."_

"Copy…" Casey replies as his lungs still gently heave, his eyes frantically searching the area around him. "Area's clear!" Casey states firmly as Severide emerges from the basement and hands off the unconscious man to Hadley and hurries toward Casey who seems to be absently lingering in the fire; wanting to bring his friend out now. But just before Severide nears his floundering friend his boot hits something and he looks down in haste.

"Oh damn! I found the second boy!" Severide calls out, Casey turning and looking at him utter horror.

"What? Oh god no…no…no…no…" Casey chants to himself as he rushes back to Severide and kneels down at the boy's side. "How did I miss…"

_"Is he alive?" Boden asks in concern._

"He is! Barely! We're bringing him out now!" Severide picks up the boy and hurries toward the exit, Casey watching for a few seconds in emotional despair.

_I overlooked the boy…I should have looked harder…I cleared the area…he was there and alive…what if I…_

_"Casey…all clear in there?" Boden's voice jostles him back to reality._

"Yes," huffs as he charges for the door and outside into the fresh morning air. He rips off his mask and catches Boden's worried gaze and knows he's in for a stern tongue lashing to when he gets back to the firehouse. On the ride back his mind replays the scene in the darkened daycare area over and over again and it all came down to one thing – Ben had won – he was distracted and failed to act; a child nearly died because of him.

"In my office," Boden states softly as he exits his truck and tells Casey just as Casey takes off his boots. Severide's truck pulls into the bay and he watches with a glum expression as Casey and Boden disappear down the corridor and knows what's coming – Casey wasn't ready and the call proved it; he'd be benched. _Sorry buddy…but someone nearly died._

"Chief it was…"

"The boy was out of time. A few more minutes and he would have died," Boden gently reminds him. "The last thing you need to deal with right now is the death of a child or any innocent civilian because I made a call…the wrong call and put you back out when you weren't ready. You tell me what you would do if you were me."

Casey looks at him with a bleak expression and frowns; purses his lips but says nothing. He knows he can only say to bench himself for the next call. But with the teams not understanding he now fears he'll have to tell them – something. "The teams…"

"If anyone asks I'll say it was my call," Boden replies firmly. "The first panic attack and you acted recklessly. The second panic attack nearly cost you more than a few bad memories. Another one…might cost you one of _my_ men. Matt I can't take that chance and you know that. Now I have two options right now. I can put you on engine; you stay outside under my direction or you stay here."

"Chief…" Casey tries to insist.

"I can't put you back out there where lives on the line; yours and others."

"It was the first day. I promise that…"

"The next time you are in a smoky environment you won't see Ben and let him beat you? He beat you twice today."

"What the hell?" Casey demands in anger. "I said I'm fine!"

"I'm sorry," Boden's face softens and his tone drops, "but I can't take the chance."

"I'll try harder. I can't…chief you can't bench me."

"There is nothing wrong with engine for…"

"I can't…" Casey swallows as his core enflames and his brown dampens from heat. "I need this…I need to get back…"

"And I want that. You're one of my best and I need you out there with my other best. But I can't pull Severide from his job each call to make sure you can do yours."

"Tomorrow I'll be fine."

"And I want to believe that. You said you made an appointment. When's it for?" Boden queries already knowing the truth.

"Sir…"

"Humor me," Boden interjects with a tender smile.

"I…look sir it was just this one time okay? Yesterday the teams were pressing me and it was the first day. And today was…I need this…I need to get back to work and…I need this," Casey pleads with a teary gaze.

Boden offers a heavy sigh as he looks at the panic-stricken expression on the face of the younger man before him before letting out a heavy sigh. As much as he feels the torment in Casey's warm blue eyes starting to tug at his heart he knows inside that he just can't take another risk. "I'm sorry. I'm your boss first and foremost and I answer to the people of this city first. I can't put you back out there without due process. You need to talk to someone about what happened."

Casey slightly turns to the side and feels his stomach tighten and his breath catch. _ I don't need to talk! I'M FINE! WHY CAN'T ANYONE SEE THAT! _"Chief I'm fine…tomorrow will be better."

"You know my terms."

_I can't do nothing and I can't do engine._

"Casey…this is for your benefit," Boden's soft voice pulls him back. "What'll it be?"

"I quit."

And without thinking about what he's really saying; without allowing reason to push past emotion and without realizing that if he did follow through with his termination Ben would have ultimately won, Casey turns on his heel and storms past a very curious Severide, slamming through the doors and into the cool late afternoon air; his mind buzzing for all the wrong reasons and only self-destruction on the current horizon.

"What just happened Chief?"

"Casey quit."

"What?"

* * *

**A/N: **Okay so added a few more details to Casey's confession to Severide earlier in the chapter. Think his fears are justified? Was he ready to come back? Was Boden correct? (I figured he wouldn't take the chance with another life). Will Casey really quit? Or is an intervention finally in order? Would love your thoughts on this angst-packed chapter before you go and thanks so much!


	17. Intervention!

**Title: Hidden Agenda  
****Chapter 17 – Intervention!**

**Thanks to Pallada for the ideas and discussion **** and oh you might want to have a Kleenex or two on hand for this chappy in parts.**

* * *

_'You saw Ben out there…he beat you twice…next time you could kill someone…you have two choices only…need to get help…need to talk to someone…no option here…I'm benching you until you tell me…Ben beat you…he beat you twice…you failed…you…failed…failed…FAILED!_

"NO!" Casey shouts, his hand hitting the dashboard of his truck in angry frustration as he speeds toward his intended destination. "Ben…did not beat me…I do not need help! I did this before…I beat him once…I can do it again!" Casey growls angrily as he races through a stop sign; his mind thankful that no one was there to be hurt but his heart knowing that if he was only a few minutes later – disaster. _The only collision course you are on is with yourself – help me stop that._

_'Course the chief demoted you…you're not normal…you never will be…' _Ben's voice taunts as Casey slams on the breaks; the truck coming to a skidding halt and his body jerking in response to the sudden deceleration.

"Damn you Ben! DAMN YOU!"

And without thinking about where he was going and the consequences of his heated actions, Casey pushes himself out of the truck and despite the cold weather waiting for him, yanks his jacket off; his fingers next reaching for his sweater – his brain desperately screaming for him to stop or else. But he doesn't care and without another thought plunges into the cold dark depths.

XXXXXXXX

"Chief…what do you mean Casey quit?" Severide looks at Boden in shock.

"That's…what he said."

"I know today was tough but..."

"He overlooked an innocent child. If that child would have died I would have had some tough questions to answer about Casey to people he wouldn't want me talking to about what he's going through. But if he doesn't get a handle on this and someone does die and we knew and it could have been prevented, his career is finished. Kelly…I can't take that chance."

"And tomorrow when the teams ask?"

"I'll say he's taken some personal time to help with his mother's parole stuff. He needs help Kelly…professional help."

"He can't quit," Severide huffs in concern.

"I know and it was spoken in the heat of the moment and I won't take it seriously. What I will take seriously is the fact that he left here not thinking clearly and overheated."

"Sir, I want to help but I'm out of my league here," Severide implores. "I don't want to hurt him further. He saw Ben in there right?"

"That would be my guess. He needs to come to terms with Ben on his own and he can't do that without the proper help. But right now he can't be alone. Find him and text me when you do and I'll send help."

"Who are…"

"Trust me Kelly. An intervention is in order. I don't want to lose him either."

"I don't know where he went and I doubt he went home," Severide groans as he rubs his face and then looks out the window at Shay and Dawson talking and then turns back to Boden. "Can I use your phone?"

"Kelly…hurry," Boden tells him after Severide hangs up with Antonio after getting a location from tracing Casey's phone. "It's getting dark and he's not thinking clearly. I'll call Roger," Boden refers to Dr. Stevens. "He'll meet you there."

Severide gives Boden a nod before he turns and races out of the room; pushing through the back door and praying he finds Casey before his friend does something rash.

XXXXXXXX

By the time Casey's sweat-soaked body had plunged into the icy lake, he had shed his jacket and sweater, leaving only his damp tee-shirt, jeans and shoes. He had often come as a kid and then through the years…just to swim across the lake…allowing the water to dull his senses and help to silence the outside noises…always hoping that when he comes out onto dry land all his troubles would be gone. Sometimes it would work. Today it wouldn't.

"Hate you Ben!" Casey's lips angrily mutter as his slaps the water harder than even he had anticipated; his arms starting to gently tingle from the cold and the sudden over exertion.

_'I own you Matthew…always be mine,' Ben's evil snarling face appears before him, _his brain forgetting for a few seconds that his arms are needed to keep himself above water as he tries to hit the face before him. But as soon as takes in his first mouthful of lake water, his brain quickly snaps back and he continues on his futile course of trying to get to the other side of the lake in hopes of sending Ben away for good.

"Never…let him win…never…" Casey lightly gasps as his arms slap the water; his heart racing painfully in his chest.

_'You like my touch Matthew? I like touching you. I won't stop…not this time…no one can stop me now…not you…'_

"YOU'RE DEAD!" Casey yells; his lips taking in another mouthful of lake water and forcing his stomach to constrict and his body convulse with a cough; his arms instinctively clutching his stomach. He feels himself starting to flail in the water for a second time and nearly go under quickly recovers; nearing the shore on the other side.

"Never…win…" Casey pants as he finally touches the shallow part; landing on all fours and dragging himself onto the shore, flopping down and coughing until his lungs hurt and eyes squeeze shut to keep the small black circles at bay.

_'I will always own you Matthew…always be with you…no matter what…you can never get rid of me.'_

"I HATE YOU!" Casey shouts as his watery eyes open and he looks around into the fading daylight; his head slowly lifting to squint at the darkened shore on the other side – his mind now realizing the folly of his ways as the distance back seems longer; his energy nearly depleted and his body already starting to shiver.

"What the hell…was I thinking…" Casey gasps as he slowly pushes himself upright to a sitting position; his head starting to pound and spin. He cradles his head in his hands; his ears picking up a small laugh as he opens his miserable gaze and narrows it as Ben's image appears before him.

_'You know you can never be free of me Matthew…I'm inside your mind. I'll always be there.'_

"Leave…me alone!" Casey coughs as he grabs a handful of rocks, not caring about scraping back a few patches of soft, water-logged skin and hurling them at Ben's laughing image. The rocks of course just sail through the air at nothing and land in the water a few meters ahead of where he's slumped over onto the lonely beach.

"GO AWAY!"

_'I'll never leave you Matthew…I came back for you. I watched you since we parted…always knew where you were…I waited…you are special…I let you live. YOU OWE ME!'_

"NO!" Casey shouts as he drags his hands on the rocky surface, picking up rocks as he pushes himself up to a semi-standing position and staggers toward the cold waters; plunging into the depths as Ben's laughing image once again fades and falling to his knees.

"LEAVE ME ALONE! JUST LEAVE…" Casey yells before he coughs and then whimpers as he tries to stand up. "I need…you to LEAVE!" He shouts once more as his water logged body falls to his knees in the shallow water; his head hanging down as he's flashed back into the rundown Firehouse. "No…you can't win…"

_'I already have won…I own you. You'll always be mine!'_

"NO!" Casey shouts as angry tears escape the corners of his angry blue gaze; narrowing them at Ben's mocking image a few meters now back on shore. Casey drags himself back out of the water, stumbling toward the image and throwing a fist into the space before him. His body twists around with the motion, taking him back to his knees; his chest heaving and his entire frame now starting to lightly convulse from the cold mercilessly attacking him.

"Have…to get…back…" Casey huffs to himself as he remains on his knees and looks toward the taunting darkness on the other side of the shore. "Back…to what? Can't go back to work…can't be…demoted…can't…" he grits his teeth before his head shoots up in anger. "WHY! WHY ME….WHY THE HELL DID YOU COME BACK FOR ME!" Casey sobs before his body finally sags to the stony ground; his fist pounding the stones as his chest heaves. "YOU RUINED MY LIFE!" He shouts once more, his lungs now gasping and his brain reminding him that he still needs to get back to the other side of the shore as he'd freeze to death if he remained where he was much longer; overnight out of the question. "Why…me…" Casey sputters as he angrily wipes his face and then gazes out upon the water, his eyes blurring slightly and his brain now starting to panic. _You need to get back to the other side…hurry before you die…_

"I don't care…"

_Yes you do! You're not quitter…don't give up! _His brain argues back.

"I quit today…I did give up…" _no stop it…that wasn't a real resignation…you can go back! You have to go back! _"No one…cares…" _yes Kelly cares…chief Boden cares…others care! Don't quit! Go back NOW! Don't…don't let Ben win._

Casey's body sags back onto the cold stones once more but it's not until he hears an angry rumble of thunder in the distance that he realizes he's rapidly running out of time; he'd have to be out of the water before the lighting would appear or else really be in trouble. Casey takes a deep breath and pushes himself upright…waiting a few seconds for the dizzying to pass before he slowly trudges back to the water; his body instantly jolting awake thanks to the cold liquid now extending its arms to welcome him home.

_'Like watching you shower Matthew. I have a hot tub at my place if you'd like to join me sometime…just the two of us. Might be fun to just relax and unwind after a tough day. I'll help you unwind. Would you like that? Would you let me?'_

"Damn…you…" Casey growls as his mouth takes in another bout of water, coughing it back up and squeezing his eyes shut a few seconds as his lungs start to burn. The sky overhead opens up; unleashing a powerful boom and forcing him to momentarily freeze in the water as a small speck of lighting cracks to life in the distance. With panic now setting in that he could be in the water where the lighting strikes; he starts to push himself forward, not seeing the car pulling behind his truck and a very concerned figure getting out.

"Thanks…I got a ride back," Severide tells the cabbie as he pays for the fare and then pulls away; heading for Casey's truck. He peers into the darkened cabin, frowning at the phone but then uttering a small gasp as the sky overhead opens once more; a powerful clap of thunder warning the puny humans below to seek shelter and fast or suffer nature's fury.

"What the hell…" Severide utters in haste as he notices Casey's jacket and sweater a few feet ahead. "Oh no…Matt…" he states as he gathers up Casey's damp clothes and peers into the darkened lake ahead of him. "Matt!" Severide shouts as his heart rate starts to climb; his body jerking to another clap of thunder. _Is he out there? I can't see him…oh god what if he drowned? Or is stuck on the other side? It's too dark…._

"Matt!" Severide calls and then stops as he finally hears some slapping in the water. He hurries back to Casey's truck and turns the engine, bringing on the headlights and literally gasping as he sees an object now flailing about in the water. He tosses Casey's clothes inside; shedding his own jacket and sweater and then turning back to the water; about to plunge in. But just before he reaches the edge another car shows up and he turns to see Dr. Stevens get out and hurry toward him.

"Matt's in the water!" Severide states in a panic as they both hear a faint 'help…me' between angry thunder bursts; Severide pulling away from Dr. Stevens and racing for the water at top speed. He dives in and pushes his body toward his friend; praying he gets there in time. Normally he'd be at ease in the water; having performed many water rescues with Squad – but this was different. His close friend was in trouble and his mind now worries that Casey's panic-stricken actions might put them both in harms way.

"Matt!" Severide calls once more as he reaches the spot he thought Casey was but now is not. Just before he calls his name once more; Casey's frame bobs back up.

"Kel…ly…" Casey pants as Severide's arm shoots out and grabs a handful of soaked tee and pulls him back up.

"I got you…just relax…don't fight me…" Severide instructs as he tries to pull Casey's water-logged frame back to shore.

"Ben…he…Kelly…help me…"

"I will…okay…just hold on…" Severide tells him in a loud tone; the rain now starting to pelt them with unforgiving liquid pellets. "Matt…Matt!" Severide shouts the second Casey's frame goes limp in his grasp. "Doc…HELP ME!"" Severide calls as they near the shore; Dr. Stevens quickly stepping up to help get Casey's nearly unconscious frame out of the freezing cold water; a small bolt of lightning finally striking the opposite end of the small lake; a firm warning that they were out of time and any further lingering in the water would have cost them everything.

"Lay him here," Dr. Stevens helps Severide drag Casey toward a patch of grass free of rocks.

"Matt!" Severide shouts as he bends down to listen for a breath. "Damn it don't you dare die on me now!" He growls as he offers a brief breath from his warm lips down through Casey's cold ones and then starts to push down on Casey's chest. "Matt!" He shouts as he pushes a few more times; Casey's lungs finally tossing up the water and four supportive hands turning him onto his side so he can spew forth the rest of unclean lake water; Severide's hand gently patting Casey's back to help him cough out all the filthy water.

"Kelly…" Casey whispers as his eyes frantically try to clear tears, raindrops and lake water from them as he sags into Severide's protective grasp.

"We need to get him someplace warm and dry or he'll get hypothermia," Dr. Stevens tells Severide something he already knows.

"I'm…fine…" Casey tries to argue, earning himself a small curse from Severide but neither man helping him about to give in to that request.

"You had a panic attack in the middle of the lake and nearly drown!" Severide growls in return as he half cradles Casey's limp form, not letting him pull away.

"I'm…okay," Casey offers in defiance as he tries to pull free; Severide not letting him just yet.

"I have a blanket in my trunk…" Dr. Stevens mentions as he pulls away.

"Come on…let's get you…up," Severide lightly pants as he pushes himself to his knees in hopes of taking Casey up with him.

"No…GO AWAY!" Casey shouts as the tries to push Severide away. "I just need…to be alone!"

"So you can kill yourself is that why?" Severide argues back as Casey looks up at him with a cross expression. "Well I won't let you!"

"I WANT MY LIFE BACK!"

"THEN TAKE IT BACK!" Severide shouts as Casey looks up in frustrated anger.

"I CAN'T! I just want…things to be back…to normal," Casey shouts with a hoarse cough.

"Come on…" Severide huffs as he grabs Casey under his armpits and tries to help him up.

"No…I just need…"

"Help. I know you do. Time to get some help," Severide whispers as he finally gets Casey upright; Casey trying to shove him aside. "I'm not leaving okay? I'm your friend and I say TO HELL WITH BEN! I won't let him win!" Severide states loudly; his emotions getting the best of him also. He looks at Casey's defeated expression and shakes his head. "You quit and he wins!"

"He's already won can't you see that! I can't do my damn job…I can't…do…sleep…eat…I see him at work…at home…at the DAMN LAKE! He's already won!" Casey stammers with a cold chatter.

"No Matt he hasn't…he hasn't won, you're still with us," Dr. Stevens kind voice is heard as he drapes the warm blanket around Casey's heavily shivering frame. "Come now…time to get you both someplace warm and dry."

"I can't…go home."

"Kelly…you okay to drive like that?"

"I'll follow you Doc."

"Good plan."

Casey's body finally shuts down for the most part; numbly allowing Dr. Stevens to help him back to his luxury sedan and carefully load him into the backseat.

"We'll go to my place; it's neutral," Dr. Stevens gives Severide the address. "You did the right thing here. Now…let's get Matt the help he needs. I've already texted Wallace to bring some dry clothes for you both."

"Okay."

Casey stares blankly out the back window as Dr. Stevens pulls away from the blackened lake; a few bolts of lightning illuminating the area he had just been in; Ben's haunting image looking at him from across the lake, forcing him to close his eyes and his body to shudder.

"Is it warm enough Matt?"

"It's…fine," Casey answers absently as he leans back on the seat; his body still shivering under the blanket. "Dr. Stevens I just…"

"Matt you can call me Roger if you want. I'm here as a friend right now, okay?" The older man offers in a kind tone as Casey merely stares out the window into the darkness in misery; Severide following behind in Casey's truck.

"I feel sick."

"Do you want me to pull over?"

"Yes."

Dr. Stevens pulls over and Severide can only watch as he gets out, opens the back door and helps Casey throw up; his head leaning back for a few seconds as he curses Ben's name. After Casey had thrown up the remaining bits of lake water coupled with some acidic bile; the small vehicle caravan is back underway; Dr. Stevens pulling into the dry garage of his high priced home, Severide pulling into the driveway as the iron gate closes them all inside the friendly compound.

"I don't want…to impose," Casey numbly states as a well-kept older woman walks toward them with a kind expression.

"Not at all, you boys are both welcome," Mrs. Stevens greets them. "I'm Rose."

"Has Wallace been by?" Dr. Stevens asks his wife.

"He has and left some dry clothes in the hall entrance," she replies. "When you're finished I have some leftovers I can warm up for you."

"We'll just…change and…go," Casey tries to protest in a low tone as Severide offers Dr. Stevens a heavy frown but still follows after his friend at the kind doctor's urgings.

"Chief sent these over," Severide hands Casey a pair of sweats and sweatshirt.

"I'm not staying here…I can't," Casey looks at the clothes and then the front door that Severide was standing in front of. "And I wasn't trying to drown on purpose. I needed….to get away and there's where…I normally go."

"You're really shivering. Have a hot shower, put these on and then we'll…figure it out. Can't really say no to kind stranger's right?" Severide adds lightly.

Casey takes the clothes and turns and heads into the bathroom. But when Severide doesn't hear the water turn on in about ten minutes he leaves his own package of dry clothes and dares to peer in on Casey. "Oh damn…." Severide curses as he spies Casey still seated on the toilet seat…a blank look on his face and his body visibly shaking. "Doc!"

"What's going on…" Dr. Stevens voice trails off as he nears the entrance and peers in.

"He's like in a trance or something and is freezing."

"Yes he's in mild hypothermic shock. Turn on the warm water and we'll get him under…it should bring him back to life and then he can undress and shower longer on his own."

"Okay," Severide replies as Dr. Stevens feels Casey's pulse and then studies the few small cuts from the rocks on his cheek and knuckles.

"Matt can you hear me?" Dr. Stevens asks, Casey's mournful blue gaze finally looking up. "Can you help me stand up?"

Severide returns and takes an arm as he and Dr. Stevens help Casey get upright and then slowly walk him over to the shower stall, Dr. Stevens standing back as Severide, who was still in his wet clothes, gently pushes Casey's shivering frame under the hot water streams and holds him in place so he can warm up.

"He'll be okay. He needs to thaw a bit but he'll be fine," Dr. Stevens lightly quips as he leans in and gently plucks a piece of clumped wet dirt from Casey's mussed up hair before it can wash into his eyes. "There. We'll see to those cuts after you get out okay? You're gonna be fine Matt." He assures the younger man in a tender tone before he turns to see his wife watching and then pulls back with a small frown as he looks at Severide. "I'll let you take care of him from here."

"We'll be right out."

"Take your time," Dr. Stevens offers a small smile as he reaches the door, grasping his wife's hand as he exhales heavily. "I miss Ian."

"I know you do. Come, let's make them dinner."

Severide looks at Casey as they both stand in the shower stall, his mind racing at what to do to help his friend. "So I'll um…just wait outside," he suggests as Casey finally blinks and then looks at him.

"I told Boden…I quit."

"Yeah well I doubt he heard you. I think he has selective hearing when it comes to us," Severide replies lightly. "You okay in here?"

"I don't know…" Casey shakes his head as he looks away. "Today…with the garage fire and then that boy…Kelly if that kid would have died because of me…I can't go back."

"Yeah you can. But not until you get some help okay? And I mean professional help. I can only do so much and even then…I sometimes feel like I've failed you as a friend but I'm trying okay?"

"You haven't," Casey affirms truthfully as his body starts to finally ease in its trembling. Severide pulls back out of the shower stall and allows Casey his privacy; heading back into the hallway and going into the small spare bedroom to dry and redress into warm and dry clothes. Casey finally emerges about twenty minutes later, cleaned from the lake residue and just hovering in the unfamiliar hallway unwilling to take the next step. He looks up to see Dr. Stevens watching in concern. "I can just catch a cab home if…"

"Nonsense, come for something to eat now. You need your strength and…"

"I handled this before but…but it's different this time…I just can't…seem to shake the images or…the voices," Casey confesses in torment.

"You told me it wasn't as bad as before…but that wasn't true was it? Your mind just learned to mask the pain this time. It was a defense mechanism. My exam told me the whole story that night. That's why you can't just push it away this time. Plus you said Ben told you things about why he came back for you. That was also different from before."

"What happened to your son?" Casey asks outright. Dr. Stevens looks at the younger man before him and offers a small sigh as he gently leads Casey by the arm into his living room and then points to a picture of three smiling people; two adults and a young teenager.

"That was my son Ian. He too wanted to be a fireman when he…grew up," Dr. Stevens voice catches as he offers Casey a tight lipped smile. "He loved sports and was assaulted by his coach. He never told anyone. A few weeks after it happened I noticed the changes and tried to get him to open up. But at the same time I was busy with work and…well let's just say not as attune to the symptoms as I am now and thought the same that a lot do – it'll never happen to me or my child. Much to my everlasting regret I never pushed my son hard enough to confess to me what was bothering him and I let him slip away; figured it was the work load as he told me. I lost my chance for good when I got a knock at the door a few weeks later from a fresh fire Lieutenant, Wallace Boden, that my son was found dead by carbon monoxide poisoning in the high school parking lot; the car was parked in the reserved spot for the football coach; the very man who had assaulted him. I was given a copy of the letter that night, in my son's handwriting, telling me and his mother everything; an event that I have never…fully recovered from. He was arrested but it was little comfort…my boy was dead and I couldn't do anything to change that – ever; he was never coming back. I vowed to myself that night that if at all possible I would never let another father suffer the same fate as me."

"My father's dead."

"There are still people alive who care very deeply about you; one of them's in the other room right now and one of them called me earlier and brought me to your side to help. I made a promise the night you were brought in to do everything in my power to make sure you don't end up like my boy. I know the dark road you are heading down…I know the only end result waiting for you if you don't get help and I refuse to let you walk it. If it means forcing you to make some tough choices then I am going to try to do that."

"I'm sorry about your son."

"I am too. Now come…let's get you something to eat…get you some sleep and in the morning we'll go and see a good friend of mine."

"I don't want to talk to another stranger."

"Come now…we'll talk later," Dr. Stevens entreats as his hands gently rest on Casey's shoulders, giving them a small squeeze before he offers him a full on hug for a few seconds and then pulls away, quickly swallowing back a sniffle of emotion. He leads Casey into the warm kitchen and the four of them sit down to a light meal; Dr. Stevens and his wife sharing a small plate of dessert while Casey and Severide are treated to full plates of tasty leftovers. The conversation is mostly kept to a few words; Dr. Stevens and his wife trying to be as accommodating as they can and Severide feeling helpless to stem the uncomfortable silence.

"Time to get some rest," Dr. Stevens tells Casey in a soft tone after he had finished his dinner. Casey's brain, too tired to even get him to open his lips to offer one word of protest, allows the kind hearted doctor to lead him to a small spare bedroom down the hall and then ease him under the covers. "I'll be here if you need…anything," he reminds Casey in a warm tone as he pulls the covers over him and turns off the light.

"Your wife told me about your son…" Severide mentions in a soft whisper as Dr. Stevens joins him in the doorway and both turn look at Casey's sleeping frame now curled into a tight ball on the spare bed. "I'm sorry."

"I am too. Pain is always there and of course night's like tonight…bring all the memories back. But they are a very firm reminder of just how fragile life is. I want to help. Matt's not the first young man to suffer this and he won't be the last but I want to help as many as I can."

"I do to but most of the time I don't know what to do," Severide admits with a heavy sigh.

"Trust me you're doing a great job. You're still here and sadly not all survivors can say that. Going after him tonight and helping me get him here was the first start to getting him some professional help. He's not lost…just got a bit sidetracked. Hopefully tomorrow we can get him back on the right track," Dr. Stevens offers lightly. "You can sleep in the other spare bed if you want…or the couch."

"Thanks."

Severide watches Dr. Stevens disappear around the corner and up the heavy wooden staircase and then turns back to see Casey watching him in wonder. "Not even Antonio needs to know this okay?"

Casey nods before he turns away, clutching the blanket tightly and praying for his body to fully heat up and his brain to push the tormenting voices aside so he could get at least a few hours solid rest. And for once Casey can thank the tiring events of the day for rapidly pulling him into the darkness and allowing him a few good solid hours of rest.

XXXXXXXX

"Morning," Rose Stevens greets Casey as he slowly wanders into the kitchen with a pounding head.

"Morning. Do you think I could get a Tylenol?"

"Course, how'd you sleep?"

"Better," Casey admits as Severide quietly joins them.

"Hope you boys like waffles for breakfast."

Before Casey can offer a protest, Severide gently pats him on the back and offers their agreement. "We'd love them. Need any help with…"

"You boys just relax and let my wife take advantage of the fact I'm actually home at a regular hour during the week."

"Do you work Mrs. Stevens?" Severide inquires as Casey eases himself down into one of the kitchen chairs; Dr. Stevens giving him a warm pat on the back as he heads for the coffee maker.

"Please call me Rose. And I work at a shelter for abused children," she replies with a kind smile. "Hope you both like bacon."

"Staple of our diet," Severide replies heartily as Casey finally offers a small smile. The conversation revolves around what kind of food is offered at the Firehouse; the banter friendly and light until the food was fully consumed.

"Dr. Stevens I'm okay…thank you but…"

"Matt there really is no choice here," Dr. Stevens interjects in kind tone as he and Casey talk in his private office, just off the kitchen, about an hour later. "You cannot go back on duty until you have been cleared by myself or another professional."

"What?" Casey asks in shock. "Chief Boden deemed me not fit for duty…" he stops and then shakes his head and stops to realize why he's on forced leave. "I nearly killed a child yesterday."

"I know. Now I want you to go and see…" Dr. Stevens pulls out a card and hands it to him. "Dr. Marc Travers. I've called him and trust me he can help you."

"Can't I just talk to you?"

"You can always talk to me, but Dr. Travers is trained to deal with your type of situation; he's the expert."

Casey looks down at the card in his hand and frowns as his brain tries to register him being forced to open up to another strange man. "I don't want…"

"Tell you what. You go and see him this afternoon for me. You meet him…talk about a few things and if it's too terrible you come and talk to me okay? But I think Dr. Travers will be able to help you a bit more than I can."

"Yeah? And how's that?" Casey asks crossly.

"Just go and talk to him."

"And then I can get back to work?."

"Don't rush things. Wallace gave your teams a very credible excuse."

"What's that?"

"Something about your mother's situation?"

"She killed my father and now is um…up for parole."

"Lot to deal with. So let's take care of this first," Dr. Stevens urges kindly. "Go home…get cleaned up and go see Marc. I will only do something that can help you Matt."

"But talking hurts."

"It sure does…especially at first. But that pain will subside and talking will help get you back where you belong. Back in charge of your team…back with your friends and back with your regular routine. Trust me. Please?"

"Okay," Casey replies in a small tone as he holds onto the business card with a fierce fist.

"Kelly will…"

"I'll do this alone."

"No," Dr. Stevens utters firmly, Casey looking up in surprise. "Facing this alone is not a wise idea. He wants to help and you'll need his strength to get through his. A strong friend is something a bad memory cannot destroy – ever. He's already proven his loyalty to you and despite what lies your attacker might have told you or what insecurities you might be feeling, that won't change and he's proven that. Don't go there alone."

"Okay," Casey replies numbly as he exits the study and then heads toward Severide with a tense expression; his mind and heart racing as to what the day ahead might entail. "I really don't want to go," Casey sighs heavily as they head back outside and into his waiting truck.

"I know about you know you have to right?"

"Yeah…I do," Casey nods as his slightly narrowed gaze remains fixed outside the front window as he nears the Firehouse. He drops of Severide and reluctantly agrees to allow his friend to give him a ride; his brain urging him to get this done or otherwise he wouldn't be allowed back to work.

_Just tell them the basics and you're done…_Casey's mind reaffirms as he looks at himself in the mirror. His freshly trimmed stubble hid a few of the small cuts and scrapes from the rough beach surface and his eyes looked a bit weary but otherwise…outwardly…to the untrained eye he looked – normal.

"Normal," he whispers as he frowns at himself. "I'm not…" he starts and then stops; his brain yelling at him to focus and not dwell on emotional misery. He hears the honk from Severide outside; grabs his jacket and then heads for the front door – once again telling himself that he just had to focus…say the basics and get back to work. _I've done this before…just the basics…I'll be fine._

"Ready?"

"Not really…but I can't go back to work if I don't do this right?" Casey replies simply.

"Matt…"

"Can we just go and get this over with?"

"Sure," Severide nods as he pulls away from the curb and heads toward the downtown core. The conversation is kept to a minimum; Severide glancing over every few seconds and frowning at Casey's stony expression but not really knowing what to say to help stem Casey's nervous anxiety.

"Oh Shay's making roast for dinner and…"

"You think I'll feel like eating after this?"

"You can always watch," Severide tosses lightly as Casey's lips try to twitch into a smirk but never quite get there. They finally reach the profession office building and head for the elevator and then up to the seventh floor. But as soon as the doors open and Casey steps out into the hallway of the quiet floor, panic immediately flashes into his worried blue orbs and he turns and starts to press the down button.

"Hey hold on a sec," Severide gently pulls him back.

"Kelly I can't do this. I can't go and talk to some guy about…what happened," Casey's lips stammer as he starts to nervously pace. "I just can't okay. I can't."

"At least go and…"

"NO!" Casey hisses as he pulls back and frantically pushes the down button once more; cursing the slow moving box that seems to purposely linger on the first floor. But before he can dart toward the stairs and disappear from view, an office door is pulled open and both turn to see a man that stands about their height and appears about their age.

"One of you Matt Casey?"

"Yeah?"

"Marc Travers," he gives them a friendly smile. "Stairs would have been my first choice, faster than that damn box," Marc replies in a light tone. "But since you are here…just a few more feet and we won't have to lie to Roger about you not showing up and me saying you did."

"I can wait downstairs."

"Nonsense, you can wait in the waiting room," Marc suggests to Kelly who readily nods and gives Casey a reassuring glance. The three of them head into the quiet office, Severide heading to one of the nearby chairs and watching Casey's very tense and rigid frame heading for the door and then disappearing inside.

_I hope this works…_Severide's mind silently begs as he glances over at a few reading materials and picks up the first one. He looks at the title and then up at the closed door. _Today…is gonna be hell for all of us. Sorry Matt._

XXXXXXXX

Casey enters the office, remaining close to the door and watching Dr. Travers head for his desk and then stop and turn around to Casey. "Please come and sit down. You can stand but trust me after about 15 minutes you'll wished you had sat down right away."

"How um…how long do I have to be here?"

"Try not to think of this as a timed thing Matt. Mind if I call you Matt?"

"Sure…fine. I know you've heard this before but um…but I'm fine," Casey states in a firm tone as he remains in place.

"Okay," Marc offers a kind smile. "You want some coffee?"

"No. Can we just do this and…and then I can get back to work? Please Dr. Travers I'm okay."

"Matt, please call me Marc and I know this will be hard, but please try to relax. I know everyone who walks through that door, especially the first time, and especially a man is very nervous. But think of me as a friend rather than a doctor; that title is kinda stuffy. The more comfortable you are with all this, the easier it's going to be for me to help you. Okay?"

"Sure…fine," Casey repeats nervously as his eyes dart around the rather casual looking office and then back to the curios face watching him in concern. "So I just tell you what happened and I can go right?"

"Gosh no that would shell shock both of us."

"Look I don't want to get into…" Casey huffs as he nervously rubs the right side of his face and then looks away for a few seconds and then back to Dr. Travers with a heavy frown. "What um…did Dr. Stevens tell you?"

"He told me you needed my help."

"That's it?"

"Are you expecting a hidden agenda Matt? He said you were in a very stressful situation. But I am here to listen to you and then help you based on what you tell me."

"So you don't know what happened then?"

"Not his situation to tell right?" Marc replies warmly. "It's yours."

"Okay well there won't be…well isn't much to tell."

"Isn't or won't be?"

"What?" Casey asks in wonder.

"Isn't means there wasn't in truth a lot that happened to you; won't means that something bad did happen but that you won't tell me all of it."

"Okay so um…I was…yeah I was assaulted and…and he's dead and now I just can't get his voice out of my head," Casey rambles and then pauses, his feet edging a bit closer to the chair; but his body still not easing down into it. "So that's it."

"Matt, I know you're scared and nervous and probably wanting to tell me to go to hell and mind my own business and then storm out that door right?"

"Look I just need to be cleared for duty," Casey lightly growls as he glares at Dr. Travers. "I was forcibly assaulted and then I watched my attacker die but I'm fine! I don't want to relive those details with another stranger and I sure as hell don't feel the need to sit here and be analyzed by you!" Casey rushes in haste as turns and heads for the door. "I'm fine and I don't need this."

"Matt…listen to me for a second," Dr. Travers begs in a kind tone; Casey pausing at the closed door before him. "You walk out that door right now and your career in the job you love really is over. Let me help you take your life back. Please?"

Casey turns and looks at the kind face of the trained therapist a few feet away; his brain frantically trying to get his heart rate to slow long enough for him to make the right decision.

"Don't…don't let your attacker win. Please…let he help you take your life back."

* * *

**A/N:** Okay so I thought I'd have Casey go right into his first therapy session but I really wanted him to face something that forced him to realize he can't keep going and nearly drowning was it. I hope you all liked a bit more into the back story of Dr. Stevens and those moments with him and of course between our boys with Severide to the rescue (did you need a Kleenex after all?). So as always would love your thoughts before you go so please do review before you go and thanks so much!

**PS:** Hope you all liked my last angsty eppy broment-centric OS (last one of those for a few weeks) and got a chance to read/review thanks everyone you rock! and yes Zero Degrees will update next :) (are you all caught up with the angsty action & danger? muwhahaha)


	18. Lay it All on the Line

**Title: Hidden Agenda  
****Chapter 18 – Lay it All on the Line**

**A/N: **Well I hope everyone is sticking with me and sorry if some have left after all this but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Hope you like this update.

* * *

Casey's hand pauses, his fingers tightening around the handle but his arm unable to pull it back. He slightly bows his head and exhales heavily. "I need this job…this job…is my life…I need it."

"I will help you take it back," Marc tells him kindly; now standing a few feet away. "If you'll let me."

Casey finally lets go of the door handle and then turns back to Marc with a small frown before he slowly ambles past and slumps down into the chair facing the empty desk. Much to his surprise, Marc pulls up a chair beside him and sits down with a small smile.

"Have you ever talked to someone in private like this Matt?"

"Not about this," Casey answers simply.

"Work? Want to tell me about it."

"I watched a friend die. Andy. I guess I talked to someone then. But I'm fine now."

"You watched him. How'd that make you feel?"

"What does this have to do with why I'm really here?" Casey asks in frustration.

"I don't know you Matt. I don't know how you handle life altering situations. I am going to ask a few questions so I can get a handle on how you approach things."

"I was angry but that's the nature of the job," Casey replies simply and then stops; Marc looking at him in wonder.

"Matt, I know this is uncomfortable for you but I hope your curt answers aren't because you think, even in private, you need to live up to some ill-conceived or old fashioned male stereotype."

"What does that even mean?"

"Society used to believe that while male assault occurs it's not an acceptable form of discussion. That's why in the past programs were tailored more towards female survivors since it was more openly discussed. Programs to help male survivors were not even heard of or if it was those that discussed such things were sometimes viewed as perverts and so the programs suffered. But now with our changing lifestyles and more male survivors coming forward and wanting to find some relief, better programs have been put in place that help the male survivor. And his family or close friend. The days of a man just holding it all inside because that is what society dictated are thankfully gone. Matt are you married?"

"Uh no. I was engaged…but we're not together right now. It…just didn't work."

"Okay. Have you confided in anyone?"

"Just Kelly. He um…he knows some. He doesn't need to know the rest," Casey answers in haste.

"While you might think that Matt, your psychological well-being has changed and I think you know that, more than anyone. Talking about what happened will help you deal with such things as depression, anger, guilt, self-blame, sexual dysfunction, flashbacks, and suicidal feelings. And while you might not feel those emotions all at once trust me they are there waiting to surface. Other things I will help you come to terms with are an increased sense of vulnerability, damaged self-image and emotional distancing. Believe me Matt all these things are situations that you will face at one time or another. You need to be able to handle them before they happen; because if they do and you are not prepared or Kelly isn't prepared the consequences can be disastrous."

"But if I tell myself I won't go there then won't that be better? Mind of matter and that kind of thing?"

"How long can you last doing that Matt? How long can you go holding it all inside before it explodes and takes you with it on its path to self-destruction? How long can you last on your own?" Marc counters; Casey's mind instantly cringing as he knows the day before he nearly drowned because he thought he could handle it on his own. "To seek help Matt is not the sign of failure but of strength."

"Since when is seeking help going to make me look stronger?" Casey asks in a huff.

"Since your life changed," Marc replies kindly. "Tell me about Kelly."

"What about him?"

"Is he a good friend?"

"Sure."

"Do you trust him?"

"Meaning?"

"When you talk about certain things…such as what's happened to you, do you trust he'll keep it to himself as he promises you?"

"Yeah I trust him."

"And after you talk to him how do you feel?"

"What?"

"Talking about what happened to you isn't easy, especially for men. So how do you feel when it's done?"

"Okay, I guess."

"Do you feel different after talking to him? Do you think he thinks or looks at you differently? Maybe thinks less of you?"

"What? What does that…look I didn't come here to feel like…I'm done here," Casey states in haste as he heads for the door. Marc quickly pushes himself up out of his chair and hurries after Casey, gently grabbing his arm and stopping him from opening the office door.

"If you run away each time a heated conversation starts about how you perceive others looking at you when it comes to anything sensitive that you have had to face or can relate to you'll be running all your life. Let me ask you again. After you talk, does Kelly look at you differently?"

Casey looks at Marc with an anguished expression before he finally shakes his head no. "I don't think so."

"Are you sure?" Marc urges.

"Yes…I'm sure," Casey finally admits.

"I know he's not. I just needed you to hear yourself admit it out loud," Marc states in a kind tone as his hand leaves Casey's arm and rests on his shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Let me help you stand up to your inner demons and win. Let me help you get your life back."

"I just want to forget it ever happened; I want it all too just go away," Casey laments, swallowing down a large lump and praying his eyes won't water any further.

"In time the pain will lessen."

Without saying another word Marc gently leads Matt back to his chair and allows him to sit down before he pulls up a chair beside him, looking at him with a slight frown.

"What do you like about your job?"

"My job. Always wanted to be a fire fighter," Casey admits with a small smile; Marc's relaxed posture trying to encourage Casey to also try to relax and just express himself openly. "I like helping people…saving lives and I um…I like fire. Kinda silly right?"

"To like fire? Figured you'd have to like it even a little to want to rush into it head first," Marc replies lightly. "Roger said you're Lieutenant of your truck. You like your team?"

"I do. They're um…there a great bunch of guys," Casey admits in truth.

"Think any of them look at you differently?"

"Think so. Think they pity me or feel sorry for me," Casey replies with a heavy sigh.

"Do they know all the facts of what happened?"

"No. They were told I was attacked and got into a fight. That's it."

"So you come into work with a black eye. And they were told you were attacked but the guy died ask you questions about the fight then what? Do they ask every single day about the fight?"

"No. Just the first day. They um…they're concerned but…no."

"What do you like about yourself Matt?"

"What? What the hell does…."

"Simple question," Marc replies lightly.

"That's an unfair question to ask right now."

"Why?"

"Because I hate myself right now! I…" his voice trails off as his head drops to his hands. "I hate this…I can't even look in the damn mirror without…nothing okay…is that what you want to hear? Nothing!"

"Are you still the boss of your truck?"

"Yes but…but what does that have…"

"So this situation didn't make you lose that?"

"No," Casey admits weakly.

"Did you lose the respect of your team?"

"I um…"

"In truth Matt? Does your team think less of you?"

"No,"

"So again why do you hate yourself, it sounds like nothing has changed at work with the team or how they or your friends like Kelly view you."

"You are wrong," Casey insists.

"Explain."

"I let them all DOWN!" Casey fairly shouts as he looks away in anger. "I let everyone down. Why can't anyone see that?"

"Because that is only in your mind. You let no one down."

"That's not true. I knew…I knew from the past what Ben had done…to me…to others and yet…I allowed it to happen. I knew…I knew and I could have called the police sooner but…but I didn't…this is my fault," Casey's voice dies out as he looks away in misery. "I'm to blame."

"But Matt, it's not your fault."

"I LET THEM!" Casey yells in anger and frustration as tears start to well again. "I work out, I'm strong. I rush into danger when people rush out! I knew about Ben and what he had done and I should have stopped him! It's my fault. I let it happen. I deserved it!"

Marc looks at Casey and then takes a deep breath. "You know Matt it is not uncommon for a male assault survivor to blame himself for the assault, believing that he in some way gave permission to the rapist or the one committing the assault to do it. What you are feeling is totally normal right now. And let us not forget that society's belief is that men should be able to protect themselves and if they let it happen, it is somehow their fault that they were assaulted. You're a man…this doesn't happen to men; happens to women because they're weaker, but not men. That's not true Matt. That's the wrong thinking. It's not your fault. You have to come to terms with that and understand that you are in no way to blame for what happened."

"I just feel so ashamed," Casey admits as he looks back down.

"Understandable," Marc acknowledges. "But in reality you have nothing to be ashamed of. You're here today and this is the first real step toward recovery. Today we are going to try to get you back on the right track; give you a few tools to help you when negative feelings and a panic attack threatens to come up and together…we'll beat your attacker, we won't let him win."

"I want my old life back. I want to feel…I don't want this," Casey manages with a small sniffle.

"Every survivor says that. But see he's already lost. He's dead and you're here. After this session, you'll get up…go see your friend…go home and have a few beers and then make a plan for tomorrow. He can never do that again. He's lost. We have to make you believe that you've won."

"How?"

"First we need to get to the heart of what you're keeping inside."

"Meaning?"

"Tell me about Ben."

"What?"

"I don't know much about your attacker. You said it happened in the past. Want to tell me about the first time you had an encounter with your attacker? What led up to it?"

"I uh…" Casey starts and then stops; his stomach instantly tightening. "I can't do this…" Casey admits with nervous anxiety. "I um…I thought I could but I can't. I'm sorry I can't."

"Take your time…I'm in no hurry."

"No you don't understand I can't…I can't. I just want this to be over. Just…over. Please let it be over."

"The session? Or the situation?"

"I want my old life back."

"I know you want a quick and simple answer, but there isn't one. I'm sorry I wish there was; I wish I had one to give you but I don't. For each person and each situation, it's different. Some methods and therapies work for some and not for others. From the moment you walked in here I could tell you didn't want to be here."

"I um…well I don't really but I…"

"Think I'll judge you?"

"Haven't you already?" Casey turns back and asks sharply. When Marc returns a look of surprise, Casey's face softens. "I'm sorry I…I didn't mean to offend you."

"Matt if I was easily offended by what others think of me in this job, well I'd never leave the house each day. Trust me I have been called worse," Marc explains with a warm tone. "I didn't want to rush things with you because the moment you walked through that door, you looked uncomfortable and I figured if I forced you to spill your guts as soon as you sat down you'd be gone in about sixty seconds and we would have accomplished nothing. I have a feeling that you bottle everything up inside and keep it all to yourself; exploding at an inopportune moment? Am I right?"

"Yes," Casey answers numbly.

"And if you didn't explode you'd keep it all inside and then offer everyone around you silence which would result in further mental and emotional harm to yourself and those around you, right?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to talk about what led up to that event?"

"The first time?"

"Whichever you want to talk about?"

"I met Ben when I was a candidate back in Detroit. Moved there to be with my uncle and he um…his twisted my words and attacked me."

"What words?"

"I don't…"

"I wasn't there Matt…I can only work with what you tell me. Remember, whatever you tell me…stays right here. Right here."

"I told him I'd do anything to get extra hours but um…well I meant work wise and such and he thought it meant something else."

"Did you ever imply work?"

"I said I'd clean the truck, work extra shifts…things like that."

"Did you ever mention you'd have sex with him?"

"What? No," Casey replies in haste. "Never…he…he came on to me. I was in the shower and he…" Casey's voice breaks as he looks away.

"Take your time Matt…I'm right here and he can't hurt you – ever."

"I can't do this."

"The only way to beat him is to confront those demons head on and you need to do that out loud so that you can hear yourself winning this battle. What happened in the shower?"

"He attacked me."

"Did you tell him no?"

"I tried…but he…"

Casey feels his fists tighten and his eyes water as he nervously fidgets in his chair and looks away. But when Marc says nothing he looks back and finally confesses everything about his past dealings with Ben; finally slumping back in his chair and wiping his eyes.

"And then you left. You took your life back…you came back home…got a new job…new house…new team and then…a few weeks ago, the past catches up and Ben returns. Why'd he just suddenly show up like that?"

"He uh…our Chief had some personal stuff to tend to and took a leave and Ben was called to take the post."

"How'd that make you feel?"

"Angry…shocked…scared," Casey admits numbly. "He said he came back for me."

"How'd that make you feel?"

"I should have called the police right from the start."

"Why didn't you?"

"I um…I figured it was only a few weeks and maybe…maybe he had changed. He hadn't changed."

"Then what happened?"

"He threatened me…tried to bully me. I never gave in."

"Did Kelly see any of this?"

"Most of it. He saw…and he…he always backed me."

"Good friend to have," Marc states in truth as Casey nods. "What did Ben think of Kelly?"

"He didn't like him. Tried to…tried to turn us against each other. Didn't work."

"Then what happened?"

"I called my Detective friend and he found out some stuff on Ben and was going to arrest him. At the same time Kelly called Chief Boden. Ben was going to be arrested but before that happened he…he um…he was waiting for me in my home that night."

"What did he say when you confronted him?"

"I uh…no I never got the chance. He was hiding. I fell asleep and then um…then I woke up," Casey stammers as he looks down at his fingers, looking back up with a heavy frown.

"What happened when you woke up?"

"I was tied to the bed and he was on top of me," Casey answers in misery.

"What did you tell him?"

"I uh…nothing…I couldn't. Couldn't talk. That time I couldn't talk. I was gagged. I um…I couldn't."

"And then what happened?"

"I was drugged…or passed out or…something."

"Where did you wake up?"

"At Ben's. He um…he had taken me to his place…I wasn't dressed and I…."

"Did you try to escape?"

"I couldn't. I was…tied up and in a closet and…and I had a noose around my neck…I couldn't," Casey's voice dies out as he looks away.

"Then what happened?" Marc continues to press.

"Then he drugged me again and took me to an old burn house."

"What happened in the burn house Matt?"

"I can't do this."

"Yes you can. It's just you and me. Ben is dead and you're safe. You're doing amazingly well. You're almost at the end. Don't stop. What happened in the burn house?"

"I think you know."

"I need to hear you say it."

"Why? Why the hell do you _need _to hear me say it?" Casey demands in heated anger. "You get off on hearing how a guy was tied up and gagged and then beaten and then raped? His clothes cut off and his body used as…as some man's sick sexual perverse pleasure? That I was unable to fight back and allowed Ben to attack me?" Casey's voice rises as he stands up from his chair, almost knocking it backward. "Is that why you need to hear me say it? That I couldn't stop it? IS IT?"

"No Matt, that's not why," Marc starts in a low tone as he slowly stands up from his chair. "I needed to hear _you_ say it out loud so that _you_ could hear your own voice and acknowledge the fact that _you_ were unable to stop the assault a few weeks ago…just as you were unable to stop the assault a few years ago. He was in control. Not you."

Casey looks at him in anguish, his heart beating so fast he was sure he was about to pass out at any minute.

"The sooner you acknowledge the fact that you had no control over either situation; or whatever else you faced before the major assault itself, the sooner you'll be able to look those demons head on, confront them and take back your life. You were tied up…gagged and unable to fight back. It wasn't your fault you couldn't stop it. You're not to blame for not being able to stop him. It was Ben's."

"But I should have known better," Casey growls. "I should have been able to stop it."

"Did he tell you outright that he was going to physically restrain you and then assault you?"

"No! I'm done here!" Casey turns and heads for the door once more.

"Why does that admission make you angry Matt?"

Casey looks at Marc, his brain already knowing the answer but his lips unable to offer the answer he knows the doctor wants to hear. But Marc keeps pressing.

"Why does that bother you so much Matt? Knowing that Ben, who had had his way in the past came back for you to finish off what he started?"

"Get the hell out of my way!" Casey growls as he tries to pull the door open.

"Why Matt? Tell me why it makes you so angry?"

"Because I was afraid…god I was afraid." Casey admits in torment. "I was afraid. I was weak."

"You were human," Marc reminds him. "You didn't do anything wrong Matt and you certainly didn't deserve this and you certainly let anyone down."

"I let myself down."

"Well we are usually our own worst enemies. But you were trapped Matt and unable to fight back back then, you were unable to fight back a few weeks ago."

"I let it happen."

"You were unable to stop it."

"I SHOULD HAVE! Oh damn I should have been able to stop it."

"But you couldn't Matt and you are not to blame for that."

"Yes I am."

"Why? Why do you feel to blame for what you couldn't control?"

"Because I knew him…as soon as I saw I knew and I…I did nothing. I didn't call the cops and I didn't…I let it happen. And then when I said no…it was too late. Why didn't he just listen…why me…why?"

"But you said he told you why. That he let you live because of you had his boy's names; that he came back because you were special to him."

"I know but…" Casey's voice dies out in anguish.

"But it's not enough right?" Marc mentions in a kind tone. "No matter what he would have said to you it never would have satisfied in your mind the reason for his actions. Your mind would try to justify and push back and you wouldn't accept it. And then you would be caught in an endless back and forth game; a stalemate with no winners, only two losers."

"But…"

"No. You can't reason his actions no matter how hard you try because they were his reasons. They were sick and twisted but they were his. Just like you couldn't control his actions during the assault you can't control his motives…his reasons. You need to realize that none of this was your fault, it was his. Ben's. Your attackers. It was his fault. But he's dead. He's lost and you've won. Matt it really is over."

"No. It's not over! You can't…"

"Understand?" Marc interjects as Casey nods; his eyes fixed on the door. "Oh you'd be very surprised at what I can sympathize with Matt. There is a reason Roger sent you to me. I have been there and I know exactly what you are going through."

"You were…"

"Yes I was," Marc admits in a casual tone. "I had two older brothers in the army and I remember them coming back and being…lost. The horrors they faced really took its toll on them and I told myself that I specialize in therapy to help these returning veterans. It was my college professor. I wanted to get some extra work and he thought he'd help me get a gold star. Sadly his ideas and my ideas for professional advancement were on opposite ends of the spectrum. My oldest brother…actually he'd kinda remind you of Kelly….at least from what Roger's told me and what I saw outside. When I told him…boy I was in a bad way. The next day he…well thankfully he stopped me from downing a bottle of pills with a bottle of booze. We went to the police; my professor was arrested and he helped me get back on track. It was um…it was Roger who helped me take my life back. He's a good man."

"He is," Casey agrees in a somber tone.

"So believe me when I say I know what it's like to tell yourself you are different and changed and all for the worst. To think every whispered word, muffled laugh and second glance is those looking because they are judging. But much like you Matt, I am a survivor and if I didn't survive I wouldn't be able to actually tell you know that I know what you are going through and mean it. If I didn't survive I wouldn't be able to say yeah it sucks now but it will get better and know that it will. If I didn't survive I wouldn't be able to tell you that your friends love you and those that always did always will; and those that don't, never have. If I didn't survive Matt, I wouldn't be able to tell you that you have done an amazing job today and it can only get better from here on in."

Casey looks at Marc and just shakes his head as his eyes water. "What I said earlier…" he starts only to have him gently squeeze his forearm. "About you getting off…I'm uh…I'm sorry."

"I don't advertise my experiences Matt; there is no way you could have known; just as I didn't know what you went through until you told me. We don't wear banner's telling the world although sometimes it feels like it and as I said before, I'm not easily offended."

"And did um…did the nightmares ever stop?"

"The nightmares, the voices, the invisible images…I learned to control them so they didn't control me. It didn't stop right away and it wasn't an easy battle; and even now, some days will haunt me more than others. I hear his name…see a man that looks like him…go to an alumni lunch. But it was a battle I knew I had to fight and I did and with the help of my wife and Roger, I won. You are not without hope. Your battle is not unwinnable. I am here to help you win the battle. Me…Roger…Kelly…your Chief…whoever else you want to allow into that inner circle. Remember Ben doesn't control that…you do," Marc reconfirms. "Always tell yourself that. You can stop the voices, you can stop the inner anger and hostility and you can tell yourself that you are in full control once again. Who's in control?"

"I am," Casey whispers.

"Who?" Marc presses firmly.

"I am," Casey replies with a small frown, earning a small pat on the back from Marc.

"Matt, today you did amazing. How do you feel?"

"Tired."

"I mean mentally."

"Actually somewhat at peace," Casey finally confesses as he quickly wipes his eyes.

"Still sound a bit skeptical but that will pass," Marc assures him warmly. "You just got past the biggest hurdle Matt. We don't have to revisit those events if you don't want to."

"I don't want to."

"Then we won't."

"So um…now what?" Casey inquires with a small sniffle.

"Now I'm going to ask you again…what do you like about yourself right now?"

Casey's eyes drop as he feels his heart rate wanting to skyrocket once more.

"Come on Matt…you have so much to offer. Tell me…what do you like about yourself?"

"I didn't give up," Casey whispers as his eyes freshly water; his lungs sucking in as he looks over at Marc as he smiles and nods.

"And that is something your attacker will never destroy. Hold onto that. Never give up. Never."

"Okay. So…what happens now?"

"Now…now I'm sure you're gonna walk out that door and collapse and after all this that is normal. Just don't be alone tonight okay? Can you stay with Kelly?"

"I think so. So I can go back to work?"

"I want to talk about the panic attacks before I can give you your walking papers. I am not a fire fighter but know in your line of work that lives are on the line, including yours. Come back tomorrow and we'll talk about practical ways that you can handle them when they do happen at work…or when you're out…or when you're alone at home. You can't let him force you from the things you love and enjoy; that's unfair."

"I don't want him to win…I don't want to move…or quit…I just want my life back."

"We're getting there," Marc gives him a warm pat on the back. "But I want you to walk back into Firehouse 51 and know that no matter what…you see your attacker…you hear his name…you catch your breath; that you'll be able to look that bastard in the eye and tell him go straight to hell. I did it; you can too."

Casey turns and looks at Marc and finally offers him a small but still strained smile. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Marc nods as he offers his hand to shake. Casey takes his hand and surprisingly receives a brief hug from Marc. "Go have a beer…watch something funny…hang with your friend and get some rest. Come back tomorrow and let's kick this thing in the ass."

"Okay," Casey nods as he finally opens the door; Severide quickly standing up and looking at his friend in instant concern.

"Matt?" Severide asks in uncertainty as Casey takes small steps toward him. "Everything okay?"

"It's going to be," Casey replies in a small tone as Marc looks at Severide and nods. The two of them leave the office and Severide looks at Casey in wonder before his arm rests across his shoulders and gives him a warm, comforting squeeze.

"Thank you for being here."

"Always."

"I need a beer," Casey whispers as they get into the elevators.

"First rounds on me," Severide replies with a small smile as the elevator doors close the two friends from view; Marc watching from his office with a knowing smile.

But as soon as they exit the building Casey pulls away, thankful the day was already getting dark, and heads for a small alleyway entrance. His hands rest against the cold stones, he bends forward and throws up.

"Oh man…" Severide whispers as his hand protectively rests on Casey's back and helps him stand up and then slowly helps him over to a small stone ledge and ease himself down. "Just breathe okay?" Severide instructs with a small frown as he gently strokes Casey's shaking frame as Casey nods and tries to get his heart rate to lower.

Casey leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees and tries to get his breathing under control. "That um…that was hell," he confesses with a small gasp as squeezes his watery eyes shut. "I can't…Kelly I can't…" Casey stammers as he takes in another deep breath and then slowly sits back up his eyes locking with Severide's in a defeated expression. "I can't."

"Yes you can. I'll help you."

* * *

**A/N:** Well I am very nervous about this chappy and hope it was okay (I know it was heavy Casey but I had to get it all out). I know I might have covered a lot of stuff in one session (and that in RL it would have taken several sessions) but I don't want the story to drag on with a bunch of sessions; so yeah covered the bulk in this one (and hope it didn't suck!). And what surprise outing does Marc have for Matt to help him get the final mastery over his fears and what final decision will Casey reach? And how will Severide ultimately help? Would love your thoughts on this update (hope you're all still enjoying how this story plays out) and please do review before you go and thanks!


	19. Closing the Door to the Past

**Title: Hidden Agenda  
****Chapter 19 – Closing the Door to the Past**

**A/N: ** Thanks to **The Mad Hatteras** for the discussion around part of this. Hope I did it some justice. Hope all like this chappy. And I know its kinda heavy again but figured he wouldn't just bounce back so fast – but again trying to find and keep a balance between Casey's recovery and him back on track b/c yes I know in reality it takes a lot of time to come back after that so hoping you all keep in mind this is fiction like you have so far. Thanks everyone you rock!

* * *

_"How'd he do Marc?" Dr. Stevens asks after Casey had left._

_"He did great. I know in the long run he'll be fine and that's what counts right?"_

_"It is, thank you."_

_"Ian would be proud."_

XXXXXXXX

"Just…breathe okay?" Severide tenderly instructs as he finally allows brotherly concern to take over and gives Casey a comforting hug; Casey's body just sagging into his grasp as he starts to tremble. Severide holds him before offering a defeated expression a few moments later when they pull away and he notices a small tear escape the soggy corner of Casey's warm blue eyes and starts to slowly slide down. "Oh man Matt…sorry…here," Severide offers softly as he brushes away the tear and then hands Casey the Kleenex. "I can't imagine what that was like in there."

"I thought I could tonight but…I just can't."

"Hey don't worry about it okay?" Severide nods as he looks at Casey in concern. "After all that I didn't expect you to want to go out. I know I wouldn't."

"It just…it was yeah it was hell but…okay it worse than the first time but also better…how stupid is that?" Casey nervously gasps as he sits back up and then looks at Severide with a heavy frown.

"No it's not stupid, it makes sense," Severide agrees in a quiet tone. "When you hold something inside for so long…you know keep it to yourself it…it eats away at you and destroys you from the inside. I know. But then you share your pain with someone and it actually feels better."

Casey offers a small nod as he looks back down at his slightly shaking hands. "I need things back to normal…I need to know Ben really lost."

"Ben did lose. What did Dr. Travers says happens now?"

"I come back tomorrow and then he gives me something to help with the panic attacks…I take the weekend and then…"

"Back to work on Monday," Severide concludes.

"I want that."

"Yeah me to. Come on…"

"Kelly…I'm just not going to be…good company…tonight," Casey blows his nose and then shoves the Kleenex into his pocket and offers his friend a weary glance to the side.

Severide stands up and waits for Casey to stand up and both of them slowly head back to Severide's car. "Your place or mine?"

"Kelly I can't just…I need to be alone right now."

"No I don't think so."

"No I'm just going to go home and…"

"No after all that…"

"Kelly you're not listening," Casey's tone sharpens slightly.

"I heard you and I'm not letting you be alone tonight," Severide insists as they both look at each other in uncertainty. "Not after all that."

"I want to be alone!"

"To bad!"

"But…"

"No, no but's this time Matt. So yell, scream, swear, shout, do whatever the hell you need to do to make yourself feel better, but get this through your head, I'm going to be here whether you like it or not!" Severide stammers. "You're not strong enough to push me out of your life! And I'm not strong enough to want to leave. I'm your friend and you're going through hell right now and you're stuck with me!"

Casey looks at Severide in shock as he feels his eyes want to water once more; mostly out of sheer exhaustion.

"Matt you're going through a tough time right now and I'm not gonna sit there and judge or ask you questions about what you told that doctor today," Severide explains in a quieter tone. "I can see how wiped out you are by all this and can only imagine how tense it was….I heard some shouting when you were in there but…I'm not gonna ask okay? Not unless you wanna tell me. I'm just gonna be there okay?"

"I just want to…I don't want Ben to chase me from my home…I don't want him to win."

"Okay then…your place it is. We'll beat him back to hell together," Severide nods as they both get into the car; Casey giving him a small nod. He leans back on the leather seat and closes his eyes; his adrenaline rapidly depleting. Severide glances over and frowns; his mind racing as what how the rest of the evening would play out. He had texted Dr. Stevens during the session asking him how he could best support Casey after he was done with the session.

_'Just make sure he's not alone after all that. He might want to be…he might not. But he's going to be tired and drained and agitated. Be kind, supportive and just there. Ben wanted him alone and isolated. But he's not. Make sure he knows that.'_

They reach Casey's home and Severide is glad that he doesn't put up too much of a fuss when the cars stops and the two of them head up the walk toward Casey's front door.

"Kelly…"

"I'm staying okay? After all that I don't think you want to be alone."

"I don't but I was going to say I think I only have a few beers and hope that's okay," he gently smiles as Severide smiles back.

"You have coffee right?"

"Lots of that."

"Maybe it's a pasta and coffee kinda night," Severide suggests as they head into Casey's quiet home. Severide watches Casey head for the stairs to go up and can only offer a heavy frown at the angry curse and wonders just how uncomfortable the night ahead would be. But as he nears the bottom of the stairs he hears Casey's lungs offering another heave and can only frown and wonder what he could make for a very stressed out friend.

He pulls open the fridge and spies a can of fizzy but plain soda and takes the can and goes in search of Casey upstairs; entering his bedroom and then heading for the bed and easing himself down beside him.

"I know I told Dr. Travers that I want to stay here and not let Ben chase me out of here and let him win but now…"

"Matt, don't make any rash decisions," Severide acknowledges as he hands Casey the cold can of soda for his upset stomach.

"No matter what…I'll always…Kelly I look at that closet," Casey nods toward the still busted door, "and I see him standing there…watching…waiting and he…he comes here and I'm…I'm tied to the bed and he…oh god he…" Casey's voice breaks as his eyes water and Severide's face crunches in pain. "I feel the assault and I…I couldn't fight back and this…even this bed reminds me of…him…damn…" he tries to take a swig of the soda but then spits it back up and curses.

"Hey…it's okay," Severide comments as he lightly taps Casey on the back, his arm coming to resting on his shoulders and giving them a small squeeze of reassurance before he pulls back.

"I thought I could stay here…but no matter what…I'll always see him here…I'll always associate it with him…Kelly I just can't."

"I get it," Severide nods in agreement. "I don't know if I could either."

"Does that make me a coward?"

"No. The house wasn't close enough to the lake."

"What?"

"You know in case the team's ask," Severide suggests as Casey looks at him in surprise. "I don't think you're a coward. I would move too."

"Really?"

"Yeah because like you say…he was here…in the house and he…well you know. It's not like he just took you from here and yeah…I'd move too."

Casey's mind settles somewhat at hearing Severide's reassurance. He had wondered if he would brand himself a coward by wanting to move; feeling that Ben had won and chased him from his home. But he also ponders the fact that if he wants to get better and move past, he wouldn't want to look upon the site of his torment and misery day after day after day. _I want a change…that isn't running…that's just wanting a change and I am allowed to want a change. I am right?_

"I want a change. That's okay," Casey states rather than asks as he finally takes a small sip of the cooling soda, allowing the fizzy bubbles to sooth his acidic stomach and watching Severide's shadow nod in agreement.

"That's okay. So…pasta?"

"Chicken soup?"

"Really?" Severide smirks as Casey nods and looks at him with a soft frown. "Yeah that's fine," Severide smiles as he gives Casey's shoulder a playful punch. "Meetcha downstairs."

"Okay."

Casey heads back into the bathroom to throw some cold water on his face and then reenters his bedroom and looks at the closet and frowns. "I'm not running…I'm just making a change…closer to work," Casey tries to convince himself as he hears Ben's voice starting to come to the fore.

_'You can't run from me. I'll always be with you Matthew.'_

"I move to a new home and you won't come with me," Casey growls firmly as he glares at the closet. A few moments later the image fades and Casey takes some satisfaction that he was able to push Ben away and feel some confidence about it for the first time in weeks.

"This…isn't chicken soup," Severide groans as he holds up a small can of chicken broth.

"That's it?" Casey chuckles as he nears and snatches the tin from Severide's grasp. "I just don't feel like I could eat a whole lot."

"Eggs and toast?"

"What? For supper?"

"Really? Your mom never made eggs and toast when you weren't feeling well?"

"Not really."

"Okay just sit down…relax and I'll make…"

"Breakfast," Casey lightly snorts.

"Trust me you'll thank me later," Severide boasts as he looks at the half loaf of bread.

"I know I need food," Casey huffs as he reaches for a piece of paper and pen on the table. Severide keeps the conversation focused around food, until Casey asks about a few neighborhoods and he starts to offer a few suggestions and the talk switches to a possible move for Casey.

"Well?" Severide questions as they start into their breakfast for supper meal.

"Actually…it's just right," Casey praises as Severide's face lights up into a friendly smile. After dinner the two of them head into the living room and just sag onto the couch to watch some TV; Casey offering only a few emotional snippets about the day in therapy; Severide not pushing the issue but offering supportive words in return.

"Did you want…" Severide asks softly as he comes into the living room after he had taken the dishes into the kitchen, stopping in the entranceway to see Casey asleep on the couch; eyes closed, lips slightly parted – the days emotional events finally taking its toll. Without saying another word, Severide turns off the TV and then goes in search of a blanket; knowing that Casey would be more comfortable in a real bed but not having the heart to disturb him just yet.

With a heavy sigh he turns off the lights and heads for the small spare bedroom, pulling off his sweater and slumping down onto the top, turning off the last light in the house and falling into the dark realm of sleep almost as fast as Casey had earlier.

XXXXXXXX

Casey's weary eyes open the next morning, his lips uttering a soft growl as his body stretches; trying to stretch out the kinks he had gathered from sleeping on the couch the entire night. But while he did awaken a few times he didn't have the heart to kick Severide out and didn't want to go upstairs and face that mental misery again.

"Hey…" Severide's voice pulls Casey's gaze toward him in the doorway to the living room.

"Hey…" Casey yawns as he slowly sits upright and rubs his face; Severide easing himself down into the chair opposite him.

"Sleep better?"

"Few nightmares but that's to be expected right?" Casey slightly groans as he looks at Severide with a heavy frown. "But it um…it wasn't as bad."

"That's good right?"

"But I slept here…or in there…I can't…go back upstairs."

"Okay so…what's the plan for today?"

"Today? Kelly…" Casey interjects. "I don't...expect you to…"

"I already talked to Boden," Severide qualifies, "and he's okay with it. You don't want to take a cab there do you? Alone?"

"I…" Casey tries to protest. "No…no I don't want to go there alone," Casey admits in a small tone as he leans back into the couch and stares numbly out the window a few feet to Severide's right. "I don't want to go back at all but…but I want…the panic attacks are different this time and even though I tried to tell myself that I'm okay…for some reason I just can't get his voice out of my head."

"In the past….what did you do? You know to move on after the um…first time?" Severide stammers.

"Well I had told the retired Chief who then went to confront Ben before he left but…but Ben was gone I was on leave shortly after that and…and by the time I met Boden I had…just pushed it to the back of my mind. Then Ben came back and when he kidnapped me…he told me he was watching me this whole time and…damn Kelly I just see him everywhere. I tell him to go to hell…but he just comes right back."

"I really wish I knew what to say," Severide admits heavily.

"I don't even know what to say. This guy Marc…he asked questions but…but in ways I never…well wanted to face."

"What do you mean?"

"Just he put a spin on it that…that I didn't think about before."

"Like what?"

"Like he made me realize that it wasn't my fault but…I know it wasn't but…but when he made me say it out loud to him…"

"Say what out loud?" Severide wonders.

"What Ben did…that I couldn't fight back…that he…that it was forced and I tried to say no but it wasn't my fault. I guess just hearing myself say it to someone else helped."

"That's good right?"

"It is. Was just hard though," Casey admits with a small sigh. "The first time…when I left Detroit and Ben was gone and I told myself I'd never have to see him again and it just helped me to play stupid."

"You're not stupid Matt."

"Kept thinking that maybe if I had forgot about it it meant it never happened…I just never expected Ben to come back…damn I never expected him to tell me all he did and that he… I just want him out of my head, for good. And today…I don't know if I'll survive another session that intense you know?"

"Want me to come in there with you?"

"I don't want to go at all but if I don't I can't go back to work. Ever."

"What?" Severide asks in shock.

"Not fit for duty. Chief's request. No I get it…a child nearly died and it was my fault," Casey finally pulls his tormented blue gaze away from the window and looks at Severide in misery. "I couldn't have that and I would do the same for anyone on the team if I saw that. But this…this is emotional hell," Casey ends with a soft whisper as he quickly looks away and swallows. "Kelly…you gotta tell me the truth."

"About what?"

"When I tell you this stuff…what um…what do you think?" Casey asks in haste; Severide looking at him in shock.

"I want to take Ben out back and kick his ass over and over. I think you went through hell…but I don't think you'll let him win."

"No…I mean about me."

"You? I'd never think less of you Matt. No matter what you hear that stupid bastard saying in your head, I'll never think less of you okay? Never. I hope you believe me."

"I do. Just sometimes I feel…guilty. I know I shouldn't but I do and it's nothing you make me feel. Trust me Kelly your support has been…great. It's just me. I just want this all over with already."

"Me too."

The two of them talk a bit longer before Severide takes his leave and heads for home to shower and get changed, Casey wanting a bit of time to himself before he goes to see Dr. Travers and put himself back on the emotional tightrope. He slowly heads out of the shower and looks at the busted closet and feels his breath catch as he hears Ben's laughter in the background and feels his fists tighten.

_'You're in control Matt…Ben is dead…you won…he lost…'_

Casey leans against the wall and squeezes his eye shut, his mind racing to find a way to silence Ben's voice for good but not finding a way on his own.

"I want you gone!" Casey growls as Ben's face smiles back but lingers before him a few minutes longer. "Now!" Casey shouts as he picks up a small tube of gel and hurls it at the wall; the inanimate object sailing through the air and slamming into the wall before clattering to the floor.

_'I'll always be with you Matt…you want me here…you brought me with you…here I am.'_

"NO! I don't want you here!" Casey growls angrily as he feels his heart rate starting to elevate. _Get a handle on this…_his mind reminds him, _you want to go back to work…now FOCUS!_

"Right…focus," Casey commands himself as he takes off his towel and reaches for a pair of boxers; his mind racing as he remembers something from the past and hears Ben whispering things he wants to forget. Gritting his teeth, Casey quickly dresses and the heads back downstairs to get some coffee and a small bite to eat before he goes.

Just as he pushes the start button on the coffee maker, the phone rings and Casey quickly picks it up. But as soon as he hears the voice on the other end he feels a small pang of guilt starting to consume him.

"Chief, I'm sorry about the other day whe…" Casey rushes in haste.

_"I just called to see how you are," Boden gently interjects._

"Oh. Uh…I'm okay. Went to see Dr. Travers yesterday. Did you know that?"

_"No. I called Roger to meet Kelly at the lake because I knew he could help. I'm glad you saw someone Matt. I just called to tell you to take your time coming back."_

"Sir…about coming back."

_"You need more time? Because when you left you said you were going to take a few days and then be back when you got some help. That's all I heard. Am I right?"_

"I want to come back Chief…I do. I know that…well a panic attack can be deadly and I won't take that chance. But I can't do nothing either."

_"What's the plan for today?"_

"Another session and then…you had me deemed not fit for duty?"

_"You needed help Matt and I wasn't sure what else to do. But now it sounds like you're getting help and that's good. Take the day…have the session…take the weekend and then see what happens Monday."_

"Okay."

Casey hangs up with an inner sense of relief and heads for the coffee maker; his mind now telling himself that he would drop by and see Dr. Stevens tomorrow; knowing today after the session, he'd probably be wiped out just like yesterday.

XXXXXXXX

"I'm nervous but not as much as yesterday," Casey admits as he and Severide head to Dr. Travers office in the downtown area.

"Just play it by ear right? Afterwards maybe we'll go for the beer? Maybe…we just go and throw rocks in the water."

"I suck at skipping stones."

"So in other words no friendly wagers?" Severide teases as he brings his car to a stop in the parking lot.

"I'll buy dinner but that's it," Casey retorts lightly as they both head toward the front door. But as soon as he enters the professional building, Casey's fists tighten in his jacket pockets and his heart rate starts to increase. _He only wants to talk about the panic attacks…focus…get this done. Focus!_

"Focus," Casey whispers, drawing a small glance from Severide in the elevator. "I need to focus."

"Got it," Severide mutters with a small nod as the elevator finally stops and they both get out, slowly heading toward the door to Dr. Travers office. "Marc…reminds me of someone but I can't place it."

"The guy from TV."

"What show?"

"One of those cop shows," Casey quips as Severide smirks. "What?

"There are a million cop shows out there. You know they need a show about fire fighters…maybe from Chicago," Severide suggests somewhat tongue-in-cheek. "What? Toss in some drama and I think it could be a hit. Right…focus."

"Focus," Casey replies dryly as they finally enter Marc's office. "Morning Dr. Travers."

"Morning Matt," Marc greets with a friendly handshake. "Kelly," he extends his hand and gives them both a firm shake. Severide heads toward a waiting chair and slinks down, watching Casey with a concerned expression as he and Marc disappear into the office and the door is closed.

"How'd you sleep last night?" Marc inquires after they make small talk about the weather for a few minutes.

"It was um…it's hard to sleep in my bed because…well the attack happened there. I slept downstairs and it was…I had a few nightmares but it was okay I guess. Is it wrong if I want to move? I try telling myself he didn't win but each time I look at my bed…or closet or…even in the room…I see him winning," Casey nervously rattles in haste.

"I know you want me to tell you what to do but ultimately the choice here is yours. I certainly agree with you that no matter what…that act will always be associated with an object. If you get rid of the bed…you say he was in the closet…so really it's the room itself right?"

"If I move then he can't come with me right?"

Marc looks at Casey and sees the fear and torment in his blue eyes and finds himself nodding out of sheer compassion.

"I just don't want to be a coward."

"You taking control of your life and your future isn't being a coward. Sometimes a fresh start is just what the doctor ordered."

"Did you do that?" Casey inquires.

"I did and it did help. A lot."

"Okay," Casey replies with a small smile as he feels the giant knot in his stomach slowly start to ease up a little. They talk a bit more about Casey's feelings about Ben being in his home…what things Casey most strongly associated with the attack itself and what other objects he would now view with disdain and would always hold painful reminders.

"So tell me about your last panic attack on the job. I've given you a few tools to help you deal with things at home but on the job…that's a whole other situation because not only is your life at stake, but possibly Kelly's…your team's…and innocent people you are trying to save. Freezing during a rescue or when the flames are high can only cause you great harm."

"But I can never predict them," Casey moans. "I try to tell myself I'm okay but…but I hear his voice and…it's like I can't get him to go away…to leave. He said I brought him with me…maybe I did," Casey looks away in misery.

"I think I know how to confront this head on," Marc suggests as he suddenly stands up and gets his coat; Casey watching in wonder. "You up for a little field trip."

"Uh what? Where to?"

"Trust me Matt. I have an idea that I think will help."

"Sure but…where to?"

"Come with me," Marc pulls the door open; Severide quickly standing up and looking at first Marc and then Casey in surprise.

"Everything okay?" Severide asks in haste.

"Field trip. Want to join us?"

"Is it…okay?" He looks over at Casey who offers a small nod in haste.

"Matt says it's okay so it's okay," Marc replies with a smile. "I'll drive."

The three of them head down to the underground parking lot and hop into Marc's dark green range rover and head back outside into the city, Marc keeping the conversation light but not letting on to Casey what the plan was nor that he had already spoken with Boden who had texted Severide about a way to get Casey ready to get back on the job.

Finally they arrive at their destination and Casey can only utter an angry curse as he looks at Marc with a frustrated glare. Marc stops his vehicle a few feet from where Ben's car had been parked outside the defunct firehouse and stops.

"What are…why am I back here?" Casey asks angrily; his brain racing to remind him to keep his anger in check.

"Because, Ben died here. We need to leave Ben here and the only way to do that is for you to confront him and tell him he's no longer allowed to come with you. For some…talking is enough but in your line of work you need to be able to work around this type of situation and win. Let me help you."

Casey looks at the burnt out firehouse and feels his stomach churning, his mind praying he can hold it together long enough to keep his dignity intact. He feels Kelly's eyes upon him from the back seat and now fears he'll appear weak in his friend's eyes.

"No one here is judging you Matt, we're only here to help," Marc reminds him in a kind tone. "I am not going to make you walk me through the details of the kidnapping and assault because we already did that. I know what happened and you know what happened and Kelly knows. We know. I want you to be able to get to the root cause of the panic attacks and I think they start here. Let's go beat him together."

"Is Kelly coming?"

"Only if you want him to."

"If you want me to stay here I will," Severide quickly pipes up.

"It's uh…it's okay…I think…if he comes," Casey frowns as he looks back outside.

"Let's all go for a walk and see what happens," Marc suggests as he slowly gets out.

"Kelly…" Casey whispers with a heavy sigh.

"You can do this," Severide tells him in a kind but firm tone. "Let's go kick Ben's ass."

"Okay," Casey agrees as he slowly gets out and takes a deep breath, his mind already starting to race and his heart beating painfully in his chest. As he takes a few steps his mind offers a vision of Ben's car pulling up and the trunk being opened; his breathing instantly quickens.

"What do you see Matt?"

"The um…Ben's car."

"Okay Matt I'm going to teach you 'mindfulness'. It's a mental technique used to ground you in the present moment and help you get the mastery over what's not there. For a few seconds remind yourself where you are."

"At the old burn house."

"What time of the day is it?"

"It's um…morning…mid morning," he lightly gasps as he tries to focus his mind on a clock instead of Ben's evil grin.

"Remember who you're with. You're with me and Kelly and its…well its partly cloudy. Only my ranger rover is in the parking lot. Take a deep breath and picture the scene. No one else is around. Ben does not exist. Close your eyes for a few seconds but it's best if you look at what's in front and focus on what's here. Friends…two friends…two friends who are with you – going for a walk."

"A walk…with…friends…" Casey's lips utter as he takes another deep breath and finally forces his watery gaze to look past the image as it fades and focus on the building before him. "He's gone," he whispers with a small note of triumph.

"Very good. Remember that the next time his face wants to pop up and take control. Where are you? What time of the day is it? Who are you with? And what are you doing? Remind yourself of the present moment. Smells…sounds…tastes…whatever. Ben's dead. He's not watching…he's not planning…he's dead and gone. You're in control. Who's in control?"

"I am."

"Excellent. Let's go."

Severide follows a few feet behind, worried at first about Marc's pushing Casey but then hearing the kind but firm tone and seeing Casey's positive response, feels his own heart settle and tells himself this man, much like himself, only has Casey's best interests at heart and wants to see him succeed.

They near the entrance to the burn house and Casey looks up at the window and feels his entire frame shudder. "The window…I could have jumped."

"I know it's so easy to dwell on what we should have done; could have done; might have done. But that's moot. You can't and I doubt you'd want to go back and relieve that pain physically; so don't mentally. It's over. Let's move forward. Let's confront that evil entity and send him back where he belongs."

Casey merely nods as he takes a step up into the cool building, hovering in place a few seconds and allowing his eyes to adjust to the dimly lit surroundings before him.

"How you doing so far?"

"Fine," Casey mutters as he slowly heads for the stairs to go up…taking one timid step after another until he reaches the second floor landing and comes to a dead halt. But it's not long before his mind instantly flashes him back to that horrible night; Marc and Kelly gone, just him and Ben – his struggling frame tied to the posts and his captor uttering evil taunts. His heart rate instantly skyrockets and his breathing starts to shallow, his lungs starting to gasp and his head trying to clear the image away.

_"Matt…" _he hears Marc's voice in a faraway tone. _"Focus…"_

_'Hello Matthew…just the two of us now. Just you and me…as it was meant to be. No one will disturb us. You have such a perfect body. You need to be treated…'_

"NO!" Casey growls as he rapidly blinks away angry tears, his hands brushing his face in haste as he glares back at the place he sees his captive frame trying to pull away in vain.

_"Matt…remember…mindfulness…"_

"Mindfulness…" he whispers. "Where am I…" he stammers as his core enflames as he watches Ben move in closer to his struggling frame. "Burn house…it's empty…I'm okay…"

_'You are okay Matthew…you're fine, perfect in fact. Your naked body is all mine and…'_

He watches Ben move in closer…his lips unable to call for help…his bound wrists unable to stop Ben's attack…he kicks…Ben kicks back…he moves his head…Ben counters…he…

"No…" Casey whispers as he feels his knees wanting to buckle.

"He has to do this on his own…" Marc whispers as he holds Severide back from wanting to rush in and help. "There will be other times to catch him but right now he needs to do this…if he doesn't…Ben will always win."

_'So perfect. Your body is designed to be treated roughly. Let me show you how.'_

"No…" Casey whispers again as he feels bile enter his throat and small dark circles start to form; his body already shaking; Severide helpless to do anything but tighten his jaw and watch.

_"Matt…remember…who's really here? What time is it…? Ground yourself in reality. Where are you?" Marc guides him._

"Daytime…it's daytime…" Casey's mind instantly snaps back. _Who's here…_his brain urges. "Ben's dead…I'm with…" Casey pauses to take in a deep breath. "I'm with Kelly and Marc and Ben…he's dead…Ben's dead," Casey utters as he takes a step forward. "BEN'S DEAD!" Casey shouts into the empty stillness before him; the area now devoid of anything used that night, only charred walls remaining. He's alone. Safe. Unharmed. In control.

_"Remember Matt…you're in control…not him."_

Marc's voice starts to resonate through Casey's muddled mind and soon his mind flashes away from Ben's attack to Severide's hand on his shoulder…freeing him…fighting for him…fighting with him…helping him fight Ben…helping him escape…helping him win. Always at his side. Never giving up.

_'Kelly will always pity you…always think you're weak. You're alone.'_

"No…not alone…Kelly's here…" Casey whispers; not realizing that at Marc's direction both Severide and Marc had pulled back, forcing Casey to stand on his own and confront Ben on his own as he would have to. "I'm not alone."

_"You're in control. If you don't want Ben to come with you…leave him here. He died here. Watch him die. Let him go."_

Casey's eyes dare to lift once more…his mind showing the fight…his senses picking up the fire…panic…sense of urgency. He watches himself fighting against Ben but tiring…but then he sees Severide pulling him back…helping him fight…despite being hit not giving up…helping him win…they win…Ben dies…he watches him catch fire…he watches him fall…he looks and he's gone…it's over. Really over. Finally over. _I've won._

_"Let him go," Marc directs._

"Ben's…dead…" Casey's voice wavers. "He's dead and not coming back."

_'No…I'll always be with you Matthew,' Ben's angry voice snarls._

"No…you're dead," Casey utters with a bit more conviction. "You're dead and staying here!"

_'No…you can't get rid of me. I own you. You're mine…'_

"No…I'm in control."

_"Who's in control?" Marc's voice urges once more._

"I'm on control. You're dead," Casey glares at Ben's image that morphs into the charred one; fire all around him. "You're dead…I watched you die. You can't hurt me. I'm free," he manages in a soft tone.

_'You'll never be free!' Ben hisses in anger._

"I am free."

_"Now…make him believe it Matt."_

"I'm free," Casey tries in a louder tone, Ben's image glaring back at him with a smug tone.

_"Send him back to hell," Marc lightly demands._

"I AM FREE!" Casey shouts as his eyes flood with tears; Severide watching from a discreet distance with his own aching heart. "I'm free. You're dead…dead. I'm free. I'm leaving here and you're not coming with me. EVER! YOU'RE DEAD! I'M FREE!"

Ben's image finally starts to fade…Casey holding his ground, chanting over and over that Ben is dead and he's free.

"I've won," Casey whispers before his body starts to collapse; Marc finally letting Severide rush in to catch Casey just as Ben's image fades for good; the voices finally silenced.

"Matt!" Severide exclaims as he rushes in and cradles Casey's trembling frame as he slowly lowers him to the ground, Marc kneeling beside them. "What…doc what happened…" Severide starts as Casey's watery blue eyes flutter open and look up in relief.

"He's won," Marc states with a warm smile. "He's free. It'll get easier from here on in. Isn't that right Matt?"

Casey rewards Marc with a brief nod, feeling inner elation he could not describe but knowing that he had just won the war – he'd be walking out on his own and Ben would remain behind – for good and that no matter battle he would now face, he would face head on and come out the victor. The future was back in his hands. Would he now walk out and be able to leave Ben behind for good?

* * *

**A/N:** Okay again am always nervous when it comes to the therapy stuff b/c I know there are so many treatments and stuff available out there in real life (and it takes more than one session) but I wanted to show one way that would help Casey ground himself especially on the job and hope that it was okay. But what else does Severide do to help Casey get himself feeling confident to come back to the job? Who else will help? And will Casey go back to thank Dr. Stevens for all this? Not sure how many more chaps to come so hope you are all still liking it and please do let me know how this session went and thanks so much!


	20. A Determined Plan of Action

**Title: Hidden Agenda  
****Chapter 20 – A Determined Plan of Action**

* * *

To say he was both physically and mentally exhausted was an understatement; but as Casey feels Severide's strong arms supporting him back to Marc's waiting vehicle, his heart was reminding him of the fact that he had won – Ben wasn't coming with him. That was the whole point of the outing and it had proved successful. Marc was quick to point out that, although today was a victory, it didn't mean that Ben would never, ever, again appear in Casey's subconscious. What it meant was, he would be able to tell himself Ben died in the defunct burn house and hopefully believe it so that the haunting nightmares and taunting voices would start to lessen.

Just before leaving his office, Marc gives Casey an outline for a few more sessions, wanting to keep in contact awhile longer to make sure that Casey didn't relapse and hinder all the amazing progress he had made and Casey surprisingly more than willing to keep in contact with Marc until he felt where he wanted to be. It was a new friendship in the making.

Feeling like he was about to move in to Casey's home, Severide is somewhat relieved when Shay tells him she's staying over a friends house and the apartment was his if he so wanted.

"Come on now…we'll just rest," Severide kindly mentions as he helps Casey into the elevator of his apartment; Casey not putting up much of a verbal protest. After the outing and verbally sending Ben back to his invisible hell, his body was ready to shut down; his mind mildly elated, however, over the fact that the method used by Dr. Travers actually was somewhat successful.

"I won," Casey whispers again as his body tries to remain upright in Severide's strong grasp; feeling almost guilty about putting his friend through so much and not even doing much to return the favor. "Tonight…"

"No way…we're staying in. We'll go out and party tomorrow," Severide insists as Casey looks at him with a small frown.

"I was going to say…tonight I'm buying whatever dinner we order in," he replies in truth as Severide nods in agreement. "Kelly, you've done so much."

"You'd do the same for me right?"

"I would," Casey agrees in truth as they finally make it to the top of the stairs; Severide helping Casey into Shay's bedroom and then easing him down on the bed; Severide sitting down beside him.

"Wanna talk about anything?" Severide gently inquires as Casey rolls onto his back and looks up with a small uncertain expression. "What? Matt you know I won't think less."

"Today…when I was in there…I saw myself and I saw…I could have fought harder and…"

"No!" Severide interjects in haste. "Dr. Travers said you can't do this right? Sit here and dwell on the what if's, that's what keeps Ben around."

"Kinda hard not to. I saw the window and I saw myself being spared."

"He would have just come after you no matter what. If you jumped and broken an ankle or whatever you think he would have taken pity on you?"

"It would have been something!"

"Fine, you're a coward!"

"What?" Casey lightly hisses as he looks up in shock.

"That's what you think you want me to say right? Can you tell I'm lying?" Severide challenges as Casey nods in affirmation. "Good because I am. You…when I got there I saw you…you were fighting him okay? Maybe not as well as you wanted but you never gave up."

"I kept fighting back and Ben knew that."

"Yeah but he's dead remember? Remember that stuff Dr. Travers told you about where you are and all that. You gotta practice that because there will come times when I can't be there with you to pull you back and I don't want to know that the next rescue I have to do is you because you couldn't handle where you were when the fire was raging."

"I know…" Casey groans as he rubs his face and then allows his arms to fold over his chest. "I have to….damn I know."

"Worry about it later, you look tired."

"Didn't sleep well last night. Marc said it would be okay to move," Casey mentions seriously. "I want to move. I have too many bad memories associated with that place."

"Okay, but after you sleep."

Casey nods as he reaches for the blanket that Severide offers and feels himself literally sink into darkness as soon as Severide pulls down the shades and closes the door; heading downstairs to text Chief Boden and Dr. Stevens; a status update to Boden and another question of what's next to Dr. Stevens.

_'I'm so happy Matt's making such good progress. I thought Marc would be able to help him. Rose and I would really like it if you two dropped by sometime. You're a good friend Kelly. Just keep supporting him and helping Matt see he's not lost anything and he'll be back where he belongs before you both know it. Keep me posted.'_

Severide shoves his phone back into his pocket and then heads into the living room, slumping down on the couch and reaching for the last brochure on PTSD that he hadn't read yet; hoping and praying that what he has in mind for getting Casey back into working condition would actually work. _It has to…_his mind ponders. _I can't let Matt just leave. Can't…won't._

"Ahhhhh!" Casey half shouts as he awakens in a cold sweat about an hour later, his body thrashing under the covers as he is pulled from a nightmare that ends with his death. He rubs his face as his brain tries to get his heart rate to slow; his eyes lifting to see Severide appear in the doorway with a concerned expression. "Nightmare…" Casey huffs as he slumps back into the bed, his eyes watching Severide lean against the doorframe. "I know I watched Ben fade but…"

"Marc said not to rush anything right?"

"No…" Casey agrees as he rolls onto his side and offers a heavy frown and absent stare out the window, looking at the darkness that looks back at him.

"And of course today was…"

"Hell…but not as bad as yesterday," Casey admits in truth as he looks back up at Severide as Severide finally leaves his place at the doorway and sits down on the edge of the bed. "I saw myself jump out the window and Ben was there…" his voice fades out as he looks away.

"And what?"

"And you showed up and…he shot you. I watched…so uh…what's the plan for tonight?" Casey looks up with a small tormented glance. "I just…" Casey sighs as he looks away with a heavy frown. "Sometimes I don't feel like…I know I should have called the police or jumped or…I know Ben is dead and I'm glad but…"

"But you feel like you don't deserve something good?"

"I know Dr. Travers said that was wrong but…but I sometimes can't let that go."

"Well then why not start by giving Ben the finger and joining me for a beer. Something low key. We'll head down to Flanigans for a change of pace. Watch the game…have a few beers. I think we both need it."

Wanting to protest due to mental fatigue, Casey's mind decides that he could actually use the outing and nods in agreement. "Yeah…could go for that."

"Okay," Severide agrees with his own nod; Casey pushing himself out of bed and wanting to toss some cold water on his face before he pulls on a fresh sweater and heads downstairs. The two of them get into Severide's car and head into the city; talking a bit more about the day but Severide careful not to bring up too many painful memories for Casey and ruin the evening before it's even started.

They pick a small booth where they could both watch the game on the big screen TV, it being the third member of their outing and providing a needed distraction and some great opportunities for light and friendly banter. By the time they were leaving Casey's mind was relaxed and relieved; his body tired but his mind knowing that with the evening ending on such an upbeat note his sleep shouldn't be as disturbed as the night before.

"I am not tucking you in," Severide warns as Casey offers another hearty yawn as they enter the quiet loft apartment.

"Needed this tonight, thanks," Casey admits as they head for the staircase to go up to the bedrooms.

"Glad to hear it," Severide pats Casey on the back as they reach the top of the stairs. "So no false guilt?"

"Actually…no. I'm tired and just…tired," Casey softly smirks. "But I don't feel guilty."

"Well rest up…busy day ahead tomorrow."

"What?" Casey asks in shock as they pause outside his bedroom door. "Busy? Kelly, I thought…"

"Gotta whip you back into shape for Monday. You are a fire fighter right?" Severide lightly teases.

"I am," Casey replies in a firm but quiet tone; his mind wanting to hesitate but thanks to Boden's words from earlier he was able to tell himself that his rash actions were already forgotten and his job was waiting for him to come back to.

"Alright then. Goodnight."

"Night," Casey whispers, garnering a nod from Severide before he disappears into Shay's bedroom and changes for bed; the darkness whisking him away into its realm as soon as his head hits the pillow. And as he had hoped; thanks to fatigue and some happy events to close out the night, his sleep wasn't as tormented as he had feared.

XXXXXXXX

Casey awakens early the next morning with a hint of agitation in his stomach, but his mind thankful that he was actually able to get through most of the night with only a few manageable nightmares. He looks over at the clock and frowns before rolling onto his stomach and closing his eyes once more. His mind drifts back to his heated words to Boden and a small pang of guilt instantly pings in his brain. But as he recalls his conversation with Boden yesterday and how Boden didn't even mention his words spoken in haste, he takes comfort in the fact that he could return to the Firehouse without his superior's wrath. He couldn't even fault Boden for basically forcing him to get therapy as he knows if it had been someone else on his team he would have insisted the same thing.

But going to the defunct burn house and battling Ben's memory with only himself to hurt was one thing but going into a real fire with other's lives on the line besides his own would be something else entirely. And as he ponders the scary thought of getting an innocent person or one of his men burned or even worse – killed, his anxiety surges and he wonders if maybe he shouldn't take some extra time off.

He hears Severide moving about and tells himself to get up and try not to take too much more advantage of Severide's kind hospitality. _I owe him more than a mere verbal thank you, _Casey's mind ponders as his body offer's a weary stretch and he pushes himself out of bed and heads downstairs; his nose picking up the fresh aroma of coffee just as he enters.

"Hey…you musta slept better…I didn't hear you much last night," Severide mentions as Casey eases himself down into one of the barstool chairs; Severide on the other side of the island pushing him a freshly poured cup of coffee.

"For the most part," Casey nods as he looks over at the clock and then back to see Severide watching in concern.

"What?"

"I was…thinking of maybe taking a few more days…" Casey's voice trails off as he takes a sip of the strong coffee.

"Matt you're just nervous…"

"About having a panic attack and possibly killing myself or one of the team…or you?" He concludes with a soft frown. "I can't do that. I just don't know if…I'm still not sure I can beat it back as much as Marc thinks I can."

"I remember something my dad told me about one of his buddie's back in the day coming off a death and how he used a code word that…"

"I don't need…"

"It's something that only you and I will know and…"

"And when we're called to a call and you're not? Kelly I don't expect you to babysit me when…when I can't handle this myself," Casey huffs as he takes his cup of steaming coffee and heads for the window, looking out into the grey morning with a small frown. "I need to be able to do this on my own…out there in the field."

"You'll get there okay?"

"Boden won't put me back on…hell I don't even know if Dr. Travers okayed me for work on Monday."

"You just need to get back…"

"And I can't if I'm not allowed!" Casey hisses before he sighs heavily; Severide giving him a small pat on the back before he heads back into the kitchen.

"Enjoy the coffee…have the best omelet in the world and then we'll head down to the house and we'll see what happens."

"Kelly…"

"Trust me okay? This can only help."

Casey looks at his friend and wants to say no but inside knows that more than anything he wants to get back to work…to be busy and feel useful and part of a team again – alongside Severide, his would-be brother and prove to Ben's memory that he wasn't able to chase him away from the people and job he loves so much.

"Okay," Casey nods as he settles back onto the stool after offering to help and being told no.

XXXXXXXX

It was a path he knew blind but as soon as they near Firehouse 51, Casey's anxiety starts to skyrocket. _Just remember what you and Kelly have worked out…_his brain reminds him. As much as he had at first protested the idea of a code word for just the two of them; Severide was able to convince him that no one else would know but the two of them, it would be something that Boden would know so that he wouldn't think they were being distracted on the job.

Severide glances over and notices Casey's right hand tightly flexed around the door handle and offers a small frown but leaves it alone as he pulls into a spot beside the door and stops. "Let's go," he mentions in a lower tone as he gets out; Casey lingering a few seconds but knowing that he has to face his demons sooner rather than later and so practicing in a working Firehouse with some nominal distractions was the way to go.

Casey watches Boden walking toward them and then looks over at Severide who merely offers a reassuring nod as they continue.

"Chief I…"

"I spoke with both Dr. Travers and Dr. Stevens and neither want to hold you back so you're back on duty…but only if you feel you can go on a call and not put yourself or your team in danger. At the end of the day everyone comes home."

"I want that Chief I do. I don't want to sit home and do nothing."

"Alright. Let's do some drills. Kelly's idea."

Casey looks at the Chief and then over at Severide in surprise. "Drills?"

"Yeah truck drills," Severide grins. "You do remember them right? Okay so then let's do this!" Severide mentions with some enthusiasm as he heads for their gear.

Trying to force his anxiety to subside, Casey hurries after him, heading for his own gear, Boden taking the controls of the burn house; wanting to do everything he can to ensure his Truck Lieutenant was back to where he knows he belongs – at Severide's side and leader of his team, keeping the city safe.

_Deep breath…where am I?...who am I with?...what am I doing?..._Casey's mind swirls with mental reminders of the coping technique that Dr. Travers taught him – mindfulness. He reaches for his mask and instantly feels his core enflame and heart rate increase.

_"Okay I'm gonna start out easy and then toss in a few surprises. Just keep advancing," Boden's voice talks to them. "I'll leave both entrances open so you'll only have to worry about venting on one floor at a time."_

But just before either of them can make a move another voice is heard behind them; stopping them all in their tracks and forcing them all to turn and see another member of Casey's team approach.

"You workin' on some overtime pay?" Hermann asks with a small smile as he nears the entrance to the burn house.

"Something like that," Casey replies with a nervous tone as he looks over at Severide with a heavy furrowed brow.

_"Hermann…"_

"Chief…I picked up a shift today," Hermann replies in truth as he looks at Casey in concern. "But not doing anything right now so if you need another hand…you know with whatever…"

"Hermann…" Casey starts in a low tone as he looks down for a few seconds in anxiety.

"Hey," Hermann's voice makes Casey look up in wonder. "Ben was an ass and whatever he did I'm guessing was pretty bad and I don't need the details and won't ask. But you're my friend and my leader here. You need to do this to get you back with us then I'm here with you. Kelly's not the only one that has your back. No questions asked."

Casey looks at Hermann's sincere expression and actually feels his anxiety settle. He knows his actions as of late hadn't been lost on his team and inside was hoping and praying they'd all just leave him alone. But Hermann's kind, fatherly tone, forces his mind to realize that not everyone around has a hidden agenda and some just wanted to help him because they actually cared – no questions asked.

"Happy to have you," Casey assures Hermann; Severide giving the older man a verbal smile of approval.

_"Okay…Truck 81, you ready?" Boden inquires._

"Copy," Casey replies as he looks over at Hermann and then Severide who nods and pulls his face shield on also; his confidence starting to grow.

_"Proceed."_

A flash of fire comes up ahead of them; Severide acting as Casey's hoseman while Hermann as his right hand both waiting on his go. _Fire's to the right…vent the left window…open the window. _

"Severide I'm going to open the windows. Hermann take the first one on the left and I'll take the second. Check for ceiling vents after you open the window."

_"Copy," Hermann replies as he gets to work._

_"Copy," Severide agrees as he watches with a small, proud smile. A few seconds later the window is open and he turns the hose on the fire._

"Fire's out Chief. Moving on to the second floor."

_"Good work," Boden's voice is heard over the headset, Casey's mind taking some comfort in his superior's comforting words but knowing that the hardest part isn't over yet. _

Casey slowly heads for the stairs to go up, his heart rate starting to beat loudly in his ears and his mind races to get him regrounded in the moment. _Where am I?...Firehouse 51…who am I with?...Kelly…Kelly's here and so's Hermann. Where…._

But as soon as Casey reaches the second floor, the fire is already going and his eyes start to see Ben's charred figure walking toward him.

_'Hello Matthew, welcome home.'_

"Damn…" Casey whispers angrily as Severide stops in his tracks. But it takes only mere seconds for him to act and put into play their prearranged plan to keep Casey in the moment.

_"Damn place reminds me of...Oscar's garbage can."_

And that was it…Oscar as in Oscar the Grouch from Sesame Street; the one word that would seem maybe odd or out of place for the rest of the teams but something that would try to get Casey's mind to refocus on the task at hand. It had come from a discussion about childhood memories and how both of them had been called Oscar the Grouch by their mothers for something they did. Both laughed but that became the pet word for reminding them of what they were doing. It stuck. It would work.

_Oscar! Where am I? Firehouse…fire…put out the fire…breathe…focus…get the job done…_

"Hermann…I want you to take those windows. I'll check the door. Severide move to…"

_"Copy," both reply at once as they hurry and get to their assigned activities taken care of and the fire is out put sooner than even Boden expected. _

Casey feels his heart rate starting to settle as he watches the two men go about their assigned tasks as they were trained; Hermann not asking about the Oscar comment and his mind thankful that he didn't have to explain what it actually meant or that it helped him carry on – his swift actions proved that.

He watches Severide walking up to him and he nods; Severide's hand patting him on the back seconds before Hermann turns around and heads for them.

"Let's keep going," Casey tells them in a firm tone; Boden on the other end of the headset, offering them all a smile of unseen approval. Casey had just earned his way back. One more drill is all Hermann is afforded before the buzzer is sounded and he takes his leave; promising Casey he'd see him first thing Monday morning.

"Know I'll sleep well tonight," Casey lightly pants after they had just put out the fire on the third floor and now were lingering by the open window looking down into the quiet area below; the Firehouse still devoid of life as the trucks were out on a call.

"I didn't know Hermann was going to be here Matt," Severide quickly qualifies, as he looks sideways at Casey.

"I know," Casey nods as he looks sideways at his friend and then back outside. "I'm thankful for the support. That was something Ben could never take away from this house like he did in Detroit and I know that pissed him off. I still want to move."

"I get it. After a good day at work or even a bad day you come home to…"

"To a room that reminds me of how my life was destroyed. It'll always be there Kelly…no matter what. I can't change that. I can leave Ben back at the old Firehouse and I but I can't take him away from home…"

"And here?" Severide dares to press.

"Here was just taunts and threats…here you…the Chief…the team…they had my back and beat him but at home…home it's just me," Casey's voice dies out; Boden listening on the other end with a sad expression. "I have to move."

"And you will," Severide agrees with a firm nod. "But right now we gotta…"

"No way," Casey interjects in haste. "I'm done."

"What? It's only been a few hours," Severide lightly snickers.

"A few hours? Really?"

"Yeah it's almost dinner time," Severide pulls up the sleeve on his heavy jacket and shows Casey the face of his watch. "Hungry?"

"Enough to eat a horse," Casey chuckles as they pull away from the windows and head toward the stairs to go down.

"You know I know a place that serves horse."

"Okay maybe I'm not _that_ hungry," Casey deadpans as they exit the burn house and both watch Chief Boden walking toward them.

"You earned that horse," Boden gently smiles as he extends his hand.

"Thanks Chief," Casey takes his hand, both of them clasping a few seconds before Boden pulls him in for a brief, fatherly hug and then pulls back and smiles warmly.

"See you both Monday."

"Thanks Chief," Severide adds as they both head toward the back door to get out of their gear and then head back to Severide's car. The two of them make casual talk as they head away from the Firehouse, the mood upbeat and light and Casey's mind uplifted. Despite the dull ache in his back from pushing himself a bit harder than usual, he had taken comfort in the fact that with Severide and Hermann and the Chief – all of them in his corner, they would never just leave him to his own devices as Ben said they would. He wasn't alone as Ben had warned he'd be. And he certainly wasn't as broken as Ben claimed he was. He was back on the road to recovery with not only a determined plan but one that had already proven in a few short hours to be effective.

_I win Ben…I really do win and you lose, _his mind offers his own taunt as Severide stops his car in front of a new restaurant and Casey looks at him in wonder with a small frown.

"I know the cook," Severide mentions casually as they head inside and then are shown to a small booth.

Casey picks up the menu and then looks at Severide with semi-arched brows and chuckles. "Seriously? Horse?"

"You said that right?" Severide counters with a wide grin as a man with a white apron nears their table.

"Kelly Severide!"

"Tyson Beck!"

Severide stands up and gives his friend a warm embrace and then settles back down across from Casey. "Matt Casey…Tyson Beck."

"Hey how are ya?" Tyson extends his hand and shakes Casey's firmly. "Any friend of Kelly's is welcome here. So…what's the occasion?"

"Matt here wants to try some horse."

"I do not," Casey argues back with a small groan.

"Tastes like chicken," Severide shrugs as he looks up to see Tyson shaking his head 'no'. "Thanks Ty."

"It's actually tofu."

"Why did you tell him that?"

"Because he looks like he's about to get up and run away."

"I was," Casey deadpans as Severide just purses his lips with an unamused expression.

"I'll give you two a few more minutes," Tyson smirks as he slowly walks away and disappears into the kitchen.

"Tofu?" Casey challenges.

"Spoiled sport," Severide shoots back.

"What's the story with Tyson? How'd he lose his leg?"

"Noticed that huh. He was on the job…like us just one day…and he…" Severide's voice trails off as he tells the story of the ill-fated fire fighter who's leg got crushed while he tried to save a mother and her child; the mother and child escaping relatively unscathed but Tyson's life forever altered. But he was able to get a prosthetic limb, get back to his life and carry on.

"Survivors all around us," Casey mentions in a quiet tone as he takes a sip of his beer and looks up to see Severide watching him intently. "Sounds like a great guy."

"He is," Severide nods. "And am sure he'd think the same of you," he tells him matter-of-factly; a few seconds before the waiter comes back to take their order. "Oh and a side order of the fried horsefu for my friend here," Severide teases as Casey merely offers him a small head shake before finally giving in and agreeing to try the fried tofu.

"You know some places actually do serve real horse meat."

"Isn't that illegal?"

"Should be," Severide replies. The two of them settle in for an evening of great food and great company, Tyson coming out a few more times just to catch up a bit more and see how the food was that he had cooked for them. Finally they head back into Severide's car; Casey's body teasing the edge between awake and asleep almost within minutes of the car starting up.

"Seriously you fall asleep in here you're getting a fireman's carry."

"What not a cradle carry?" Casey teases back.

"Hardly," Severide smirks as he opens the door to his quiet loft apartment and both enter.

"I needed today," Casey admits humbly as they slowly head for the stairs. "I know I wanted to stay away longer but I know it would have been what Ben wanted…me at home dwelling on what if…"

"Can't do it Matt."

"I know," Casey agrees as they reach the top of the stairs and linger for a few seconds. "Thank you…for all of this. Really Kelly…I almost feel thank you isn't enough."

"You've always had my back Matt…and if I can't have yours when it really counts then I'm not much of a friend right? 'sides I know you'd do it for me."

"I would."

The two of them offer each other a quiet goodnight before disappearing into their respective bedrooms, Casey's body unable to get dressed in something to sleep in fast enough; his mind whisking him away into the dark realm of sleep seconds after his head hits the pillow.

XXXXXXXX

The next morning Severide slowly opens his eyes and looks out the window with a small smile at the rays of sunshine peaking through the clouds; a small glimpse of a promising day ahead. He totally agreed with Casey about wanting a new place to live and had promised him he'd help in whatever way he could, but being honest about Shay being the one he let find their place to live.

He pushes himself out of bed and opens the door, expecting to see Casey's still closed. But when he finds it open, his brow furrows as he heads toward it, wondering if perhaps he had just left the door open and was still asleep – the apartment too quiet for him to be up and moving about.

"Matt? What?" Severide mumbles as he eyes the already made up bed and then turns and heads downstairs. As he nears the bottom the silence gets thicker and he can't help but wonder what's going on. But a few seconds later he spies a note on the table and heads toward it, plucking it with his fingers and reading the words left by Casey.

_'Kelly, I went for a run and then to see a friend. I just needed to do this on my own. See you for brunch. Matt.'_

"A friend? Who?"

* * *

**A/N: **Hey everyone so yes we are heading toward the ending here and hope you are all still with me as we wind down (sorry not much perilous action but hey I have to wrap things up nicely right? Hehe) hope you liked Severide's plan and Hermann being on board right away. so where did Casey go? And how will his first Monday back actually go for him and Severide? As always would love your thoughts before you go and thanks so much!


	21. Taking Back the Future

**Title: Hidden Agenda  
****Chapter 21 – Taking Back the Future**

* * *

It felt good to run; felt like he hadn't done it in weeks. His heart racing, body reverberating with the pavement but mind clearing with each second that his feet hit the ground – destination sort of known. When he started out he had a plan…a plan to visit a friend but the plan changed the more his mind cleared.

Ben's dead…Oscar is my codeword…find a new place…Hermann suspects…back to work Monday. His mind would repeat over and over; thoughts at first clouded but clearing as each was pondered and then resolved.

He at first had wanted to hide away, reasoning that he could do the team more harm than good by showing up Monday when he wasn't sure he could beat Ben away on his terms. The code word would stand and Boden had promised him that on calls where Severide's team wasn't needed, he'd pick up the slack and keep Casey and his team safe if Ben was to show himself in the fire.

The next issue was where to live. The more he thought about it, the more he convinced himself that not only did he need a change of scenery but he wanted it; a new home where he could leave behind all the bad memories and start fresh. In fact he had even started to think about areas that he would consider looking at next weekend.

And then of course Severide's surgery. He knows that Kelly had put off talking about it with him, but the few hints that he had dropped, he hoped that his friend knew that he would be there at his side throughout the whole procedure and the weeks that followed until both were where they had been a few months earlier – minus the injury. And that was something both were looking forward too.

His initial plan was to go for a run and then go see Dr. Stevens and thank the older man for all he's done in aiding in his recovery. But as his mind ponders Dr. Stevens reasons for pushing so hard, Casey finds himself getting into a cab and heading for the last place he had expected to end up.

Casey's heart rate starts to increase but his steps slow as he nears his new destination.

"Hi…Ian," Casey's voice cracks as he kneels down before the modest tombstone. "You uh…you don't know me but um…but I know your father. He…" Casey pauses as he feels his eyes wanting to water, his mind recalling the picture of Ian Stevens, a young man, whose resemblance to him was almost uncanny but whose life was cut short far too soon by an ugly force. "He helped me…he saved my life," Casey whispers and then pauses once more. "He really misses you," he lightly sniffles as he wipes his nose; his face already flushed from the jog.

Casey feels his body sagging into a seated position on the dry ground, his tormented sapphire gaze fixed on the dark grey slab before him.

"He helped me…because of you," Casey admits with a soft frown, his heart rate still uncomfortably high in his slightly trembling chest. "I wish I could thank you today…in person. You have such a great dad and he…he saved my life," Casey's voice stammers between heavy exhales and tormented sniffles.

"We have something in common. My life was um…was changed because of someone I knew and thought I could trust. I wanted to run away…I did…I tried…your dad…he uh…he wouldn't let me. He got me help and I just wish that you had gotten some help also. He told me about you. Said you wanted to be a fire fighter and I…I would have been proud to have you on my team," Casey's voice breaks as a few tears escape the corners of his eyes and gently slide down his cheeks.

"I…I just had to come and say hi…or whatever," Casey's tone drops once more as he inhales sharply. "My attacker is dead…but sometimes it feels like he's still around," Casey huffs as his body sags a bit further. "I saw him die but still feels…like he's with me. Ever feel that?" Casey's lips utter a small nervous chuckle. "Sorry…that was…just wish I could have told you in person," he frowns heavily as his voice dies out and he looks up at the name and then below to the date that would be forever written as Ian Steven's epitaph.

"I'd like to come back again…if that's okay…just to talk or whatever. Sometimes I just want to talk and not hear anything in return and sometimes…I do. You'd have liked Kelly…he…well he ultimately saved my life. He's a great friend and he…he helped me beat my attacker. I consider him a brother. Never had one, but if I did…I'd want him to be like Kelly," Casey admits in truth, his mind and heart feeling lifted.

Casey lingers a bit longer in front of the silent tombstone before he slowly stands back up, his heart beating a bit heavier inside his gently heaving chest but his mind feeling freer. He wanders back toward the entrance of the cemetery, looking around to see that no one was watching and taking some comfort that he was truly free.

"Where to?" The cabbie asks as soon as Casey plunks down into the back seat.

"Home," he softly whispers before he offers Severide's address and then leans his head on the back seat; his mind pondering that single word 'home' as the cab pulls further away from the cemetery. He looks down at his phone, his fingers pulling up the calendar feature and at first feeling his stomach tighten at the thought of going back to see Dr. Travers and not knowing what to expect as a follow up visit.

_'We'll just talk about the week…whatever you want. Keep it simple Matt. I'm here to help you as a friend,' _Dr. Travers voice reminds him as he nears Kelly's loft apartment. He pays his fare and then heads out, not aware of the set of concerned eyes watching him enter the building before heading back to the kitchen to pretend he wasn't being overly protective.

"Hey," Casey greets Severide as he enters the aromatic loft.

"Morning," Severide replies as Casey nears the island. "A friend?"

"Just something I had planned but then…" Casey's voice trails off as he takes a sip of his coffee, Severide slightly cocking his head in wonder. "I ended up somewhere else. But I think it was for the better," Casey confesses softly.

"Okay. You wanna talk about it?"

"Today, I'm good," Casey replies with a confident tone, Severide giving him a nod in agreement.

"Fair enough."

"So after breakfast, well I guess brunch…" Casey's lips slightly smirk as he looks at the clock. "I thought we'd go see Dr. Stevens….or just I could if you don't want to come. I wanted to thank him for all he's done. His push for me to talk to Dr. Travers was the right move. I just want him to know."

"Yeah I'll come. Just shower first."

"You don't like the smell of sweat?" Casey tosses back with a small chuckle.

"Maybe they don't," Severide counters with his own chuckle. He doesn't press Casey on where he had been as when Casey had entered he seemed relieved and upbeat, so he had figured he went someplace private that he could unload something personal and as long as it wasn't harming him further there was no need to press the issue or pry into something that Casey obviously wanted to keep private. He would accord him that respect out of his own caring concern; Casey's slightly watery eyes begging for him to ask but his mind wisely telling him that Casey was okay.

After breakfast the two of them head down to Dr. Stevens home, bottle of wine in hand, each wanting to spend a few minutes with the kind doctor and thank him for all the help he had provided in their darkest hour.

"Matt, Kelly, what a pleasant surprise, please come in," Dr. Stevens greets both of them with a warm hug, Rose coming to join him and also greeting them with a motherly embrace. "So to what do we owe the pleasure of this visit?"

"I wanted to talk to you for a few minutes if that's okay," Casey gently inquires, as the older man's face instantly brightens.

"Course it's okay," Dr. Stevens entreats as he closes the door behind them. "Please take off your jackets and stay."

"For dinner," Rose adds in haste, as both Casey and Severide look at them in surprise.

"It's early," Casey reminds them.

"We eat early," Dr. Stevens replies with a smile. "Please stay."

"Are you sure?" Severide ventures to question.

"We are," Dr. Stevens confirms his wife's invitation to the two younger men before them. "Please stay."

"You can help me fix the starter to the barbeque," Rose smiles as she takes the bottle of wine from Severide's grasp.

"Fixing things happens to be right up my alley," Severide answers with a grin as the two of them head toward the kitchen and then outside into the back patio; Casey following after Dr. Stevens into his private study where the door is closed.

"So how ar…"

"I went to see Ian this morning," Casey interrupts in haste, forcing Dr. Stevens to look at him in utter shock.

"You did?" Dr. Stevens asks with a small frown.

"Is that okay?"

"Yes…of course it's okay. Are you okay?" Dr. Stevens asks in concern. "Please come and sit down."

"I'm better now thanks to you," Casey admits in truth. "That night…that night when you first told me about talking to someone," Casey pauses as his brow heavily furrows as he looks away and then back at Dr. Stevens who merely sits quietly and allows the younger man before him to get off his chest what he feels he must. "You knew what I needed and you never gave up."

"No," Dr. Stevens smiles kindly. "Didn't want to give up."

"Marc's a great guy. Why didn't you tell me he could um…you know sympathize with my situation…well sort of."

"Not my story to tell as I'm sure he told you. Survivors don't walk around with a big blinking light on their backs but you'd be surprised at just how not alone you are; some even in your profession."

"What? Really?"

"Kelly knows the hard facts and so does Wallace," Dr. Stevens refers to Chief Boden, "but when you go to the academy dinner this year, you think anyone outside of say two or three will know to look at you that your life had taken an unexpected turn?"

"No," Casey admits with a small sigh.

"And you think when you look around the room you'll see others like you?"

"No," Casey repeats.

"No. You're going to walk into that event with your head up and know that you beat that bastard back and are stronger for it."

"Others? Really? You mean other fire fighters?"

"No one's immune Matt. Wish I could say yes but you know as long as evil lurks inside people, it's there. But with help you defeated it."

"And I can't thank you enough for that help. That's why I went to see Ian," Casey starts as his voice slightly falters. "I wanted to um…to thank him for having such a great father," Casey pauses as his eyes water and he looks away. "I also told him I'd be proud to have him on my team," he concludes looking back to see Dr. Stevens eyes watering also. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Dr. Stevens confirms warmly as he leans forward and pulls Casey into another fatherly embrace. "I'm glad it all worked out. Ian would have loved working on your team, he loved fire."

"Best job there is."

"Oh I think a few of us might give that statement a run for it's money," Dr. Stevens adds lightly, happy to see Casey's lips turn upward into a soft smile.

"And Marc said it was okay that I move. I was thinking more about it and I'll always be reminded of what happened. The house wasn't that special to me. Too many sad memories."

"A change is as good as a rest."

"Sounds like something Marc would say."

"Actually Wallace told me that so many years ago and its rung true ever since. I think moving is a great idea. You know if you need an honest realtor, let me know."

"I think I'd like that," Casey nods with a firmer smile, his mood continuing to lift.

"So how are you feeling?"

"I know that Ben's memory isn't gone for good and there will be triggers that will cause certain things to come up but I think I've got a few things in place to handle that."

"And are you still going to see Marc?"

"I have a few more sessions booked, once a week for a few more weeks."

"That's good. I know it might seem a bit of a burden at first but trust me it will help."

"I'm not as…as angry I guess as I was at first when I first saw him. Marc…he uh…he's got a lot of patience," Casey slightly smirks. "But I don't mind going for a few more. I feel at ease around him; he's very non confrontational."

"He does have a real way with people," Dr. Stevens agrees kindly. "We both want you to succeed Matt."

They talk a bit longer before Casey finally reemerges into the hallway, Severide looking at his somewhat watery gaze in instant concern.

"I'm okay," he assures his protective friend with a friendly smile.

"Is he really okay?" Severide asks as it's his turn to follow the kindly doctor into his private study and have a few minutes alone with him.

"Matt's going to be just fine," Dr. Stevens assures the younger man before him. "Those were happy tears," he adds with a comforting smile. "And how are you with all this?"

"I can't thank you enough for your help. I honestly never have experienced anything like this and for Matt…" Severide looks away and then back with a heavy frown. "I just wish I had met Ben at the beginning so Matt would have been spared all this."

"Am sure he feels the same way," Dr. Stevens replies in kind. "But the important thing is he has your strength and loyalty to rely on and that will help him…it will help you both as you work past this. So anything else you want to ask?"

"Actually yes. But it's personal for me. You know anything about alternative medical procedures?"

"Why do you ask?"

"I have this injury…." his voice trails off as he explains his own medical issues to the kind doctor and is actually relieved that Dr. Stevens was able to refer him to a specialist that might be able to suggest something a little more experimental but a lot more effective. The choice would now be his.

"Smells really good Mrs. Stevens," Severide comments as he and Dr. Stevens walks into the kitchen; the four of them about to sit down for an early dinner.

"Please Kelly, call me Rose," the older woman reminds him in a kind tone.

"Okay Rose," Severide smiles as he reaches for something on the plate before him, looking up at her to get her approval before actually plucking the tempting morsel.

"Go ahead, but one only," she lightly laughs, "it'll ruin your supper."

"You should see him at the station," Casey pipes up as Severide looks at him in wonder. "What is that by the way?"

"Grilled Mortadella."

"What is…"

"Horse," Severide snickers as Casey looks up in horror.

"What?"

"Kelly, don't tease Matt," Mrs. Stevens gently scolds as Casey merely purses his lips while Severide chuckles and reaches for a piece and hands it to Casey.

"What is it really?"

"It's a deli meat made of ground pork and a few other things. It's not horse."

"It was at one time."

"Stop with the horse comments," Casey huffs as he tries the piece and then nods in approval. "Not bad."

"Any fried tofu? He likes that also," Severide teases.

"Don't listen to him," Casey insists with a small eye roll as the friendly banter continues.

"Alright time to grill the steaks," Dr. Stevens announces as he comes back in and takes the large plate of marinated meat onto the back deck, Casey following for a closer inspection.

"Nice deck."

"Needs a bit of work there and there. A few of the floor boards are loose and that railing over there needs to be tightened. Know of any good contractors. Honest ones?"

"Actually…I do," Casey pauses as he pulls his wallet and hands Dr. Stevens a business card, Dr. Stevens look at the name 'Matt Casey Contracting' in surprise. "At your service."

"Well then I know I'm in good hands," Dr. Stevens smiles as he pats Casey on the back. "Now lets get these steaks in before Rose comes looking for us."

"Smells good. What is that marinade?"

"Special blend of…" his voice trails off as he starts into his recipe, Severide watching from the kitchen with a contented gaze.

"So Kelly, any siblings?"

"A brother," he lightly whispers before he turns back and shakes his head. "None."

"Not of blood you mean. Still counts," Rose kindly corrects him as Severide can only nod and smile. "You're a good man. Help me with this?"

"Course," Severide agrees as he takes the platter of specialty meats and cheeses and carries them to the dining table, a few minutes later being joined by Casey and Dr. Stevens; the four of them finally sitting down to enjoy their meal. The bottle of wine they brought is open and the conversation is kept light and friendly.

"Thank you both again," Severide remarks as they both linger in the entrance way a few hours later; it being dark and time for them both to get going as they had a new week starting the following day.

"You fit me in around your schedule Matt," Dr. Stevens reminds him about his promise to help fix his deck; Dr. Stevens insisting that he would pay as would any other business transaction. "And if you bring your helper here you can be assured of a hearty meal as well."

"That's great, thank you."

The two of them head back toward Severide's car and then pull away from the luxury home and head back toward the city. "You know you can stay one more night if you want…Shay won't care. Stay as long as you want."

"I need to do this Kelly," Casey insists in a kind tone, his use of his friend's first name making the request a bit more personal. "I want to sell the place but I have to come to terms with a few things. I'll sleep in the downstairs bedroom."

"But you had such a good day," Severide reminds him in a concerned tone.

"And if I freak out I still have the spare key and will come and sleep on the couch. I'll be fine. I need to do this. For myself."

"Okay," Severide reluctantly agrees as they pull up to his apartment and both get out.

"Okay," Casey nods as he grabs his duffle bag from the trunk and lingers in place. "Tomorrow…I'm almost nervous."

"I'll be there…the Chief…hell you know Hermann has your back; the teams both do."

"I know," Casey agrees with a small nod.

"Just don't push it," Severide tenderly warns as he pulls Casey into his arms for a brief but reassuring hug. "You've come too far now."

"I'll be okay knowing you have my back."

"Always."

"You know speaking of having each other's backs, anything more about the surgery?"

"Dr. Stevens gave me the name of a specialist. Just wasn't sure I wanted to burden you with that before the big day tomorrow."

"I don't mind. Helps me take my mind off stuff."

"Okay the appointment is next week. Am sure once I tell Boden he'll put me on paid leave and then we'll just cross our fingers it won't take too long with the recovery process."

"Maybe I'll enlist you as my realtor," Casey teases as they both slowly head for his truck. "Or put you through truck drills."

"So much for having nothing to do in my downtime," Severide smiles as Casey pulls his keys. "Would be happy to help. Got my car to work on also."

"What's wrong with it?"

"Ah needs a part. I'm taking it on Tuesday."

The two of them talk a bit longer before finally saying goodnight and parting ways Severide heading inside to talk to Shay about their weekend's and Casey heading home to get things in order for the coming week. The days before the weekend, Casey would enter his home feeling guilt at wanting to move, telling himself he was being cowardly and running away.

But as he ponders the idea of a fresh start, he enters his home with a determined heart and lighter mind; his mood slightly elevated. As he nears his bedroom however, he automatically feels his stomach tighten but as he tells himself that he's alone and Ben's dead, he's able to change and then head back downstairs and sink into what would turn out to be a good night's rest.

XXXXXXXX

"Chief, he said he'd be here," Severide mentions to Boden early the next morning as they both stand by the large bay doors, wondering why Casey wasn't in just yet; neither of them realizing that he had made a special pit stop on the way to work.

"How was he yesterday?" Boden asks in concern.

"Good. We had a good day. Had dinner with Dr. Stevens and his wife and just hung out."

"Really. How is Roger?" Boden asks with a warm smile.

"He's a great guy actually and he…"

"He what?"

"I'll tell you next week. Just gotta get Casey through this week and then…we'll see how he is at the end of this week."

"Okay," Boden nods as they both watch Casey's truck pull into the parking lot. "Right on time," he mentions with an easy smile as he turns and heads back inside; Severide waiting for Casey to get closer.

"Told you he'd be here," Shay teases as she walks past.

"Was there a bet on me not showing up?" Casey smirks as he nears the large doors.

"Just wasn't quite sure," Severide admits as they slowly head for the locker room. "How was last night?"

"First solid rest in months it seems," Casey explains in truth as they head for the locker room side by side; Hermann offering Casey a friendly nod and good morning as they walk past the table were some were already eating breakfast.

"Can only get better right?"

"Right," Casey nods as he opens his locker and then pauses, Severide looking at him wonder.

"What?"

"Nothing," Casey assures him as he continues. "Sometime's it's a pang of guilt…mostly for the others that didn't survive what Ben did but then I realize that he's dead and will never hurt anyone again and I'm okay."

"Just remember Oscar loves ya too," Severide chuckles as he hands Casey a small Oscar stuffie.

"You didn't?"

"Actually…I did," Severide grins as he slaps Casey on the back. "What are brother's for right?"

"Right," Casey looks down at the stuffie and then back up at Severide with a nod. "So breakfast?"

"Let's get this day started!" Severide exclaims with a happy smile as Casey carefully places the small green stuffie into his locker and then both head out of the room and rejoin their teams; Boden watching with a proud and knowing smile. His eyes focus on Casey and Severide as they take their plates and then both sit down at the long table, Hermann on Casey's side and Shay on Severide's and knows that no matter what both men would face in the coming months, they'd have each other as well as a few others at their sides; having their backs; a support system too strong to be broken by any one person.

"So I have this idea for a new investment," Hermann pipes up; his word evoking a few groans, snickers and chuckles as the banter turns even lighter and Casey's lingering doubts are laid to rest.

"Casey!" Hermann calls out as he hurries toward him. "You okay?"

"I am. Hoping for a good day."

"On Saturday I know you had a tough moment and I kinda figured out the word that you and Severide used to help pull you back and…"

"Hermann…"

"And I just wanted to say, if he's not with us and you need an extra hand to pull you back from…well from whatever, I have your back. I just wanted you to know that," Hermann nods as he pats him on the back. "Always. Hey I liked Oscar also," he grins.

"Thank you. I…appreciate that."

Casey walks Hermann walk away and feels another pang of comfort settling upon him as he had wondered how he'd fare if Severide wasn't as his side and things threatened to fall apart. Hermann didn't ask why the word…had only guessed that it was something they had worked out to help Casey focus. It wasn't meant to be intrusive, only to help. And it would. For that Casey would be appreciative.

"Chief, you wanted to see me?" Casey enters Boden's office and closes the door shortly after breakfast. "I know the last call was strained but I'm okay now."

"Fit for duty," Boden hands Casey the medical report. "You've been cleared," he tells him in truth as Casey's eyes look at the signature, resting on Boden's name a few seconds longer before he looks up.

"Thank you Chief."

"But you promise me, if you feel something is beyond your control, you back down and let the others step up; you know they have your back no questions asked."

"Copy that," Casey nods in confirmation as he folds up the paper and shoves it into his pocket. "And thank you. Kelly told me you called Dr. Stevens and he…he gave me the push I needed. I want to be here."

"You belong here," Boden states firmly. But before he can say another word, the alarm sounds and its all hands on deck. "Ready?"

_"Engine 51…truck 81…squad 3…ambulance 61…apartment fire on…"_

"Let's do this!" Casey replies enthusiastically as he turns and rushes out of the Chief's office, Boden watching with a knowing smile before he too follows. "Let's go team!"

"You heard the man!" Hermann's voice bellows next as all of them scramble to get into their gear; get into their respective trucks and then head into the field.

"Gonna be a good day Lieutenant?" Cruz asks as he blares the horn.

"It is," Casey nods as he slaps the truck, looking into the rear view mirror and catching Severide's determined glance as both offer the other a small nod. "It is indeed."

They pull up to the enflamed apartment, his heart racing but not from fear…from regular, job-related adrenaline. He hops out and heads for the Chief; Severide a few feet away as they both get a few other details from their superior before turning and giving out orders to their teams.

Casey rushes for the front door, his mind taking comfort in the fact that he had both Hermann and Severide on his side and they would help him only if necessary; they weren't there to shadow his every move and his mind would take comfort in fact they still had confidence in him – Ben had failed to break that also.

And while he had started the day with a hint of inner insecurity, he was well on his way to assuring himself that it would end with him feeling secure – about himself and the future. A feeling he hadn't enjoyed in weeks. It was all finally coming together.

* * *

**A/N:** So anyone guessed who Casey went to see? Was it okay for him to see Ian? I have a few more things to cover in the final chapter but hope you are still liking this as we wind down and have Casey back where he belongs. I know you don't just do one or two therapy sessions in RL so I mentioned that Casey would have a few more (they won't be written about but you'll see Marc one last time next) as that would be normal right? And I know that in the series Renee mentioned the alternative therapy to Severide but hey Dr. Stevens is also a good guy right? Hehe so please do review before you go and let me know your thoughts on this chappy and thanks so much!

**PS:** not sure what will update next but Zero Degrees updated last weekend and hope you're all still liking that one


	22. What Doesn't Kill You Makes you Stronger

**Title: Hidden Agenda  
****Chapter 22 – What Doesn't Kill You – Makes you Stronger**

**A/N: **Well we've reached the end folks. I don't know if I'm 100% satisfied with this so apologize in advance. It's been a tough week; RL beat me up pretty good (grrr job & violent stomach flue), battled discouragement and disheartenment and to top the moldy sundae with the rotten cherry, my cable company did something behind the scenes to erase all my CF eppies on my PVR and could not get them back *sobs*. So I do hope you like this (its somewhat emotional) & enjoy!

* * *

_"Casey!" _

His eyes suddenly flutter open as his lungs offer a sharp gasp as he is roughly jerked back to reality. His mind flashes back to when he was in the midst of the fire. He saw the exit…went to vent…was hit in the back with a heavy fireball…sent to his chest…a beam on his back…locator starting to wail…Severide's comforting voice…darkness.

"Ahhh," Casey's lips lightly groan as he looks around to see where he is. His watery eyes take a few seconds to adjust but when he does he realizes he's in a hospital recovery room after the tumble he had taken.

"Is Lieutenant Casey awake?"

Casey hears the mock voice and looks over to see his green Oscar the Grouch stuffie being waved in the air; Severide's face appearing around the wall few seconds later with a small smile.

"Finally," Casey huffs as he looks at Severide as he approaches with a heavy frown. "Is Boden pissed?"

"He heard the whole thing. You didn't hesitate for a second so he knows it wasn't a panic attack. None of us saw that hidden trap door. When Hermann closed the main fire door it was trapped and it caught you. Otis got the window just in time."

"Damn," Casey groans as his hand rests on his throbbing forehead before he looks up at the green stuffie and smirks as he grabs it out of Severide's grasp; Severide pulling up a chair to sit down a few moments longer.

"Okay it's just us…did you see Ben in there?"

"Honestly no," Casey replies in truth. "I think it was the smoke and the fact that my boot caught that hidden beam. That's why I paused. But not this time. I was lucky. Hermann knows."

"Figured he'd guess. He's got that dad radar thing on like 24/7," Severide smirks before he looks up with a frown. "Was worried when you went down and didn't answer."

"Couldn't leave Oscar homeless," Casey holds up the green stuffie to which Severide chuckles and plucks it from Casey's grasp. "I'm okay…but…"

"But what?"

"I did see Ben…a few moments before I woke up just now. It was odd…I was back in the building…no one was there but me and him…and he was just standing there watching. He did nothing. It was….odd," Casey groans as he tries to slowly sit up; Severide quickly jumping up and helping him get upright. "I told him to leave and he just…stood there. He said nothing…did nothing, and then he was gone."

Severide waits a few minutes, his brain getting more and more used to listening to Casey confess what was on his mind in regards to Ben before venturing a reply.

"Is that good?" He asks somewhat lamely.

"Not sure," Casey shrugs. "Dr. Stevens and Dr. Travers both said I probably wouldn't be able to get rid of him for good because of what happened, so maybe it was a reminder he's still there…just there."

"But at least it didn't hinder you in the field."

"And for that I am grateful," Casey acknowledges as the doctor finally comes back in to give Casey his walking papers. "Dinner…is on me tonight," Casey offers as he takes back Oscar while his friend is distracted.

"Matt…"

"Are you really gonna argue with Oscar?" Casey holds up the stuffie and grins.

"Who can say no to that face?" Severide snickers as he finally nods and they both leave the small ER recovery room.

"Think I'll start on fixing the closet door tomorrow after work," Casey mentions as they head for the exit doors. "Figure in a few weeks' time or so it should be ready to be on the market. I don't want to wait."

"You know you can always stay with us right? One more person for Shay to mother," he lightly chuckles as they get into Severide's car and head for Casey's place.

"I know but I gotta do this. I really want to tell Marc I'm in control," Casey states with a firm nod. "I need this."

"You want help you let me know."

"Oh I already have your duties planned."

"You do?" Severide tosses him a sideways glance.

"Soon as you tell Boden you're all mine," Casey snickers to which Severide just shakes his head.

"That almost has me afraid. And what about Dr. Stevens?"

"I really want to do his deck for free after all he did for me. But he texted me again last night with a quote and I almost feel bad saying yes."

"So don't charge for labour but the materials are expensive right?"

"Yeah they are," Casey replies softly as they pull up to his house. Casey looks at the darkened establishment with a heavy frown before he feels his stomach tighten. "Sometimes I do feel guilty about leaving; like I'm openly acknowledging that Ben won. But then I go upstairs…see that room and…and I know I have to move. I know it's the right thing. I thought that maybe if I painted it or…rearranged the furniture…got a new bed…but unless I tear down the walls and…no, I have to move. It's the right thing for me."

"There is no shame in that. Ben's lost, he's dead, but I get that his memory is still there. Besides I need something to do while I'm on rehab right?"

"Right," Casey looks over and gives Severide a tight lipped smile before they both get out and head into the quiet home, Casey heading upstairs for a shower and Severide ordering their dinner. While he waits he heads for the small spare bedroom and can't help but understand why it looks more slept in than the bed upstairs. No matter how strong a person's will is, coming home every night and sleeping in the same bed you were forcibly assaulted in would play upon your mind, slowly eat away with bad memories and that wasn't fair to Casey; a move was the best possible solution.

"Thought I was paying for dinner?"

"You are, I just ordered what I wanted to eat," Severide tosses back as he pulls away from the door as Casey approaches. "I would move too."

"Thanks," Casey nods as they head into the kitchen; Casey opening the fridge and then handing a cold beer to his friend. "So any bets on who will win the game tonight?" He asks lightly as they head into the living room to wait for their meal to arrive.

Despite the somewhat trying events of the day, the banter is kept light and friendly and non confrontational. Dr. Stevens had reminded Severide that he doesn't need to push Casey to talk about his feelings all the time; he'd know when to push and when to back off based on Casey's mood and what he was offering verbally. If Casey offered an angsty Ben-centric snippet and then pulled back he could pursue; if Casey offered quite a bit then he could back off if he wanted or just talk to him casually. It would always be a learning process for both of them as some days might throw him for a real surprise. But the more progress Casey makes in taking back his life and the more positive steps he takes in regaining his mental control the easier it would be for both of them to get a handle on what Ben ultimately tried to destroy – their bond.

XXXXXXXX

"Hey Otis, where's Casey?" Severide asks the next morning.

"Workout room," Otis replies before he goes back to something him and Mouch were working on. "What is that?"

"You don't wanna know," Hermann groans as Severide snickers and walks past; determined to find Casey and confirm what he thinks he did.

Severide rounds the corner and stops when he watches Casey's fist land a hard punch into the bag and then pulls back with a flushed face and a small gasp for air. "Rough night?" He suddenly asks in concern; his brotherly protectiveness always coming to the fore if Casey seemed in distress and was seemingly isolating himself.

"Nope. Just needed to burn off some steam," Casey replies in truth; making Severide's anxiety lessen. "What's up?"

"You're responsible for this?" Severide pulls out a piece of paper from his wallet and holds it up; a small flicker of a smirk betraying him before he tries to offer a serious expression. "It was you right? Waldo said a friend paid for it."

"And you assumed me? Don't you have other friends?" Casey counters.

"You were the only one I told my car was in the shop. Matt I had this covered. It's too much."

"Over the past few weeks…I've been…"

"No don't blame yourself for anything that…"

"Let me finish," Casey interrupts with a soft expression; something that Severide can only nod and bow out to. "Over the past few weeks I've been in need of help and friendship and trust…and I didn't want to ask for them and sometimes pushed you away and nearly severed our friendship because I was so stubborn. But you never gave up. Offering a simple thank you…it didn't seem enough for all you've done. That's part of my thank you."

Severide looks at the sincere expression on Casey's face and knows that to reject his thank you or even offer to pay him back might be insulting so he shoves the receipt back into his wallet and looks up with a smile.

"Okay. Thank you," he receives warmly.

"You're welcome. So are you telling Boden today?" Casey automatically holds up his hands for Severide to take the gloves off.

"Talked to Dr. Stevens this morning and he can get me to see the specialist tomorrow after work. As soon as I know the time frame that I'll be off, I'll tell Boden and then…hope for the best."

"You know it'll work out right? Dr. Stevens is a good man, he won't steer you wrong."

"I know but everything has risks and he was candid about that. But I'll take being sidelined a month rather than a year to…life," he huffs as they both finally walk out of the small gym in the back and head for the locker room to get ready for the day.

"You want some company for the appointment?"

"Sure," Severide nods as he closes his locker and they head into the common area for breakfast. The rest of the day passes by with out incident and Casey finally feels he's back where he was before. But tomorrow would show him not to get too confident just yet.

XXXXXXXX

_"Gettin' hot in here!" _

_"We need that vent!"_

_"Casey! Where's the vent?"_

_Hermann hears Boden's tone over the headset and looks up to see Casey pausing before the window; his mind racing to take the action that Severide can't as he was busy helping with a rescue and had already cleared the building. "Looks like Oscar needs a vent."_

_Oscar…right…where am I? Building…vent…RIGHT NOW! _

"Chief, window vented!" Casey's firm voice is heard seconds after the window smashes and Boden gives Mouch and Cruz the okay for them to proceed further into the smoky darkness. "Thank you," Casey slaps Hermann on the back as he nears.

"Ah anytime," Hermann replies with a grin before they back to the fire and get to work putting it out.

"Casey," Boden approaches him by the front of the truck as the teams were wrapping up, Severide watching from a discreet distance.

"Sorry Chief…I saw Ben and I just…but it wasn't…"

"You were only out a few seconds and Hermann pulled you back. Teamwork," he pats Casey on the back. "I'm not worried I just wanted you to know and I wanted to make sure."

"Thanks Chief," Casey answers with an small smile before he looks up at Severide who nods and goes back to his task; Casey going in search of Hermann to give him a proper thank you.

"You okay?" Severide asks in a soft tone as he walks up to Casey in the quiet locker room at the end of the day. "I heard Hermann over the headset."

"I saw him. Again. Just…standing there. Damnest thing," Casey huffs as he shakes his head and reaches for his jacket. "But he was right in front of the window, almost daring me to try to take him on. But that word pulled me back and I got the job done. Oscar beats Ben," Casey smirks before his expression clouds.

"What? You can't blame yourself for that."

"I guess I just wanted to go and see Marc on Friday and tell him the week was without any real issues on the job."

"Was Boden mad?"

"No."

"Then you know Marc won't be either right?" Severide reminds him as they head for Matt's truck; the next stop was the specialist's office and news about Severide's upcoming surgery.

"I know," Casey agrees as he gets in behind the steering wheel. "I just look forward to that day when I call him the week was incident free."

"Yeah me too."

They talk a bit more about the job and a few neighborhoods that Casey had checked out; finally arriving at their destination about twenty minutes later.

"My turn to be nervous," Severide comments as they ride up in the elevator at the medical building.

"At least you know what to expect right?"

"For the most part, but even Dr. Stevens said he didn't have all the facts. I just want to get this over with now."

"Yeah me too," Casey tosses back the same reply at Severide that he had gotten earlier. They both enter the doctor's office; Severide telling the doctor that Casey was a friend and they worked together and to just get it over with. Severide listens to the doctor, a few things familiar as Dr. Stevens had told him a bit about what to expect and then of course the risks, possible complications, possible setbacks and of course the very fast rehabilitation time.

"One month is pretty good considering," Casey mentions later as they both sit at the bar sharing a beer and mulling over what Severide just learned about his surgery. "With home reno's and house hunting for me time will just fly by."

"Oh is that so?" Severide tosses Casey an amused glance.

"Or…you could come down to the station and I'll put you through truck drills, make a fire fighter out of you yet," Casey counters with a cheeky tone to which Severide just shakes his head and takes a swig of beer before his expression turns dark. "It's going to be okay."

"There are risks."

"Always are right?" Casey ponders seriously. "You've helped me and you know I'll be there with you as well right?"

"I know," Severide nods and offers a small, tight lipped smile. "Now suddenly I'm worried something could go wrong."

"It'll be okay," Casey replies in a soft whisper as he looks down into the dark amber color of the mug of beer in his grasp. A few weeks back he wouldn't have even had the inner courage to convince himself of anything much less anyone else that they'd be okay, especially a close friend he really cared about. But now he could look Severide in the eye and tell him that he would be okay and know inside that he actually had the strength to back up his promise. Tomorrow would start a brand new chapter for them both.

XXXXXXXX

"Boden suspend you?" Casey asks as he walks up to the doorway of Severide's office to see his friend packing up a few things.

"Yeah but I expected it. Operation is in a week's time; Dr. Stevens was able to pull some strings and get it moved up sooner so I'm grateful for that," Severide offers Casey a tight lipped smile before he looks away.

"What is it?" Casey's hand gingerly touches Severide shoulders; prompting Severide to turn around and offer a heavy sigh to Casey's soft inquiring expression.

"Now it's real," Severide frowns. "No turning back now. I'm not backing out, I'm just…I'm worried."

"Come on…let's go," Casey gently suggests as Severide nods and slowly stands up. "You tell Shay yet?"

"You're the first one after Boden. I'll tell her tonight."

"After…a few beers. This time it'll be my treat."

"Matt…"

"My place, beer, pizza and the Hawks."

"Okay," Severide reluctantly agrees, giving Casey a nod and thankful that he's not being pried with details that he'd rather not discuss until he knows the surgery is a success.

"So is this your excuse to get out of work on the weekend?" Casey asks with a small smirk as they get into his truck and head for his place and a quiet evening ahead.

"Is it working?"

"Hardly," Casey retorts with a serious expression. "You can still use the other arm to carry stuff right? Hold the hammer when I'm not using it?" He snickers as they stop in front of his place.

"How about I sit on the deck with a cold beer and watch," Severide chuckles as they head inside and Casey gently snorts. "You have a bit of a freak out after the shift? You lingered inside a bit longer than the others," Severide mentions in a quitter tone as they sit by the table with a cold beer in hand. "You see Ben again?"

"I did," Casey nods his acknowledgement as he takes a swig and leans back in his chair, looking up at Severide with a small frown. "This time he was yelling at me to come back and I just…I kept walking right past. I turned back…and he was gone."

"You okay?" Severide asks in concern when he notices Casey's grip tighten around the neck of the bottle with a bit more aggression.

"I will be," Casey whispers in torment as he looks up; Severide's heart instantly feeling a few pangs as he notices the bottoms gently glistening. "When I turned around this time, I saw Will. He was there Kelly…in that building today."

"Damn Matt, I'm sorry," Severide utters in sorrow. "What did he do?"

"He uh…he smiled. Ben was gone but Will was there. First time. I froze. It was…unnerving," Casey admits with a heavy sigh as he takes a swig of his beer and then looks at Severide with a heavy frown. "Guess I'll have lots to talk to Marc about tomorrow."

"You'll get through it."

"Thanks," Casey replies softly; the conversation lingering a bit longer on Casey's tormented memory before the conversation turns to where Casey's next home hunting excursion would take him and what Severide thought about the area. But it was the first night in a week where both were heading to bed with heavier than normal thoughts resting on their heart and mind.

XXXXXXXX

"Matt, come in," Marc greets Casey Friday after shift but before Marc's professional day was over. Casey slowly enters the office and slowly eases himself down into the chair beside his therapist as per their norm. "How was your week?"

"Uh…fine," Casey manages with a weak lie.

It's only a small gesture; a few fingers tightening around the ends of the chair handles but it tells Marc everything he needs to know in that second – the week didn't go as Casey might have wanted.

"Wanna tell me about it?" Marc asks gently as his hand rests on Casey's arm; the reassuring gesture instantly forcing Casey's grasp to loosen.

"I saw Ben…I saw Will…I froze but then I got back in the game with the help of Kelly and another on my team. Kelly's going for surgery and I have a few appointments for a new home and…"

"Whoa hold on a sec," Marc interjects with a kind smile as Casey leans forward and after exhaling heavily rests his elbows on his knees. "Just one moment at a time okay? Take a deep breath and let's start with Ben."

"Okay…okay," Casey nods as he leans back up and looks at Marc's friendly expression. "The first time I saw him he was angry and daring me to vent the window he was in front of and then last two times he was just standing there watching."

The two of them spend the hour talking about Ben and Casey's mental will power sending him away and Casey feeling confident about the future that in time it would fade. The memory of Will was a reminder that there were others who had silently backed his courage to stand up to Ben and would always be in his corner because he avenged them and gave them back their honor. The other items like Casey moving and Severide's operation were mostly small talk that Casey just wanted to get off his chest and weren't something that Casey was looking for resolve to.

"I didn't want to come today," Casey admits as they near the end of their session.

"I could tell today but I'm glad you did. How do you feel now?"

"A lot better. I guess I just needed to hear you say I wasn't crazy or something."

"Nope, not crazy," Marc replies with a warm smile. "You're right on track and now…now you can be there for Kelly as he goes through his tough time."

"I went to see Ian."

"I know. Dr. Stevens told me the other day. Haven't seen him that happy about something in a long time," Marc tells Casey in truth; prompting Casey to look up in surprise. "Roger's a great guy."

"Yeah he is," Casey agrees with a warm smile. They talk a bit more about Dr. Stevens; Marc not pressing Casey for details about his visit to Ian's gravestone as he, just as Dr. Stevens and Kelly knew, whatever was said and will yet be said in the future was between Casey and Dr. Stevens deceased son. If it helped Casey come to terms with his inner peace then it was worth assuring Casey that he didn't have to confess everything as long as he was doing something to benefit him and Dr. Stevens had told him via Kelly Severide that Matt had come back from Ian's gravesite, somewhat happy as odd as that had sounded at the time.

"See you in two weeks unless you need me sooner. My door is always open," Marc extends his hand for Casey to takes and warmly grasps it, his other arm giving Casey's right forearm a good grasp. "A few more sessions and then you call the shots okay? But no matter what I hope we remain friends."

"I'd like that," Casey replies in truth. "You know you remind me…"

"Yeah of the guy on that TV show about Lawyers right? The dark haired guy?" Marc smiles. "I get that a few times."

Casey takes his leave; his mood lighter then when he arrived and his anxiety all but spent. He still had four more sessions with Marc stretched out over a few the next few weeks; at first balking at the fact that he would even need follow up sessions but now almost looking forward to the next one, his confidence continuing to grow each time he left Marc and true to his promise the two of them would continue to build their friendship as they both got older.

XXXXXXXX

"You told him? That he looked like the guy on TV?" Severide chuckles as they head toward Dr. Stevens the next Saturday afternoon.

"Said he's heard it before," Casey replies with a smile. "So it wasn't just us."

"Us?"

"Me?" Casey softly arches his brows in reply as they near the Steven's residence in the upscale part of the suburbs just outside the downtown core.

"Okay you two what's the punch line?" Dr. Stevens asks with a friendly smile as he opens the door; Casey and Severide still sharing a chuckle as they head up to the front door.

"I told Matt you were making horse for dinner," Severide offers a small punch to Casey's shoulder as Casey merely nods and accepts being the brunt end of an ongoing joke in his name; one that Severide argues back was his fault for making the statement hungry enough to eat a horse in the first place.

"I know you keep insisting I don't pay, but Matt," Dr. Stevens takes Casey aside as Severide wanders toward the kitchen with a bottle of wine for Rose Stevens; something they'd use later for dinner. "But my deck materials are expensive."

"Kelly told me not to argue back," Casey retorts with a soft smirk.

"Ah big brother's always know best right?"

"So it would seem," Casey nods appreciatively. "Am worried about his surgery though."

"Course you are. But I know Dr. Kwan, he's the best and the leader in his field of alternative surgery. Kelly's in the best of hands. Come now, let's get started on that deck," Dr. Stevens mentions, prompting Casey to slightly cock his head and look at the older man in suspect. "These hands aren't delicate Matt and I'm not the kind to sit and watch. Besides I know Kelly won't be able to do any heavy lifting before his surgery so young man, you are stuck with me," he concludes with a warm pat on the back.

"I'd like the help thank you. Oh and I have a final appointment set up with Glenda for next weekend."

"She found you a good place then did she?"

"I think I'm going to take it."

"Good to hear it then it'll finally be my turn to bring some wine for the house warming. And before you protest you won't be able to buy a new house and not let Rose help you with the christening," Dr. Stevens warns with a playful smile. "Please let her help," his tone drops to a nearly begging request; something that Casey is unable to say no to. He'd later learn, the night of the house warming from Marc Travers, that it was because the Stevens had now come to accept Matt and Kelly into their lives as their adoptive sons, they just didn't want to say it openly in case it wasn't reciprocated. Casey would have assured him that same night that, at least in his case but also in Kelly's, it was reciprocated.

"Okay so where do we start?" Severide asks with a wide grin as Dr. Stevens and Casey enter the kitchen. The next few hours are spent working as a team, strengthening growing friendships; building new bonds, sharing laughs and good food.

"I said a level…that's a T-square," Casey groans as Severide chuckles and offers a mock expression of surprise. The evening finally finishes off with the four of them sharing some after dinner coffee's around the indoor fireplace; Rose telling Casey about the house warming and Dr. Stevens asking Severide where he could get parts for his vintage car.

XXXXXXXX

"Your pacing is making me nervous," Severide huffs as he gently blocks Casey's path, prompting Casey to look up and shake his head. "I'm the one going under remember?"

"I know," Casey nods as he looks away and then back at his best friend with a soft frown. "I know it's going to be okay."

"I know," Severide agrees with a small strained frown of his own. Casey leans in and gives him a brief but supportive hug; Shay walking in and giving them an arched brow glare.

"Did I break up the broment?" She smiles sweetly.

"I made him nervous," Casey admits somewhat sheepishly.

"You tell him that instead of fixing his arm they're going to attach a chain saw like that guy in the horror movie?" Shay retorts as Casey looks at Severide in shock.

"Okay so she's worse than you. Seriously I swear the two of you are going to drive me to drink even more," Severide groans as a small tap is heard at the door.

"Mr. Severide, it's time," the nurse's aide tells them briefly.

"Okay," Severide takes a deep breath; Shay instantly taking his hand and Casey flanking his other side as the three of them head for the surgical operation area; Casey and Shay forced to hold back as Severide is escorted to the waiting transfer bed and helped down. Casey wraps his arm around Shay's shoulders as her head leans on his shoulder; both of them watching with wide eyes and wildly beating hearts. Severide gives them a thin, nervous smile before he's whisked away from view and they head toward the waiting area to the one thing they hate doing – waiting.

"Ms. Shay? Mr. Casey?" Dr. Kwan heads toward them a few hours later with a somewhat placid expression; both of them standing up instantly.

"How is he?" Shay asks with some hesitation.

"The surgery was a complete success," he assures them with a small smile; both of them trading relieved expressions. He tells them a few more things about the procedure and the aftercare and how it would only take a month and then as he had told Severide, he'd be back at work. Finally Dr. Kwan takes his leave and the two of them slowly head up toward Severide's room; Casey texting Dr. Stevens and Chief Boden and telling them the surgery had been a complete success.

The fuzzy fog finally starts to lift and Severide opens his eyes, blinking a few times and focusing on the person closest to the bed; his lips slightly twisting upward.

"Welcome back," Casey greets with a tender expression.

"Hey you," Shay's warm voice is next heard as she plants a small kiss on his forehead. "Everything went great."

"Yeah?"

"It did," Casey nods in agreement as Shay quickly sits down beside Casey. The two of them talk a bit more about the surgery and the prognosis from Dr. Kwan; Casey's upcoming house warming over an ordered in pizza and how they'd be back to collect him the following day; each of them promising to keep him busy for his month-long rehab.

"Casey you don't have to fuss," Severide states in exasperation a few days later as he reaches for something at Casey's and has his hand swatted away.

"Now you know how it feels," Casey retorts triumphantly. "Besides I have am taking advantage of it right now."

"Oh is that a dare?" Severide snickers as Shay rolls her eyes.

"I swear why don't you two just drop the invisible gloves and go at it right now. First one to pin gets bragging rights."

"Give me a week and I'll win," Severide boasts as Casey chuckles.

"Okay can we please get back to this catering stuff. Janice said she'd help but we do have to tell her what we need," Shay implores about her catering friend for the house warming in a few weeks time.

XXXXXXXX

"Seriously I gotta break you of that pacing habit," Severide snickers as he stands before Casey in the entrance way to his new home.

"Never had one of these before and when I did…never mind," Casey turns back with a small frown. His mind quickly recalls the past few weeks. With the team's help he had gotten his place fixed and ready for sale, telling them all it just wasn't what he wanted and that he wanted a fresh start – no one questioning it as Dr. Stevens had told him. He fixed the interior closet on his own, telling Kelly it was one final act he had to do to show Ben that he had lost for good; and it worked. Glenda had found him a modest home within his price range and neighborhood; one needing a bit of work but something he was more than up to the task to do. The day he stood and looked at his former house with Severide at his side, he felt no remorse, only inner elation and that had signaled to him that this was the right move. He was free of Ben now and moving on with his life. It felt good. Freeing.

"Hey, it's going to be fine," Severide's hand rests on his shoulder and gives it a small squeeze, making Casey turn around and face him with a small smile. "Ready?"

"Let's do this."

Shay of course is the first to arrive, followed by Janice with the small finger foods for the night; Dawson and Mills, Hermann and his brood, Boden, Mouch, Otis, Capp, Hadley and the rest of the guys from Firehouse 51. Dr. Marc Travers and his wife Rebecca, Antonio and his family, and of course Dr. Stevens and his wife Rose; new and old friends that would now continue to be in his life course until they either they died or he did.

"Got a good turn out here young man," Dr. Stevens states in a proud fatherly tone, his hand giving Casey a warm pat on the back. "Very nice place."

"Thank you I…" Casey pauses as his eyes lift and focus on a face he never expected to see; Dr. Stevens turning to follow Casey's gaze as it rests on a very attractive dark haired woman, who was looking back at Casey beaming.

"I take it you know that beautiful young woman?"

"I do. Hallie?" Casey's voice manages as he politely excuses himself and heads towards his former fiancé with a beaming smile and racing heart; Severide watching with his own look of surprise but contentment. Casey's happiness after all he had been through meant so much and knowing that deep inside his heart Casey still loved Hallie; seeing her come back to him was a tender moment indeed, it made him almost too happy for words.

"Hey," Hallie greets as her body more than accepts the hug from the man she was still very much in love with. "I hope I'm not breaking up the party."

"No, never," Casey rushes in haste as he just stares in wonder. "Missed you."

"I've missed you to."

"Are you um…back for good?"

"I am," she tells him in truth. "I guess we have a lot to catch up on."

"We do," Casey nods as he hands her a drink. "A lot."

"We have time. How about a tour?" She asks warmly, looping her arm in his; Casey's hand quickly closing in and holding on.

"Absolutely."

XXXXXXXX

_"Casey behind you!"_

_"I see it! Mouch take that door, Hermann the window. I'm going to help Severide."_

_"Copy."_

_"Severide I've got his legs."_

_"Shay we're bringing one out. He's got a nasty bit of rebar in his chest. Okay Casey on two. Let's move."_

The two of them emerge with the fallen victim in their strong grasp; Boden watching them bring out the man together; both slightly coughing and a little battered from the huge blaze that had called three Firehouses together; each of them taking a section of the warehouse fire.

"Okay we got him," Dawson nods to Severide as the two medics quickly converge on the impaled man; frantic commands called out minutes before anxious sires are heard on the way to the hospital.

Casey pulls off his mask, takes a deep breath and then turns and looks at the structure with a heavy, soot stained frown. They were finally winning the battle and he could take a few moments before he decided to go back in or wait to see if he team was all accounted for when they came back out.

For a few seconds his vision clouds and he hears a familiar voice to his left, turning to see himself; dressed in gear, a candidate tag on his helmet.

_'Chief Newsome,' he hears Ben's name Grant Newsome being called. 'How'd I do sir?'_

_'Candidate Casey you performed admirably,' Newsome's hand rests on his shoulder. 'Took a few risks though.'_

_'My father always told me what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.'_

_'Good words to live by Matthew. I hope you remember them always.'_

"I will," Casey whispers at the same time the image of himself in the memory does and he blinks his eyes just as they threaten to water.

"Matt?" Severide's soft tone gently turns Casey's somewhat glazed over gaze toward him, his heart sinking as he watches Casey's soft blue eyes start to glisten. "What's wrong?"

"Wrong?" Casey's head slightly cocks as he frowns and looks away. "I remember it all, so clearly. The day I started…the first fire I attended to as a candidate. I remember what I said to him. To Grant…to Ben. Words then that were just….words. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger," he concludes with a small swallow as he looks back at Severide with a determined expression. "He told me to remember them and I did."

"He's lost his hold for good on you now right?"

"I can finally say I feel really free for the first time in months," Casey nods as he remembers his last session with Marc a few days earlier. It was positive and Marc had reminded him not to expect miracles from himself but to remind himself every day if necessary – Ben was dead and he had survived; stronger for it. Some days, however, would be better than others and when a bad day would hit, take it in stride and start fresh tomorrow after all that's what tomorrows were all about.

"I can finally lament Will and the others without feeling guilt or crushing anxiety. Ben's gone and I survived."

"Stronger for it," Severide offers a hearty pat on Casey's back.

"With your help," Casey acknowledges in truth. "Brothers right?"

"Always," Severide nods as, knowing they were hidden from most public view, gives Casey a brief but reassuring hug and then pulls back with a small smile. "You still owe me for last week though."

"What?" Casey scoffs as he shakes his head and rubs his face, his phone buzzing at the same time Boden finally signals the all clear.

"Bad news?"

"Date night," Casey replies with a broad grin as he puts his phone away. "Speaking of dates…" his voice trails off.

"Okay so she never said she was bringing a friend."

"You said at one time you didn't mind threesomes."

"It was a guy," Severide deadpans as Casey chuckles.

Casey pauses for a moment to reflect on all that had brought him to his point.

The time in Detroit and the horrors he faced and wondering if he'd ever able to put the past to rest. But it wasn't until he came back to Chicago and joined Boden's team that he finally felt a sense of peace and belonging. That was until fate decided to deal a cruel hand and send the devil back into his life with a hidden agenda for some unfinished business. But while he was momentarily and against his will sent back into his own personal abyss he had somehow been able to fight back; with Severide's help every step of the way. It wasn't easy but he did it and in the end? He had won…he had faced a personal evil that he wouldn't wish on his worst enemy and beat the devil back – sent him back to hell on his own terms; his mind and heart both keeping him there where he belonged – dead. He had faced the painful aftermath at first in torment and misery but then successfully with the help of some very good close friends and some very special new ones that refused to give in to Ben's demands to have him alone and broken. They fought back with him; at his side every step of the way. He had and would stick to his plan to visit Ian's gravesite once a month, taking Kelly with him one time and Hallie the next; Dr. Stevens sharing the first time – the two of them sitting in silence as tears were shed and hugs exchanged; a new familial bond being formed.

But most of all he had changed – for the better. He was stronger mentally but also more aware of those around him; Dr. Stevens even calling on him one night for help with a fellow fire fighter that had been accosted after a party and thought his life was now over – Casey at first somewhat hesitate about his own ability to help, but then stepping up to the plate and while not taking over Dr. Travers role, helped the young man to see that it wasn't over and he wasn't broken. He had been dealt a very raw deal but would fight back and better for it; Casey going home that night with a new found sense of wellbeing and contentment.

_'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger…' _he had heard those words over the years, some spoken, some written, some even celebrated in song; but it wasn't until he was finally able to call up Ben on his own and then send him right back into the dark oblivion did he truly believe those words. The future was once again in his hands – his to mold as _he _wanted; as _he _chose and as he saw fit. He was in control.

He looks at Severide and smiles; knowing inside his heart that what he said was true, Kelly was the brother he never had and it was because of his strength and loyalty he was still standing today – he had helped him every step of the way, never once had listened to or had given in to Ben and even when he pushed him away by his own hand, Kelly had been there fighting back; getting him back on track and making sure that Ben never won. He was alive, in part thanks to Kelly Severide, a debt he wonders if he can ever pay back. He had helped him with his physical rehab, the two of them growing even closer over the month than even they thought possible.

As he hears his name being called, Casey finally moves from place and heads toward his truck; his team always having his back; his fiancé back where she belongs and a future family of his own in the works. He pauses for another second, feeling a set of eyes watching and turns to see Boden giving him a proud smile and nod. Casey smiles back before he climbs into the big red truck, slaps the side and catches Severide's glance in the large rear view mirror; both of them exchanging knowing glances – there was nothing – ever that would come up against them that couldn't defeat together. The bond – while tested to the impossible degree would hold – it would never be broken.

Ever.

**THE END!**

* * *

**A/N: ** Well we have reached the end of this epic adventure! Gosh I know there was so much I could have added but didn't want to drag things out on and on and hope these snippets did the ending to this story some justice! If I have let anyone down with this then I do apologize!

It was my very first multi-chapter story for CF with our boys and certainly won't be my last! I really want to say THANK YOU ALL who stuck with this dark/angsty story right to the end. Right from the start it was always going to be a survivors story, focusing not so much on the momentary but very difficult setback (the actual assault) but rather how Casey was able to deal with it and of course move past to where he was back in full control of his life; his tormentor dead and his best bud at his side. I know some parts were difficult but we got past those right? So I really want to say I LOVED all your amazing reviews (they kept this story going) and would love your final thought on this chapter (and story in total) before you go and thanks so much! (and those that faved/followed but never reviewed a thank you at the end of this for all the time and hard work that went into it would be most appreciated).


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